A long white envelope with no return address, postmarked San Francisco. Inside, a folded piece of paper that looks like this:
That’s all.
I’ve received four of these so far, some at work and some at home. My wife has been sent one.
I wish to complain.
This is the most rinky-tink, cheap, pointless evangelical campaign yet. Come on, whoever you are, put some goddamned effort into it. Throw a Chick tract in the envelope. Pound a keyboard for a while and produce a little screed with your religious views that you photocopy and stuff into the envelopes. Personalize it a little; scribble your initials in the corner. Toss in a cheesy poem you copied off a greeting card in the evangelical bookstore. Do something — man, you couldn’t even bother to send a whole sheet of 8½ x 11 paper, you could only send me a quarter slice.
And no, I don’t believe for a minute that this was a personal message from Jesus Christ. If it was, though, I wouldn’t be at all surprised to learn he’s living in San Francisco. Probably in the Castro. And loving the fact that he’s escaped those assholes promoting his religion by hiding in the last place they’d look for him.
It’s also poor grammar. “everyone” should be two words in this context.
They say Jesus Christ loves me, but I’ve never had so much as a telephone call from him.
I hear Jesus owns a coffee shop in the Mission District.
Ace of Sevens: Give the author a break… it could have been “Jesus luvs y’all”
Waste of trees. The least they could have done was make it a spam email. Waste of good electrons, but at least they’re recyclable.
From San Francisco? It must be Greta Christina. That’s totally her kind of thing.
Nope, haven’t gotten one. Hope it stays that way, too. These remind me of those creepy billboards, the ones with nothing but ‘Smile’ on them.
As a grammar teacher, I thought the same thing, Ace of Sevens. Eight words, and couldn’t avoid an error. Pathetic.
They spent all their time praying that while it was in delivery, God would write a special message just for you. It obviously worked. Their God is so powerful that not even its nonexistence could prevent it from writing a nonexistent message.
Do Satan Claus, tooth fairy, Thor, Flying Spaghetti Monster, Spiderman and all the other fictitious characters love you too?
(yes, mispelling Santa was intentional)
Well? Did you convert?
And the Castro?!? Pthphth! Jesus lives in Nob Hill, wears skinny jeans, a floppy hat and old Keds, and rides a fixie.
Jesus used to love me, but we broke up a while ago. I don’t even talk to him anymore.
and drinks PBR and has un-ironic facial hair?
It’s also wrong because each piece of paper was sent to one person. Everyone of me? What sense does that make? Ace of Sevens is right … I see that kind of error everyday. }: )
What’s the zip code on the cancellation?
You’re just not important enough, PZ, so they mailed it. I got MY* “Jesus Christ Loves You” message personally delivered the other day while shopping in a dollar store in Bakersfield.
*(Well, he did tell two other people the same thing, but it’s obviously a large-scale project.)
Unfortunately, his love appears to be conditional. My wife, daughter, and I don’t put conditions on our love for each other–so I think I’ll stick with them.
@timberwoof:
00666
The lining up of “Loves you” needs to be a little more to the left. Talk about poor quality.
I am reminded how next door’s cat sometimes leaves me little “presents” that I could really do without.
I haven’t received one of those. I guess Jesus doesn’t love me after all…
Sure they did:
Maybe if you collect four from the same original page, you get a prize!
Was it addressed to “occupant” or “resident”? If not…creepy!
Actually, even if so…still creepy.
Wait! Jesus loves me? Why did no one mention it? Oh this changes…
…well nothing really, so…Meh!
Louis
@Rev.Big Dumb Chimp: You’ve seen him, too! Tell him to move his damn bike!
I wish. All I get is those stupid prayer “rugs” and invitations to the revival at the local Calvinist* church.
*No, I don’t get it either.
Sounds like Jesus is stalking you, PZ.
The “to everyone of you”, and your wife getting one too, are just to throw you off. ‘Cause he’s sneaky like that.
I’d get a restraining order.
Somebody should mock this campaign by sending “FSM loves you” letters to loud religious folk.
All Christian fundamentalist thought has been completely condensed to catchphrases that will fit on a church sign. It was determined that the bible was too long to be read on the commode. The one you received was one of the more clever ones. Next week expect: “Exposure to the son will prevent burning.”
Maybe they were blank when they were mailed, and god wrote this message on them in transit?
Of course, God only speaks Hebrew, so he’s trying to learn English as he goes. All these people criticizing the grammar? Be nice, it’s a second language for the guy!
If he loves me I’d think he’d show up.
At least once.
Glen Davidson
Indeed. At least throw in a $20 bill or something.
@Audley Z. Darkheart (liar and scoundrel)
Ah, yeah, the little folded up paper prayer “rugs!” I get those, too! Or the little cheap piece of crap cross which is being passed around for prayer intentions? I should keep a scrapbook of evangelical crap that I get in the mail.
I reckon it’s a new fundie wheeze and in a few days you’ll get another one that says something like “See, you now have as much evidence for Jesus’ love as you do for any other fact you’ve ever read!”
Jesus loves me, this I know
For the mailbag tells me so
The papers stretch a mile long
Because the sender’s whiskey’s strong
Yes, Jesus loves me
Yes, Jesus loves me
Yes, Jesus loves me
My junk mail tells me so
Jesus loves me, this I know,
From scrap paper of long ago
I show them off with so much glee
“A mass-mailing, just for me!”
Yes, Jesus loves me
Yes, Jesus loves me
Yes, Jesus loves me
My junk mail tells me so
“See, you now have as much evidence for Jesus’ love as you do for any other fact you’ve ever read!”
Nah, the 419 scams are still in the lead by a wide margin.
Yes, I get them in my American Atheists, Inc. official PO Box about once a month.
32. michaellatiolais
Ah, yeah, the little folded up paper prayer “rugs!”
I kept mine. That package was so hilarious – I keep it around for chuckles.
Jesus spoke Aramaic, and the Holy Spirit made its little sockpuppets the apostles speak in tongues. So maybe God’s not great at English (that might even explain a few things, like why this country is so fucked), but this God person (all three of him) obviously knows how to say bullshit in all sorts of different languages. Like I said before, being able to do all of that despite being nonexistent is probably the most impressive part about it, if you ask me.
And make that a real one, not one of the fakes with bible verses printed on the back that fundy assholes fob off on food servers as “tips”.
Michael:
Ooooh, I haven’t gotten one of those yet! I kind of want one.
Jesus loved me now he doesn’t respect me and never calls. I feel so used.
Reminds me a little of the “Repent Sinners” graffiti I saw back in ’97-99 in Vancouver. Same mixed handwriting every time, usually marker on corrugated plastic signboard.
Apparently it’s a thing. If you search “Vancouver repent sinner”, it has it’s own wiki, and a fair amount of coverage.
Jesus saying “everyone of you” when it’s only addressed to one person isn’t surprising. Dude thought he was three people, so he probably thinks I’m multiple people too.
I know Jesus loves me, but I’m just using him for sex.
I don’t whether it is just the part of the UK I live in, but I never get bothered by people handing our religious leaflets in the street, or with stuff through my letterbox.
The JWs and Mormons did use to come around, but they seem to ignore my house. Actually they pretty much ignore our village, as we have an early warning system in place, and a sighing of JWs or Mormons will get people phoning each other so they can pretend to be out.
That said, we did have a different lot of Christians in the village a month or so ago. They seemed very concerned we have two pubs, but of the churches one is closed and the other has been demolished.
It’s not even theologically correct.
These days the fundie slogan is usually, Jesus loves us and hates you.
@Randomfactor #44
Barely-averted coffee spray. Thanks for that.
@37
Wait, you KEPT your prayer rug? Mine said I could only keep it for a week and then I had to send it back so it could be passed on to someone else in need.
So, naturally, I…..threw it into the recycle.
Same here on the coast.
I used to get missionairies once or twice a year, mostly JW’s with their Watchtowers which I read because they are short, and Mormons because they usually come in pairs.
Plus stuff in the mail from the local churches some of which was pretty weird endtimes material.
That isn’t happening anymore. The
loot the churches rake indonations here in the USA are down by a few billion USD for two years in a row.48. otrame
Yes, just think of all those people I prevented from getting $43,000 if only they pray on this rug and send in $20.
Who knows how many lives I ruined!
Then again, on second thought, does that mean my prayer rug has been “used”? Is that sanitary?
(Mulls over quote and the very idea of a “prayer rug”)
Is “prayer” some sort of euphemism I’m not familiar with?
Before that he was maitre d at Hamburger Mary’s. He was the one who always wore the assless chaps. Quite the twink in his earlier days.
It’s pretty depressing to me. These people are trying to help. They think PZ is going to burn in hell for all eternity, and being more ethical than God Himself, want to help an atheist out.
Then they convince themselves that their worldview is so obviously correct that the only possible reason PZ hasn’t subscribed to it is his ignorance. It’s a pretty sad and twisted place to live.
Or, maybe it’s just some troll who gets a kick out pretending to be nice and I should really just relax….
51. anteprepro
Is “prayer” some sort of euphemism I’m not familiar with?
It’s possible I was doing it wrong, back when I was a theist.
Its actually pretty ingenious. You don’t lead with the crazy.
What is it with these nuts? They feel compelled to tell us that their delusion loves us, wasting postage and contributing to the landfill problem as they do it.
It reminds me of driving across Pennsylvania in the late ’90s. Somebody had defaced *every* bridge on Interstate 80 the entire length of the state by spray painting “Jesus Saves” on each one. Every single bridge from the New Jersey border to the Ohio border. A drippy spray-painted “Jesus Saves”. Did they really think that would accomplish anything other than show that some jesus freak has absolutely no respect for public property? (And a whole lot of time on his hands…)
I still drive that same stretch of road a couple times a year. Luckily they didn’t use very good paint (or the road crews sand blasted them).
Vandalize/evangalize. Seems there’s little difference whether it’s a wall, bridge, rock outcroppping, or somebody’s mind.
I hope that those prayer rugs really tied the room together.
Jesus loves you, and wants to have an abusive relationship with you!
and if you do not return the love in the most uncritical way, you will deserve your punishment.
Yep, Jesus Christ is a bad boyfriend.
Jesus loves me, but I just don’t feel the same way about him. He just can’t get the hint. IT’S OVER, YESHUA BIN YOSEF! OVER!
I’m going to be mentally replacing “personal” with “abusive” whenever I hear “I have a personal relationship with [Magical Entity]” from this point onward. For the sake of accuracy.
Prayer rugs are sort of like wafers. Although they look like a folded piece of paper with tassels printed near the edges and a hideous picture of Jesus in the center, they are actually rugs large enough for you to actually kneel on and pray and will protect your knees from rug burn in all circumstances.
The size of the paper is significant: it’s obviously meant to be taped onto your bathroom mirror as a reminder that you are special and loved. In other words, it’s one of those ‘affirmations’ which was so popular in the 80’s. You can do it. Reach for your dreams. Your capacity for self-delusional narcissism is limitless: go for it. The creator of the universe is watching you brush your teeth … and He cares.
You’re good enough, you’re smart enough, and God damn it — Jesus loves you!
rogerfirth #56 wrote:
The people who scribble those things by the side of the highways are probably hoping to invoke a kind of “Road to Damascus” experience. The faith mindset encourages a tendency to believe their own hype and assume that conversion isn’t going to come through the intellect — it’s going to be a sudden bolt of light and wham! — now you’re convinced. It just took that magical little nudge at the right time. I looked up and saw “Jesus Saves” written on a bridge and I suddenly just KNEW it was true…
I suspect they tell each other stories like this
The thing I don’t understand about Jesus is how a Middle Eastern Jew got a Hispanic first name.
If it said “Jesus wants to put his Holy Ghost into you and fill you with Living Water” I’d be impressed
Sastra,
Trust me, those prayer “rugs” do not hold up in the bathroom. My former roommate took one that we had and strategically placed it on the bathroom wall so Jesus was staring right at your junk when you got out of the shower.
We managed to freak a couple of guests out (it helped that our bathroom walls were that same kind of cream color as the “rug”) before the “rug” disintegrated.
In my region we have “Trust Jesus” dotted here and there, on sidewalks, bridges, traffic signal control box thingies, etc. All in the same handwriting. Indeed it is one guy going around doing it; I read an article on him once.
I can see the poor sods really thinking it’s going to convert someone, sadly. It’s kind of pathetic.
Gosh, PZ, how many of you are there? I thought there was only one. It seems quite enough. Apparently you’re a pantheon. That Xian ploywog-god stands no chance now. It would be doomed, if it existed.
At least the grafitti is fairly straightforward. Imagine if it were “Toynbee Idea: Resurrect Savior on Planet Jupiter”. Although, esoteric as it might be, it would still be pretty middle-of-the-road.
Jesus saves. He’s trying to get a place of his own. But setting up your own universe is very expensive, so he’s been doing it a long time, and still has a lot more money to accumulate.
Did you turn it over and check the back?
If it’s like my t-shirt, the other side should say :
“Everyone else thinks you’re an asshole.”
There was glurge being passed about on Facebook recently. I think it was a poster that read “GOD OWES US NOTHING AND GIVES US EVERYTHING”. A short peanut gallery of mee-toos followed. All I could write was “AIDS.”
Please stop complaining. With the Republicans trying to shut down the Postal Service the USPS needs all the business it can get. This is a good thing – they could be spending their money, not on postage to atheists, but on more propaganda aimed at children.
‘Tis @ 64
I made the mistake of referring to Jesus by the Hispanic nickname in front of religious relatives once (chuy- pronounced chewy). They don’t talk to me anymore…….all in all a fair trade I’d say….
Did the baby jesus send “everyone” one of these? How much was the postage? Why didn’t he send one of those nifty “dead bloke on a stick” plastic figures so loved by the jesus afflicted? And, how can a dead and long decomposed guy love anything?
Well, obviously it’s time for the Austin Lounge Lizards.
“Cthulhu is indifferent to you”
Speaking of whom, almost, Charlie Stross’ latest, The Apocalypse Codex, is out in the USA this week, and features an evangelical minister as the main antagonist. I think the folk here will enjoy it.
I may be able to shed some light on this, though not very much. I live in SF and while it is known as some sort of liberal hippy paradise, we too are afflicted by godbotherers. One in particular is a middle aged African american fellow who wanders around the vicinity of the Powell street transit hub (it’s the tourist trap with the malls, and shops, and cable cars, a block from Union Square) seven days a week 10 to 12 hours a day with a fluorescent green sign with that exact same message stenciled on it in black lettering.
Here’s a link to a picture of him I found on Google.
http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_Y43ubXNIPvw/SpmL2nQuVnI/AAAAAAAAA_8/p1SzYWXdcw0/s400/05182008_dpm_baytobreakers62.JPG
I have no idea what his story is, or if he is church affiliated, but he seems harmless, and we just regard him as part of our local flair. I suspect he thinks he is doing the Lord’s work in modern day a Gomorrah.
I hope that that helps.
Here’s a link to a better picture.
http://twitpic.com/s2e6b
There are a couple of postings I’ve found with people asking who he is and what is he doing, but haven’t seen any answers.
He also likes to frequent street faires, and gay pride events.
The mongol hordes.
(off a button from Eucon, many years ago).
Ouch. The lack of a space between “every” and “one” actually hurts my brain.