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Turnabout is fair play, unless you’re a Republican

I’m glad someone is finding clever ways to point out the hypocrisy of Republican efforts to invade the privacy of women.

To protest a bill that would require women to undergo an ultrasound before having an abortion, Virginia State Sen. Janet Howell (D-Fairfax) on Monday attached an amendment that would require men to have a rectal exam and a cardiac stress test before obtaining a prescription for erectile dysfunction medication.

What? No lecture about their manly responsibilities, no waiting period, no efforts to redirect these men looking for Viagra towards ineffective treatments? This is hardly fair. But it is a good first step.

Unfortunately, that first step ended in a Republican pratfall.

The Republican-controlled senate narrowly rejected the amendment Monday by a vote of 21 to 19, but passed the mandatory ultrasound bill in a voice vote. A similar bill in Texas, which physicians say has caused a "bureaucratic nightmare," is currently being challenged in court.

Darn. Did no one think to mention to the Republicans that this bill would support the life-styles of a multitude of cardiologists and proctologists? It’s also morally right: every artificial erection should be complemented by an anal injection.

Comments

  1. procyon says

    Way to go Janet! I live in her district. As a bonus, I don’t suffer from erectile dysfunction.

  2. RW Ahrens says

    I do.

    Of course, I could just be weird. I’ve been accused of being a bit strange before, by my kids, my dog, my cat.

    Sorry, but I’ve never quite gotten used to it.

  3. chigau (違う) says

    Brownian
    I’ve never thought of you as The Straight Man, I figured you were the funny one.

  4. Pierce R. Butler says

    Republican politicians can endure prostate probing as well as the rest of us – it’s having to take the stick out first that bothers them.

  5. raven says

    Shouldn’t they also be required to get spousal consent?

    Sure. And to be fair:

    1. They should have to listen to some questionably sane, barely literate christofascist loon preach at them about how, when, and with whom it is permissable to have sex with for a few hours.

    2. Don’t forget the waiting period. They should have to wait 2 days before getting the prescription.

    3. And of course, only 2 doctors in the entire state of Virginia will be allowed to prescribe Viagra. They will, of course, be located as far from the main population centers as possible, at the end of long gravel roads.

    4. Pharmacists will have the absolute right to not fill prescriptions based on their own whims and priests and ministers opinions.

  6. Beatrice, anormalement indécente says

    Republican politicians can endure prostate probing as well as the rest of us – it’s having to take the stick out first that bothers them.

    They really should be more careful about putting sticks there. It’s all fun and games until someone loses an eye.

  7. FilthyHuman says

    That’s pretty funny. Straight men HATE having their prostate poked.

    Are you sure about that?

  8. shouldbeworking says

    Well, I’m glad that they voted down the amendment. If it passed, some men might not be able to procreate and that is the sole purpose of sex. Every sperm is endowed certain inalienable rights….

  9. whheydt says

    She could have included a glucose tolerance test as well…

    –W. H. Heydt

    Old Used Programmer

  10. Synfandel says

    What? No lecture about their manly responsibilities, no waiting period, no efforts to redirect these men looking for Viagra towards ineffective treatments?

    The Santorum solution: men with erectile dysfunction should “make the best of a bad situation“, because their wilted willy is “still a gift from God, even if given in a broken way.”

  11. illdoittomorrow says

    Raven, @9,

    Sure. And to be fair:

    1. They should have to listen to some questionably sane, barely literate christofascist loon preach at them about how, when, and with whom it is permissable to have sex with for a few hours.

    Sex for a few hours? I think you mean preach for a few hours, and then sex for a few seconds… ;-)

  12. Brownian says

    Brownian
    I’ve never thought of you as The Straight Man, I figured you were the funny one.

    “Goodnight, Gracie.”

    (Truth be told, I’m the slapstick one.)

  13. dianne says

    an amendment that would require men to have a rectal exam and a cardiac stress test before obtaining a prescription for erectile dysfunction medication.

    Actually, it’s not a bad idea-the tests, that is, not the amendment which would undoubtedly be a bureaucratic nightmare. I’d want a cardiac stress test on any man I was planning to prescribe ED meds for-some of them are dangerous in heart disease and a rectal exam to rule out secondary causes of ED seems obvious. Maybe men should be required to get a transrectal ultrasound before getting ED meds for the harassment value.

  14. Rich Woods says

    @raven #9:

    3. And of course, only 2 doctors in the entire state of Virginia will be allowed to prescribe Viagra. They will, of course, be located as far from the main population centers as possible, at the end of long gravel roads.

    Gravel? Consider yourself lucky to have gravel. When I were a lad I had to walk 26 hours a day through snow and up t’muddy road to fetch my daily dose, and be glad to have me arse whipped in thanks.

  15. niftyatheist says

    I am waiting for the day that all male-controlled contraceptives are placed behind a wall of medical bureaucracy like female-controlled contraceptives currently are. No more condoms sold over the counter. That only encourages the kind of wanton fornication that all gods-fearing men know is prohibited by the babble!

    Men should have to see a doctor at least once per year for a full medical exam, including a rectal probing and various other invasive exams. Then, as long as he complies with this coerced exam, he can have a prescription for one year (no more) for the contraceptive the doctor decides he is allowed to have.

  16. Brownian says

    Men should have to see a doctor at least once per year for a full medical exam, including a rectal probing and various other invasive exams.

    Okay. I get it now. My family doctor worked out of a teaching clinic. Lots of residents. I’ve had so many fingers in my ass and cupping my nuts that the RCMP checks my perineum first when they need to ID a print.

    To those of you whose full medicals come without a Happy Meal toy—you don’t know what you’re missing.

  17. DLC says

    So, let me get this straight. It’s fine and dandy to invade a woman’s bedroom (or her physician’s consulting room), but damn you to hell and back if you dare invade the board room with your fucking government Regulations! Down with Big Government!

  18. Moggie says

    DLC, I didn’t realise they were planning to conduct rectal exams in board rooms. But I suppose it makes sense to do it where the concentration of assholes is greatest.

  19. Brownian says

    DLC, I didn’t realise they were planning to conduct rectal exams in board rooms. But I suppose it makes sense to do it where the concentration of assholes is greatest.

    You know how skilled athletes feint with the ball or puck or shuttlecock (maybe it happens) as if they’ve lost control and it’s about to veer off out of bounds and then slam! right into the net or onto the ground and it’s beautiful?

    That joke was like one of those things, Moggie.

  20. Brownian says

    So, let me get this straight. It’s fine and dandy to invade a woman’s bedroom (or her physician’s consulting room), but damn you to hell and back if you dare invade the board room with your fucking government Regulations! Down with Big Government!

    Small enough to drown it in the bathtub along with the concept of women as people, as the saying goes.

  21. says

    The next bill is even worse:

    The bill, from Del. Mark Cole, would eliminate that financial support even when a doctor believes an unborn child “would be born with a gross and totally incapacitating physical deformity or mental deficiency.”

    This doesn’t just make the woman to go through hell, but it forces a baby to live through hours to weeks of excruciating pain or discomfort before dying a terrible death. Only a psychopath would vote for this bill… it has nothing to do with being pro-life.

  22. eddyline says

    If Newt gets in office again, true justice would consist of passing a law that made Viagra illegal, and men would have to stiffen up with a coat hanger

  23. says

    A similar bill in Texas, which physicians say has caused a “bureaucratic nightmare,” is currently being challenged in court.

    That’s the party of smaller government and less bureaucracy for you.

  24. quoderatdemonstrandum says

    Deen @ 30

    That’s the party of smaller government and less bureaucracy for you.

    No, silly, “small government” is for corporates, rich people, white people, christian churches, polluters, lobbyists, political donors and arms manufacturers.

    Women, LGBT people, ethnic minorities and the poor get full on, maximally intrusive, “Big Government” bureaucracy and enforcement regulating every aspect of their sex lives, voter registration, health care etc. . .

  25. says

    Synfandel:

    Now, if MEN got pregnant…

    …they’d be women. Or perhaps hermaphrodites.

    Uh, the term you’re looking for is trans men.

    Brownian:

    I’ve had so many fingers in my ass and cupping my nuts that the RCMP checks my perineum first when they need to ID a print.

    That taint funny.

  26. erikagillian says

    What I didn’t realize about these ultrasounds is they aren’t the classic pregnancy style. Because what they’re looking for is so infinitesimal they can’t go through from the top. And what they use looks remarkably like a dildo.

    So what these men are mandating isn’t an unremarkable medical procedure but actually forcing someone to have a plastic dildo shoved in their vagina, you know, without their consent.

    Not that knowing this would probably bother a lot of republicans, as the woman has had sex before what does one more violation matter.