This is horribly tasteless: it’s a trailer for a new movie based on a video game by Uwe Boll (for those unfamiliar with his oeuvre, I’ll just mention the combination of the words “movie”, “video game”, and “Uwe Boll” represents the very worst of humorlessly plodding, dumb cinema). So why did I find this clip amusing?
Pharyngula
Evolution, development, and random biological ejaculations from a godless liberal
We have to get MarkCC in here to lecture these terrorists about infinities. No matter how carefullly they ration their supply of virgins, over an infinite time, they’ll always run out.
Few people actually give eternity the respect – and horror – it deserves.
Bloody hell, that is tasteless.
I’ve always wondered if the ‘True Love Waits’ crowd that promotes virginity amongst young evangelicals ever questioned who makes up the 72 virgins that Islamic martyrs get.
Surely they are encouraging and aiding the terrorists ?
I’m having a hard time believing that the clip is legit, even though I suppose it must be. I’m not really sure what, if anything, it has to do with the game “Postal” but I guess it’s not like faithfulness to source material has ever stopped Uwe Boll before.
The thing is, I have to admit that I chuckled at the absurdity of the thing, in the beginning. There was something of a David Mamet meets bad SNL sketch thing going on that was mildly amusing. However, the whole thing should have ended before the passengers broke in and the even more tasteless stuff began. The last bit is superfluous and patently un-funny.
Yeah, but it’s Boll. I had a hard time believing that funny bits could have come from such a disreputable hack, so the last bit of the clip was clearly intended to completely negate all that had come before, and restore balance to the cosmos.
It was clearly a parody. And it was hilarious.
If I recall correctly, Postal the game was simply about being the most offensive software ever created, so it seems only logical the movie would follow the same path.
Here is a very strange ad from the Creation Museum. It is hard to tell what the message is.
I’m feverishly hoping that this is satire. Uwe Boll is the worst thing to ever happen to the video game industry :(
Don’t worry, this should only be the very beginning of the film, you have 1h30 or so of what comes at the end after that.
There are a pair of trailers on youtube (just look for “postal trailer”)
“I’m having a hard time believing that the clip is legit, even though I suppose it must be. I’m not really sure what, if anything, it has to do with the game “Postal” but I guess it’s not like faithfulness to source material has ever stopped Uwe Boll before.”
Haven’t been following any news about the movie have you? The movie from what some reports have said could easily be Boll’s best work since the actual Postal game had no real plot or story to foul up.
This movie clip is quite real. Boll even commented about it.
http://kotaku.com/gaming/movie/clip-uwe-bolls-grosser-postal-trailer-232759.php has a link to a clip with the movie’s version of Osama Bin Ladin.
http://kotaku.com/gaming/uwe-boll/someone-actually-likes-the-postal-movie-257315.php
http://kotaku.com/gaming/not/postal-movie-gets-summer-san-fran-premiere-264963.php
http://kotaku.com/gaming/postal/uwe-defends-postals-911-hilarity-251598.php
Visually, the Creation Museum ad is eerily similar to the New York Dolls’ “Dance Like a Monkey” video.
I apologize for Uwe Boll, since he is from the same country as me. I stumbled upon this … director … on somethingawful, they have a very nice feature about a conversation of a script writer with him. I think it was about the movie “Alone in the dark”, which is the movie of one of the coolest games ever. I fondly remember playing it.
Well, turns out the game had not enough car chases or very big guns in it for Uwe Boll. Nor had Edward Carnby any supernatural mental abilities, so Herr Boll changed that, too. In the end, he knows best what a movie needs …
On this trailer, I think it’s funny. I laughed quite a bit.
In addition to being a talentless, ham-handed hack, were you aware that Uwe Boll is also a bully?
Klaus, the quote from scriptwriter Blair Erikson (quoted at Wikipedia) was:
I had mercifully never heard of Boll before this. I have, however, I now realize, seen a bit of one of his oeuvre, previously, tho’… maybe some two minutes of BloodRayne on Space, before concluding it wasn’t going to get any better.
That trailer is actually pretty funny, though, in my ever so humble opinion. I get that someone who lost someone on the eleventh might find it upsetting, but it is still a nicely done mockery of one of the more absurd religious beliefs ever heard. And if that ain’t a deserving target for satire, what is?
But no, I’m still not gonna see the movie. Before doing that, I think I’d need a chorus of about sixty people who I trust thoroughly and who are all willing to sign a binding oath (involving financial and criminal punishments for false statements) that the film is at least 90 percent equally saleable, sharp satire, and less than 10 percent gross-out filler jokes, severed latex body parts and sprays of artificial blood before I’m gonna subject myself to the next two minutes of film offered. Call me stodgy, but I think I’ve had just about my fill of that stuff, now.
My thoughts exactly.
Ok, I found it amusing in a completely tasteless sort of way. But it definitely should have ended with them heading to the Bahamas instead of the way it did.
Two thumbs up, wickedly funny.
Postal the game was simply about being the most offensive software ever created,
Something that it actually failed at.
I’m sorry, I have to go with this one as funny. Once they started bickering about the number of virgins available, I stopped taking it seriously. The minute they called up Osama to double check, I was in stitches.
Yes, this is practically propaganda, but it is wonderfully satirizing propaganda rather than demonization. We all know how lethal terrorists can be; sometimes we just have to “disarm” the threat in our own minds, and I can’t think of any better way than this.
they should have ended it with everyone having a party in the bahamas with all being forgiven, the reward for rejecting insane fairy tales. maybe call osama and tell him the bahamas is running out of virgins as well.
One thing you must admit though…Uwe Boll and his..ahem…”body of work”, are fantastic evidence that God does not exist.
Aren’t the virgins “perpetual virgins?” Meaning, I assume, that the hymen is restored after each act of intercourse. Why any guy would want that, I don’t know. I’ve always assumed that guys who prey on virgins do it because they don’t want to be concerned that their performance (or equipment) is being compared unfavorably to other men, not because they enjoy uncomfortable, bloody sex.
Maybe the virgins have their memory of the previous encounter erased when the hymen is restored. Who knows? Theology is a subtle subject.
For the most part I felt it was a good idea that was not being very well executed. But when Anabi is frantically trying to explain to the passengers, “No! We’re going to the Bahamas! We’re going to the Bahamas!” I cracked up.
It was reasonably funny up until the end. I mean, mocking fundamnetalist terrorists is always funny. The clip of a plane crashing into the twin towers, however, was simply in extremely bad taste. And isn’t just that any joke about 9/11 is in moronic bad taste. Armando Ianucci and Chris Morris’ piece, Six Months That Changed A Year (found here http://www.guardian.co.uk/september11/story/0,,669686,00.html) was hilarious.
Which really is typical Boll – a potentially good idea ruined by the unnecessary crassness introduced by the director.
The bad taste of the clip is the end when the passengers burst in. It is saying if they hadn’t fought back but sat down and shut up they’d be alive today.
White grapes.
Seems to be a case of reality being stranger than fiction…
White grapes.
Seems to be a case of reality being stranger than fiction…
Eternity with virgins? no way. I’d rather spend eternity with someone who knows what she’s doing.
A little background on Uwe Boll – I am told that his career in video-game-themed movies is largely an unfortunate side effect of German tax law. Financing his string of disastrous flops turns out to be a very effective tax shelter for a group of German multimillionaires.
So we may be looking at something like a real-life version of The Producers here.
I have to admit that through the whole thing I was hoping this would turn out to be a trailer for “Uwe Boll’s Microsoft Flight Simulator”.
PS
What? No.
Typical Boll is obviously terrible ideas occasionally redeemed by the transcendent incompetence of the director.
Watch “Bloodrayne” and you’ll see what I mean. Or better yet, don’t.
That German tax loophole has since been closed apparently. Uwe of course denies that he had made crappy films to take advantage of it. He still has plans for many sequels to his prior films. Sadly this man will tarnish video games for quite a while since those who own the film rights don’t give a shit about the material and hand it off to anybody who comes up with the cash.
http://www.cinemablend.com/features/Uwe-Boll-Money-For-Nothing-209.html
Amusing… I did find myself thinking that this was United 93, until the window washer scene.
Here’s a human secularist arab lady with some balls… going on Arab TV and denouncing muslim behaviour. Not that christians have anything up on the muslims- except for maybe more high-tech means of destruction.
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=1296126090432829344
Sadly this man will tarnish video games for quite a while since those who own the film rights don’t give a shit about the material and hand it off to anybody who comes up with the cash.
Let’s be honest here. Most video games have terrible stories anyway; the ones that are considered good still pale in comparision to other literature, and most of the time the stuff that’s held up as good in video games would be considered tired cliche in any other medium.
Yes, somewhat amusing. If only it was that simple and wanna-be martyrs really were in it for the 72 perpetual virgins, but the controlled conditioning done to suicide attackers is basically the same as the conditioning done to any soldier but taken to an extra step. In both cases the recruits are isolated, stripped of individual identity and indoctrinated as an obedient and integrated team and they perform their tasks not just for their ideals but for their comrades who they believe depend on them. The suicide attackers are not the problem as much as the people who indoctrinate them and send them on their way.
@ K. Signal Eingang
That is funniest thing I’ve read in a long time. Thank you.
Thing is a number of games have excellent material that if properly done would make great action-adventure, mystery, or horror movies if properly done.
System Shock for example for sci-fi/horror. Gabriel Knight for adventure with a dash of horror.
Silent Hill couldn’t have been done as a movie since the games had lots of info that wasn’t transfered to the game and it was ambigious plus you had several other games that expanded it.
Ever played Knights of the Old Republic? There are a number of RPGs that could be considered to have better stories then a lot of current novels.
Just a bit of edification. The 72 “virgins” promised are actually 72 “houris”, better translated, I think, as “nymphs”, which is more evocative of what they are. It’s unfortunate that a simple mistake in translation has gotten so much mileage in making fun of those stupid Moo-sleems and their ignorant ways. No, they’re not that dumb. It’s just bad word choice. Moving on…
K. Signal Eingang:
Well, ok, yes, not good ideas as such. But Alone in the Dark, for example, could have been made into an at least passable film in the hands of the right director… sadly, that wasn’t what it got. Though admittedly, that anything connected to Postal (one of the trashiest games ever made) could be even mildly amusing was a shock.
Video game plots certainly aren’t better than good literature, but they are improving – the aforementioned Knights of the Old Republic series, for example, had a better plot and deeper characters than the new Star Wars films, whilst intelligent games such as Deus Ex are far more thoughtful than most of what Hollywood produces. Yes, being more intellectual than a Jerry Bruckheimer movie isn’t much of an achievement, but it is a start.
Cultural diversity specialists.
Just a bit of edification. The 72 “virgins” promised are actually 72 “houris”, better translated, I think, as “nymphs”, which is more evocative of what they are. It’s unfortunate that a simple mistake in translation has gotten so much mileage in making fun of those stupid Moo-sleems and their ignorant ways. No, they’re not that dumb. It’s just bad word choice. Moving on…
Oh, okay. If these guys were murdering people in suicide attacks hoping to be rewarded with 72 virgins, they’d be real idiots. But if they’re doing it for nymphs, then, fuck, where do I sign up? Good to hear they’re not that dumb. It’s just bad word choice. Allahu Akbar.
some people seem to have a restricted sense of humor. The best part was when the passengers broke in just as the hijackers were turning to the Bahamas.
And of course the politically correct don’t think it “correct” to make a joke about the towers, but it was the necessary conclusion to the previous event. Happy endings are not funny.
So I check the wikipedia entry on this Boll clown- he did Bloodrayne, which is quite possibly one of the worst movies I have ever seen, right up there with Intermedio.
What did you think was funny? The cell phone working on the plane? The doubting at the last minute? The abolutely fake cockpit setting (seats too far apart, not a Boeing 700-series cockpit)? Was there a squid hidden in the background?
Oh, come off it, you PC-overanalyzers. That was an exercise in hilarity if I ever saw one.
the ones that are considered good still pale in comparision to other literature
You underestimate the amount of crap in print.
Claiming that games don’t have as much to offer as literature feels very much to me to be the word of an author or literary critic.
I cried in Planetfall; I didn’t cry reading any Dickens. Video games are just another tool for telling the story, and they accord just as much respect. Hell, more, because their story has to be done with a lot of error catching and world-structuring if you don’t want to break immersion.
In a novel, the reader can’t go ‘Hang on, I want to see what happens if Aragorn manages to kill the Nazgul on his own.’
Indeed, economy of experience adds up, too: Video games have to have plots that aren’t allowed to get too out of control, because they don’t have the luxury of being ‘classic’.
At the risk of turning this into a flame-fest, anyway.
As for video games with good plots, the first three to spring to mind are the Metal Gear Solid series (the fact there is a movie of MGS3 where you JUST WATCH THE CUT SCENES, and it’s still over two hours of awesomely interesting stuff speaks volumes), Gabriel Knight, the Alone series, oh, and the Baldurs’ Gates. Planescape Torment, as awesome as it is can’t be a movie. You couldn’t tell that story, show that depth, convey that dialogue in a mere /movie/.
Hell, you can’t do it with a BOOK.
Posted by saurabh:
Whichever they are, virgins or nymphs, where in the Quran does it say there are 72 of them? I’ve searched English translations online for the number 72 and never found it. I searched for “virgin” in one web site’s concept index and found this excerpt from Pickthall’s translation:
Not a word there about how many fair ones an Islamic hero gets. So, virgins or nymphs, where did the number 72 from?
Oh, wait. On a second look I see the number 72 up there after all. Oh my… Could that possibly be it?
As usual, wikipedia shines when it comes to the origin of the 72 Houri as well.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Houri#.2272_Virgins.22
Not a word there about how many fair ones an Islamic hero gets. So, virgins or nymphs, where did the number 72 from?
Oh, wait. On a second look I see the number 72 up there after all. Oh my… Could that possibly be it?
It comes from a hadith, not from the Quran. A hadith is a recorded saying of Muhammad, quite important to muslims.
Claiming that games don’t have as much to offer as literature feels very much to me to be the word of an author or literary critic.
Games CAN be used to tell a good story. There’s nothing inherent in the medium that prevents it that I can see. The issue is whether they ARE used to tell a good story, and as far as I can tell the answer is “rarely”, and when the developers do try to tell a good story, even if they avoid cliches, even the best in video games hasn’t held a candle to the best in literature.
Personally, I think part of the problem is (perhaps paradoxically) the increased interactivity between the player and the game, as opposed to the reader and the book: the player has to continually make decisions, avoid death, save-and-reload, and all the other things that break the fourth wall and continually break your ability to invest yourself in the game, because they continually remind you you’re playing a game. It’s a bit harder to empathize with the motivations of the antagonist as a person when you’re busy running around trying to shoot him with a laser gun. The immersion breaks when the antagonist goes from being treated as a human being in the cutscene to being treated as just another thing to shoot and not get shot by once the cutscene’s over. I imagine it’s like trying to get emotional about a movie scene when you just watched it being filmed, or even helped to film it. It would take a good director working with excellent actors to make you feel immersed when you know you’re not. Are there any characters in games where this is not true? Are there characters who have large enough roles that you can actually care about them, while at the same time not morphing from “literary character” to “puzzle to solve/destroy/talk my way through” every few cutscenes?
I’m feverishly hoping that this is satire.
You should feverishly hope that no one important in your life finds out that you’re so dumb as to even question that such blatant satire is satire.
Just a bit of edification. The 72 “virgins” promised are actually 72 “houris”, better translated, I think, as “nymphs”, which is more evocative of what they are. It’s unfortunate that a simple mistake in translation has gotten so much mileage…
Sigh. Why do people “think” such things when they can so easily find out? See
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Houri
White grapes.
That link doesn’t even mention white grapes, so no one’s going to known what you’re talking about. Here’s a far better discussion:
http://www.shiachat.com/forum/lofiversion/index.php/t60862.html
Note that these Muslims seem like reasonably sensible people, certainly far more open-minded about their mythology than fundie Christians.
“Are there any characters in games where this is not true? Are there characters who have large enough roles that you can actually care about them, while at the same time not morphing from “literary character” to “puzzle to solve/destroy/talk my way through” every few cutscenes?”
Not every game has cutscences. Wheter someone actually cares about the characters in a video game is about the same if someone cares about the characters in a movie or a book, or a graphic novel even a radio drama. It’s all up to the reader, watcher, listener.
As for the worry about breaking the 4th wall quite a few tv series, movies, video games, comic books, even some books have done it and people thought it enhanced the expierence. Quite a few games will refer to the player outside in the real world sometimes the characters would chat to you. Pretty amusing in the games that did it very well.
The recent Bard’s Tale with the voice work of Cary Elwes for instance was very humourous and it had a amusing story. I could see the ideas behind it being turned into a fantasy film.
This is a link http://www.gamefaqs.com/console/gamecube/file/562551/38193 to a plot analysis of a videogame titled Killer 7. Quite a few people who have played this game marveled at the David Lynch type story told by the game and it’s symbolism. Most people didn’t get the game story they found it too confusing when in reality it’s just more complex then the simplistic novels, movies, tv shows they are used to.
Uwe Boll is a horrible movie director, however he is passable at directing rock videos. Perhaps he should direct his talents there.
A lot people exploited the holes in German tax laws to fund crappy blockbusters (“Tomb Raider” might never have been made otherwise). To be fair to Boll, he actually used those laws in the manner they were intended–to support jobs in the German film industry. Boll’s crews are mostly German.
I find myself agreeing with Patrick. Video games have the potential to tell a good story, but most fall short, or fall back on cliches. (And not just in storytelling–as a pen-and-paper roleplayer, I’m disappointed that every computer RPG I’ve seen uses a 30-year-old D&D level and experience-based system when the analogue dice versions have tried so many different systems since.) What did it for me was when they announced “The Getaway” would be made into a movie. So, they’re making a movie based on a video game that is heavily-based (almost to the point of plagiarism) on Guy Ritchie’s movies?
No one ever said anything about the gender of the virgins either.
Tasteless? I saw a couple of guys realizing that the system they were in was irrational. I saw the same sort of thing in Hogan’s Heros. I know there were people who found Hogan’s Heros tasteless and complained about, but I don’t think that show made the world a worse place. (But I admit it was kind of light on CGI planes crashing into window cleaners.)
The best part was when the passengers broke in just as the hijackers were turning to the Bahamas.
Hmm…Maybe the passengers were upset about losing their opporunity to be martyrs to the war on terra and broke in because they turned to the Bahamas. (Remember, the pilot made an announcement of the change in plans over the plane’s loudspeaker so the passengers knew.)
No one ever said anything about the gender of the virgins either.
Good point, and also the age. I doubt think that middle-aged bears (gay men that are rather, how shall we say, hirsute) spring to mind for many kamikaze bombers. Unless Osama truly is a bastard and didn’t mention that part.
(Remember, the pilot made an announcement of the change in plans over the plane’s loudspeaker so the passengers knew.)
From what I saw, they were going to make the announcement, but the passengers broke into the cockpit before they could.