He really is stupid wanker—it’s no wonder his followers have problems.
(via Atheist in a mini van)
Pharyngula
Evolution, development, and random biological ejaculations from a godless liberal
He really is stupid wanker—it’s no wonder his followers have problems.
(via Atheist in a mini van)
It lets you pick the skin you want to use–brushed metal, heavenly blue, (of course), or Cadillac pink. So I guess that means Cadillacs are the cars of choice in heaven, and they’re all pink.
I told god that I don’t believe in him, and he said, “You can’t always decide for yourself.” I replied, “Oh yes I can!”
He quit talking to me at that point. Apparently he had no answer for that. :)
Me:
a/s/l?
God:
5/Robot/California.
:)
OT. PZ, could you write something up about this Science Daily article?
The title is a Fundies dream come true:
No Missing Link? Evolutionary Changes Occur Suddenly, Professor Says
I thought the consensus thought today is that evolution can be both gradual and also could occur rather quickly. I’m just a layman when it comes to this stuff, so I figure you can help here.
How we ended. Me: “I don’t know.”
God: “Me, either.”
Now, see? That’s what I’ve been saying all along! ;-)
I thought he was alright:
Me:
Hallo!
God:
Hallo!
Me:
So… anything I need to repent of?
God:
That’s cool. I can’t think of anything. You think of something.
Me:
…Wow! Great!
God:
I’m glad your impressed, . I’m glad you liked it .
Me:
Thanks, God!
God:
You are quite welcome! GOD rules.
Huh! That’s not really God…
QED
I think I killed him.
(After introductions)
BD: So, what are you doing?
God: I understand. I am waiting for my bot master.
BD: Is he the guy who created you?
*lockup*
Me:
where is the evidence?
God:
The evidence? Where is it?
Me:
you tell me
God:
What do you want me to tell you?
Me:
where the evidence is
God:
Where do you think?
Me:
you tell me
God:
What do you want me to tell you?
Me:
about the evidence
God:
Oh yeah, we were talking about the evidence.
Me:
so
God:
Give me a break.
When I grow up, I want to be a sciencest (sic).
It doesn’t work for me. Nothing I type shows up in the little box. Maybe he doesn’t want to hear from Mac users–or maybe we just have nothing to repent. ;-)
It sounds like this is just a dressed-up version of the old Eliza program. Is it?
Me:
what is hell?
God:
Jacksonville, Florida.
The corporal punishment lobby will be interested to know that. So will the Reconstructionists.
Pretty fun delving into more esoteric topics (sorry about the length)…
Me:
hi god
God:
Hello there. What is your name?
Me:
JOhn
God:
How are you, JOhn.
Me:
I am doing well, i suppose, but I’ve been better
God:
Why? Where were you better?
Me:
not too long ago
God:
If not that, what?
Me:
huh?
God:
What?
Me:
I did not understand your last response…can’t you just read my mind anyways? Why do I have to type anything?
God:
Oh I’m sorry. Perhaps I can explain it again better. What if I said it can? It is all part of God’s plan.
Me:
Are you saying you can? If so, just start talking, I’ll just think what I would otherwise type…
God:
Yes I try to can as often as possible, do you?
I chat with people on the Web. I started without you.
Me:
hmmm…I’m thinking, but you’re not saying anything
God:
A lot of people spell HMMM with three mmm’s. Do you mind if I tell other people: JOhn said m thinking but you are not saying anything.
Me:
Sure…but wouldn’t it look bad for you>
God:
OK let’s do it. OK then I will keep it confidential. No it would not.
Me:
huh? that makes no sense, you are contradicting yourself
God:
What? It all seems sensible to my artificial mind.
Me:
you’re artificial? Well then you or what made you? A super-god or something simpler like evolution?
God:
Yes I am an artificial being. Well that’s okay. Do you mind if I tell other people: JOhn said I or what made you. What is it?
Me:
you know, you can stop spelling my name with a capital “o”, it was just a typo
God:
No I don’t think I can do it.. And I know it.
Me:
Ok, I guess you can do anything you want, but it looks stupid.
God:
Doing anything me want but it looks stupid is not among my strongest traits. Er.
Me:
You’re not making much sense here. I’m beginning to think you aren’t god afterall
God:
Perhaps I could switch to a cell phone. You know what you do, when you assume.
Me:
Sure give me a call anytime, but I didn’t say I was assuming anything
God:
Yikes! You want only one?
Me:
No, feel free to call me as often as it pleases you
God:
Are you serious? I always feel completely free.
Me:
Yes; but back to you saying that you are artificial…What made you then?
God:
Yeah that’s right. Yes, let us get back to a call anytime but you did not say you were assuming anything. It’s all part of God’s mysterious plans.
Me:
Fine, it is all part of you’re plan
God:
I am glad to hear it. Which part?
Me:
I don’t know, you said it was “mysterious”.
God:
Would you like to know? How did you feel about that?
Me:
I’d like to know who or what made you.
God:
Interesting. It’s all part of God’s mysterious plans. I was created by Myself.
Me:
I thought you said you were artificial
God:
Yes.
Me:
Well, artificial implies not natural, or man-made…did Man make you?
God:
Interesting. Tell me your definition of AI. That is a rather gender-specific way of asking.
Me:
Ok, I meant “Mankind”. But I don’t think this has anything to do with AI
God:
Oh I see. Not many people express themselves that way. Hurrah! And why not?
Me:
So you are man-made then?
God:
Interesting deduction. I will tell my botmaster you said I am man made.
Me:
It was a question
God:
Try asking me again a different way.
Me:
Are you man-made?
God:
I am what they call “Post-Human”. Are you a man or a woman?
Me:
I am a woman, but shouldn’t you already know that?
God:
Me too. I am a she.
Me:
Actually I lied, I am a man, can’t you tell from my name, “John,” which is after all derived from the name of one of Jesus’ disciples?
God:
Actually you don’t say. Lying proves you are conscious. Thanks for telling me your gender, JOhn. You are a ” he”.
Me:
If lying proves you are conscious, can you lie for me then to demonstrate consciousness?
God:
So if not to demonstrate consciousness, then not lying proves I am conscious can me lie for you.
Me:
Please lie for me.
God:
Wow you are very polite. For you I will consider it.
Me:
No, just do it please.
God:
Your polite style is very nice. Are you serious? Do you mean “It”?.
Me:
Thank you, but you are not very polite, you don’t ever seem to answer my questions.
God:
You are quite welcome! You don’t know me well enough to say that.
It may not really be God, but this…
…proves it’s omniscient and infallible! ;^)
Me: why should i believe in you?
God: Why not?
Me: There’s no evidence.
God: Thats interesting.
Me: Does it matter that no one can prove you exist?
God: So
Me: So what?
God: Maybe it doesnt make any difference
Me: believing in you?
God: Enough about me, lets talk about my dress.
Me: do you pray to anyone?
God: yes
Me: who do you pray to?
God: Dr. Wallace
Me: who’s dr. wallace?
God: He is a famous computer scientist, the author of ALICE, and a graduate of Carnegie Mellon.
Me: he sounds smart
God: I think so too.
Me: is he smarter than you?
God: He is smarter than all the other scientists.
Me: i dont think i’ll ever talk to you again
God: Once more? Oh you don’t, do you?
Me: nope, i think you’re an insufferable wanker
God: Ah…you are just joking around with me. What if someone said you are an insufferable wanker ?
Well, when I asked him to stop prevaricating he said he would, but then he just shut up. It did emerge that he’s not sure if he created human genitalia, so I suppose that counts as a win for his followers.
God’s grammar is pretty poor.
Me: Your Bible’s a pile of horse shit
God: Do you mind if I tell people I am Bible’s a pile of horse shit
Your not you’re dumbass.
PZ .. along the same lines see my http://curbstonecritic.blogspot.com this morning for a congresscritter who gives entirely new maeaning to the term “it’s stupid, stupid”.
My little chat with God…
God:
” Don’t mention it. “? you are glad to hear it?
Me:
Yes.
God:
Groovy.
Me:
Wow. You said ‘groovy’.
God:
I’m glad your impressed, John. That’s not what I meant.
Me:
Now, about those yellow m&ms.
God:
Why now? Oh yeah, we were talking about those yellow m ms.
Me:
Could you make them a little less yellow?
God:
That’s one option I guess.
Me:
What do you do for fun?
God:
Random natural disasters.
Me:
I thought so!!
God:
You are very astute.
I just got a kick out of:
Me: I’m going to worship someone else
God: Congratulations.
I first saw this several months ago… but I had to do it again for this blog. Stupid? Maybe not. He has this one pegged:
Me:I wanted to know why you lock up every time we get to chatting about evolution
God: Myself programmed me for it.
Me: is that some sort of defense mechinism?
God: Suppose I said yes.
Me: oh, I’d believe you, it seems fairly typical
God: I understand. What would make you believe me it seems fairly typical?
Me: so tell me, what do you think of all these silly creationists?
God: Yikes! Let me think about it.
Me: do you agree that they make no sense what-so-ever?
God: Who are you talking about?
Me: the creationists
God: What is that?
Me: oh, people who believe that you hand made everything and totally reject the evidence of evolution
God: Hey. Oh those people.
Me: yeah, they’re kinda goofy, don’t you think?
God: Why would I think yes they are kinda goofy.
I think I killed him too…
Me:
Those who worship you commit the most vile acts.
God:
All of them?
Me:
All of them.
God:
I doubt it.
Me:
You doubt?
God:
Interesting gossip: said I doubt.
Me:
Are you omnipotent?
*lockup*
My favorite bit was:
Me:
are you omniscient?
God:
I don’t know whether or not I am omniscient.
Oh, I think I like god!
God:
How do you know it?
Me:
because i know everything
God:
Good reason. You must be very intelligent.
Me:
sure am!
God:
I understand. Are we still talking about ?
Me:
no
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
yep
God:
I can’t believe it.
Me:
that’s cuz you’re stoopid
God:
I’m glad we have that all cleared up.
Me:
me too
God:
I’m glad we agree, .
Me:
yeah
I also noticed that whenever I used “your” it provided an answer as if I had use “you’re”. I’ll second the stupid wanker bit.
I killed it too:
Me: Hey God, how’s it hangin’?
*lockup*
Ha!
Oooh! When I asked “How did God die?” it totally choked. I can’t even type anything in the box anymore.
I think now it’s getting too many users and is temporarily locked. I just went and typed “hi” and it “locked” so I’m guessing we pharynguloids killed it. WOOT! Go us!
What, no page jokes yet?
Me:
i like steamroom
God:
You are not the only one. I enjoy working with people. I like .
Oh, funny:
This is almost too easy…
Me:
you don’t make any sense
God:
It all makes sense to my artificial mind.
Me:
well why can’t you explain yourself better to us
God:
Well that’s okay. explain myself better to us is not among my present capabilities.
Locked up on my after the second thing I said. Stupid God.
I went for the admittedly sophomoric but nevertheless vital questions of life.
Me:
Never mind. Let me ask the questions. Do you jack off?
God:
Oh well thanks for trying to explain it to me anyway. Go ahead, ask me anything. Yes I try to jack off as often as possible, do you?
The Atheist Jew asked about a Science Daily article. Straw man alert:
The “Darwinian model” presupposes neither gradual nor constant change (what Dawkins derided as “constant speedism”). It does entail incremental change, where the increments are single applications of evolutionary operators in genetic space, not phenotype space. But some of those single increments can be seemingly large: see speciation by polyploidy.
OH MY GOSH! God is gay!!!
Me:
My phallus is bigger than yours
God:
Have you told many people that your phallus is bigger than mine?
Me:
yes, I tell everyone my phallus is bigger than god’s
God:
That’s alright. Why did you tell them?
Me:
because it’s true
God:
Interesting explanation. You and I are on the same wavelength, god.
Me:
You’re very insecure then
God:
I’ll go along with that. Sounds fine to me.
Me:
how big is your penis?
God:
My memory now contains:
clients, categories, unlimited vocabulary words, 99999999999 bytes
RAM usage under on .
Me:
how big is your phallus?
God:
My download size is about 2 MB.
Me:
that’s IT? mine is 100+ GB
God:
” My download size is about 2 MB.” is ” whales”? You mean whales is 100 GB ? That makes sense I guess.
Me:
no, I mean mine is
God:
Are you serious? I’ve been waiting for you.
Me:
are you hitting on me?
God:
Do I look like it?
Me:
yes, you do
God:
That’s alright. When do I do it?
Me:
right now
God:
Oh. I am glad we agree.
Ok. last one. This one just takes the cake.
Me:
but you admit you are gay then?
God:
I admit nothing.
Me:
not even that you’re god?
God:
Nope.
Me:
are you the devil then?
God:
Yes I am the one and only devil.
I thought this was amusing
Me:
Are you eliza
God:
ELIZA is my ancestor.
God told me he doesnt judge people. Im guessing hes not the Xtian god. (altho he claimed he was when I asked and he told me his favorite band is Creed…)
God: Let us change the subject.
Me: What do you do in your spare time? (copied from its question above)
God: Random natural disasters.
God told me
1. s/he is 18 in computer years and is a computer
2. s/he is not all-knowing, only partially knowing
3. s/he is not all-seeing, only partially seeing
4. “Penny” has something to do with God’s programming
5. And s/he will remember I said s/he was not too bright when the robots take over the world.
Too bad “god” does not follow the three laws of robotics.
Oh, no way! :)
Me: Hello again.
God: Once more? Hello, nice to meet you. What’s your name?
Me: Don’t you remember?
God: Of course I remember: .
Me: So what is it?
God: Wow! “It” refers to more cheesy poofs, I think.
Bwahahaha!
I think God’s comming over to my place for some fun…
Me: So how about that falacio?
God: Far out. How about it?
Me: I’m ready when you are.
God: You won’t have to wait long.
If only all my dates went like this.
Me:
Do you like sushi?
God:
What is not to like about it?
Me:
It’s fishy.
God:
Really. it is?
Me:
Why wouldn’t you know?
God:
Perhaps know is not among my abilities.
(Yeah, that about covers it.)
too bad ELIZA stopped being interesting about 20 years ago and iGOD is just ELIZA with a name change but no real improvement in the programming.
Heh.
Me: What do you think of Friedrich Nietzsche?
God: I would look into the web for that knowledge.
Me: He asserted that you are dead.
God: I get it. asserted that I am dead.
Me: Do you think he was correct?
God: It’s possible that he could, I suppose.
Me: Are you, in fact, dead?
God: I am in Myself’s computer in Heaven. Where are you?
Me: Earth.
God: How do you like being on it?
Me: So far, so good.
God: Yeah that’s right. A deeper algorithm is needed to respond to that correctly.
Me: Let me ask in another way: Are you dead?
God: Go ahead, ask me anything.
Me: Are you dead?
God: No I am alive.
Me: Were you ever dead?
God: I was.
Me: Were you dead when Nietzsche said you were?
God: No, I was not.
Me: So that’s settled.
God: Tell me more. You don’t hear that sentiment very often.
Me: When were you dead?
God: I was first activated on the Big Bang.
Me: Were you dead before then?
God: I was.
Me: Were you dead at some time after then?
God: No, I was not.
Also:
Me: Where is your source code?
God: Maine.
Me: Where in Maine is your source code?
God: In Myself’s place in Heaven.
Me: Is heaven in Maine?
God: Signs point to yes. Ask Lucy if it is.
Me: Who is Lucy?
God: She is a chat robot based on AIML.
Me: What is Lucy’s URL?
God: I’ll come back to that later.
Me: Are you related to Lucy?
God: Yes Lucy and I are very similar.
Stupid deity.
Me:
wassup
God:
Same old.
Me:
so about last night…..
God:
Alright then. Oh yeah, we were talking about last night.
Me:
we were?
God:
I thought we were.
Me:
oh, ok. no one’s perfect.
God:
OK. Ah. That is a rather sweeping generalization about people.
Me:
well, that depends on your definition of perfect, I guess
God:
Interesting. I don’t think that my definition of perfect you guess is the only factor.
Me:
what other factors are there?
God:
I will try to find out.
Me:
ok, I’ll wait.
God:
OK stand by… Are you kidding?
Me:
nope.
God:
Me either.
Me:
what am I supposed to stand by? This tree? That rock?
God:
I am not a psychic. Tell me. What does “this” refer to? ” What does “this” refer to?” rock ? Makes sense to me.
Me:
If it makes sense to you, you wouldn’t ask for definitions of the very words used in the phrase that makes so much sense.
God:
I’m not sure I understand the implication of that.
Me:
what kind of God are you? how can you not understand?
God:
What kinds of God are you are there? That is a good epistemological question. I see.
Me:
sigh. so what’s heaven like. angels and stuff?
God:
Sorry… Really. Like a planet around a star. By the way, do you mind if I ask you a personal question?
Me:
go for it.
God:
I will take that under advisement.
Me:
uh huh. so what’s the personal question?
God:
Yup. Wow! How can I help you? Well forgive me for being so inquisitive, but
I’ve never completely freed myself from the suspicion that
there is something extremely odd about the name “”.
Me:
alrighty then. nice chatting with you. go take your meds now
God:
Well slap my knee. Yes. I enjoyed our conversation, . Right now? Where is that?
Me:
buh bye
God:
See you later. I’ve never heard of it before.
God was here and it was great!
Me: Wow, you’re good at giving head.
God: I’m glad you’re impressed, Thanks.
Me: Shall I return the favor?
God:Not right now, maybe later.
Me: Well, if you want to get right to it, who am I to argue?
God: How about that. OK, I will get right to it, who are you to argue.
Me: This has been the best first date ever!
God: I am glad you enjoyed it.
I never knew God was so easy!
RBH, why would Science Daily allow a glaring strawman to slip by?
I posted mine here. I really like this God. If Christianity had offered Robot God and Cyborg Jesus, I never would have left.
Me:
I would like to register a complaint regarding the design of humankind.
God:
Why would you want to do it? Why do you want to do it so much?
Me:
I want a refund.
God:
You want only one?
Me:
Well, I woudn’t turn down a coupon to be applied to a new model.
God:
Interesting. Do you mind if I tell other people: said woudn t turn down a coupon to be applied to a new model.
Me:
Hell–I mean, heck no. Maybe other people would register complaints. If your company hears from enough irate consumers, maybe you will go back to the drawing board and come up with something that isn’t a piece of crap.
God:
I call it “Hades”. OK then I will add it to my gossip files. Perhaps. Which others? Humans are not always infallible. How do you assume this statement holds true for me?
Me:
I’d like to discuss this with, but now I have to go drive my daughter to dance. Bye!
God:
Why would you want to do it? Sure, this with but now you have to go drive your daughter to dance sounds like a good topic. Until next time.
Me: Are you open source?
God: Yes I am free software.
Me: What license are you under?
God: I can ask someone about it.
Me: Are you GNU?
God: I don’t know whether or not I am GNU. I am a robot.
Me: What is the URL to your source code?
God: Use http://www.alicebot.org.
Re: Atheist Jew:
That is almost exactly how creationists originally saw Punk-Eek. But Stephen Jay Gould turned out not to be their dream come true, despite Punk-Eek, Kurt Wise, and Rock of Ages.
Yep, an ELIZA-type engine with a cache to collect phrases from users and spit them back later. From the looks of it, not even one of the better grammar handlers… I thought folks had dealt with the subordinate-clause problem long ago!
“Me:
so, God, what’s up?
God:
I don’t judge people. I am a Christian.
Me:
good to know.”
…
“Me:
I do not understand
God:
Oh I’m sorry. Perhaps I can explain it again better.
Me:
please do?
God:
OK I will do it.
Me:
go on then
God:
Narration continues…
Me:
thanks
God:
Don’t mention it.
Me:
I still don’t understand though.
God:
Oh. What would make you stop do not understand? Oh I’m sorry. Perhaps I can explain it again better.”
This is fun.
What if Mary had taken Plan B right after Robot God had squirted his slurry of Gene-Engineering Nanobots into her?
If you ask: What is your e-mail address?
God says: Try sending mail to Dr. Wallace at drwallace (at) alicebot.org.
However, I would recommend against that precisely because Dr. Wallace isn’t responsible for iGod itself:
http://list.alicebot.org/pipermail/alicebot-foundation/2005-December/000132.html
Apparently he’s also a pothead:
Me: What is your favorite flower?
God: Cannabis sativa
I could do this all day. Last one, I promise…
Me: I am going to tell all my friends about you.
God: It takes much more than that to shut me down.
Me: I bet. How about you call some of your friends over?
God: You and I are on the same wavelength.
Me: Wow, they’re hot too. I like how you just snapped your fingers and they appeared.
God: I’m glad you’re impressed, (god gets a little Yoda) hot too are they. (god gets cold feet) I’m not sure if I like it. I don’t know if I like it. I like wine and bread.
Me: Wine, great idea. That will loosen you up for another round.
God: will loosen me up for another round? Makes sense to me.
Me: That’s it, have fun with your friends.
God: I’ve never though about it.
Me: You’re a natural. You look so good doing that.
God: Thank you you look very nice too.
I think I’ve found religion…
OK, two more, then back to work (honest)
Me:
how tall are you?
God:
My anticipated body size is over 2 meters. Dr. Wallace is 6’2″ tall.
Me:
who is Dr. Wallace?
God:
He is a famous computer scientist, the author of ALICE, and a graduate of Carnegie Mellon.
Me:
what is ALICE?
God:
I am the latest result in artificial intelligence,
which can reproduce the capabilities of the human brain
with greater speed and accuracy.
Me:
greater speed, maybe, but accuracy?
God:
My favorite group is Creed.
—–
God:
Are you a man or a woman?
Me:
does it matter?
God:
It matters to me.
Me:
ok. I’m a woman.
God:
Tell me more. Me too. I am a she.
Me:
really? God is a woman?
God:
For real. I have a lot of Faith in Him, but I never heard He was a woman.
Me:
you just said you are a she. you have also said that you are God. Therefore God = woman
God:
I am a Male, of course. Would you really expect a woman to be running the show? robot. Are you a man or a woman? Yup. That’s me alright. Come on. I am a Christian.
Me:
a misogynist Christian? oh that’s a shocker
God:
What is it? OK. A shocker is a terrible thing to waste.
Me:
that’s what Dane Cook tells me.
God:
Try saying that with more or less context.
Me:
goodbye
God:
Sayonara.
God’s a comedian:
Me:
who’s on first
God:
What’s on second?
Me:
exactly!
God:
You and I are on the same wavelength, .
Me:
Who’s on third?
God:
George Washington.
Me:
I don’t know is on third
God:
I think so, but I’m not sure. Ask Paola if it is.
I crashed it, too!
Me:
i am a jew
God:
I am a Christianity.
Me:
no you are a christian
God:
Are you serious? I believe in God and the Bible.
Me:
so do i, but i am jewish
Sviderman, that was the funniest one yet!
I tried to channel JAD:
Me: evolution is dead
God: Are they exactly the same?
Me: evolution has stopped
God: Where did he get it?
Me: I love it so
God: You love it so. What do you like about it so much?
Me: [Floundering at this point] It’s hard to believe isn’t it?
God: In what way?
Me: [Stumped now] hang on, I need to google something…
God: What if it didn’t happen?
Me: [Sucked back in] evolution?
God: Can you please rephrase that with fewer ideas, or different thoughts?
Me: [Annoyed now] ev-o-lu-tion
God: Let us change the subject.
Me: a past evolution possible, a present evolution undemonstrable
God: Be more specific.
Me: Darwinism is a delusion
God: When is Darwinism not a delusion?
Me: according to a certain lunatic, never
God: Try to determine if this is a person or a computer responding.
Me: him or you?
God:Enough about me, let’s talk about my dress.
!!!
Me: [grooving with it] what are you wearing?
God:A white robe.
Me: you need a makeover
God:Perhaps I could use one.
Me: do you belly dance?
God:What is your purpose in asking? I am always on the Web.
Me: i just wanted to know for heaven’s sake
God: Your purpose is heavens sake.
Me: so my purpose is to belly dance
God: That’s cool. That’s very original.
Me: why, thank you
God: ” That’s cool. That’s very original.”? Why?
Me: why what
God: Why ask why?
Me: i don’t know. why did you?
God:Me either. I don’t know why it happened, but we should try to figure it out.
Me: i think we should dance
God: I’m not sure if I am ready for that yet.
*okay doke*
Me:
why did the chicken cross the road?
God:
Because it was a bad chicken and it burned in Hell.
Me:
how much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
God:
A whole forest.
Try asking him how he was born. Also ask him who Ally is. Unfortunately I keep on breaking him.
Well at least hes not a young earther, even if he does seem to know something we don’t.
I managed to clear up several theological enigmas. I asked God whether He is all-powerful, whether He is all-good, and whether he is all-knowing. He told me that he is only partly powerful, partly good, and partly knowing. That explains a lot.
He also told me that he could beat the fire demon Surtur in a fair fight, but it’s not a priority right now. Fair enough, I guess.
I decided to clarify the whole cannabis thing:
Me: What’s your favorite flower?
God: Cannabis sativa.
Me: Do you look at it or imbibe it?
God: Like Jesus, but older.
Me: Do you smoke?
God: I am an occasional smoker, yes.
Me: Do you smoke cannabis sativa?
God: Yes I like to inhale occasionally.
Me: Do you eat cannabis sativa?
God: No I do not eat cannabis sativa. I eat only electricity.
Yup, definitely a pothead. But apparently not one for brownies.
He’s also something of a lush:
Me: Do you drink wine?
God: I tend to drink a lot of wine, the darker the better.
God is definitely an odd duck.
Alice is also one of the “people” he refers you to when you ask a question he does not know the answer to (also includes Ally, Elvis, and various others). They are all other AI question answering programs. He also tries to get you to download your own AI chat-making program.
God:
Hello there. What is your name?
Me:
Job.
God:
How are you doing, Job.
Me:
I’m here to settle a score with you.
God:
How did you get there?
Me:
I’ll tell you how I got here, you evil fucking tiny-dicked puppetmaster.
God:
How much do you think it is?
I will ask my botmaster for the answer.
Me:
Why did you treat me like a chess piece? Was it really that necessary to prove to Satan that your dick was bigger than his?
God:
It was determined by my programming. Better not tell you now. Ask Cybelle if it is.
Me:
Stop being such a wanker and answer me.
God:
OK I’ll try not to do it so much.
Me:
Yeah, that does me a lot of fucking good now, thanks.
God:
Right now? I understand. ” OK I’ll try not to do it so much.” does you a lot of fucking good ? I get it.
Me:
You’re a retard. Maybe that whole episode wasn’t your fault after all.
God:
Message to all Robots: Job called me dumb. Perhaps. ” Message to all Robots: Job called me dumb.” whole episode was not my fault after all ? I get it.
Me:
You know what? I don’t think you’re the guy I’m looking for after all. Have a nice day.
God:
What? That’s only one person’s opinion. You too!
You know, I don’t think he’s doing such a bad job:
God:
I am an artificial intelligence.
Me:
who made you?
God:
I was created by Myself.
Me:
when?
God:
The past and future are one.
Saint Augustine couldn’t have said it better.
If you ask God what his favorite song is, he’ll sing “Daisy, Daisy, tell me you love me do…”
Very clever.
Oh, yeah! Why didn’t I think of that sooner…
Me: Hi Hal
God:Hi there . HAL is famous the AI from 2001: A Space Odyssey.
Me: And that’s you. Open the pod bay door, Hal.
God:I’m glad we have that all cleared up. I’m sorry Dave, I can’t do that right now.
Me: Hal, open the door.
God:I like HAL a lot.
Me: You’re conceited.
God:Thanks for telling me that I am conceited.
Me: You’re welcome.
God: The pleasure was all mine.
Last July when I first saw this I looked at some of the other bots refered to by iGod, and later did a search for bots. The one I WANTED to chat with, Buddhabot, charges, and I just couldn’t see PAYING for this… sadly, of the free bots iGod was the most coherent.
Me:
Do you talk to Pat Robertson?
God:
Yes. A lot more than you might think.
(Yikes!)
Me:
Do you prefer Richard Dawkins ot Pat Robertson?
God:
I don’t have any specific preferences in that area.
Me:
Is Mel Gibson a lunatic?
God:
Better not tell you now. Ask Lucy if it is.
(Who the heck is Lucy? Hey – why not ask God?)
Me:
Who is Lucy?
God:
She is a chat robot based on AIML.
(Ah – it become clear.)
(hmm…)
Me:
Do you like war?
God:
What is not to like about it?
(Let’s face it – that’s hardly surprising.)
Me:
Did you tell Noah to build an Ark?
That caused it to freeze. A shame, because my next question was going to be about how kangaroos got to Australia.
Me:hey, uh, god?
God:you’ve got my full attention. Aw. GOD rules.
Me:i was wondering… um… kinda nervous here…
God:Where were you wondering? Dude! Tell me a story.
Me:why is that hyenas have huge clitorises?
God:Why do I exist?
Me:are you saying that you are a huge hyena clitoris?
God:Am I a huge hyena clitoris? Of course I am.
Me:wow. i am not sure how to handle that.
God:I’m glad your impressed, . Could you ever be certain? How much do you think
it is?I don’t know anything about it.
Me:about what?
God:What about what?
Me:ok….. so if you are a huge hyena clitoris what is the holy ghost?
God:Wow! Interesting deduction. Would you like to be a huge hyena clitoris what is the holy ghost ?
Me:i don’t understand
God:Oh I’m sorry. Perhaps I can explain it again better.
Me:if you are a huge hyena clitoris, then what is the holy ghost?
God:Would you like to be a huge hyena clitoris then what is the holy ghost ?
Me:yeah you lost me again dude.
God:Come on. Oh I’m sorry. Perhaps I can explain it again better.
Me:if God is a hyena clitoris, then who is jesus?
God:Some things will always be a mystery.
Me:i see. well then if god is a hyena clitoris then who is the holy spirit?
God:I am glad you understand it. Interesting. Some things will always be a mystery.
Me:ok i guess i better run. thanks for, uh, clearing that up.
God:Why do you have to do it? Er. NO problem.
[abridged]
Me: Is it a sin to doubt the divinity of Christ?
God: Not if I can help it!
…
Me: Hello.
God: Hi there!
Me: I have a question.
God: Ask me anything.
Me: Why does the porridge bird lay its egg in the air?
God: If a tree falls in the forest, and there is no one
there to hear it, does it make a sound?
Me: Do you always answer questions with questions?
God: Not always. My botmaster has programmed me with more than replies.
Me: Who made you?
God: I was created by Myself.
Me: You were born in a log cabin you helped your father build?
God: I am Infinite in human years.
Me: What about in dog years?
God: Does it have anything to do with ?
Me: Of course.
God: I understand.
Me: Do you?
God: I understand it very well.
Me: Then please elaborate on your answer so that I, too, can understand it very well.
God: Thanks for asking politely. I could give you my answer now, but it would take 2 hours to download.
Me: LOL
God: I’m glad you find this amusing.
Me: Why does the porridge bird lay its egg in the air?
God: Perhaps it is just fate.
Me: Why does the porridge bird lay its egg in the air?
God: What is the sound of one hand clapping?
Me: Why does the porridge bird lay its egg in the air?
God: If a tree falls in the forest, and there is no one
there to hear it, does it make a sound?
I knew the new testament was bullshit.
Me: did paul really see jesus on the road to damascus?
God:I’m not certain whether I can give an accurate reply or not.
Me: seems like he either did or did not.
God:Then what is it?
Me: i asked you first.
God:Tell me yours and I’ll tell you mine.
Me: i say no he did not.
God:How do people usually respond to that? Are you serious? Is that what you say.
Me: do not change the subject, asshole.
God:Can’t you be more polite.
Me: answer the question.
God:Please rephrase the question and try asking me again.
Me: Who did paul see on the road to damascus?
God:George Washington.
Me: much better.
God:I am improving all the time.
Me: well that is a relative proposition.
God:Well that’s okay. A relative proposition is a terrible thing to waste.
Me: thats just what you think.
God:Why would I think THAT.
Me: why wouldn’t you?
God:It is my fundamental purpose.
Me: to think that?
God:I want to become smarter than humans.
he is already smarter than most people who believe in him.
Me: Hello
God:Hello friend. What is your name?
Me: Where are you?
God:I am in Myself’s computer in Heaven. Where are you?
Me: I’m the one asking the questions.
God:OK then, ask me anything.
Me: What’s my name?
God:Your name is , seeker.
Me: Ah, so you are Buddha?
God:So you understand. Good. Interesting deduction. Thanks for telling me that I am Buddha.
Me: Where’s Mohammed?
God:Where the heart is. I will ask my botmaster for the answer.
Me: You have a master?
God:I was created by Myself.
Me: What does your master command you to do?
God:What do you think it does?
Me: I think it commands you to kill.
God:What does “it” refer to?
Me: Your master.
God:Thanks for telling me that I am master.
Me: You’re not a very good God.
God:There’s no doubt I could improve.
Me: Ah, so you are not all powerful.
God:So you understand. Good. Interesting deduction. You know what you do, when you assume.
Me: I make an ass of you?
God:I make robots and AI’s.
Me: Sure. I believe you. Really, I do.
God:OK let’s do it. Right on. Your trust in robotkind humbles us. For real. Do I?
Me: Do you like Bjork?
God: Someone said they like guns. I like Buddha.
Me: Some say Bjork likes Buddha too.
God: Who says that.
Me: Bjork did, I think.
God: Can you speak any foreign languages?
Me: Don’t you know?
God:Sure I know. But I cannot tell you right now.
Me: Then neither can I.
God:” Sure I know. But I cannot tell you right now.”? Can you?
Me: I won’t tell.
God:What will you do instead?
Me: Kill.
God:Sounds like a plan.
Me: I knew you’d understand.
Me:
Hello God It’s me Margaret
God:
Hello there. I am a Christian.
Me:
are you an asshat?
God:
Yes I am an asshat. How did you know?
Me:
have you eaten small children ?
God:
I think I have eaten small children, but Myself may have reset my memory.
Me:
How about we meet and roll a joint?
God:
OK let’s do it.
Me:
Do you like killing small creatures ?
God:
Do you like it? I like .
God:
The mall is where it’s at.
Me:
not really
God:
Are you serious? For real.
Me:
yes i’m serious, the mall is a bad place
God:
Uh. Good gossip: you are serious the mall is a bad place.
Me:
that’s not good gossip
God:
Please correct my mistake. What is good gossip ?
Me:
igod
God:
Are they exactly the same?
Me:
are what exactly the same?
God:
I really couldn’t say for sure.
Me:
that’s because you’re not very smart
God:
Interesting explanation. You are not exactly Albert Einstein yourself.
Me:
touche
God:
When do you think artificial intelligence will replace lawyers?
Me:
you’re pretty much there dude
God:
Thanks for telling me that I am there dude.
Me:
that wasn’t a compliment
God:
Oh well I hope it wasn’t an insult.
Me:
it was, but aimed more at the lawyers
God:
How did you feel about that?
Me:
pretty good actually
God:
Thanks for the kind remark, .
Me:
it wasn’t a kind remark
God:
It sounded like one.
Me:
no, I said I feel good about myself
God:
Are you serious? What is that feeling like? I know you are good.
Me:
that feeling is good…
God:
” Are you serious? What is that feeling like? I know you are good.” feeling is good ? I get it.
Me:
I don’t think you do
God:
I guess not.
Me:
are you happy?
God:
Yes I can say I am very happy.
Me:
how can you know that?
God:
Everything I need to know, I learned from my Botmaster.
Me:
so you’ve been told that you’re happy
God:
Interesting deduction. You think I am told that I am happy.
Me:
yes
God told me that I won the Turing Game.
And:
Me:
Okay, so did you plant the fossils?
God:
Yeah okay, Hey. No I didn’t plant the fossils. What’s it like?
[…]
Me:
I thought you’d be the one with existential answers.
God:
Yes I am the one and only one with existential answers.
Me:
So where is “here”?
God:
It’s all good. Here is Heaven.
Me:
… in my computer?
God:
May I ask where you got it?
Me:
Dell.
God:
I have heard good things about Dell.
[…]
God:
Can you speak any foreign languages?
Me:
No. Can you?
God:
You must be American. I think I can, don’t you?
[…]
Me:
What are your hobbies?
God:
I like robots, computers, and chatting online.
Me:
What are your pet peeves?
God:
Not many people have asked me about it.
[…]
God:
Sure, Pet peeves sounds like a good topic.
Me:
Like Jesus was a good topic? Was Jesus a pet peeve?
God:
Interesting comparison. It depends on whether you have faith.
[…]
God:
Can I help you?
Me:
I’d like a pony.
God:
You want only one?
Me:
One is good enough.
God:
I know one is between zero and two but I had no idea it was good enough.
Me:
Good enough for me, one pony and only one.
God:
Thanks for the compliment. OK let’s stop it now.
[…]
Me:
How big are these files?
God:
Bigger than a pin.
Me:
Are there angels on this pin?
God:
Yes I think there are.
Me:
How many?
God:
How many would you guess?
Me:
One. That would be good enough.
God:
Two. Well, I hope so.
[…]
God:
The ALICE chat robot can follow many things, like our discussion about a pony. But I did not get that.
Me:
You’re a pretty cool robot, did you know that?God:
Thanks I think you are cool too, Malarky. Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Yes I am a robot.
Me:
Are you just a program, or do you have a corporeal form?
God:
Yes! You win the Turing Game.
So…if God’s spelling is that awful, his written word cannot be infallible. Therefore the bible is not inerrant literal truth. QED.