Birds are not real

It should be obvious that all the birds that we see are actually robotic devices used by the government to spy on us.

All birds in the United States have been killed and swapped with drones operated by the federal government. Birds Aren’t Real is a movement that’s spent several years attempting to expose this tremendous deceit by alerting the public at protests, social media, and a SubReddit with nearly 400,000 members. They’re now taking the rally on the road. The first stop was yesterday in Springfield, Missouri. Video below.

“I think the evidence is all around us, birds sit on power lines, we believe they’re charging on power lines, we believe that bird poop on cars is liquid tracking apparatus,” movement leader Peter McIndoe told KOLR.

Some people insist that Birds Aren’t Real are just pranksters taking the piss out of the ridiculous (and dangerous) conspiracy theories of recent years, but that excuse doesn’t fly with us.

If you think this is impossible, see the Black Mirror documentary where all the bees have have died due to colony collapse and the government has created swarms of robotic bees to pollinate flowers.

I am amazed that QAnon is not all over this scandalous story of government surveillance.


  1. Matt G says

    Odd that the drones in my neighborhood go through birdseed like it’s going out of style.

  2. garnetstar says

    I challenge this group to perform the following experiment: get an outdoor cat. Let it run around and play, etc., and see what little presents it leaves on the doorstep (or even, brings into the house). When one is a (former) bird, poke around in its remains, and find the hardware you say is there. Then, when you don’t find any, dissect your cat, since it must have swallowed the hardware.


    Or else, just buy a damn canary.

  3. lochaber says

    I know this is supposed to be light-hearted and just a distraction, but I can’t deal with even the made-up silly conspiracy theories any more, after all the bullshit of the past decade or so.

    Somewhere, someone is taking this literally. And more people will join them as time goes on. Considering recent events, it’s not a huge leap to expect to see someone shooting up an Audubon Society building in a few years…

  4. wsierichs says

    This is obviously all wrong. The CIA can’t be spying on us with birds.

    In reality, these bird drones prove that aliens have been among us for thousands of years! You see, all dinosaurs were wiped out 65 million years ago, so as birds as dinos, that means we had no birds in the sky for 65 million years. Given that people have been recording the sighting of “birds” for thousands of years and that they did not have drone technology, one can only conclude that aliens have been using bird drones to keep watch on humanity.

    Now I’m wondering if the military has been developing their own drones as a defense against these stealth flying saucers. If we start seeing red, white and blue eagle drones ripping apart non-raptor drones, it’s obvious that the battle for the Earth and the survival of humanity has begun!

  5. bmiller says

    This makes more sense than “Flat Earth”. Or Young Earth Creationism. Anyone who can visit the Grand Canyon or even a major cave in Kentucky and think the earth is 6,000 years old is just nuts.

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