Oh, lord, what have we done to deserve the affliction that is Michele Bachmann? I’m beginning to think there is no god up there. Her latest joyful promise to the extreme Right is a set of promises for what she’ll do as president.

Tonight, Michele Bachmann became the first presidential candidate to sign a pledge created by THE FAMiLY LEADER, an influential social-conservative group in Iowa. By signing the pledge Bachmann “vows” to “uphold the institution of marriage as only between one man and one woman” by committing herself to 14 specifics steps. The ninth step calls for the banning of “all forms” of pornography. The pledge also states that homosexuality is both a choice and a health risk.

You can find a more complete list of her vows here.

So now she wants to ban all forms of pornography? She’s going to have to define it, first, since my personal definition of offensive porn includes sadomasochist degradation of non-consensual partners, which means we’re going to have to ban the Republican party, and Bachmann herself is going to get life in prison.

Oh, wait, I just saw this other weird part of her vows.

Slavery had a disastrous impact on African-American families, yet sadly a child born in to slavery in 1860 was more likely to be raised by his mother and father in a two-parent household than was an African- American baby born after the election of the USA’s first African-American President.

I don’t understand the message she’s trying to get across here. “Slavery: Not So Bad As Freedom?” Or is she making a pledge to re-enslave all the black folk and force Mommy and Daddy to live together and raise their children?