Better sit down for this one. Santa Claus is dead.
Children watched in horror as a Santa Claus collapsed and died as he handed out presents at a Christmas party on Sunday.
Pharyngula
Evolution, development, and random biological ejaculations from a godless liberal
For some reason, that struck me as an odd term for keeling over dead.
That’s a good way to go, sez I.
Proof positive: God exists; has severely twisted sense of humor.
sad.
Not odd at all. It is clear that GOD struck him down, for the unconscionable CRIME of leading INNOCENT children (who properly belong to JESUS) into PAGANISM.
Whaddaya wanna bet this will be blamed on godless libruls?
Other news from Britain:
Jesus kidnapped. Only worth £250 anyway. Replacement sought.
I guess it’s a slow news day.
Well, I’m certainly not going to tell this to my 6yo.
As we drove home from dropping my car off at the mechanic’s, Boy One comments that Marie (the babysitter) thinks he has a good theory. “Oh? Which theory is this?” “Well, that there must be a new Santa every so often because nobody lives forever.” DH offers the possibility of magic. Boy Other One shoots this down “Oh daddy, magic isn’t real. There has to be a new Santa. Think about it. It would be awful to come down on Christmas and find Santa dead on your front porch.” I’m very glad dh is driving because I’m laughing so hard I’m crying. Although eventually I’m able to stop laughing long enough to offer the possibility that if you do find Santa dead in front of your tree, maybe that means that your the next Santa (kinda the dalai lama deal). Boy One considers this as a distinct possibility. Boy Other One proposes another possibility: the elves get together and vote every 4 years. No idea whether elves are republican or democrats. But Yet Another Boy suggests that maybe the elves get together in Rivendale….
20 years of being a mom and you think you’ve heard all the worries. But none of the others ever worried about finding Santa dead.
Ironic. The other day on the radio (local Air America programming) I heard an interview with the authors of a book about the war on Christmas. (That may be the exact title.) One of their suggested tactics was to dress up as Santa, go to a children’s get toegether and fake a heart attack.
Eh. I much prefer the version in Transmetropolitan, where Spider Jerusalem screams at an interviewer, “Santa Claus is dead! [grabbing his crotch] I killed him with this! And I left his stinking corpse in a noxious sewer where it is raped by thousands of toxic-effluent-crazed gila monsters every second of every day!”
OK, I’m quoting from memory on that one, so it might not be word-for-word, but it’s close.
Gosh, I love Transmet. I used the following for my profile on one of them online-dating sites a couple years back:
“Hi, I’m Spider Jerusalem. I drink. I take drugs. I wash once every six weeks. I masturbate constantly and fling my steaming poison semen down from my window into your hair and food.
“I’m a rich and respected journalist for a major metropolitan newspaper. I live with two beautiful women in the City’s most exclusive community. . . .”
Polonium poisoning?
“One wee kid said ‘how are we going to get our presents next week if Father Christmas is ill?’ – they didn’t understand what had happened.”
It’s simple, really. Tell the wee tyke that Santa’s senior elf will take over and the gifts will be delivered on schedule.
Sighs….
I must admit, it is only for the tykes that I am sad, since they can’t know any different. It is a bitch trying to counter the christian culture in the south. But, irregardless of that, it hurts them to see Santa croak, so that does suck.
If I was in the place of the parents/toddlers who watched Santa snuff it, I would hate to have to explain it to my toddler. They so easily buy into this whole thing, and I do hate to upset my only little girl.
PZ and others, feel free to bite into me, but I do have a hard time upsetting her needlessly. You know, the whole protective parent thing.
Still will have to de-brainwash her after being in a catholic school…
Just aren’t any good public ones here in TN
hm. Santa’s Senior Elf? Funny you should mention him. It occurs to me he’s the only one who stands to gain from this tragedy. Not sayin’ I knows anythin – and not sayin’ I don’t – just sayin’ .
c`mon which santa isn`t a heavy duty drinker. Comes with the job i guess.
As all Pratchett fans know when Santa is indisposed, Death takes over.
HO HO HO.
HO HO HO.
Ho! Ho! Fuqin’ Ho!
And Grandma got ran over by a reindeer.
Happy Fuqin’ Hollydaze, y’all!
Holy moley. Poor guy drops dead on the job and people carry on about the children who saw it? What the hell, has everyone’s life turned into a video game?
It’s been done, anyway.