No God? No Problem!

I’ve got absolute truths by the dozens
They depend on the god that you cite
And, my brothers and sisters and cousins,
I have to decide which is right.

Each claims their morality’s better
They’re divinely inspired, you see;
So I’d follow their laws to the letter,
Except that they all disagree.

Whenever I look to the bible
To see how a person behaves
I can trust that the info’s reliable,
Like how I should punish my slaves.

I don’t wish to be petty or selfish
I just want to know I am right
Is it worse to be gay, or eat shellfish?
Both are wrong, in Leviticus’ sight.

Is it sinful to kill and eat cattle?
Well, the Hindus, of course, would agree
But then, kosher’s a whole different battle,
Although bacon tastes yummy to me!

I’ve got absolute truths if you want ‘em
Each according to different gods
Some keep them, and others will flaunt ‘em
But you’re breaking some rules, say the odds.

When religions make war over quarrels,
And they claim that their god is the source
Can a person have humanist morals?
Of Course!

Context: USA Today story (along with comment thread–you might want to join in!) about the new holiday ads by the humanists. Another round of “be good for goodness’ sake!”, which might as well be “your Virgin Mary wears army boots!”, for the reaction it’s getting.


  1. says

    Not bad. Could be improved though. The last line in the penultimate quatrain doesn't make sense. Odd people or gambling odds? It's a bit confusing.The last line destroys the meter. I assume you did that on purpose but I don't think it works well. Instead, how about, "The answer, my friend, is 'of course!'"

  2. says

    You atheists keep picking on the same old tired, easy target don't you – there's nothing original about picking on Leviticus or pointing out that different religions disagree.I'm sorry, what was that? You'll stop making the same old criticisms when I actually address the points you're raising? Goodness, do you think I have nothing better to do than defend my most deeply-held beliefs?


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *