They make ‘em dumb in Texas


Really dumb. Like mega super ultra stupid.

If babies had guns, they wouldn't be aborted

That’s the slogan on bumper stickers for his re-election campaign. The only things dumber than Stockman are the people who’d still vote for him.

He’s a Republican, obviously.

Comments

  1. Beatrice (looking for a happy thought) says

    If babies had guns it would obviously mean they hadn’t been aborted. Duh.

  2. Cuttlefish says

    Ok, right here and now, I am laying copyright claim to the phrase “I support the rights of the unborn… to bear arms” and the image of a fetus with an assault rifle.

    The T-shirt designs itself. And sells itself.

  3. glodson says

    I hope he’s joking, but it is the fact the he thinks that this joke is a rhetorical point, or even amusing, that is a problem. It casts a fetus as in need of self-defense, casts doctors and women seeking abortions as “bad guys” and it follows the whole “guns stop bad guys” idea.

    I don’t think anyone thinks he’s serious. But the statement is indicative of his terrible stance with regards to abortion rights and guns.

  4. burgundy says

    I am not even a little bit surprised. Deep East Texas is a scary place. Anyone remember Vidor? Vidor is in this guy’s district.

    I’m waiting for the day that politicians just stop speaking altogether and walk around with literal dogwhistles in their mouths. We’re not too far from it: Guns!Babies!Abortion! Who needs a logical coherent message?

  5. Beatrice (looking for a happy thought) says

    He is pro-gun and anti-abortion.
    Being a despicable troll instead of just despicable hardly makes him any less of a piece of shit.

  6. A. Noyd says

    How does this work even in the magical land of Conservatopia? “I want to live, so if you try to abort me, I’ll kill you, thereby ensuring my own death.”

  7. jamessweet says

    I dunno, I kinda think that’s sorta awesome in a way. I assume they know it’s nonsensical, and they are just trying to be badass (in a very Republican, anti-woman, anti-human sort of way, that is). I’m assuming this means they have sense of humor about it… I hope?

  8. sylwyn says

    The moment I saw the bumper sticker I thought ‘Colbert’s getting a little silly.’ wow.

  9. Caveat Imperator says

    @glodson, #10,

    It’s a shame. Even if he’s joking, the bumper sticker as written falls just short of the “offensive so as to make you question the logic behind the opinion” point. I think if the joke was made by someone who had a better reputation for such things, it might have worked. It’s really the “pro life” line that makes me even suspect it’s a joke at all.

  10. glodson says

    It’s really the “pro life” line that makes me even suspect it’s a joke at all.

    Oh, I think this is entirely what these people think of as pro-life. A fetus is innocent, but once you start doing shit, you are fair game. They are pro-life as long as we confine life to being what gestates in a woman’s body.

  11. Caveat Imperator says

    They are pro life as long as they confine life to what gestates in a woman’s body.

    Which is why I am unsurprised that American conservatives are also very often anti sex education, anti contraception, anti social safety net, and pro rape culture. Fetuses, not human life or dignity, are special.

  12. says

    Which is why I am unsurprised that American conservatives are also very often anti sex education, anti contraception, anti social safety net, and pro rape culture. Fetuses, not human life or dignity, are special.

    Their fetus-fetish is especially weird, because, as you point out, once you’re born they don’t give a shit what happens to you.

  13. cyberCMDR says

    The problem with politics these days is they’ve become Pavlovian in nature. Throw out the right few words, and Conservatives start drooling. This sticker gives them a two-fer, guns and abortion, so at this point there might even be some pre-conditioned ejaculations…

    When I saw the sticker I flashed on the recent story of a 4 year old that accidentally killed someone with a gun. There are those who say guns don’t kill people, people kill people. The problem is that guns make it so easy a 4 year old can do it.

    I just don’t get gun culture.

  14. noastronomer says

    That is truly bizarre, even for a Texan Republican. I have some more suggestions for bumper stickers:

    “If pregnant teenagers had guns you’d give them the abortion they need”

    “If lesbians had guns they would be able to get married”

    “If atheists had guns you’d believe in evolution too”

    Mike

  15. WharGarbl says

    Everything is big in Texas. Include idiocy.
    Which kinda sucked, parts of Texas are really nice.
    On the upside, Texas is getting more and more progressive (population wise), that mean conservative hold is getting weaker and weaker.
    Another upside, Austin is getting Google Fiber!

  16. WharGarbl says

    @Kevin
    #25

    Well…in Texas, that’s not being dumb.

    That’s being “electable”.

    Rural Texas, yes.
    Urban Texas, not so much.

  17. Francisco Bacopa says

    I am not even a little bit surprised. Deep East Texas is a scary place. Anyone remember Vidor? Vidor is in this guy’s district.

    We used to go visit family in Louisiana back when I was a kid. We would drive by the exit for Vidor. I was warned never to take that exit. And that Harris kid who was the one who really did kill that cop in The Thin Blue Line case was from Vidor.

    God has done a pretty good job of aiming his punishment hurricanes at Vidor. Double blow of Rita in 2005 and Ike in 2008 pretty much leveled it. It’s only just now being rebuilt.

  18. shouldbeworking says

    Life begins at conception. Therefore, a fetus has Second Amendment rights. The background check would be easy. The life of a Rethuglican politician is not too taxing on the intellect.

  19. DrVanNostrand says

    Totally counterproductive. Everyone knows that attempting to pass a weapon to a fetus would rupture the placenta.

  20. ck says

    @DLC,

    Don’t worry. I’m sure background checks are a violation of the second amendment that has to be fully eliminated for the Freedom of True Patriots (i.e. white, wealthy, and Republican).

  21. R Johnston says

    The only things dumber than Stockman are the people who’d still vote for him..

    If 71% of the voting people in Stockman’s district are dumber than he is then there’s no hope for the universe and we may as well all go kill ourselves right now.

    Fortunately they’re merely more ignorant than he is.

  22. Acolyte of Sagan says

    glodson
    12 April 2013 at 2:28 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

    [………………]” and it follows the whole “guns stop bad guys” idea [……….]

    I remember that NRA arse-wipe saying that ‘the only thing that stops a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun’, right after the Newtown school massacre, which just proves that these idiots don’t think things through. Unless I’m very much mistaken, the gunman took his own life, an act which, in the mind of the NRA arse-wipe, instantly turned him from the ‘bad guy’ with a gun to the ‘good guy’ with a gun; he turned the killer of children into the hero of the day!

    A thought on the OP; how does Stockman imagine the foetuses would get hold of the guns? And as a lot of babies can be pretty grumpy little beasts, how many doctors and nurses will be shot just for running an ultrasound or checking to see how dilated the mother is? “Who the fuck are you lookin’ at?” BANG!

  23. vaiyt says

    ‘the only thing that stops a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun’

    Too bad for those who can’t use guns, I guess. Should have had a chaperone good guy with them at all times.

  24. klatu says

    Right, because there’s nothing that quite says ‘pro-life’ like a tool primarily designed for KILLING shit!

    the only thing that stops a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun’

    But… in this context and by that logic… the fetus would be the ‘good guy’ which would make the — uh, this is so stupid, but… the mother is the ‘bad guy’ in this scenario? As in, she aborts with a gun? I —
    What is this? Where am I? What is going on?!

  25. says

    Enopoletus Harding

    Also, Stockman isn’t a native Texan. He’s a native Michigander.

    Maybe he came in a package deal with Ted Nugent.

  26. stanton says

    Which is why I am unsurprised that American conservatives are also very often anti sex education, anti contraception, anti social safety net, and pro rape culture. Fetuses, not human life or dignity, are special.

    Their fetus-fetish is especially weird, because, as you point out, once you’re born they don’t give a shit what happens to you.

    More human sacrifices for Jesus!

  27. says

    I’m trying to think this through: If immature humans had the capability of killing with their finger, they would stop the termination of pregnancy by, a) killing abortion providers?, b) killing the pregnant woman?, c) holding the gun to the pregnant woman’s head threatening to shoot if she doesn’t deliver a baby?, d) wipe out all men so no more pregnancy would occur? or, e) wipe out humanity?

  28. HidariMak says

    Republicans being Republicans though, let’s carry this through further. If the zygote was packing heat, and used it to fatally shoot the doctor who was attempting to carry out the abortion, the defense would have to prove that the zygote knew the intent of the doctor in order to avoid the much loved (by Republicans) capital punishment. It would be the ultimate circle-jerk of life.

  29. says

    shouldbeworking:

    Life begins at conception. Therefore, a fetus has Second Amendment rights.

    Huh…never thought about that.
    Now I wonder if any of the anti-choice crowd has thought this personhood idiocy through. Exactly *what* rights do fetuses have?
    ::looks at Bill of Rights; tries to imagine a fetus with any of those rights; comes up empty::

  30. etj2 says

    I live in the Austin area. I have heard “google fiber” on the radio. I do not know what it means for me either.

  31. Minnie The Finn, qui devient bientôt vierge says

    Why, naturally my womb is where I regularly stock all our firearms. And the trebuchet. There may be a few boxes of old books there as well, but no fetuses lately (unless they’re hiding behind the trebuchet).

  32. rorschach says

    /derail

    Oh, I see!

    This week, tech giant Google made it official: Google Fiber is coming to Austin. Residents of the hip Texas city will be the beneficiaries of Internet speeds of 1-gigabit, roughly 100 times faster than current speeds.

    In Kansas City, where the service launched last fall, 1-gigabit service costs $70 per month. For $120 per month, consumers get Google’s TV service in addition to gigabit speeds. The company also offers seven years of free Internet service at current (5 mbps) speeds, after a $300 installation fee.

    I wonder a) what the download quotas will be on a Gbps connection, and b)if you have Google as your ISP, what data they will be storing.

    /end derail

  33. slowdjinn says

    @Dutchgirl #48

    Nonono! The argument is that, since it’s a well-known fact that having a gun in the home increases your chance of being killed with a firearm, arming foetuses would mean more fewer survive to the point when they would have been aborted.

    Obvious, really.

  34. thisisaturingtest says

    Well, this is the same Steve Stockman who, in January, threatened President Obama with impeachment for, basically, doing his job as President. I wouldn’t put any amount of stupid past someone like that.

  35. carolw says

    Aw, c’mon, lay off poor old Vidor. I think Jasper stole their tarnished crown as the most racist town in SE Texas several years back. Vidor’s integrated now, and had an African-American Homecoming King last year. They’ve come a long way in the last 20-30 years.
    And if babies had guns, I think the OB/GYN field would start to get really small.