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Ark Park? What Ark Park?

Ken Ham has been planning to build this colossal boondoogle in Kentucky, a life-sized replica of Noah’s Ark. Except they’ve hit one little snag.

Their groundbreaking was pushed back from spring, to summer, to fall, and the most recent media report was to next spring. Meanwhile, their fundraising goal of $24.5 million appears to have ground to a halt at just over $4 million, where it has been for quite a while. They had reached the $3 million mark all the way back in May.

I don’t know what the problem is. $4 million is more than enough to hire one old man with a wooden mallet and a bronze axe for a year.

$4 million is also a lot of moolah for Answers in Genesis to walk away with if their Ark project flops.

(Also on Sb)

Comments

  1. Alverant says

    Should have gone with Kickstarter. That way if the project fails, they have to give the money back. (That reminds me, Dork Tower had a gag about KickSTOPPER where you pay to prevent bad ideas from becoming reality.)

  2. David Marjanović says

    $4 million is also a lot of moolah for Answers in Genesis to walk away with if their Ark project flops.

    Sometimes a banana is just a banana, and a cigar is just a cigar. But cold hard cash is always cold, hard cash.

  3. mattandrews says

    $4 million is also a lot of moolah for Answers in Genesis to walk away with if their Ark project flops.

    Methinks this was probably the business plan all along. Maybe they should ask for it $2 bills.

    Is there any sort of pay or play incentive that KY agreed to in this mess?

  4. Zinc Avenger says

    I’m trying to raise $10m in donations to make a sandwich. If I don’t manage to make the target, I get to keep all the money.

  5. Dick the Damned says

    Surely, the Bible Bogey would be behind this project to help keep the rubes, I mean faithful, properly in awe of ‘his’ omnipotence? So how to explain the shortfall in the funding?

    Oh yeah, the fucker moves in mysterious ways.

  6. says

    I don’t know what the problem is. $4 million is more than enough to hire one old man with a wooden mallet and a bronze axe for a year.

    You haven’t priced gopher wood lately, have you?
    Of course, neither has anyone else, since no one seems to know what it is.
    And then there’s the animal wranglers they’ll need to hire, who all want hazard pay. Add in insurance, payroll taxes…
    It’s a regulatory nightmare that Noah never had to deal with.
    Killed By Fish

  7. 'Tis Himself, OM. says

    They expected to raise $24 million in these uncertain economic times for a theme park? The folks with that sort of money to invest know better than to support a theme park. All they have to do is ask Hard Rock what happened to their theme park in Myrtle Beach, SC. The pfftt! of all knowledge sez:

    Freestyle Music Park, formerly Hard Rock Park, was a music theme park located in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina that opened on April 15, 2008, then temporarily closed on September 24, 2008 due to financial issues, reopened May 23, 2009 under the Freestyle brand, and closed yet again after its 2009 season.

  8. kantalope says

    I could NOT build an ark for half that. Heck for a million, I’m willing to announce that the whole thing is bogus from the get go.

    paypal, mc, visa, and discover — I’ll even accept a personal check (but will have to wait until it clears).

  9. den1s says

    awwww, what a shame they’re stuck at a paltry $4M. I wonder though what the state is now going to do with their funding towards the project? Wasn’t the state going to contribute multiple tens of millions towards this outrage?

    Kent Hovind could show him how to build the park for cheap. Well he could, but he can’t hahaha, at least not for a while yet. :)

  10. johnlee says

    I’m prepared to reconstruct the Tower of Babel for half that price. I’ll throw in a pillar of salt and a talking snake at no extra charge.

  11. says

    What the Bible Says About Evolution:

    There once was a pious man named Noah,
    Who gathered beasts, from elephant to protozoa.
    — Two-by-two they climbed aboard
    — A boat designed by the Lord
    Except Archaeopteryx, his wife’s new feathery boa.

    –Skepticlese

  12. bagguley says

    Do you think it will make them realise that building a boat that big is simply not possible for one man, or even a dozen men, to do in a year?

  13. raven says

    Holy Land USA was an 18-acre (7.3 ha) theme park in Waterbury, Connecticut, inspired by selected passages from the Bible. It consists of a chapel, stations of the cross and replicas of catacombs and Israelite villages constructed from cinder blocks, bathtubs, and other discards.[1] The park has been closed to the public since 1984, but its grounds remain intact.

    These xian theme parks haven’t really done well.

    Holy Land USA in Waterbury Connecticut has been closed for years. The one in Florida is deep in debt and struggling. The Bakkers one went BK and Jim Bakker went to jail for fraud.

  14. EvoMonkey says

    den1s,
    The state of KY promised tax incentives that could go up to $43 million, they also promised $11 million for highway improvements. It’s my understanding that tax incentives would have been mostly exemptions tied to the Ark Park’s expenses and revenues once it was up and running. So KY may not lose anything on that if Hamster’s playground isn’t built. The highway improvement money (or part of it) on the other hand may have already been set aside. I hope there is a way that money can be re-allocated to more worthy projects.

  15. AussieMike says

    I want them to build an Ark. Then we can try and fill it with as many species as we can cram into it and ask them what the problem is when they dont fit.

    If we crammed it full, then we can shove Ken Ham and some of his family members in and have them deal with the untold volumes of shit over the 150 days.

    At the very least it will mean we don’t hear from Ken Ham for 150 days.

  16. EvoMonkey says

    It isn’t just the Xian themed amusement parks that aren’t doing well. The Six Flags Kentucky Kingdom amusement and water park has been closed since late 2009 or early 2010. It’s located right next to KY State Exposition Center and Fairgrounds in Louisville. If that can’t make money, I don’t see how Ham’s Ark is a viable enterprise.

  17. frankb says

    If these Christians believe that this life is so unimportant and are waiting for the glorious hereafter, would they design this theme park to help many of them get to the afterlife? Would they have a parachute ride with no parachute, or a ride that goes down just as fast as it goes up? “COME AND MEET THE LORD, STEP RIGHT THIS WAY.”

  18. Larry says

    Who could have ever foreseen Hambone’s latest effort to shear the flock once more would come up short?

  19. robro says

    Come on you guys, you know why Ham-land is going bust! The world ends one year from today…Today! Hallelujah, praise the Lord!…so we won’t need an Earthly theme park. We’ll have the heavenly one. Well, THEY will have the heavenly one. I fully expect to be running around like crazy trying to get ready for this Germanic pagan ritual thing involving trees. Anyway, the god guy knows all about this…of course!…and is just not putting anything into Ark Park.

  20. StevoR says

    @5.Dick the Damned : 21 December 2011 at 4:31 pm

    Surely, the Bible Bogey would be behind this project to help keep the rubes, I mean faithful, properly in awe of ‘his’ omnipotence? So how to explain the shortfall in the funding? Oh yeah, the fucker moves in mysterious ways.

    Or maybe (S)He’s just really embarrassed? ;-)

  21. jimmauch says

    How many million did god front for the first ark? Maybe god wants to be a venture capitalist again. With the ice caps melting you may find there is a market in another ark.

  22. shouldbeworking says

    With all the extinctions, ark 2 wouldn’t have to be as big as the “original” model. If only hambone could come up with a valid definition of ‘kind’.

  23. caekslice says

    $4 million is more than enough to hire one old man with a wooden mallet and a bronze axe for a year.

    Sure, but not near enough to hire god apparently.

  24. drxym says

    I’m surprised even AiG would go there by building an ark. No matter what shape or form it takes, it would not be big enough to house all species in the world, it would take hundreds of man years to produce, a small forest of trees in materials, a fleet of trucks, lumber mills, cranes, power tools, and cost millions of dollars.

    And that’s without filling it with 2 of every animal which is clearly not going to happen even with the benefit with modern travel.By its very existence this is monument to hubris and stupidity. AIG should be grateful if it doesn’t happen.

  25. says

    carlie @20:

    Defunct theme parks.
    Looks like they get to join before they even open.

    Hey, I remember Canberry Fair (in that link)! My parents would never let us go there! If I recall correctly, it was located next to a drive-in, which also went belly-up.

  26. says

    “$4 million is more than enough to hire one old man with a wooden mallet and a bronze axe for a year.”
    “Do you think it will make them realise that building a boat that big is simply not possible for one man, or even a dozen men, to do in a year?”

    Just to pick a nit, the story doesn’t say how long they actually took to build the Ark, if I remember correctly. It only states how long it rained, and how long they floated around, neither of which are plausible with respect to the amount of water needed or the boat’s construction.
    So, hire four men with woodedn mallets and bronze axes, and then see how long they need. But as usual the mythical narrative contains a back door, by simply claiming that Noah was how old. Every time reality falsifies a “biblical hypothesis”, they get to scribble down “miracle” and carry on.

  27. anubisprime says

    And what do we learn from this pious tale?

    1) Noah was a very wealthy man with many trade contacts that could deliver at cost.
    2) If Noah was a not a very wealthy man and had no trade accomplices then he had help from god !
    3) If Noah had help from god why does god not help piglet do exactly the same thing…write is off as rapture preparation or summat similar ?
    4) Piglet is a wealthy man and obviously has no invisible fairy power to call on.
    5) The trades available are not providing service at cost.

    6) The whole thing is a scam from beginning to end…no money will be returned and Piglet gets a new plan on personal expenses and Kentucky authorities have been taken on a make-believe ark journey.