I may have to vote for Scott Jensen after all (no, not really)

There was a big debate between the candidates for governor of Minnesota last night. Did I watch it? No, I’ve already made up my mind that Jensen is an evil poop-flinging ape with regressive views on just about everything. I also knew what was coming after the debate: Jensen is throwing Twitter hysterics and is sounding rather desperate. He did say one thing I appreciate, though.

Minnesota’s southern border is with Iowa, and I think building a wall might be a very good idea. Perhaps an eastern wall as well, to defend against Wisconsinites. And then maybe a western wall to protect us from Dakotans.

But wait! I just remembered that winter is coming. Maybe Minnesota can instead be like a scrotum in the cold, and just contract and pull up into Canada. Cheaper all around. Never mind, I’ll cast my vote for Walz again.

By the way, the Feeding Our Future scandal has nothing to do with Walz or the Minnesota state government at all. Some grifters set up shop here, taking advantage of a federal program to provide food for families during the pandemic, sending in false invoices and getting reimbursed to the tune of $250 million. Minnesota investigators turned them over to the FBI, so blaming on Walz is just flailing.

There were two things Jensen isn’t talking about, though. One is his abortion policy: he wants to ban it altogether, but knows that won’t fly in this state, so he’s evasive about it now.

The other is that he’s an election-denier, one of a number of people running for office in this state, including these rascals:

Fischbach is my representative, and she’s probably going to coast to re-election because this region is largely populated with red-hatted gomers. None of those people should be elected to anything, though. That’s my great fear about the November election, that a swarm of anti-democratic Trumpkins get into office and begin playing games with election laws and triggering unwarranted doubts about every election, but especially ones where Democrats got elected.

It has the potential to be a colossal shit-show, thanks to those kinds of people who should be in jail rather than running for office. But, you know, we have to compete with the UK for the most spectacular political collapse ever, and we’ve got a shot at it.


  1. birgerjohansson says

    The one good thing with the troglodytes is, they may be dumb enough to say the quiet parts out loud.

  2. Snarki, child of Loki says

    “they may be dumb enough to say the quiet parts out loud.”

    Seems like that’s less of a liability than we all assumed it was, pre-2016.

    No, the only upside is that they’re sure that only libtards/cucks would bother to make sure their guns are unloaded before cleaning them.
    Or getting vaccinated. Or wearing a mask.

  3. raven says

    Tim Walz is weak on the southern border…

    What does the governor of Minnesota have to do with the southern border? The US-Mexican border is a Federal responsibility. It is also a long way away from Minnesota which is on…our northern border with Canada.

    Does Jensen expect Walz to send the Minnesota National Guard to Texas or what?
    The last time Minnesota sent soldiers South was during the US Civil war and they were sent to…fight the Texan Confederates.
    At least they won that war.
    I’m sure if it was Jensen, they would have been on the Confederate side.

  4. Akira MacKenzie says

    He knows his audience. Just claiming that he’s wants to do something about the Hispanic hordes flooding across our borders to sell drugs to our precious white children and rape our fertile white daughters is enough to gain redneck support regardless of whether or not they actually have the power to do anything.

    In short, it’s just fascist virtue signaling.

  5. raven says

    Remembering Minnesota’s role in the Civil War
    MPRNews 2015

    When the Civil War broke out in 1861, Minnesota was the newest state in the union, having only become a state three years prior. About 24,000 Minnesota soldiers joined the war, including free black men, Native Americans and at least one woman, according to the Minnesota Historical Society.

    Minnesota sent 24,000 soldiers to fight in the US Civil War.
    Spoiler alert. The North and Minnesota won.

    It’s probably not a good idea to do it again right now though.

  6. birgerjohansson says

    I think I have worked out the “border” thing.
    The Prophet (PBUH) stated that a king named Dhul-qarnain (Alexander The Great, who was totally a muslim) built a metal wall to keep out the hostile tribes Gog and Magog (basically, orchs).

    Muslims have looked for that wall everywhere in vain. Obviously, if the wall was in the New World they looked in the wrong places. If the border wall is in Minnesota, it explains a lot.
    But after two millennia the wall must be in a poor condition.
    As the breakout of Gog and Magog will signal the end of days*, maybe you should give wall maintenance a high priority.

    *Also, the sun will rise in the west.
    I am not sure of the physics of that. The Earth rotates with a velocity of 450m/s at the equator. If it stops, the oceans will keep gushing forward at supersonic speed and slosh over everything.
    And then the Earth must start rotating in the opposite direction, causing similar damage all over again. I do not anticipate any survivors.
    But the evangelicals are eager for the end, so they should welcome the collapse of the wall, and the other stuff
    The Mormons have been quiet on the subject of walls, but they claim to be experts of prehistoric American weirdness. Is there an invisible border in Minnesota that only Mormonai and other prophets can see?

  7. Akira MacKenzie says

    @ 5

    Ah, what 161 years, an education system that ignores our dirty history of racism and genocide, and unresolved class inequality can do to turn a Yankee into a Johnny Reb.

  8. birgerjohansson says

    Scott Jensen needs to check British satire for new material.
    In the film Oops Apocalypse a prime minister blames unemployment on pixies.

  9. birgerjohansson says

    If Jensen is easily unsettled during debates (like Ron DeSantis) you might do a Hershel Walker on him. The Canadian-Mexican drug cartels? Jewish-latino fentanyl traders? The opportunities to confuse him are legion.

  10. Paul K says

    I grew up in Minnesota, attended UMM in the early 1980s (and was there when Vin Weber [shudder] first got elected to Congress from that district [while openly lying about something right before the election, iirc]), but now I live in the state to PZ’s east, which was very reliably Democratic back in the day, and fairly reliable when we moved here nearly 20 years ago. The open gerrymandering is sickening, with complete control of the legislature pretty much guaranteed to be in Repubs’ hands forever, even while, at the statewide level we elect an openly gay woman to the US Senate, and a Democrat to be Governor. We also somehow have elected the lovely Ron Johnson to that same office twice. The first time, in 2010, he rode in with the Tea Partiers who were really just the cream on the top of anti-Obama racism. Then, in 2016, he squeezed by again on the coattails of Trump. I hope that he loses this time, though he is up against a black man named for Nelson Mandela, so we’ll see how that goes.

    And let me just say that this is one of the more visually arresting similes I’ve read lately: ‘Maybe Minnesota can instead be like a scrotum in the cold, and just contract and pull up into Canada.’

  11. says

    PZ said: That’s my great fear about the November election, that a swarm of anti-democratic Trumpkins get into office and begin playing games with election laws and triggering unwarranted doubts about every election, but especially ones where Democrats got elected.

    I have the same fear here in Scarizona. The rtwingnut xtian terrorists have huge amounts of dark money to put up ads that will capture the drooling magats in the state and the result will be the same as what PZ said above.

    How many of you readers/commenters have the same concern??

    p.s. steve bannon, for 4 moths in prison he will be lauded as a hero, so WTF

  12. Louis says

    PZ, Compete with the UK?

    Ha no! No chance Yankee Newcomers! We’ve got centuries of extra experience of being total basket cases politically. And you did something sensible and got rid of Trump after one term. Far too impressive and clever. I’m afraid your democracy is too good. Sorry.

    We might even bring back Johnson.

    Johnson in. Johnson out. Johnson in again…

    …Well. We ARE fucked…


  13. Akira MacKenzie says

    @ 11

    Four months in the Federal Country Club and a pocket change fine. Yeah, the system sure does work. :eyeroll:

    Bannon and everyone involved in Jan 6, from the redneck rioters all the way up to Trump himself, need to swing.

  14. raven says

    Steve Bannon gets four months in prison!

    It is a good start anyway.

    Bannon has such a toxic personality that he has spent most of his life in legal trouble of one sort or another.
    First it was domestic violence with his ex-wife.
    He was indicted for the build the wall scam and pardoned by Trump before trial.
    He is under indictment in New York State for the same crime.

    In November 2020, Bannon’s Twitter account was permanently suspended after he suggested that the federal government’s infectious disease expert Anthony Fauci and FBI Director Christopher Wray should be executed.[43]

    Bannon is so clueless, he can’t even keep a twitter account going.

  15. Tethys says

    Five-thirty-eight currently forecasts an easy Waltz win, and hopefully we can get rid of some of those election denying magats like Emmer and Fischbach too.

  16. microraptor says

    I’m worried about Oregon’s gubernatorial race this year. Democratic candidate Tina Kotek should be positioned for an easy win over Republican nutcase Christine Drazan, but we’ve got an ex-Democrat running as an independent, Betsy Johnson, who’s campaign is backed by the NRA and billionaire Phil Knight (who’s also backing Drazan). Johnson has no chance of being elected, but she’s syphoning support off of Kotek from people who don’t realize that she’s in the race just to help Drazan’s chances.

  17. fishy says

    Minnesota’s southern border is with Iowa, and I think building a wall might be a very good idea.

    I understand they are growing Triffids because they are a more efficient source of ethanol.

  18. says

    No, you can’t build a wall on your western border. The residents of Wyndmere, ND still need access to that hospital in Breckenridge, MN for having babies & stuff. Sorry.

  19. StevoR says

    @12. shermanj : (Raises hand.) Me. I do – & I’m an Aussie. The USA looks to me like its on the verge of losing its Democracy and sliding into outright fascism and Christianist Trump cult control. This, needless to say (?) is going to affect and disrupt the whole planet for the worse. if the Repugs take Congress – as well as having stacked their treason SCOTUS then what can Biden really do to stop them and how is the rest of his now lame-duck term going to go? The Democratic party has to win the mid-terms to avoid this and so far, the signs are looking very disturbing.

    PS. Heard on the radio last night about another very dangerous election denier Kari Lake :


    Seems a lot of Repugs are going to try to Trumpian tactic of claiming victory even when they lose and refusing to accept reality and defeat which is extremely disturbing for the future of US Democracy indeed. The Conspiracy theorists have become a very serious threat to the USA indeed.

    Murdoch and the Fox brain-rotters he has created and lead have so very much to answer for in the USA, Britain & Oz. So much damage done.

  20. says

    Dude, you only need a wall to your west, to keep out the libertarians who think the Dakotas are the freest places ever and want to export their version of “freedom” to neighboring states.

  21. says

    Dear StevoR and commenters,
    I try not to engage in defeatism. I appreciate those of you like StevoR that have a responsible, worldwide perspective. I read, learn, analyze and look for constructive answers. However, the persuasion of so many ignorant drooling sheople to vote for the rtwingnut insanity can’t be ignored and seems to be growing like a societal cancer. In Scarizona, you can’t escape the rtwingnut insanity. It permeates the social fabric. I and my organization have looked for alternative venues where we can openly live a peaceful, caring, honest, rational life. But, we have found no viable alternatives, yet. We would move to the Willamette valley in Oregon. But, the populace has been impoverished and they can’t afford natural gas or electricity so they must heat their homes with wood, filling the entire region with choking smoke. We don’t want to become fully reclusive to avoid the hate and violence of the rightwingnut xtian terrorists, so we will continue to engage in helpful, rational projects to improve the lives of people until we find some acceptable alternative.

    All honest, constructive suggestions for all of us to ponder are appreciated. Our thanks go to PZ for creating this forum seeking sanity in a world going mad.

    end of rant – for now –

  22. birgerjohansson says

    In Las Vegas a teenager has died from a brain-eating amobea.
    Question: Is there any correlation between political maps and the local brain parasites?
    I imagine reptilians getting together and inadvertedly contaminating their followers with pathogens the alien reptiles are resistant to.

  23. pseudotsuga says

    @17 Alec skarlatos has been running ads trying to position himself on the left by outright lying about prorecting women’s health care, the minimum wage and even intimating that Obama endosed him. I’d like to think that the Oregon Republican’s transparent cheating is a sign of desperation but nothing makes much sense to me anymore.

  24. birgerjohansson says

    Shermanj @ 23
    California? Or non-insane pockets closer by? Just to get away from the guns, Canada may be an option (despite the hassle with emigration).

    I can no longer recommend Sweden as our new government coalition is depending on the xenophobe party. Norway is nice, too.

  25. says

    Dear BirgerJohansson,
    Thanks for the good ideas. We’ve thoroughly considered a lot of places. California has a lot of good characteristics. However, the exorbitant prices of housing and food, etc. put it out of our financial reach. And, the entire state is facing a huge water crisis while the fires in the desirable hill and mountain areas will only get worse. Canada has many attractive features: a better healthcare system and just (temporarily) banned the sale of handguns. But, the climate would cripple the old, arthritic members of our organization.

    I hope Sweden is able to turn away from the rightwing government that seems to have overpowered your usually sane populace.