Darwin Of The Gaps

There are gaps in the biblical record
But I think I have most of it solved
Like the 18-years Jesus went missing?
That’s when the messiah evolved

How the Son can be also the Father?
Why, the change doesn’t faze me a bit
It’s a series of tiny mutations—
Adaptations that made Him more fit.

Are these absences reason for worry?
Well, they might be for some, yes they might.
But the gaps in the biblical record
Have convinced me that Darwin was right.

The “God of the gaps” arguments have always amused me. They are not what they present themselves to be, first off. They present themselves as “if Darwin was wrong about X, then Y must be completely true”, where X is any given gap in the fossil record, or big bang cosmology, or the psychology of some transcendent experience (not an exhaustive list), and Y is the complete and detailed religious belief system of the arguer (which, naturally, varies by arguer). What they actually are is “if I am ignorant of what science knows of X, Y must be completely true”, with X and Y defined as above.

But of course, there are gaps and inconsistencies in the biblical record, and an entire industry field to deal with them (apologetics). For me, it is clear as anything. Any gap in the bible is clearly evidence that Darwin was right. It’s only logical: for their argument to be true, the two categories must be mutually exclusive and exhaustive. They are commanded not to bear false witness, therefore their argument must be true. The bible contains gaps and inconsistencies, therefore Darwin is right.

The only problem I can see with my argument is that I have not used a sufficient number of font variations, colors, sizes, and all-caps. But this is a work that is still evolving.


  1. GibberishWord1 says

    “The only problem I can see with my argument is that I have not used a sufficient number of font variations, colors, sizes, and all-caps. But this is a work that is still evolving.”

    dont u KNOW that all caps AUTOMATICLY makes u rite? its LOGIC!

  2. gAytheist says

    Thank you Cuttlefish. I somehow had never thought to invert the argument. This is a good way to put the atheist/secularist community more on the offensive instead of the defensive.

  3. Cuttlefish says

    Hey, it only came to me today. I knew it was always “If it’s not the fourth of July, it must be Christmas” (or, actually, “if I don’t think it’s the fourth of July…”), but never thought of inverting it!

  4. carpenterman says

    “…still evolving.”
    Just came home from *Inherit The Wind*. My Dog… I cannot believe the argument is raging to this day. What the hell is wrong with so many people? Have they no eyes to see? Ears to hear? Minds to *think*?
    What can explain deliberate, willful ignorance? Is it fear? Is a universe mankind isn’t the center of truly that terrifying? And how repulsive, the number of people who profit from and feed off of that fear. Infuriating.
    Sorry. Bit of a rant, there. Also a bit off-topic. I’m going to go write a dirty limerick now. Or maybe a haiku.

  5. zackoz says

    Just 18 years he went missing?

    What about when he deceased?

    After that, we’ve heard nothing –

    I make it 2,000 at least.

  6. Eidolon says

    Richardelguru @8

    Indeed, John Prine spells it out quite nicely. I always like the bit…

    “He discovered the beatles
    And he recorded with the stones”

    Really like that image.

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