Everything he touches turns to crap


Elon Musk has been keeping a lower profile lately, as the bad news is catching up to all of his businesses. Exploiters gotta exploit, though, so he has been able to open a new business in a domain he knows nothing about: fast food. His Hollywood restaurant is called the Tesla Diner.

It opened on Monday at 4:20pm, and you can tell that that was Elon’s idea. It features a bank of Tesla chargers, and if you order your food from your Tesla, you get priority on your service. I guess you better buy a Tesla so you can get slightly faster delivery of an overpriced burger. I don’t think this will rescue Tesla.

As for the food…

Jake Hook, who runs a Los Angeles-focused “Diner Theory” social media account, had described the Tesla Diner menu to me as “all over the place”, with a combination of “very fast food shlocky” items combined with sandwiches made with “bread from Tartine”, the luxury California bakery. The diner also offers a mix of “own the libs” and “we are the libs” options: on the one hand, “Epic Bacon”, four strips of bacon are served with sauces as a meatfluencer alternative to french fries, and on the other, avocado toast and matcha lattes. There was a kale salad served in a cardboard Cybertruck: welcome to southern California.

I’ll pass. The quick summary is this:

But the billionaire CEO tends to make big promises and not quite fulfill them. That appeared to be true even for a tiny burger joint.

It’s what he does.

Comments

  1. StevoR says

    Tesla burgers eat them before they have a Rapid Unscheduled Disassembly?

    Think they’ll adopt that slogan?

  2. StevoR says

    But the billionaire CEO tends to make big promises and not quite fulfill them.

    In fairness, SpaceX exceeded expectations and delivers astronauts as well as cargo to the ISS and has become the most successful private space agency so that at least works & fulfills its promises – not necessarily due to Musk – more credit to its workers and engineers & with help from massive govt subsidies and NASA contracts – but still.

    See : https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/SpaceX#Summary_of_achievements

  3. raven says

    Why?

    Hasn’t Elon Musk ever heard of focus and focusing on one or a few things.

    He is all over the place on everything.
    .1. Tesla cars.
    .2. X formerly Twitter, an internet company.
    .3. X+ which was supposed to be an everything internet company including banking.
    (Who in their right mind would trust their money or information to Elon Musk?)
    .4. SpaceX
    .5. Robotaxi services.
    .6. The humanoid robot company.
    .7. The neurolink electrodes in the brain company.
    .8. The AI company called xAI, whose most obvious accomplishment so far is to reincarnate Hitler in an AI bot named mecha-Hitler.
    .9. The giant storage battery company.
    .10. The retro-futuristic diner in Hollywood market.

    A lot of these companies are burning money rapidly rather than making money.
    A lot of these companies face a lot of competition from other companies i.e. online banking is a crowded market, electric cars is crowded.

    The conglomerate model of corporations was a 20th century thing.
    Almost all of them are gone now.
    It worked for companies like General Electric (GE) until it didn’t any more.
    GE is still around although it almost went bankrupt and ended up splitting itself into 3 companies.

    He is also all over the place in what passes for his interpersonal relationships.
    He now has 14 children with 4 different women**.
    The number of children and women brood stock is likely to grow.
    With all that Musk has going on, how much time and attention does he pay to his families?

    ** All of his breeders seem to regret it and several have or are suing him for one thing or another.
    Every time I hear of another one, it is “You did what with who? Not a good idea.”

  4. Akira MacKenzie says

    Are you sure this isn’t some UFO-themed diner in downtown Roswell?

  5. John Watts says

    Everything Musk touches looks like it came straight off of a 1950s Sci-fi novel cover.

  6. Hemidactylus says

    raven @5
    A coworker who owns a Mitsubishi car was in disbelief when I mentioned 3 Diamonds tuna to him.

  7. says

    Girlfriend and I drove by there on our way to the Hollywood Bowl Tuesday. Looked pretty crowded. Seems like another ego trip for Space Nazi.

  8. StevoR says

    @8. John Watts : “Everything Musk touches looks like it came straight off of a 1950s Sci-fi novel cover.”

    But when he gestures Elon goes reich back to the 1930’s..

  9. cheerfulcharlie says

    An important issue seems to be missing. How much does it cost to eat there? Looks expensive. Expensive fast food had better be damned good fast food. Not just gimmick food. Restaurants have a notorious high failure rate. I give this a year.

  10. mordred says

    They really should have parked the garbage truck somewhere else before taking that photo.

    Oh wait, that’s a cybertruck!

    Anyways, has anybody heard when he’s planning to blow up his next rocket?

  11. lotharloo says

    This point has been made before but Musk only excels at enterprises where there is no competition: space rockets, Starlink, and EV cars before competition had arrived. He is a moron who will lose at any other business.

  12. says

    I saw a post on Reddit alleging the food being delivered there was left outside in the sun for way too long.

  13. StevoR says

    @ mordred : ” has anybody heard when he’s planning to blow up his next rocket?”

    Pretty sure the blowing up part isn’t what is deliberately planned but FYI :

    Discover the upcoming Starship rocket launch schedule, featuring today’s and upcoming launches. Our page offers detailed insights into each mission, including trajectory, crew details, mission objectives, rocket specifications, launch location, and booster landing updates. Watch live Starship video feeds and stay informed about the latest developments.

    Starlink Group 10-29
    Falcon 9 Block 5

    .. (Snip – Countown clock)…

    Launch Status
    Go For Launch
    Wed • Jul 30th, 2025
    1:00 PM – 5:00 PM GMT+9:30

    Plus if you are thinking of the SpaceX Starship specifically from same site :

    Flight 10
    Starship
    SpaceX

    .. (Snipped Countown clock that is saying 1 month 4 days 7 hours. – ed) ..

    Launch Status
    Date/Time TBD
    Projected To Launch
    August, 2025

    Source : https://www.spacelaunchschedule.com/category/spacex/

    So next month there – (nearly here! Fuck time flies!) maybe? Or September probly more like.

    Anyhow will be great to see and hope they suceed – even tho’FUck Musk. (Not in any good way either.)

  14. StevoR says

    ^ Count down clock that is.. & Fuck Musk inthe worst ways possible becoiz yeah he is an actual fucking nazi.

  15. Rich Woods says

    @mordred #14:

    At this stage it’s a toin coss as to whether the next Musk-based Xplosion will be a Starship or a Cybertruck.

  16. UnknownEric the Apostate says

    Rich @ 19: Makes me think of a pop chart battle in the mid 80s. Who will be #1: Starship or KKK Speedwagon?

  17. CompulsoryAccount7746, Sky Captain says

    @1 StevoR:

    Their burgers explode in your mouth

    Other end.

  18. says

    raven: You forgot Boring tunnels and Hyperloop, both of which seem to have been founded for the purpose of sabotaging real public-transport projects by offering col-sounding fake alternatives.

  19. rietpluim says

    @John Watts #8 “Everything Musk touches looks like it came straight off of a 1950s Sci-fi novel cover.” That’s just it. The alleged visionary Elon Musk does nothing but mimic decades-old pulp fiction novels. He never had a single original idea in his life.

  20. seachange says

    I can corroborate that it looked very very busy as my bus passed by on Sunday 27th July, and the movies were playing. I have no idea what a charging vehicle looks like, but there were electric vehicles at all the chargers. Many people were walking to it and wandering through the lot. If the diner has a door, it’s not immediately obvious, so it may not open out to the street. So I have no idea if anyone was in there or not. Either it was open much earlier than the time stated, or people didn’t care because the fences were (finally, after weeks of hype) down.

    My city should be requiring all new development to have enough vehicle chargers and if this is any indication it is a good demonstration of the demand in the greater Los Angeles area. So far getting them to do this has been going slowly.

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