Love should be something we can hold onto all of our lives

I’ve been married for 30 years, and there’s no end in sight, fortunately. But just imagine that, in my imminent old age, I were to seriously injure myself and be hospitalized for a long period…and my wife wasn’t allowed to see me. And then it was decided that we were both so feeble and in need of care that we were put in nursing homes, for our own good…and they were separate facilities, and we were not allowed to see each other. Then, since we were obviously incompetent, our home and belongings were sold by the state to cover our costs. And finally, one of us dies…and we aren’t allowed to see each other in those final days.

That would be a nightmare. I’m pretty sure it won’t happen — oh, the dying part will, someday, but not the right to find comfort with each other. But that’s because my wife and I are acceptably heterosexual. If we were gay, it would be a completely different story.

I’m sure someone somewhere is gloating that a couple of old perverts were locked out of their sinful ways, but all I see is a tragedy of love stymied by hate.

Coming of age in Florida

Lots of people send me essays they’ve written, asking if I’d like to post it on Pharyngula. I usually don’t, simply because I’d be inundated (so don’t take this as an invitation!), and in most cases, those people ought to start their own blog and put it there. I thought I’d make an exception, though: this one is from Kelly Meagher, who is 14, and living in Florida, and writing this for a school essay.

Don’t nit-pick over it, although I know there are pedants here who will anyway. Read it as representative of a growing attitude among our young people — an attitude I find very encouraging. It’s also an example of a junior high school kid being unafraid to come out about their godlessness, even in a place with a painfully conservative reputation.

The country we live in now is a strange one. Essentially, it is the melting pot of the entire world. People from across the globe come together here to live the “American Dream.” The American Dream is different from person to person. Some say it’s money, others say the ability to have a nice house and raise the perfect family in it. I say, it’s the right to love whoever, and marry them if you want to, and being able to practice your religion without being rejected for it, or not being rejected for not practicing a religion at all! I would make these happen if I were president.

I live theater. I spend my time either memorizing lines, learning choreography, or going thru the notes of a song. I meet a lot of different people in theater. Some of these people are gay or bi. Sometimes, when we sit down during a break and just talk, I will hear the horror stories that their lives lead. One of my closest friends told me of how when he first came out to his parents by introducing his boyfriend to them, they responded ever so politely by kicking him out of the house. Others tell of how they received hate letters from people at their schools. And still more talk of friends who committed suicide because of those letters.

I would change that in several different ways: one would be making taunting and bullying an actual and true crime. And second would be by making gay marriage legal, in every single state. If a straight person like myself can marry and love whomever I choose, why can’t everyone–especially including gays–be able to do the same?

Not only am I a theater dork, I happen to be an atheist. Now your first thought, if you didn’t know this already, may be, “How can she be an atheist, she seems like an okay person!” If you just thought something along those lines, I’m not surprised, I get that a lot. But if you thought, “She’s an atheist? Okay I’m ignoring her,” then that is religious discrimination. It happens all the time. Most people are brought up thinking we are evil Satanists that try to break into people’s minds and rewire them so that they worship a demon. This is a huge misconception. I want to break down this wall that people have been building since the B.C. years, and create a place where, no matter if you an atheist or a Muslim, because this happens to them too, you can worship who or what you want.

Creating gay rights and abolishing religious discrimination does no harm to anyone. It is only beneficial. By giving gays the rights they need, they can finally be a true part of society. And everyone’s rights are protected by the Constitution, so gays can finally be included in the category of “everyone.” By having people not give someone a hard time just because they are Atheist, Muslim, Jewish, Buddhist or even Christian, people are able to be more open. They don’t have to hold back on an interesting part of themselves to avoid being a social taboo.

When I hear my friends talking about people they know that took their own lives, or I overhear people saying how bad someone is because they worship something different than they do, it makes me pretty sad. These people don’t realize how they can change that. But I have. And, if I were president, this is what I would do.

Fulton, Mississippi: Skeeviest town in America

I thought the town was bad before, when they cancelled the high school prom because a young woman was going to bring a female date to it. But then there was a ray of hope: the school administrators changed their minds. There would be a prom after all, and Constance McMillen could bring her date! Wow! A progressive, reasonable attitude was prevailing!

Except not.

They had organized a new prom, all right…a prom just for Constance McMillen. The principal and teachers showed up to chaperone Constance, her date, and all of five other students who showed up, including two kids with learning disabilities. They basically quarantined off seven outcasts.

What about all the other kids at the high school? They got to go to a prom, too, a special one organized by the parents for just the True American™ kids. Constance wasn’t told about it, which is the amazing thing: all the kids who showed up at the alternate prom knew about it and kept it secret. That’s impressive. I remember my high school, and news like that would be all over the place.

The other kids at Itawamba Agricultural High School are really special. Special scumbags. Bigots and haters and cowards. I hope they remember that for many years afterwards, that what their school is internationally known for is that it is populated with weasely little homophobes. What a disgrace.


Hang on — it’s even worse than I thought. Jesus’ General has the scoop: the kids at that high school created a Facebook group, “Constance quit yer cryin”. Unbelievable. Here are samples of what they wrote there (they’re buried now; decent human beings discovered the page and have flooded it with comments supporting McMillen and berating the cowards who played this game*):

Mitchell Henderson: lulz rug munchers are hilarious. Come join me in hell, there’s ipods all around for dance parties. As long as you bring someone to scissor with.

Melody Carol: JAlthough, she asked and they said no, she should have just stfu and dealt with it. The school did not need to cancel the prom to shift attention from here. That’s just gay.

Brittany Kay Brown: jeremy, that’s your fault for not coming out of the closet. IAHS is not a bigoted school. This whole town is based on Christianity.

Caleb Waddle: i just wish she would shut up and quit makeing the freakin county stupid you say well its there fault but since when did the public do anything to you just shut the freak up already.

Traci Taylor: Carnathan who wants to c 2 girls makn out…especially one of them thats parents are totally against it.

I hope employers and college admissions committees find the hateful association between their names and what they say. Not that it’s much of a worry for these losers; Jiffy Lube probably doesn’t care much about their network trail, and Liberty University would probably consider bigotry an asset.


*Oops. Some of the people writing in opposition to that page are rather hateful, themselves.

Small Town America and institutionalize hatred

Constance McMillen is a high school student in a small town in Itawamba County, Mississippi. She’s also gay.

I think you can guess where this is going. I can see the flames of someone’s personal hell from here.

It looks like Ms McMillen is a very confident person, though, so I’d guess that her situation has made her stronger. She decide to attend the high school prom with her girlfriend; Ms McMillen was planning to wear a tuxedo. Good for her: she’s proud of who she is, and was going to be respectable and decorous about the issue. The flames are licking a lot higher, you can tell already.

I think you can predict that Small Town Mississippi was not going to react respectably and decorously about it, though, and they didn’t. The ACLU informed them that they were violating her rights.

So the school cancelled the prom altogether, and let Ms McMillen’s fellow students know why.

Hey, I don’t think that’s just a small hellish fire on the southern horizon, that looks like a mushroom cloud now.

The mayor is saying the community thinks this was a good decision. People are talking about putting together a privately sponsored prom…probably one that could exclude faggots (although, wouldn’t it be cool if someone did put together a prom that was inclusive, thumbing their nose at the cowards in the school administration? It could happen — younger people aren’t quite so hidebound as the calcified upper crust of small town USA, and that cohort also includes a lot of people who are itching for graduation day and their opportunity to escape Itawamba County forever).

I predict that Constance McMillen will be one of the progressive young people who will be fleeing Small Town America as fast as she can, as soon as she can. And the old geezers and flea bag preachers will sit around in their shrinking, backwards-looking community and wonder why the young people are so anxious to abandon them.

Roy Ashburn outs himself

Roy Ashburn, California legislator, opponent of gay equality, unwilling to even recognize gay rights activists, has admitted at the age of 55 that he is gay.

That is so sad. To live a half-century in denial, to be so steeped in self-loathing that you build a career on stamping down people just like yourself, and to only now wake up and confront the truth…assuming he lives into his 70s, that’s an admission that two thirds to three quarters of your life was spent living a lie.

This one life is all you’ve got, Roy. Live it by being true to yourself.

Polling for validation of bigotry

There was this young child at a Catholic pre-school who was kicked out because his or her parents were lesbians. Now people are protesting, because that’s not what Jesus would do (I won’t quibble over their justifications — Jesus probably would have told the mob to stone the perverted parents to death — it’s OK that they’re doing the right thing for the wrong reasons). And the local newspaper runs a poll.

Is it valid to protest a Boulder Roman Catholic school’s decision to bar the child of a lesbian couple from attending?

Yes
 43.98 %
No
 40.32 %
I’m not sure
 1.443 %
I don’t care if they protest or not
 14.24 %

For additional amusement, the good Reverend at the Catholic church at the center of this issue has a novel excuse for his actions.

“If a child of gay parents comes to our school, and we teach that gay marriage is against the will of God, then the child will think that we are saying their parents are bad,” Breslin said on his blog. “We don’t want to put any child in that tough position.”

Isn’t that sweet? It’s for the good of the child that they evict them, so they don’t hear the cruel condemnations the church will give their parents.

Virginia does something stupid, again

I’ve been on a few job search committees, and I’ve been on a few job searches myself, and there’s a standard piece of boilerplate we put on all of our job ads.

The University of Minnesota is committed to the policy that all persons shall have equal access to its programs, facilities, and employment without regard to race, color, creed, religion, national origin, sex, age, marital status, disability, public assistance status, veteran status, or sexual orientation.

Whenever we start a job search, too, human resources reviews whatever we do, and we also get to attend a meeting where we’re informed in very strong terms that that paragraph isn’t just for show, but they really mean it, and if we violate those principles in any way, we can be in big, big trouble — and then they show us the burly lawyers with bullwhips and the guillotine. It’s important stuff.

It’s not just Minnesota, either. When I was on the job market, there was always some equal opportunity paperwork that went with every application. It’s common to every civilized state in the union that they will make an effort to avoid discrimination.

Except Virginia.

Attorney General Ken Cuccinelli says Virginia’s colleges and universities cannot prohibit discrimination against gays because the General Assembly has not authorized them to do so.

In a letter Thursday to the presidents, rectors and boards of visitors of Virginia public colleges, Cuccinelli said: the law and public policy of Virginia “prohibit a college or university from including ‘sexual orientation’, ‘gender identity’, ‘gender expression’ or like classification, as a protected class within its non-discrimination policy, absent specific authorization from the General Assembly.”

That’s remarkable. They aren’t just saying, “Well, we don’t have a state legal requirement that you can’t discriminate against gays, but if the universities want to be a little more egalitarian than the rest of us, it’s their own decision.” They are saying there is a strong prohibition against not discriminating against gays: “Universities may not be more egalitarian and prohibit discrimination. Unless we say they can.” Virginians have a right to be prejudiced assclowns and fire faggots freely.

I’m sure Patrick Henry University and Liberty University find this decision cause to celebrate, but you’d think the state would have learned something from Loving v. Virginia.

Shame on Missouri

Dennis Engelhard was a trooper in the highway patrol who was killed in an accident, when a car lost control in the snow and hit him. That’s tragedy enough, but what makes it worse is that the person he loved faces this sudden loss without any acknowledgment or support, not even a mention in the obituary. You can guess why: it’s because Trooper Engelhard was gay.

If Engelhard had been married, his spouse would be entitled to lifetime survivor’s benefits from the state pension system — more than $28,000 a year.

But neither the state Highway Patrol pension system nor Missouri law recognizes domestic partners.

A fraternal organization that provides benefits to the families of troopers killed in the line of duty is also unsure if it will help Engelhard’s partner.

Engelhard worked in Missouri, which has a constitutional amendment specifying that marriage is only between a man and a woman. I wonder how many other people are living lives of service and putting themselves at risk for people in a state that regards them as inferior and undeserving?

I guess you have to hate someone

A new Pew survey has some encouraging results about intermarriage in America: people seem to be more willing to accept it. The numbers show that a majority across the board will readily accept a family member of a different race.

i-fc85dd85fd9507a144503ae80133a638-intermarriage.gif

Although I do have to find a few continuing problems there. Who are the biggest bigots in the poll? White people. There doesn’t seem to be anything said about that unsurprising result.

There are also some kinds of marriages that would be unacceptable. Guess who?

The survey finds that most Americans also are ready to accept intermarriage in their family if the new spouse is Hispanic or Asian. But there is one new spouse that most Americans would have trouble accepting into their families: someone who does not believe in God. Seven-in-ten people who are affiliated with a religion say they either would not accept such as marriage (27%) or be bothered before coming to accept it (42%).

I bet most of you would have guessed gay marriage, but that isn’t even mentioned in the survey. We have to go to the Daily Show for a discussion of that, in the context of the New Jersey senate’s recent rejection of a gay marriage bill.

The woman at the end is particularly oblivious — she’s so proud of how far she has come as a woman and as an African-American, a person who would have been doubly disenfranchised historically, and now, thank God Almighty, she is free at last to engage in a political process to deny someone else their rights. You aren’t truly free until you can stand proudly next to someone you’ve slapped down.

NJ, get off the fence!

New Jersey lawmakers are waffling over a bill to allow gay marriage. The story is depressing: lots of reps busily weaseling and straining to find an excuse to vote it down. There is also a poll at the site: I trust readers here to be a little more decisive.

Do you support the gay-marriage bill up for a vote in the New Jersey Senate?

Yes 30% (1,334 votes)
No 70% (3,173 votes)

Get in there an demonstrate some positive activity, without excuses.