An eccentric Norwegian musician named Varg Vikernes has been updating (a polite word for “making up”) a Norse origins story. It’s nuts, but no crazier than the stuff Ken Ham and Ray Comfort want you to believe (and they, too, have been “updating” a very short metaphor from the Bible to make for a very elaborate story). Here’s Vikernes’ version of the creation:

Our world was created in co-operation between these three proto-forces. Between Múspellheimr (the stars) and Niflheimr (the frozen matter in space) there was Gínungagap (the void). The universe was resting. It was inactive. It was in a state of complete balance.

The universe woke after this rest of Freyr. Óðinn’s force threw the mass out in all directions again. The stars began to melt the frozen matter in space when they met each other, out there in Gínungagap; in the void.

In Múspellheimr, there was the divine bosom, the explosion which gives new life to the universe. In Niflheimr, there was the resting divine thought, frozen. The ice melted and it became active again.

In Ragnarök, the opposite forces cancel each other out until only one force is left standing. Since the gravitational pull is constant, while the explosion only works over a limited time, gravity will always win. It will always, after a period of time, force the mass of universe together again.

The mark of this is the gods’ preparation for Ragnarök. Óðinn has endeavoured to win the battle, even though he knows he will always lose in the end. He will always die, no matter how much force he puts into his explosion – because gravity is constant, while his own power, after some time, will cease to function. That, which is then to come, is the Jotun’s destruction of our world. It is destroyed at that time when the planets and the stars are forced together into one point again. The sky falls down.

But the humans will return yet again. For Líf (the force of life) and Lífþrasi (the will of life) hides in Hoddmímis grove. There, they feed on the dew of the morning. When the universe again explodes, the ice will melt and the force of life will become active once again. No Ragnarök can destroy this treasure of the memory.

The universe is the lung of Tuisto, which rhythmically breathes, in and out. His brain is the thought that becomes frozen at the collapse of the universe. This thought becomes active again, when Tuisto breathes out, and lets Óðinn’s explosion heat it up. Tuisto’s thought then forms and creates a new and living universe.

Tuisto’s thought directs his two round palms. The force of the explosion is in one of them, gravity in the other. One of them is the white hole of the universe, the other the black hole of the universe. With these, Tuisto can move around the celestial bodies, irradiate and increase or decrease them.

At each black hole, there exist so-called naked singularities. Besides these, there exist invisible holes in the universe, which we call wormholes. Here, objects may enter in order to exit at a completely different place in the universe; independent of both time and space. The exits of these holes are what we call white holes. The mass that was dragged towards the black hole (by gravity) hit a wormhole instead; where it bursts out the egress of the white hole with an enormous force.

Black holes will only get more massive, and will only gravitate more and more matter in the universe, until a hole becomes so big that it is capable of absorbing all other mass in the universe. This is where Irminsûl’s role enters, because it is actually Tuisto, the god-pillar in the centre – the high-seat, that is supposed to balance the two other proto-forces. Tuisto’s brain, the thought, can place wormholes inside the black holes, so that they empty in mass faster than they are filled up. Thus the one hand negates the other hand’s actions, which results in balance.

That’s truly absurd and silly, but if ever the creationists get their wish and ‘teach the controversy’ gets enshrined in law somewhere, I think we need to have this story taught to all the children, on equal footing with the Christian myth.

And then I want to see a debate between Comfort and a lunatic in chainmail. Both can use axes, to make it fair.