There is something heretics do that I never anticipated would generate such fury in the godly — an act of heresy so profane, so vile, so revolting that it triggers legal action all across the country and expressions of outrage everywhere. Don’t read through this post: the images below the fold will sear your eyeballs and invoke the wrath of God, just like opening the Ark of the Covenant did in that Indiana Jones movie.
Apparently, the worst thing you can do is put up a sign somewhere that suggests that God might be superfluous.
These signs incite furious letters to the editors of local newspapers; billboard companies refuse to run them; bus drivers run away from buses bearing them; and sometimes people run out and vandalize them. It’s rather amazing. How dare atheists suggest that they can act ethically, too? This goes against generations of demonization!
Now I’m sure no True Christian would be resentful of good behavior on the part of their godless compatriots, so I’m sure there’s got to be some other reason they’re upset about it. And I think it’s because we’re in rough economic times, and they sympathize with God.
Face it, he’s old. If he’s told he’s extra baggage, that people are quite capable of being good without him peeping into their bedrooms and sending Pat Robertson whispered messages, then he might be sacked. At his age, that’s no light punishment — nobody is going to hire him, and it’s a bit late for retraining. Besides, he’s way behind the times on all the high-tech stuff, so what’s he going to do? Sell used cars on commission? Stand around and be a Wal-Mart greeter?
No, he’s going to go on the dole. He’d have to go stand in line at the welfare office, and you know what he’d find there: Zeus and Odin and Ahura-Mazda and Marduk and all those other gods he’s been lording it over for a thousand years, and they’d all just smile their smug smiles as he joined their queue, and I don’t think he could bear it. He’s used to hosannas and fatted calves and being able to lie back in his recliner and munch down on foreskins while watching the 700 Club. Can you even imagine how expensive a foreskin habit would be if you don’t have people offering you mountains of them? They’re tiny. It takes tremendous numbers of Christian and Jewish babies to make even a light snack.
Probably the worst thing you can do to a patriarchal deity is impugn his career and his manhood. To suggest that he’s a useless old fart and that his life’s career of whipping fear into people is a failure…even I feel a little pity for the cranky old geezer.
I’m still handing him his pink slip, though.