The Zombible

Well, this is an odd project:

Though the Bible is an ancient book, full of beautiful prose, timeless stories, and great truths, there has long been a barely spoken of dissatisfaction over the one element it sorely lacks: zombies. At Zombible, we hope to remedy the situation by carefully inserting lovingly crafted zombie-oriented text into the Bible, for the enjoyment and enlightenment of all.

It’s odd because when I read the Bible, I see a great big zombie story already. The central figure in the New Testament is a zombie, and the chief function of the book is to turn people into zombies. I guess it wouldn’t hurt to clean up the metaphors and make it a little more explicit.


  1. MAJeff, OM says

    No zombies? What about Jesus and Lazarus? Does it only count if they wander around chanting, “Brains”?

  2. Sven DiMilo says

    Is it the suppressed Gospel of Thomas in which Jesus performs the miracle of turning a few loaves and fishes into BRRRRAAAAIIINNNNZZZZZ!!!!!! ?

  3. Janine, She Wolf Of Pharyngula, OM says

    I demand that there is made Sally, Dick, Jane and Zombies

    See the zombies.

    See the zombies eat brains.

    Eat and eat and eat brains.

    Run away.

    Run and run and run away.

  4. aratina cage says

    How can the ancients in Teh Babble not be zombies? You would think after the first hundred years or so of life that they would have looked like zombies if zombiism itself were not the very reason they were able to stick around for so long.

  5. Zeno says

    I think the absence of brains in the Bible would make it extremely difficult to sustain any kind of prolonged zombie narrative.

    (Or is the absence of brains actually a characteristic of those who take the Bible literally?)

  6. RamblinDude says

    What it needs now is more vampires. Not enough vampires.

    Wait a minute, I spoke too soon:

    John 6:53 (King James Version). Then Jesus said unto them, Verily, verily, I say unto you, Except ye eat the flesh of the Son of man, and drink his blood, ye have no life in you.

    Both zombies and vampires in the good book.

  7. Strangest brew says

    And where exactly are the werewolves, beautiful banshees and elves?
    Not to mention few Ents and a cast of Haflings?(so I won’t)

    But really is there not a 1st amendment or summat supposed to give equal opportunity to personal insanity?…

    Intolerance, hate crime and discrimination say’s I…
    Me sad bunny!

  8. Richard Eis says

    Zombies. Check.
    Vampires. Check.
    Unicorns. Check.
    Prehistoric Monsters. Check.

    Ok. Now we need werewolves.

  9. Becca Stareyes says

    Depends on your working definition of zombie. If D&D has taught me anything, it’s that there are legions of undead and that classification is important, lest you end up with the kinds that the game designers create that are deliberately immune to normal undead-fighting techniques. (Not to mention the ‘deathless’ that 3.5 introduced…)

  10. says

    Why do people always say crap about how the bible is beautiful prose, timeless poetry, and great stories?? I’m sorry, but it would be vastly better if Keats had written the poetic parts, Shakespeare had done the dialog for the great stories, and Mark Twain the prose. But, of course, I’m being English-centric.

    If god had wanted to do one really good trick – one miracle that would have nailed it all down – he could have made the bible somehow magically readable in every language without need for translation. And, he could have made it well-written; i.e.: beautiful prose, timeless poetry, and great stories.

  11. Irenaeus69 says

    See Matthew 27:

    51 At that moment the curtain of the temple was torn in two from top to bottom. The earth shook, the rocks split 52 and the tombs broke open. The bodies of many holy people who had died were raised to life. 53 They came out of the tombs after Jesus’ resurrection and [e] went into the holy city and appeared to many people.

    Undead roaming the streets? Check. Sounds like a zombie infestation to me.

  12. raven says

    There are no cats in the bible either.

    A rather puzzling lack considering they were domesticated in the middle east from the local subspecies of wildcat and are an important domesticated animal wherever grain is grown and stored.

  13. majutsukai says

    “full of beautiful prose, timeless stories, and great truths”

    Are we talking about the same book?

  14. says

    In honor of this thread, I just re-played the old Sam Kinison zombie jesus sketch from “breaking all the rules.” Aaaah, good stuff.

  15. says

    Shakespeare and zombies would rock. I especially like the part about how Romeo and Juliet manage to escape the party at house Capulet when the zombie outbreak happens in mid-party. Of course, what Romeo doesn’t know (and she doesn’t tell him until too late) is that she was bitten by Tybault. So it all ends badly.

  16. RamblinDude says

    Oh yeah?!? I dare you to find a werewolf in the bible!

    Daniel 4:16 Let his heart be changed from man’s, and let a beast’s heart be given unto him… .

    Who knows?

  17. aratina cage says

    No werewolves? What about the “hairy one” in 2 Kings 1:8

    And they said in answer, He was a man clothed in a coat of hair, with a leather band about his body. Then he said, It is Elijah the Tishbite.

    or the howling haunters of Isaiah 13:21

    and the houses will be haunted by howling creatures

  18. 'Tis Himself, OM says

    Little Miss Muffet
    Sat on a tuffet
    Eating her brains and whey.

    Along came a zombie
    and [mumblety-mumble, something that rhymes with zombie]
    And frightened Miss Muffet away.

    Okay, so it needs a little work.

  19. Kemist says

    Undead roaming the streets? Check. Sounds like a zombie infestation to me.

    Quick, everybody grab melee weapons. Shovels are great. Don’t forget rule #2 : Double tap.

    Now I’m off to play Left4Dead 2.

  20. Lilo says

    Aren’t these the same people who are rewriting the Bible to make it “Conservative”?

    Never mind, of course they are. Conservatives are the ones who want to eat our brains. Zombies, conservatives, it’s all the same thing.

  21. Richard Eis says

    Zombies. Check.
    Vampires. Check.
    Unicorns. Check.
    Prehistoric Monsters. Check.
    Werewolves. Check.
    Sorcerers/magicians. Check.
    Multiple Gods. Check.
    Demons. Check.
    Angels. Check.

    Ghosts? Fairies? Spirits/sprites?

    Are we missing anything else or is this the end of the “make the bible look even more ridiculous” list of fantasy characters available.

    You know, someone could write a bible D&D game at this rate.

  22. Janine, She Wolf Of Pharyngula, OM says

    Richard Eis, would Satan count as Lawful Evil? And given the stories of Job and Abraham and Isaac, god would be Chaotic Evil.

  23. El Guerrero del Interfaz says



    Man, I just come back from a bunch of “jamón serrano ibérico de bellota” with the corresponding alcoholic support and I don’t know why I ended here instead of the Onion. But that was just great. ¡An Epiphany!

    The Bible as a Zombie story. There’s great potential here. Alas, the book is already written. But what about the spin-outs? And it’s copyright-free :-P

    Thanks PZ, that’s a great idea: the Bible Zombie shootthemup. Or maybe better an RPG? I’ll get working on it ;-)

  24. Sven DiMilo says

    [mumblety-mumble, something that rhymes with zombie]

    let’s see…

    “Who looked just like Jambi…”

    Best I could do on short notice.
    But wait–if Miss Muffet was already eating brains, why would she be frightened by another zombie?

    yep. Needs work.

  25. Richard Eis says

    The bible. The ultimate MMORPG. Based on actual almost facts. In development for over 2000 years (eat your heart out Duke Nukem)

  26. El Guerrero del Interfaz says

    Janine, you’re spot on!

    Although the bronze-age storm god usually known as Yahve requires that his minions be Lawful Evil, he himself behaves very much as a Chaotic Evil deity.

    Thus when, as a DM, I made the Christian religion and mythology appear in one of my campaign (a quest for an Isis devotee, to stop Christian hegemony in the Roman Empire), it was Neutral Evil due to this blend of Law and Chaos with Evil always dominating.

  27. mmelliott01 says

    I’m still waiting for a movie about the last zombie on earth. I favor Keira Knightley for the lead.

  28. S says

    OMIGOD ZOMBIES YES! This is the est thing that’s ever happened to me… since ‘Pride and Prejudice and Zombies’ anyway…

  29. Tabby Lavalamp says

    This would be far more impressive if it wasn’t essentially ripping off Pride and Prejudice and Zombies (an actual book if you haven’t heard of it before).

  30. SEF says

    @ Richard Eis #30:

    I think you missed out the giants (the godling-human half-breeds of Genesis).

    @ Strangest brew #11:

    Not to mention few Ents

    Well, there was that burning talking bush …

    and a cast of Haflings?

    What about the pygmies and dwarfs? ;-)

  31. Janine, She Wolf Of Pharyngula, OM says

    Tabby Lavalamp, that is why I did the Sally, dick, Jane and Zombies bit. But I did not want to be obvious about it.

  32. Strangest brew says


    “You know, someone could write a bible D&D game at this rate.”

    For SFM sake keep it down!

    The religiotards are very suggestive and desperate…tis a dodgy combination!

    They get an inkling that the bible would be in every teenagers room…or at least most…if they couched it in D&D terms…would be rather grim.

    Imagine it…

    All characters…
    Demon attack…actions…d10 Die roll saving throw 8 and above one time…
    1-8 damnation and relegation to zombie levels for 5 rounds…no weapons!
    A die roll d20 -1 requires 19 or more thereafter!
    -3 for blasphemous curse after 5 rounds!
    Except cleric no penalty but +20 every die roll for righteousness!

    It would be worse somehow methinks!

  33. Zeno says

    Okay, ‘Tis Himself (@ #25), how about this?

    Little Miss Muffet
    Sat on a tuffet
    Eating her brains and gore.

    Along came a zombie
    Who said, “Save some for me.”
    Miss Muffet, engorged, said “No more!”

  34. Andyman says

    Hehe I can ust think of the humourous consequences:

    Take the Zomveticus 18:22, Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with zombiekind: it is abomination.

    And that, my friends, is why homosapiens cannot get married to this day in so many parts of the world

  35. Meathead says

    Zombies, Bah. The Bible has plenty of those already. You know what it really needs? Dinosaurs. No, not the ones put there by Satan to confuse paleontologists but live ones. Roman soldiers riding T-rexes on their way to arrest Christ. Elisha (2 Kings 2:23-25) sicking, not bears, but rad cool velocoraptors on people who made fun of him. Adam, Steve, Eve… and TRICEROTOPS!!

  36. Cuttlefish, OM says

    We struggle in vain to distinguish a Mass
    From your typical Zombie behavior
    As they guzzle down red by the bottle or glass
    And delight in Filet of Our Savior.

    Perhaps it’s a matter of what’s on the menu;
    Your Catholic is more of a snacker,
    But if you feel teeth on your shoulder, why, then you
    Know zombies want more than a cracker.

    When Jesus said “This is my blood that you drink,
    And this is my body you eat”
    Did something he knew of their tastes make him think
    They were zombies, and lusting for meat?

    Did the Catholic Church, from the time of Saint Peter,
    Rejoice in the words that he said,
    And at least once a week, become Zombie flesh-eater
    And feast upon Jesus Undead?

    I worry it’s some sort of slippery slope
    Where they struggle ‘gainst gravity’s chains
    And I wonder if Ratzinger got to be Pope
    By eating the Cardinals’ brains.

  37. 'Tis Himself, OM says

    Bravo, Zeno. Your version of Little Miss Muffet is a winner. There’ll be some extra brains in your food bowl tonight.

  38. 'Tis Himself, OM says

    ‘Tis, you are countenancing the rhyming of “zombie” with “for me”?

    Well, let’s think of some other rhymes for zombie:

    bomb me

  39. sqlrob says

    OT: The Golden Girls: How One TV Show Turned a Generation of American Boys Into Homosexuals

    Christwire, the press service proudly read by all Landover Baptist parishioners.

  40. Forbidden Snowflake says

    From J Dubb’s link:

    Desperate for a firm hand in their lives, they gravitated to the subversive undercurrent of masculinity in these aged matrons.

    It was only to be expected that our lonely boys exposed to these conflicted times would succumb to the nagging Golden Girls agenda.

    When the rush of cheesecake and gabfests wore thin, these hairless boys needed a harder thrill.

    I usually am one to cringe at TEH STOOPID, but this, I confess, has me laughing out loud.

  41. JB says


    Little Miss Muffet
    Sat on a tuffet
    Eating her brains and whey.
    Along came a zombie
    and [mumblety-mumble, something that rhymes with zombie]
    And frightened Miss Muffet away.

    Tis: again

    Well, let’s think of some other rhymes for zombie:

    “…and a goat all fiery.”

  42. Janine, She Wolf Of Pharyngula, OM says

    Goat! Goat! burning bright,
    In the forests of the night,
    What immortal hand or eye
    Could frame thy fearful symmetry?

  43. Holytape says

    Conservapedia has a project to rewrite the bible, which is probably not that different. One bible is for scary rotting people that eat brains, and the other is for scary people with rotting brains. I think every group should rewrite the inerrant word of god to fit their own preconceived ideals. It would be a lot cleaner than just ignoring those parts that conflict. Re-writing the bible is fun.

  44. SparrowFalls says

    From a recently discovered revised edition of the 19th century work Natural Theology: Or, Evidences of the Existence and Attributes of Zombies, Collected from the Appearances of Nature

    IN crossing a heath, suppose I pitched my foot against a stone, and were asked how the stone came to be there, I might possibly answer, that, for any thing I knew to the contrary, it had lain there for ever; nor would it, perhaps, be very easy to show the absurdity of this answer.
    But suppose I had found a skull upon the ground, and it should be inquired how the skull happened to be in that place, I should hardly think of the answer which I had before given, that, for any thing I knew, the skull might have always been there. Yet why should not this answer serve for the skull as well as for the stone? why is it not as admissible in the second case as in the first? For this reason, and for no other, viz., that, when we come to inspect the skull, we perceive (what we could not discover in the stone) that its several parts are chewed and rent asunder for a purpose… This damage being observed, (it requires indeed an examination of the fractures, and perhaps some previous knowledge of the subject, to perceive and understand it ; but, being once, as we have said, observed and understood,) the inference, we think, is inevitable, that the damage of the skull must have had a maker: that there must have existed, at some time, and at some place or other, a zombie or zombies who crunched it for the purpose which we find it actually to answer; who comprehended its contents, and sucked out its brains.

    There, Paley eat your heart out, or brains in this case.

  45. documentn says

    2 Kings 19:35, KJV: “And it came to pass that night, that the angel of the LORD went out, and smote in the camp of the Assyrians an hundred fourscore and five thousand: and when they arose early in the morning, behold, they were all dead corpses.”

  46. Electric Monk's Horse says

    What’s the bible missing?


    Al that mucking about in Egypt, and not a single person gets attacked by a mummy! I can envision a scene from an Abbott(!) and Costello movie, only with, say, Paul and Barnabas. Paul would be Bud.

    And while we’re at it, the bible is also missing any character like Freddy Kruegar or Jason. Sure, people rise from the dead, but do they rise from the dead and kill people? Especially nubile, semi-nude teen-aged girls?

  47. black-wolf72 says


    Would have been interesting to watch the residents and soldiers in Jerusalem try to keep the zombie saints from marching in. No shotguns, no armored cars, sorry guys.

  48. JB says

    The boy stood on the burning goat
    Whence all but he had fled;
    The flame that should have lit the boat
    Was lost, found beast instead.

  49. black-wolf72 says

    Genesis 49:27 (New International Version)

    27 “Benjamin is a ravenous wolf;
    in the morning he devours the prey,
    in the evening he divides the plunder.”

  50. Electric Monk's Horse says

    Little Miss Muffet
    Sat on a tuffet
    Eating her brains and whey.

    When along came a zombie
    Which could not her mom be,
    So she ate that, too.

  51. Knockgoats says

    I described Jesus as a zombie in a foray to “Science and the Sacred”, and was solemnly told that of course Jesus wasn’t a zombie when he was resurrected, because he had a new body that could travel instantaneously, be in several places at once, etc. – so I guess Jesus was Superzombie!.

  52. Frank b says

    Along came of zombie,

    1. In a Tux from Abercrombie,

    2. With Dentures it stole from Jamby,

    3. Who recently dined at Applebee(s),

    4. Who thought Muffet was easy,

    5. Who was driving a HumVee,

    Go Ahead, take your pick.

  53. says

    Zeno@ 46: Ron Sullivan really needs a better handle.

    Ron Sullivan has a couple of big ol handles already, thanks. Also a Pittsburgh tumor, thunder thighs, and an ass she hasn’t yet managed to laugh off despite being a faithful reader of Cuttlefish. She owes it all to a nefarious cabal involving her husband Joe (aka Beelzebubba, The Lord of the Pies), Evan Walker, Michael Collins, assorted local brewers, and former denizens of the dwindling Usenet group

    She has, however, eaten brains only once, in an omelet with truffles.

    Grow fat along with me.
    The pear-shaped cat makes three…

  54. says

    O Burning Goat, O Burning Goat,
    Du kannst mir sehr gefallen

    Or is it “mich”? Damn.

    Ain’t copping to this one.


  55. wanderinweeta says

    Ezequiel 39:17

    Assemble yourselves, and come ; gather yourselves on every side to my sacrifice that I do sacrifice for you, even a great sacrifice upon the mountains of Israel, that ye may eat flesh, and drink blood.

  56. wanderinweeta says

    Hit Enter too soon. Should have been “eat fleshbrains, and drink blood.”

    Zombies and vampires together in one Biblical text.

  57. says

    Aw shit. Horrible Catholic-school flashbacks now! See what you’ve done?

    Sonz ZUV God
    Hear his holy word,
    Gather ’round
    Da TAble of da lord,
    EAT hiz BODy, drink hiz BLOOD,
    An we’ll sing a song guv love.

    The aftermath of Vatican 2 was some of the awfullest church music ever, and I say that as a veteran of those gawdawful sticky English-language hymns of the 1940s and ’50s.

  58. Meathead says


    I described Jesus as a zombie in a foray to “Science and the Sacred”, and was solemnly told that of course Jesus wasn’t a zombie when he was resurrected, because he had a new body that could travel instantaneously, be in several places at once, etc. – so I guess Jesus was Superzombie!.

    Well, actually a quantum zombie. Zombiechrist exists as a superposition of himself spatially distributed. His hunger for brains occasionally collapses his wave function – and he FEEDS!!!!

  59. sqlrob says

    Are we missing anything else or is this the end of the “make the bible look even more ridiculous” list of fantasy characters available.

    I’ve heard that snake was a mistranslation for dragon. Any of the biblical scholars here want to weigh in on that?

  60. Kristine says

    “How might the Gospels have been different if Jesus had come to Earth not to save mankind from sin, but from zombies?”

    Oh, I thought it was a bible for zombies. Dang.

    Well, they’re too interested in “braaaaiiins!” anyway.

  61. Dust says

    Little Miss Muffet
    Sat on a tuffet
    Eating her brains and gore.

    A zombie in the night
    Goats! Goat! Burning Bright!
    Miss Muffet was sitting no more.

  62. Citizen Z says

    You guys have just supported the accuracy of Biblical history. Did you know that?

    You look at the so-called “conflicting” stories of Jesus’ resurrection, and the answer to this mystery is within this very thread.

    In Luke, three women find two angels in the tomb. In Mark, three women find one angel. In Matthew, two women find one angel. In John, it’s just Mary and no angels. Don’t you see? Zombie Jesus is eating them!

    These aren’t Gospels, they’re harrowing tales of survival. Together they form the tale of Mary Magdalene’s escape from the Zombie Jesus Resurrection Massacre.

  63. says

    What are you talking about? The Bible is FULL fo zombie references!!!! For example:

    Exodus 29:16“and you shall kill the ram, and you shall take its brainz and sprinkle [it] all around on the altar.

    Exodus 29:20“Then you shall kill the ram, and take some of its brainz and put [it] on the tip of the right ear of Aaron and on the tip of the right ear of his sons, on the thumb of their right hand and on the big toe of their right foot, and sprinkle the brainz all around on the altar.

    Exodus 29:21 “And you shall take some of the brainz that is on the altar, and some of the anointing oil, and sprinkle [it] on Aaron and on his garments, on his sons and on the garments of his sons with him; and he and his garments shall be hallowed, and his sons and his sons’ garments with him.

    Leviticus 15:25. ‘ If a woman has a discharge of brainz for many days, other than at the time of her [customary] impurity, or if it runs beyond her [usual time of] impurity, all the days of her unclean discharge shall be as the days of her [customary] impurity. She [shall be] unclean.

    Leviticus 16:14 “He shall take some of the brainz of the bull and sprinkle [it] with his finger on the mercy seat on the east [side;] and before the mercy seat he shall sprinkle some of the brainz with his finger seven times.

    Numbers 19:5 ‘Then the heifer shall be burned in his sight: its hide, its flesh, its brainz, and its offal shall be burned.

    Numbers 23:24 Look, a people rises like a lioness, And lifts itself up like a lion; It shall not lie down until it devours the prey, And drinks the brainz of the slain.”

  64. mythusmage says

    I see people have confused Animate Dead with Raise Dead. The one gives the corpse a semblance of life, the latter returns a person fully to life with full functionality. Don’t know about you, but I just don’t see God as being limited to 9th level Cleric, or a Wis of 15.

  65. Peter G. says

    You see them everywhere, dull eyes reflecting moribund intellects, moaning: “Soooouls, Immortal Soooouls.” Remember, souls aren’t just for breakfast anymore.

  66. aratina cage says

    The Lord is my zombie slayer; I shall not want brains.

    He taketh me through green pastures free of lumbering corpses.

    He leadeth me beside the still waters with other survivors.

    He purify my wounds with antidote when I am attacked and bitten.

    He leadeth me in the paths that avoid the outbreak for his sake and mine.

    Yea, though I flee through the valley of the shadow of doom, I will fear no zombies, for thou art close behind.

    Thy shotgun and thy chainsaw they comfort me.

    Thou preparest an escape route for me in the presence of the shambling hordes. Thou rescueth me from the invasion; thine motorbike runneth over zombies.

    Surely thou shall slaughter without mercy zombies who terrorize me all the days of my life, and I will dwell safe in the decked-out home base of the Lord for the remainder of the zombie uprising.

  67. cancilla says

    “This would be far more impressive if it wasn’t essentially ripping off Pride and Prejudice and Zombies (an actual book if you haven’t heard of it before).”

    For what it’s worth, my first Bible/zombie short story “The Hunger of Lazarus” was published in 2000, long before PP&Z. I’d been wanting to do something like Zombible for years, but just recently got around to it.

  68. Gyeong Hwa Pak, the Pikachu of Anthropology says

    What’s all this talk about zombies eating brains? Have you never played Resident Evil? What the bible needs is a virus capable of turning people into mindless beings who eats and infects other and kill things. I know that the bible turns people into mindless killing machine that infect other folks but it’d be funnerer if it were a virus!

  69. says

    Long time lurker, first time poster.

    I was right pissed when I first heard about this story. Posting surveys online, and forcing women to answer personal questions? Outrageous!

    Having read over the bill, though, I can see that I overreacted. While individual survey forms will be submitted via an online form, I can’t see any portion of the bill that says individual surveys will be publicly available. The only public release seems to be aggregate data via an annual report. And while there are a tonne of silly options under “why are you having an abortion?”, there’s also a “the patient refused to answer” option. I imagine that’ll get used a lot.

    There are still reasons to oppose this bill. Doctors are forced to fill out this form for every woman who consults with them about abortion. Most of the survey questions are just there to remind doctors of their duties under law. It’s a big waste of their resources, at a time when the US government is looking for ways to cut health care costs.

    The survey reads like it was designed by a politician, not a bio-statistician. As edinblack pointed out in #17, there are waaaay too many questions asking about a woman’s relationship status, and none asking about contraception. If their goal is collecting information about abortion, why didn’t they consult an expert?

    Even that bit at the end about unconstitutionality isn’t as bad as I thought. If those lines appeared only on that specific bill, I’d be right pissed. They smell like boilerplate, though, and probably appear on every bit of legislation that flows through OK. That demotes it from “evil fine print” to “stupid fine print”.

    HJ Hornbeck

  70. says

    D’oh, wrong thread! That’s what I get for jumping between computers….

    HJ Hornbeck

  71. llewelly says

    Don’t know about you, but I just don’t see God as being limited to 9th level Cleric, or a Wis of 15.

    Given the poor judgement often displayed by the God of the bible I would argue a 15 Wis is a bit generous.

  72. zhu-wuneng says

    Aaaaand just like ninjas, pirates, and bacon, geeks have managed to completely and utterly managed to run zombies (back) into the ground. Would a little creativity kill people?

  73. Rutee, Shrieking Harpy of Dooooom says

    What are you babbling about, Zhu? All of those things are excellent, and remain such.

    Also, arguing about others’ creativity is generally a sign of pretentiousness that isn’t backed up by ability.

  74. oldfuzz says

    Obviously the folks at Zombible are conflicted. They see the Bible as some sort of inclusive document, which it is not, even to most Christians, Jews and Muslims. Even for them, it is a sacred story book offering insights into how to live an appropriate life, but not the only book. Of course their “Bibles” differ significantly.

    The Christian Bible is seen as the inerrant word of god by those who reject scientific knowledge and a few who try to bend same into a grotesque misrepresentation of the facts; e.g., creationists, creation scientists, intelligent designists.

    Oh, wait! I get it. The Zombiblists are saying that creationists have missed something. Got it. Thanks.

  75. Gregory Greenwood says

    Aratina Cage @ 89;

    Your post has made it all so blindingly clear.

    God is Ash from the Evil Dead movies! And so, by extension, the corporeal manifestation of god is Bruce Campbell. (This still leaves us with the infinite regression problem though. Ash was portrayed by Bruce Campbell, Bruce Campbell’s movie career was created by the great and terrible Sam Raimi, but who or what created the great and terrible Sam Raimi?)

    From infamous ‘video nasty’ (in the eyes of humourless fundie morons) to the very incarnation of the zombie-eviscerating saviour. That is quite the career path.

    All hail Ash! Weilder of the holy boomstick! He of the chainsaw arm! Vanquisher of the undead legions! Well spring of bad puns and terribly cheesy dialogue!

  76. says

    Some claim that the Bible needs Zombies
    with a taste for brains their main sin.
    But in reading the book
    (If you take a close look)
    you can see the undead writ therein.

    Some offered ideas that included
    a Werewolf, a Mummy or Ent,
    but the Bible features
    more fantasy creatures
    and not just the One heaven sent.

    And yet there is something quite lacking
    ‘spite chills I get reading of hell.
    Hey, I know what it needs,
    And it helps not impedes,
    The book simply needs more cow bell!

  77. Owlmirror says

    Ghosts? Fairies? Spirits/sprites?

    Ghosts: 1 Samuel 28 (and also a witch!)(no newts, though)

    Spirits: 1 Samuel 16 (which might be a demon?), among others, including the above.

    Fairies: Define “fairy”. The “hairy ones” in Isaiah 13:21 might be just goats — or satyrs, or donkey-centaurs (as translated in the LXX) … or maybe some sort of Middle-Eastern brownie.

  78. zhu-wuneng says

    98, yeah, I’m pretentious because I don’t think just flogging a meme til it bleeds is always the height of fun. I want a little more from people than “let’s just add zombies, and it will always automatically be teh awesomez!!!”. Sorry you consider that babbling. Bet you’re one of those people who wears black shirts with white writing, yeah?

  79. aratina cage says

    I want a little more from people than “let’s just add zombies, and it will always automatically be teh awesomez!!!”. –zhu-wuneng

    What teh fuck do you have against zombies?

    Gregory Greenwood, I think you are right. I was thinking of Ash/Bruce Campbell.

    who or what created the great and terrible Sam Raimi?

    Alfred Hitchcock, of course.

  80. zhu-wuneng says

    Nothing at all. I am bored of the “anything+zombie=great” trend, and that’s it. It depresses me slightly that thousands of good writers can’t get published but any one-note joke book about zombies or ninjas can flood every major bookstore in America, or the way geeks reduce humor down to “I’ll mention a meme or pop culture icon, and you all laugh on cue”.

  81. Gyeong Hwa Pak, the Pikachu of Anthropology says

    It depresses me slightly that thousands of good writers can’t get published but any one-note joke book about zombies or ninjas can flood every major bookstore in America, or the way geeks reduce humor down to “I’ll mention a meme or pop culture icon, and you all laugh on cue”.

    Depressing as it may be, it’s not like this is the first time a meme or a pop culture icon has been picked up and spread like wildfire amongst the populace. It’s an important part of building narratives and cultural imagery.

  82. Gyeong Hwa Pak, the Pikachu of Anthropology says

    That doesn’t make it funny or interesting or mean it’s not somewhat obnoxious.

    It is actually rather interesting. Zombies have been a popular theme throughout history. We can actually understand how some society works by analyzing it. As a person interested in ethnography, I would like to know why people propagate the whole zombie meme so much.

  83. SEF says

    It may be related to all that anxiety over the issues of free-will. It’s not as though that’s a new obsession either. People will always have felt or suspected that they weren’t entirely in charge of what their bodies got up to. It has even been used as a convenient(?) criminal defence – and a way to falsely(?) accuse or implicate others in events without them having much possibility of defending themselves (as with charges of witchcraft).

  84. zhu-wuneng says

    Everything you’re saying makes sense to me. It’s not like I’m saying that nobody should ever discuss zombies or it’s an inherently boring concept or anything like that….Just that people (especially online) have sort of been beating zombie memes to death. The “let’s add zombies to an old book” one has worn out its welcome real quick.