An excuse to make everything worse


What was this guy thinking?

Firefighters in Utah County fight a blaze reportedly started by a man trying to burn a spider with a lighter (Picture: Provo Fire and Rescue)

A man suspected of starting a wildfire in Utah told authorities that he was using a lighter to try to burn a spider.

He’s caught starting a wildfire. He knows he’s in trouble. His brain is scurrying frantically in circles in his skull, trying to come up with an excuse. It was an accident, officer, I was just trying to torture a small helpless animal when the flames got out of control. It’s not just the petty evil of his excuse, but that he thought a fellow human being would be sympathetic.

Comments

  1. iiandyiiii says

    As a kid I occasionally tries to do dumb things like that (i.e. burn and otherwise torture arthropods). It wasn’t malice, only curiosity and boredom that motivated me.

  2. cartomancer says

    At least it’s a step up from the one in California that was down to a gender reveal pipe bomb.

  3. wzrd1 says

    @cartomancer, I agree. Totally a dumb move with a gender reveal pipe bomb. He should’ve stuck with the traditional gender reveal nuke.
    Or was that a card…? So similar, it’s hard to recall which is which…

    I have a fresh pallet of sarcometers for those now in need for a replacement.

  4. birgerjohansson says

    He could have tricked the spider to stand in front of the air lock of the escape pod.

  5. robro says

    ralfmuschall @ #4 — The Guardian says that the deputy said “he did not appear to be high” although they found “jar of marijuana” in his things. Not sure what the deputy was looking for, but perhaps starting a random fire in extreme drought conditions should be considered a clue.

  6. silvrhalide says

    “He’s caught starting a wildfire. He knows he’s in trouble. His brain is scurrying frantically in circles in his skull, trying to come up with an excuse. It was an accident, officer, I was just trying to torture a small helpless animal when the flames got out of control. It’s not just the petty evil of his excuse, but that he thought a fellow human being would be sympathetic.”

    Well, they were both human beings. That’s pretty much where the similarity ended.
    What, some loser who thinks burning anything living is somehow okay is going to suddenly care about the property damage, environmental damage and lives ruined by his stupid drugs and his stupid fire? Color me shocked that he’s not.

    I know the paraphernalia and the drugs themselves are evidence but I would have been hard-pressed to NOT throw all his crap into the fire he started, just to see the look on his face. Because the only thing people like that care about are themselves and THEIR stuff. Not anyone else.

  7. says

    Killing it with fire, while generally a valid response to a large arthropod, is a very bad idea in a wooded/grassy area during fire season.

    Personally, I’m more of a “nuke it from orbit” type. It’s the only way to be sure.

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