The devil stole Rod Parsley’s money!

That’s what he says, anyway: he’s put out a desperate call for mo’ money because he is under a “demonically inspired financial attack”. His ministry is facing a $3 million dollar shortfall. Coincidentally, he also had to make a big payout of $3.1 to the family of a two-year-old who was spanked to the point of being covered in welts and abrasions in his church’s daycare.

At last, we have identified the devil. He’s a naughty little boy in Columbus, Ohio.


  1. Greg F. says

    Sadly there are enough people here to be duped by Pasley’s appeal. They were out in full force when a whack job was burning crosses into a student’s arm during science class…

    Opening paragraph of that story?

    Supporters of John Freshwater stood in a parking lot yesterday asking God to inspire the school board to make the right decision.

    When you believe that hurting children to spread your religion is acceptable, you’re a loon. Plain and simple.

  2. pixelfish says

    See….this is why it’s useful to call out ol’ Oral on his sleazy, lyin’ ways. So that we can identify these weird beggerly habits that the mega-pastors and evangelists insist on pulling. (If they are so damn righteous, why do they need to ask their congregations for money? Shouldn’t God have opened the doors of heaven by now?)

    Getting back what the devil stole? You mean, the money ordered lawfully after a legal case? Seriously, sometimes I think these people should be required to take a mental competency test if their grasp of reality is so….filtered. But I know it’s just drama and rhetoric in most cases. “The deeebil, he is out to get me!”

  3. SEF says

    a big payout of $3.1 to the family of a two-year-old

    3 dollars and 10 cents doesn’t seem very large to me in terms of injury compensation. Is a multiplier missing?

    Meanwhile, wouldn’t the demons have had to get into the minds of the spankers rather than the spankee? There’s no reason to jump to the idea that the boy was the devil. If someone sane, instead of religiously delusional, was confronted by an entity they had credible evidence to suspect was a/the devil, spanking it is hardly an appropriate response.

  4. Sophist says

    Jeeze, why are these people always such drama queens? It’s not because of economic factors, oh no, the debbil is out to get him personally, because he’s just that special, just that important.


  5. ritebrother says

    What it it about televangelists and their fondness for fancy cufflinks??? Is it like the Pope and his robes & hats?

  6. HumanisticJones says

    The headline of the appeal for donations reads: “Will you help me take back what the devil stole?”

    Hey, they finally have the devil on a felony charge. Stealing $3M is definitely grand larceny. I guess they can put the old Adversary away to do some hard time for that one.

  7. DanielR says

    Maybe there is a god, he just got back from a million year vacation and is finally dealing out some justice.

  8. raven says

    Naw. The devils are the lawyers and judges who think beating a 2 year old kid within an inch of his life is a bad thing requiring legal compensation and damages.

    Plus the libruls who think child abuse isn’t a good idea.

  9. Legion says

    It’s so unfair that the devil gets credit for all the bad things that happen to you humans, when it’s really us, that corp of hard working, never-say-die demons who do most of the heavy lifting when it comes to evil.

    we live by the motto: “Keep Evil Alive”

    Gotta say that with a Jesse Jacksonesque fervor.

    Seriously though, Rod Parsley must be demon possessed to make such a ballsy move as begging for 3 million in the front door after paying 3 mill. out the back.

  10. Louis says

    I’m just off now to batter a child black and blue, then I can has my $3 million?

    Wait….have I missed the point somewhere?


  11. BlueIndependent says

    Couldn’t happen to a worse guy. The money seems to be drying up – finally – for some of these charlatans. Maybe in part because of the economy, people have decided that dropping money in baskets and hats on Sunday wasn’t producing much tangible return on investment, so they stopped.

  12. cylusys says

    Sophist #9

    Jeeze, why are these people always such drama queens? It’s not because of economic factors, oh no, the debbil is out to get him personally, because he’s just that special, just that important.

    To be fair this is a standard tactic, ministers like to make out that their church’s and the ministers themselves are especially targeted by demons due to them spreading the word of god. This gives them a quite handy get out of jail free card with their followers, because when one of them does something silly or criminal, it was clearly the devil compelling them to do it and are thus blameless.
    In short its more con-artistry than pure ego, and it sadly works like a charm.

  13. says

    “Will you help me take back what the devil stole?” Way to accept responsility.

    Is it bad of me that my first thought is that his Church may have to shut down, and therefore reduce the serious traffic problem that his “flock” causes?

    Not much sympathy for someone that lives in luxury out of his “sheeple’s” pockets by means of a tax-exempt corporate cult.

  14. blf says

    From the linked-to newspaper story:

    The Faietas [the kid’s parents] said Parsley refused to meet personally with them and that the church did not apologize or take accountability for the beating.

    And just who here has the morality traditionally ascribed to daemons?

  15. Kathy Orlinsky says

    Unfortunately, I already gave my money to the secular charities PZ listed earlier. What bad timing!

  16. Heaventree says

    I just don’t see why these asswipes can’t understand the following simple point: when things are going good for Parsley’s “ministry,” it’s because Gawd is blessing them. When they’re going bad, it’s because the selfsame Gawd is cursing them.

  17. bcoppola says

    Ah, I think I now understand the difference between Catholic fundies and Protestant fundies:

    Catholic: prefer sexual child abuse

    Protestant: prefer sadistic child abuse

    (oh, wait, forgot about the Magdaline Laundries…never mind…)

  18. Gpdlesspanther says

    If the Devil ever gets tired of his job and chooses to resign I would be interested in taking over his duties in stealing money from televangelists.

    Anyone know where one might go to apply for the position?

  19. says

    Sometimes i seriously wish there would be a hell or heaven and an afterlife.

    So many religious leaders would be punished for all the disgusting stuff they did..

    but allas.. there is not.. And legal action will need to be suffice.

  20. MadScientist says

    Hopefully the kid and his family will grow up to be good, happy, wealthy, godless people – and ironically they’d have god to thank! I wish I had $3M – I wonder if I’ll be accepted in one of his daycare centers.

  21. Shadow says

    Like O.R. will he meet his maker if he fails to get the 3 mil? Well, someone had to take up that scam.

  22. Strangest brew says

    And just who is going to believe that story…why fundagelicals of courseness!

    This is how they get duped by scam artists in the first place.

    And no one bats an eyelid, that is why charlatans like this…and ‘Oral Roberts’ are…and were…allowed to get away with the patently absurd not to mention bat shit crazy scams time after time.

    Because we must not disrespect religion at any cost…and there you have it!

  23. --PatF says

    If you read the decision by the Ohio Supreme Court – thanks to Dave who provided it – you will find that there was a three year old at the school who suffered a fractured skull. Furthermore, the original jury award was closer to six million dollars but state law would not allow that big a judgement.

    I’m stopping now. I’m too angry to type anymore.

  24. --PatF says

    My comment above should have said “there was another three year old at the school who suffered a fractured skull.” So there were two kids brutalized and not just one.

    Even angrier now.

  25. Fred Mounts says

    I live about 1/2 mile from his megachurch. I sure hope Satan doesn’t walk that far to get my cash too!

  26. says

    Tehol Beddict may associate with demons (or, at least, elder gods), but he isn’t literally a demon himself.

  27. Darwin's Doberman says

    I live near World Harvest Church and would LUV to see it shut down. I can’t drive down the street where the church is located on Sunday mornings without having to wait until all 5000 people in exit the church parking lot, typing up that whole side of town. Parsley is a paraish IMO. As a member of the Patriot Pastors group, he played a part in swaying the 2004 election here in central Ohio through his preaching and literature distribution. Not only that but his World Harvest Church was a polling center. The supervisor of elections (who was running for governor on the GOP ticket at the same time)moved voting machines from precincts in metro Columbus out to Parsley’s church which had a profound influence on the outcome of the election. Over 100 traditional ministers banded together to try to get Parsley’s church tax exmption status taken away because of his political involvment. I am wondering if Parsley stated he needs this money before December 31 means he wrote a hot check, since that is about how long it takes for a check to clear. BTW, this is not the first time Parsley had had problems. He and his father were once investigated for beating a church member in the church parking lot.

  28. raven says

    Senator John McCain hailed as a spiritual adviser an Ohio megachurch pastor who has called upon Christians to wage a “war” against the “false religion” of Islam with the aim of destroying it.

    Parsley is famous for calling for a xian holy war to destroy Islam.

    Just what we need. A war between 2.1 billion xians and 1.4 billion Moslems.

    Why is it that xianity is often associated with mass murders and genocide?

  29. murgadroid says

    The comments at the newspaper site are lively. Probably 90 percent saying the (fill in your own adjective) idiot is getting what he deserves and should have to sell his multiple houses, fleet of vehicles and private jet to pay off the debt. The other 10 percent are saying, essentially, that we just “don’t understand the importance of his mission!” One guy was saying that they shouldn’t beat a 2-year old; but it would be ok if he was 10 instead. Or they’re saying it’s a left-wing conspiracy to take our nation away from god.

  30. Andreas Johansson says

    World Harvest Church

    Perhaps I read too much bad SF, but that sounds more than a little sinister.

  31. mothra says

    @44 You obviously read the right amount of SF. I had thoughts of the cliched movie Independence Day when reading ‘World Harvest Church.’

  32. CodyS says

    This guy is especially sick. I remember my grandmother watching him before she passed and she ate up every word blindly. I can’t be sure, but I imagine he received quite a lot of her money. I hope he goes bankrupt and is fucking miserable. Looking forward to Jan 1 to see what happens.

  33. 'Tis Himself, OM says

    PA #70

    Tehol Beddict may associate with demons (or, at least, elder gods)

    It was only one god, and that god was Beddict’s servant.

  34. steve says

    He loves you, and He needs money! He always needs money! He’s all-powerful, all-perfect, all-knowing, and all-wise, somehow just can’t handle money! Religion takes in billions of dollars, they pay no taxes, and they always need a little more. Now, you talk about a good bullshit story. Holy Shit!

    — George Carlin Politically Incorrect, May 29, 1997

  35. wrpd4 says

    Parsley has toned down his rhetoric in the past few years. Before he would rage daily about the homerseksuel agenda, abortion mills, the ACLU, and the “so-called” separation of church and state. Now his broadcasts show him feeding starving children in the Third World. He always asks for contributions for this ministry. I wonder how much of each dollar contributed goes to feeding anyone but Rod and his family.

  36. bunnycatcher says

    The headline of the appeal for donations reads: “Will you help me take back what the devil stole?”

    It’s difficult to imagine this coming across any other way than full frontal stupid.

  37. llewelly says

    Andreas Johansson | December 16, 2009 5:02 PM

    World Harvest Church

    Perhaps I read too much bad SF, but that sounds more than a little sinister.

    Oh, there’s nothing “sinister.” about it. It’s just a casual reference to a large combine harvester … which will run over your bank account if you leave it lying about in the Lord’s field.

  38. Randomfactor says

    Good luck prosecuting the devil for the theft. He’s got all the best lawyers on retainer.

  39. Punxatawny Phil says

    Am I the only one immature enough to read Rod Parsley’s name as a euphemism for pubic hair? Just me? Oh well.

  40. Biology Blogger says

    It’s easy for Parsley to get his money. All he has to do is hire the accounting firm “Kent Hovind & Sons– We fuck the IRS, so we can prove humans fucked dinosaurs”.

  41. Biology Blogger says

    Disclaimer for Kent Hovind & Sons:

    We are not responsible for any punctuation mistakes in numbers or letters.

    Hovind is vindicated! He reported $400.000, when it was suppose to be $400,000. just an honest punctuation mistake!

  42. DitDatDot says

    It’s not surprising that this is the second instance of child abuse in their daycare (that we know of), as most Christians use the myth of heavenly forgiveness to justify repeatedly acting like assholes.

    In other words, “It’s okay for me to act like an f*cktard today, since I’ll be ever so sowwy and repent tonight!”

  43. Joffan says

    Further to PatF, the previous injured child (skull fracture, concussion) had the same guy in sole charge of the childcare – the only two days he was in sole charge of the tots, six months apart, and a child significantly injured both times. WHC’s liability was due to negligence (including no serious investigation of either case) and hostile response (threatening the parents, cover-up). WHC actually took an injunction against the family of the injured child to keep them off the premises.

  44. uppity cracka says

    “Need a ride to the fundy fundraiser tonight? I’ll be there in 20 minutes.”

    “Why don’t you Gimme 45? I gotta shave my Rod Parsley…you know, in case I get some Oral tonight.”

  45. uppity cracka says

    DAMN!!! Looks like Phil beat me to the obvious 13 yr. old joke. Well, what’s done is done.

  46. kc5tty says

    IF prayer really worked …. Parsley and Robertson, and Dollar, and Copeland, and Haggard and Meyer (Joyce) and all the rest of the species of Evangelicus Scumsuckus would be extinct.

    Whats the difference between a catfish and an evangelist?
    One is a bottom dwelling, mudsucking low-life parasite and the other is a good tasting fish.

    (…lame humor attempt ….)


  47. says

    Legion writes:
    Rod Parsley must be demon possessed to make such a ballsy move as begging for 3 million in the front door after paying 3 mill. out the back.

    Yeah, really. He forgot to factor in operating expenses. He should be fleecing his sheep for $4 million.

    It must be nice to have no pride.

  48. guidothekillerpimp says

    Parsley and the guy that beat those kids got off lucky. I know more than a few fathers (and a couple of mothers) that would’ve beaten them within an inch of their lives and then put two in their heads to finish the job. They should be thankful they only need to run their con a little longer to make up the $3.1 million.

  49. Kirk says

    And let us not forget that good ol’ John McCain named Rod as his “spiritual adviser” in his doomed presidential campaign last year. Now was that before or after the Wise Old Warrior picked Caribou Wolfshooter as his Veep? Jesusfuckingchrist. The Democrats in congress may be spineless pussies, but the Republicans are just off-this-planet freaks!

  50. Pope Bologna XIII - The Glorious High Sauceror of Pastafarianism and Grand Poobah of His Holy Meatba says

    And God Shall Provide.

  51. Laura76 says

    I went to Parsley’s church when i had the misfortune of living in Ohio for a couple of years. I’ve never met more cruel people in my life, especially among the “Christians” there, which is saying a huge amount because even people in my family and close friends have done the most betraying and most heinous things you could ever imagine… and spanking a child like that is inexcusable, especially in such a “christian” daycare. *spew*

  52. CTC says

    Personal experience regarding this tidbit: right location, wrong person, and the devil is GREAT in bed.

  53. Yoritomo says

    Thanks Dave @20 for the link. Before reading that, I thought, “3 million in damages – these juries just award ridiculously large sums.”
    After reading that, the poor child’s family deserved every cent, and WHM deserve to pay. Vile attempts at cover-up, not the least concern for the safety of the children in their care. I can only hope that the other parents learned from this experience.

  54. Roger says

    Oh, I hope his fraudulent bullshit “ministry” goes under. Also, if his imaginary sky friend is so fuckin’ powerful, why does Parsley need *my* money?

  55. eddie says

    OTOH, I’m wondering why all the outcry about the, albeit severe, physical injuries. Think of all the other kids getting their minds and lives poisoned.

  56. Julie Stahlhut says

    Okay, let me see if I’ve got this right: God told them to beat a couple of little kids and leave them with broken bones or bloody welts, and then the Devil then instigated an expensive lawsuit to discourage them from beating up any more children?

    What do these people do when the spirit REALLY moves them? Back cement trucks over their grandparents? Launch flamethrower attacks at tricycle-riding preschoolers? Put puppies on the rack?

  57. jeff S says

    ‘ This afternoon, in a second statement, the church said, “We continue to pray for the Faietas and acknowledge that this experience has been difficult for them as well.” ‘

    Oh, well at least they acknowledge how difficult it was for the family.

    I bet the family is being ostricized by their friends and made out to be greedy parasites.

  58. Christophe Thill says

    Reminds me of the first “Amityville” movie, when a roll of banknotes disappear and it’s implied that the devil stole it. Boy, was that silly…

  59. Richard Eis says

    But won’t the devil just take the money again? It’s not like anythings changed. He’s still an asshole.

    Surely they will just be giving money to the devil over and over again.

    Unless thats the plan….

  60. SEF says

    I wonder if there are any warning signs outside the day-care centre (other than the fact of it being religious at all!), like this one (which, depending on how you read it, resembles “abandon hope all ye who enter here”).

  61. MTS says

    The comments on the Columbus newspaper website are running at least 10-1 against Parsley and his “church.” That’s a bit encouraging, at least.

  62. everettattebury says

    From the above story about the case:

    “The Children Services caseworker assigned to the case was a long-standing member of the church and did not excuse herself from the investigation. One expert on child abuse surmised from her report that the marks on the boy could have been a rash, but he recanted that testimony during the trial after seeing photos of the bruising.”

    I wonder how many other cases of child abuse by church members this woman has tried to cover up.

  63. Blue Kentucky Girl says

    The faithful gathered around Jesus, there on the Mount of Olives. For many years, I wondered why he chose to begin His teaching with the words, “Take heed that no man decieve you.” As a student of Scripture and a follower of Christ, the reason is abundantly clear. He knew that until the end of time, there would be men laying hold of His name and amassing fortunes under the guise of spreding the Gospel.
    Blue Kentucky Girl