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Jul 19 2012

Zimmerman hides behind his convenient deity

You knew this was not going to go well, just from the names of the two principals. George Zimmerman is interviewed by Sean Hannity. And it did not.

Zimmerman claims to be sorry that he murdered Trayvon Martin, but also refuses to accept responsibility. And he’s got someone else to blame.

I feel like it was all God’s plan.

So that’s why Hannity was the one to interview him: they needed someone with the conscience of a hyena and the intellect of an insect because anyone else would have puked all over him upon hearing that cliche.

So God plans to use racist assholes to kill black teenagers? At last, we have confirmation that God is a white Republican.

69 comments

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  1. 1
    cswella

    Well, at least Trayvon’s family can rest in comfort now knowing that his death was all part of God’s plan for Zimmerman’s life.

    *puke*

  2. 2
    unbound

    I thought Satan was to blame for bad things? I guess this wasn’t bad after all from Zimmerman’s perspective. Hopefully this doesn’t mean he’s looking to use an insanity defense…

  3. 3
    Beatrice, an amateur cynic looking for a happy thought

    He also said:

    It is ironic that the only witness who says he’s a racist, Zimmerman said, also claims he molested her.

    Because we all know how trustworthy those women who claim to have been molested are, right?

  4. 4
    Beatrice, an amateur cynic looking for a happy thought

    Well, at least Trayvon’s family can rest in comfort now knowing that his death was all part of God’s plan for Zimmerman’s life.

    He’s also praying for them, so they should also be grateful.

  5. 5
    Doug Hudson

    I seriously hope that when this goes to trial the defense puts Zimmerman on the stand.

    Probably won’t, though, because the lawyers have got to know that Zimmerman is the star witness for the prosecution, with all the stupid shit he says.

    Reminds me of Sandusky, actually, in that both of them are constantly doing and saying things that make them look guilty as sin, while trying to “defend” themselves.

  6. 6
    hyperdeath

    He’s also praying for them

    Dear God. Please help Martin’s tribe to be less hysterical and less uppity, so that they become content. Provide them with all the watermelons they need, and fried chicken when they deserve it. Yours Zimmerman.

  7. 7
    tbtabby

    Did he seriously just resort to ripping off Signs as an excuse for his actions?! And I suppose he had to shoot Trayvon Martin because there weren’t any pantry doors to hide behind too.

  8. 8
    DLC

    Surah Âl ‘Imran (3:54)

    “And (the unbelievers) plotted and planned, and Allah too planned, and the best of planners is Allah. ”

    Something tells me that is not Mr Zimmerman’s God.

  9. 9
    Jasper of Maine

    Apparently part of God’s plan is to get rid of Skittles customers.

  10. 10
    DLC

    Just to make sure everyone understands this much :
    I don’t believe in Allah either. Or Vishnu, or Zoroaster or Zeus. I find using one of them (Jesus) just as repugnant as using any of the others as cover, and have no special brief about followers of Islam. They’re just as deluded as members of the RCC or the SBC.

  11. 11
    d cwilson

    It’s not surprising that Zimmerman would go for a Hannity job as his first interview. Sean has been acting as his self-appointed PR flak almost from the beginning, or at least since President Obama made an expression of sympathy toward the Martin family.

    That’s what kills me. At first, no one in the conservative media had much to say about this case. Then, a reporter asks the president for comment about it. Obama makes a pretty boiler expression of sympathy to the Trayvon’s family while avoiding any speculation about Zimmerman’s guilt or innoncence. Then, Bam! Everyone at Fox is backing Zimmerman’s side of the story. There can be no question that Zimmerman is innocent and Martin must have been a hoodie-wearing thug.

    Disgusting. The right doesn’t really give a rat’s ass about the truth of this case. They only care about using it to score points for their “side”.

  12. 12
    David Marjanović

    He’s also praying for them, so they should also be grateful.

    Exactly. *puke*

  13. 13
    hexidecima

    Religion is an excellent, if childish, way to avoid responsiblity. Everything can be excused by saying some god wanted it that way or that the debbil was making it happen. It’s no suprise that vermin like Zimmerman want to claim that their god is totally supportive of what they’ve done. It’s just another variant of “God wants me to have a SUV”, “God wants me to force my opinoins on others” and “God wants me to kill people who don’t agree with me”.

  14. 14
    Raging Bee

    Apparently part of God’s plan is to get rid of Skittles customers.

    Damn right — M&Ms are The One True Candy and don’t you forget it, OR ELSE! Thus it was in the days of my childhood, and thus it shall always be.

    Notice how the advent of Skittles just neatly “coincides” with the moral decline of our great nation? A little too neatly, I say…

  15. 15
    bastionofsass

    Of course, God planned Zimmerman’s murder of Martin. It’s been God’s mysterious inexplicable plan since before the beginning of time. He’s responsible for everything.

    I don’t know why this is even open for discussion.

    And while the murder looks like an evil thing to us, God only does loving stuff in our best interest for reasons known only to him. So it’s all good.

  16. 16
    ibelieveindog

    I read the transcript at Fox News. That has to be one of the longest and most rambling notpologies I’ve ever seen.

    “I feel it was all God’s plan and for me to second guess it or judge it –”

    Because now he doesn’t have to admit that he did anything at all wrong. One mustn’t second guess God, goodness, no!

    Shitstain.

  17. 17
    Ogvorbis: Still failing at being human.

    Apparently part of God’s plan is to get rid of Skittles customers.

    Gawd doesn’t want anyone to “Taste the Rainbow”!

  18. 18
    holytape

    “conscience of a hyena and the intellect of an insect”

    I think you are setting the bar high on this one. Insect can at least learn. And I doubt hyenas are assholes just for the sake of being an asshole.

  19. 19
    craigrheinheimer

    If you listen to the sound bites, Zimmerman never apologizes for murdering Martin. He does one of those half not-apologies by saying he is sorry that this happened. He never says that he’s sorry that he murdered Trayvon. I’m guessing that’s because he’s not.

    Zimmerman is slime.

    Was anyone surprised when the molestation allegations came out? I wasn’t.

  20. 20
    busterggi

    I’d like Mr. Zimmerman to produce the original signed memo from Yahweh that ordered this part of his plan.

  21. 21
    Antiochus Epiphanes

    If Zimmerman is convicted, I wonder if he will also accept that as God’s plan.

    I wish him ill.

  22. 22
    Improbable Joe, bearer of the Official SpokesGuitar

    I guess Zimmerman believed it was “God’s Plan” for him to murder an innocent unarmed teenager, but he’s not trusting the plan when it comes to the legal proceedings. He’s trying to get his second judge thrown off the case, he lied about his passport and finances to get out on bail the first time. He sure as hell didn’t just walk in, plead “not guilty” and wave his right to a jury trial, and expect that “God’s Plan” would include a sympathetic judge who would find him factually innocent and send him on his way.

  23. 23
    davec

    This is bullshit. Aquaman did not order this, and it is not part of his plan.

  24. 24
    Larry

    God hates hoodies now? Is it because they’re not made of natural fibers?

  25. 25
    lilandra

    What a coincidence his God hates all the same people he does.

  26. 26
    Alexandra (née Audley)
    I feel like it was all God’s plan.

    Only people who know they’re guilty as all hell say shit like this.

    Yeah, asshole. “God” was working through you– he’s started demanding blood sacrifices again, apparently.

    *spits*

  27. 27
    Avo, also nigelTheBold

    Larry:

    God hates hoodies now? Is it because they’re not made of natural fibers?

    Close.

    Zimmerman had to kill Trayvon because he was wearing garments of mixed fibers. That label that says “50% cotton / 50% polyester”? Yeah. That’s God’s way of saying, “You’re pissing me off.”

  28. 28
    skeptifem

    Spoken like a man who can’t deal with his own failings in life.

    When guys like this go to jail they just feel persecuted. Makes me question the whole idea of prison as a punishment- how the fuck would anyone learn what was wrong with their behavior? Its so much easier to just be angry that someone put you in there.

  29. 29
    Bronze Dog

    So does this mean we can charge god with conspiracy for involving Zimmerman, or just regular premeditated murder, since Zimmerman isn’t responsible for his own actions?

  30. 30
    Alexandra (née Audley)

    Skeptifem:

    Makes me question the whole idea of prison as a punishment- how the fuck would anyone learn what was wrong with their behavior? Its so much easier to just be angry that someone put you in there.

    For the most part, I agree. Prison as punishment or rehabilitation does not (and never will) work.

    But quite frankly, I don’t care if scum like Zimmerman learns a lesson– he can be mad at whoever he likes while he’s rotting away in some dank little cell and I will be perfectly pleased with that outcome. In this situation, I think it’s more important to remove him from society at large than to try to change him.

    I do have to wonder what his lawyers think about all of this. I mean, it’s their job to keep him out of prison and all this bozo is doing is making it harder for them to do so.

  31. 31
    Randomfactor

    I wish him ill.

    I wish him acquittal with the proviso that he never again carry a firearm. And a long, long lifetime of looking anxiously over his shoulder the way Martin’s short lifetime was lived.

  32. 32
    ashleybell

    In the interview, Hannity asked Zimmerman if there was anything he would have done differently. Zimmerman answered “no”. Fuck Zimmerman. If anyone asked me that, I would be able to say yes to just about everything in my life, even the raging successes. There is ALWAYS something you would have done differently, even if it was a triffling detail…

  33. 33
    jjgdenisrobert

    Love this. Considering that, to me, Zimmerman looks hispanic, would I be allowed to kill him simply because I’m afraid of hispanic-looking people? He could be a Zeta, for all I know, no?

  34. 34
    Beatrice, an amateur cynic looking for a happy thought

    I wish him acquittal with the proviso that he never again carry a firearm.

    He’s murdered. After that he’s lied (about what happened that night) and then lied some more (about money for bail). I don’t trust him to obey that and not carry a gun. And I’m afraid he’ll only get caught after he shoots someone again.

  35. 35
    skeptifem

    audley

    For the most part, I agree. Prison as punishment or rehabilitation does not (and never will) work.

    I never said anything about rehabilitation. I haven’t been convinced that it isn’t a worthy goal. Of course neither punishment or rehabilitation can be accomplished when no one in the system agrees on the purpose of prison, and when the two goals are generally opposites.

    But quite frankly, I don’t care if scum like Zimmerman learns a lesson– he can be mad at whoever he likes while he’s rotting away in some dank little cell and I will be perfectly pleased with that outcome. In this situation, I think it’s more important to remove him from society at large than to try to change him.

    It is hard for me to understand how you believe this but think prison shouldn’t be a punishment. There isn’t a reason why removing him from society would neccesarily entail letting him “rot”. Psychiatric hospitals keep people out of society and help patients, after all.

  36. 36
    Alexandra (née Audley)

    Skeptifem:
    That’s because I mistyped and I’m apparently incapable of self-editing this morning. “Punishment” was the wrong word, I was thinking of “deterrent”.

    But yeah, in any case, you’re right: we need to actually define what the hell prision is and what its goals are.

  37. 37
    TxSkeptic

    There is speculation that Hannity offered to pay for Zimmerman’s defense. It would not surprise me one bit.

    Watch this story by Cenk Ugyur.

    http://current.com/shows/the-young-turks/videos/did-fox-news-host-sean-hannity-offer-to-pay-for-george-zimmermans-defense

  38. 38
    alkaloid

    At last, we have confirmation that God is a white Republican.

    And that’s why I actively hate the concept of god even though I don’t believe in him at all.

  39. 39
    mythbri

    In the interview, Hannity asked Zimmerman if there was anything he would have done differently. Zimmerman answered “no”

    *BUZZER*

    WRONG. The correct answer is, “I would not have followed Trayvon Martin after being told not to. Further, I would not have engaged in an altercation with him. And finally, I would not have discharged my weapon.”

    I would also have accepted, “Never would have bought a gun in the first place.”

  40. 40
    Owlmirror

    So that’s why Hannity was the one to interview him: they needed someone with the conscience of a hyena

    I object to this brutal calumny.

    There are things that even a hyena won’t do.

  41. 41
    Tethys

    God’s Plan

    Arrgh, I hate it when idiots justify murder as god’s plan. It’s simply further proof that they haven’t read their holy books.
    God’s plan is quite clearly spelled out there in very short words.

    Thou shalt not kill/murder.

    It’s sad when The Onion is the voice of reason.

    “I tried to put it in the simplest possible terms for you people, so you’d get it straight, because I thought it was pretty important,” said God, called Yahweh and Allah respectively in the Judaic and Muslim traditions. “I guess I figured I’d left no real room for confusion after putting it in a four-word sentence with one-syllable words, on the tablets I gave to Moses. How much more clear can I get?”

    “But somehow, it all gets twisted around and, next thing you know, somebody’s spouting off some nonsense about, ‘God says I have to kill this guy, God wants me to kill that guy, it’s God’s will,’” God continued. “It’s not God’s will, all right? News flash: ‘God’s will’ equals ‘Don’t murder people.”

  42. 42
    Antiochus Epiphanes

    I don’t think prison in general is rehabilitative*. However, punishment for some kinds of crimes is a more effective deterrent than others. If Zimmerman is not convicted, it sends a message to others who would engage in the same kind of deluded vigilante behavior, that the law is behind them. We can’t fucking have that.

    *If that’s even a word.

  43. 43
    mythbri

    Interestingly, hyenas have a matriarchal pack system. Hannity wouldn’t last a second.

  44. 44
    Josh, Official SpokesGay

    **The US prison system is barbaric and loathsome so please know the following is not an endorsement of it.**

    In discussions of crime/punishment/rehabilitation we often talk about the interests of society but forget to address the interests of the victim or her survivors.

    Accept, for the sake of argument, that whatever punishment is meted out actually has a deterrent effect or conveys something important to wider society that is necessary. That’s one goal accomplished. But what of the sense of justice crime victim families legitimately want to achieve? Yes, I know this is complicated by revenge motivations, and no, I don’t think a victim-family’s understandable pain is an excuse for capital punishment. Please don’t throw this back at me because I’ve just accounted for it.

    But remember how we talked about how important it was for women to know that “the community,” or conference organizers, or their social circle had their backs? How it was a further insult to victims of harassment to have those around them gloss over it, refuse to publicly repudiate the harassers? We’re right about that.

    It also applies to crime victims and families. It’s not even analogous, it’s exactly the same thing. Caine, for example, has shared her story of having to go back year after year to parole hearings for the murderer who raped her. Having to live with the fear that he may someday be released and it’s her—one of the victims!—responsibility to endure more pain to help prevent that happening. The injustice of it sickens me. In the moral balance it’s crystal clear that her psychological well-being (and that of the other living victims) is of far more moral consequence than any consideration of whether it’s “fair” for her rapist to stay locked up forever. If the cost for some measure of peace for such victims is the perpetrator never gets out, then fine. Any other outcome strikes me as ethically perverse (assuming it’s a zero-sum game, which it might not be).

    So even if prison is not rehabilitative, and even if our sensibilities flinch at anything that looks like bloodlust for revenge, what else would we do? How would we address the obligation we have as a society to put greater weight on the well-being of victims than we do on the situation of their attackers?

    The spectacle of “tough on crime” prosecutors exploiting the understandable grief of victim-families in order to sway sentencing is repugnant to me. And I’m compelled to repeat that nothing justifies state execution. Yet those families have an interest.

    This is just a sketch and is full of a lot holes, I know.

  45. 45
    David Marjanović

    It’s sad when The Onion is the voice of reason.

    The Onion has been the voice of reason since at least 2001. Remember “period of peace and prosperity finally over”?

  46. 46
    abb3w

    I suspect George Zimmerman hasn’t considered that there’s more than one way to interpret the notion that God has a plan for him.

  47. 47
    feralboy12

    I am confident that if God told me to shoot a teenager, I would refuse.
    Sometimes you just have to stand your ground.

  48. 48
    SnowyBiscuit

    Even back when I was a kinda-sorta believer, I always thought it was pretty fucking presumptuous to claim to know what “God’s plan” is.

  49. 49
    mikefrancis

    Prison does have one benefit that hasn’t been discussed here yet – it protects society from the offender. He poses no threat to society at large as long as he’s behind bars. I think that’s justification enough for prison.

  50. 50
    mythbri

    @mikefrancis

    That’s not strictly true – rather, he poses a significantly reduced threat to society at large as long as he’s behind bars. It is possible, with the right combination of corruption and connections, to arrange harm to come to people on the outside.

  51. 51
    SallyStrange

    I guess it’s God’s plan that Zimmerman sit in prison for a long time too.

    And yeah, I am utterly disgusted at his announcement of zero regrets. You killed an innocent teenager–and you regret nothing. Nothing!

    Says it all, really. The dude is scum.

  52. 52
    petejohn

    Somehow, someway, I am now even more repulsed by these two men than I was before. I think of all the big Faux News talking heads (Beck, Greta, O’Reilly, Hannity, Cavuto) Hannity has always been the one to make me the most angry on a deep level. Why? I mean he’s no more of a stenographer or mouthpiece for the right than any of the others… but something about his flat out arrogance and the joy he takes in being a partisan hack just makes my blood boil.

    And though I believe every defendant is entitled to a defense… Zimmerman does not have one. He saw a black kid in a hoodie, grabbed a gun, followed him, confronted him, and then killed him because lo and behold the kid thought he needed to protect himself (which if my reading of Florida’s SYG Law is correct he was allowed to do if he felt in danger). Keep in mind that it was ZIMMERMAN who brought the gun, it was ZIMMERMAN who took it out and used it. Self defense is punching a guy who’s coming at you, not pulling a gun that YOU brought and blasting someone away. And Zimmerman seems to think there is nothing wrong with anything that he did. Anything at all. Sure, he’s sorry he did it, he says, but I think he’d do it again if we could rewind the clock. Sickening.

  53. 53
    Ms. Daisy Cutter, General Manager for the Cleveland Steamers

    I co-sign Josh’s comment.

    I don’t agree with those who consider punishment worthless. I have been told (verbally, based on academic textbooks, so no hyperlinks to hand) that it can provide the community with a sense of closure, as well as validation to victims.

    As for psychiatric hospitals, they are often not much better than prisons in the U.S. That is not a justification of the brutality of either, just an observation.

  54. 54
    truthspeaker

    I can see where someone who has been charged with a crime would not admit responsibility on TV. That statement could be used against him in court.

    But then, that’s why someone accused of a crime would be better off not talking to a reporter at all.

  55. 55
    dysomniak "They are unanimous in their hate for me, and I welcome their hatred!"

    I can’t really figure out a good reason why he would choose to do an interview at this point and I can’t imagine his lawyers are happy about it. But then he’s already been fired by one defense team after he stopped taking their calls, put up his own website after they had already established one for him, and contacted the the prosecutor’s office on his own.

  56. 56
    Devitek Pond

    AAAARRRRGGGGGGHHHHH! The “god’s plan” defense completely rages me out. I almost wasn’t able to buy my house because my wonderful, loving father and his current wife chose not to help me with a tiny portion of the closing cost, citing that it just “wasn’t in god’s plan” as a scapegoat for continually being cheap and selfish.

    So, apparently it’s not in god’s plan for me to carry on the family name, either, because I changed it for me and my family after 30+ years of that sort of gross negligence.

    We don’t miss those cheap, religious bastards, either.

  57. 57
    What a Maroon, el papa ateo

    I almost wasn’t able to buy my house because my wonderful, loving father and his current wife chose not to help me with a tiny portion of the closing cost, citing that it just “wasn’t in god’s plan” as a scapegoat for continually being cheap and selfish.

    You must know what Trayvon’s family is going through.

  58. 58
    Infophile

    @57 What a Maroon:

    Devitek never claimed s/he did. What’s your purpose in making this comment? It strikes me as a petty snipe, to be honest.

  59. 59
    fallingwhale

    God’s plan:
    1. Get the Hispanics and the Blacks to wipe each other out.
    2. Show the the Whites that they are made no greater belittling others.
    3. Watch the Asians become the new whipping boy.
    4. Cackle maniacally.

    Only works with conservative support for some reason

  60. 60
    Usernames are smart


    Apparently part of God’s plan is to get rid of Skittles Customers.

    —Jasper of Maine (I feel safe and welcome at FTB) #9

    God Hates Shrimp
    God Hates Imp(s)
    God Hates Gillette
    God Hates my vet
    God Hates my vittles
    God Hates Skittles

    I wonder why, if he’s the man
    Why God made stuff he cannot stand
    So much rage, so much hate
    You would think he’s pentultimate!

    Arrgh, I hate it when idiots justify murder as god’s plan. It’s simply further proof that they haven’t read their holy books.
    God’s plan is quite clearly spelled out there in very short words.

    —Tethys #41

    Deeds, not words. God kills villages, towns, cities and whole peoples in the Bible. Hell, remember Genesis, when he killed everyone but 8 people?! Fucker is a psychotic, homicidal maniac.

    Who else would get his jollies “testing” a father by insisting said dad kill his son and then say, “sike!” at the last minute?

    Who else would GAMBLE with someone else to see how much torture a guy can take before he cracks?

    If this god person was real, he’d be on death row.

  61. 61
    Tethys

    Usernames are smart

    In my experience, very few christians have actually read the entire bile. I am aware that its god is a murderous thug.

    But they do know at least five commandments.

  62. 62
    Tethys

    bile=bible I hope Typos is happy with my offering.

  63. 63
  64. 64
    chakolate

    To me, the most chilling part was that he said he’d do it again.

  65. 65
    Phalacrocorax, z Třetího Světa

    Get the Hispanics and the Blacks to wipe each other out.

    Nitpick: except that there’s an intersection between the two groups, as there exist Black Hispanics.

  66. 66
    donalbain

    Doesn’t this guy have a lawyer?
    What lawyer would let him go on any television show without at least demanding to see the edit before it was aired? This was just staggeringly stupid. If the jury find him guilty of murder, or even manslaughter, he has gone on record as expressing no remorse or even sorrow at the fact that a kid is dead. Surely that is going to fuck him right up when it comes time for any sentencing and/or parole hearing.

  67. 67
    Hammer of dog

    HANNITY: A lot of time has passed since this incident with Trayvon. How do you feel about it now that you have had some time to reflect on what has happened?

    GEORGE ZIMMERMAN: I haven’t really had the time to reflect on it. When I was in jail, obviously I was in solitary confinement and I had a lot of time to think and reflect. I just think it’s a tragic situation, and I hope it’s the most difficult thing I’ll ever go through in my life. But –

    What a pair of idiots.

  68. 68
    Winterwind

    Nitpick: except that there’s an intersection between the two groups, as there exist Black Hispanics.

    They will spontaneously self-destruct.

  69. 69
    unclefrogy

    the only advantage I can imagine to this fool going on TV and saying anything even remotely like that is the possibility of ruining any possibility of ever finding a jury that could give him a fair trial. still a very perverse thing to do.
    As for Hannity it is now beyond a doubt that he is an opportunistic jackal of a human and has no redeeming qualities or respect for anyone except himself. He will take advantage of anything or any situation for personal gain, fame and fortune.

    uncle frogy

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