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Ben Affleck’s new Batman costume…revealed!

There were groans of dismay throughout Nerd-dom when it was announced that Ben Affleck would be playing Batman in the next movie in the franchise. But then the always over-the-top Kevin Smith saw the costume.

“I saw the Batman costume. More than that, I saw a picture of [Ben Affleck] in the costume…I don’t want to give anything away ’cause that is up to them and stuff, but I am going to say this…I instantly bear hugged [Snyder]. You have not seen this costume on film before. For a comic book fan, it was mind-bending… Because every other movie does this Matrix-y black armor thing…There wasn’t a single nipple on this suit. I think everyone is just gonna be like ‘Holy S**t!’ It’s its own thing. We haven’t been down this path before. Even the hardest core [most skeptical] person will be like ‘Alright, I’m ready.’…It seemed like it was very [Redacted] influenced.”

And as we all know, the most important thing in a superhero movie isn’t the plot or the acting — it’s the special effects and the fancy costumes.

But I have to agree with Smith. I have seen the costume, and it is awesome. It’s going to make the movie for sure. And here it is.

As promised, there are no nipples on that costume, so you know it’s got to be the one Smith was talking about.

Comments

  1. The Mellow Monkey: Non-Hypothetical says

    Is it weird that I’m mildly jealous of a drawing’s boots?

  2. CorvusCorax says

    There wasn’t a single nipple on this suit…

    I took this to mean that there are multiple nipples on the suit. In fact, the entire suit is composed of nipples!

  3. Seven of Mine, formerly piegasm says

    I’m with hyperdeath on this one. He doesn’t appear to have dislocated any of his joints in order to achieve that pose. Disappointing.

  4. =8)-DX says

    Surely, the man dressed as a bat should have multiple nipples on his suit. And since its clearly fruit-bat-inspired he should also be lactating.

    But seriously. If this was the costume, and Ben Affleck managed to pull of the acting to go with it – this would be the first man dressed as a bat movie I’d be looking forward to in a *long* time.

  5. says

    The reason he’s not bent is that this is his ‘pensive’ pose — you know, where he’s thinking about some other guy in the movie. Don’t worry, when danger threatens, he’ll leap into his ‘action’ pose, which involves twisting around so he can look at his butt.

    Which reminds me, when my kids were young they had this action figure (maybe from the He-Man show?) that did exactly that: you’d rotate his torso around a few times, and then when you let him go, his body would spin around rapidly so his fists would knock out bad guys. We need a woman superhero with that power so her poses would make sense.

  6. Dexeron says

    The same Kevin Smith who gave “Revenge of the Sith” a glowing review. Yeah, forgive me if I don’t take his word on anything ever again. ;)

  7. saganite says

    Glad to see I wasn’t the only one ready for #1’s question. My answer would’ve been: “I would’ve thought Robin was bottom, actually.”

  8. screechymonkey says

    This costume makes perfect sense, damnit! Bruce Wayne is confident in his sexuality and this is how he expresses it! And he does it tactically to distract villains!

  9. notyet says

    Seriously, if that Batman were chasing me down an alley, my first thought would be to find a cop and surrender.

  10. cartomancer says

    Tom of Finland does Batman! Perfect!

    Although PZ has already brought up He-Man, which is without a doubt the most homoerotic children’s toy franchise ever created. It even featured characters named Ram Man and Fisto…

  11. kyoseki says

    Plot or acting hasn’t mattered in a blockbuster movie since Transformers 2 grossed over a billion during the writer’s strike.

    Once the movie execs realized they could trot out any old bullshit as long as it was covered up with enough explosions, that became the standard mode of operation.

  12. says

    I recently watched Linkara’s review of Athena #2, which featured a rant about her “armor.” He decided not to call it a breastplate, but a boobplate, since it very closely conforms to the shape of her breasts, which according to some commentators would undermine its protective value. Of course, there’s also the glaringly obvious issue that armor needs to cover most of the body to protect it.

    I’m fond of one of Linkara’s earlier lines about this whole thing. “If I wanted to read porn, I would buy porn.”

  13. leee says

    Ben Affleck being my teenage celebrity crush (hey, it was the nineties), I would fully approve of this costume.

  14. zmidponk says

    Brings a whole new meaning to the title of the last one – ‘The Dark Knight Rises’.

  15. madscientist says

    Dang, I’m so confused. I thought the movie was supposed to be all about the drums going “baba-BOOM- DUM – DUM – DUM – BOOM!” about 80 dB louder than the dialogs (which makes me think the script must have been exceptionally bad).

  16. Gregory Greenwood says

    Well, that is the last thing Gotham needs – now the various supervillains’ many, many problems will be compounded by body-image issues as they are pursued by the fabulously be-muscled Bat in his fetching new attire.

    Just think of poor, portly Penguin, made to feel every ungainly waddle more than ever due to the cruel light of unflattering comparison. Or the now spectcularly upstaged Joker – yeah, buddy, nobody is paying any attention to the flower that sprays deadly laugh-inducing neurotoxin anymore.

    And of course, Catwoman is going to be really annoyed – I’m petty sure those are her favourite pair of knee length boots he is wearing, and he is now really muscling in on her gig as the pouty sex object with the laughably impractical, skin-tight get up…

  17. Cinnabar Absinthe says

    … close, but not quite right — there’s not enough gluteal exposure in this picture to be an official superhero shot, although at least it’s got the right pectoral display!

  18. garlic says

    That costume sucks. Now, OTOH, a Tom-of-Finland-style Batman costume (you know, one that’s actually hot)…. That would be cool!