It Just Goes To Show You, It’s Always Something…

I once met a fellow whose face would turn blue
As he thundered “I’m tellin’ ya, brother—
When I look at the things people tell me are true…
If it isn’t one thing, it’s another.”

“To doubt the Big Bang—why, the notion’s absurd—
The trick is, before the Big Bang was God’s Word

(more, after the jump:)

One thing or another—that’s not a bad start,
But from there, it’s a bit of a riddle;
See, the “things” that he chooses are too far apart,
While he’s always ignoring the middle.

“While it’s true evolution resulted in Man,
It’s God that explains how the process began”

If science can’t answer, one hundred percent,
(It’s a standard that science finds odd)
Why, there in the gap, this remarkable gent
Finds the evidence points straight to God.

“Due to quantum uncertainty, nothing is known;
Understanding, you see, is for Yahweh alone.”

It isn’t enough to eliminate A
If you claim that the answer is Z;
Is there any support for the things that you say?
If there is, could you show it to me?

“If today isn’t Christmas” I heard the man cry,
“That proves that it must be the Fourth of July”


So I saw, in my meanderings through the interwebs today, a poorly-constructed attempt to settle, once and for all, the religion/atheism/science debates. It was, in a phrase, an exercise in false equivalence. There are things science cannot yet explain (which we kinda already knew. Dara O’Briain has addressed this one.) Therefore, “God did it” is a reasonable explanation, and we should just accept each side’s limitations.

Bullshit. Of course.

“People die of cancer despite chemo” is not an argument in favor of coffee enemas. Or homeopathy. Or acupuncture. Or John of Fucking God. Sorry, people, you have to provide your own evidence in support of whatever claim you are making.

Oh, and… re: the title. I miss Gilda Radner.


  1. Randomfactor says

    Or, as I stole from Spider Robinson, “If it ain’t one thing, it’s two things.”

  2. Unre9istered says

    “If today isn’t Christmas” I heard the man cry,
    “That proves that it must be the Fourth of July”

    This is the best example I’ve see of the argument from ignorance.

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