Numerology + folk etymology? Sheesh.

Wear a mask! It increases fornication, homosexuality, and masturbation…through chemistry!

Also, keep in mind that the person who wrote that probably voted. Did you?


  1. nifty says

    Simple solution- these people should stop eating. All that food stuff is full of that diabolical carbon. After a few weeks of them not eating, I think the world will be much better.

  2. cartomancer says

    To be fair increased mask wearing probably would improve my chances of homosexual sodomy. Anything that prevents people seeing my hideous visage is worth a shot now I’m over 30 and therefore a hideous old crone in gay circles.

  3. raven says

    I wasn’t aware that there even is an anti-breathing community.
    They probably won’t be around too long though.

    And end up where the anti-eating community did.

  4. komarov says

    No mention of isotopes*, nor any explanation why the divine element, oxygen, doesn’t have 7 electrons, protons and neutrons. Alas, that would have been to much self-consistency to ask for, so cherry-picking both nomenclature and numbers it is. Also, six outer shell electrons, isn’t that a warning flag of some sort? Is ozone the devil in disguise?

    *I see potential for a billion dollar church-funded particle accelerator or synchrotron that’ll spend some of its time bombarding 12C with neutrons and the rest of the time doing solid science. It shall be called The Redeemer, for it shows us that even the commonest of elements may be forgiven and uplifted into the (X-ray) Light. Amen and close the main breaker switch.

  5. raven says

    Also, isn’t carbon considered the building block of life?

    We are carbon based bipeds.
    If carbon is 666, the number of the beast, then it doesn’t look like the creator god thought things through very far.
    No wonder we are cursed from birth.

  6. says

    Colleague and me recently found the ultimate proof, all conspiracy theorists are correct : What are we supposed to do now to help against spreading aerosols?
    Right, we open the windows.
    And who invented Windows?
    Yeah, it all goes back to Gates…

  7. wzrd1 says

    This is simply a straying away and shirking the holy duties of the True Faith in true chemical free food!
    The faithful embrace the mantra, “Give me vacuum or give me nothing”.
    Realizing, no vacuum is truly nothing at the Planck scale, due to the permutations of perversion.

  8. says

    Also, in very serious notes: I got a Covid test scheduled for tomorrow, because one of my students tested positive. Now, I should be safe (from that exposure) because I wore an N 95 mask. No, those things aren’t comfy, they get hot as hell, and I have a pretty sore throat from having to raise my voice so much. But my mental health, and that of my colleagues is pretty much mush. We’re all anxious, and we all know that this wasn’t the last kid, and we’re worried about the kid. Please, wear your masks, wear a medical one if you can.

  9. billseymour says

    Carbon … is the mark of the beast …

    LOL!  I wonder how the author of that piece squares that with having been made in his god’s image. 8-)

  10. garnetstar says

    Giliell @17, my best wishes for your health! Mental and physical.

    The solution to carbon dioxide being the mark of the beast and turning people gay is simple: stop burning anything, ever. Turn completely to 100% green energy, nothing that produces any CO2. There, fixed that for them.

    And, the spoken truth is that oxygen is an extremely dangerous chemical, responsible for more deaths and injuires than most others. At least two, possibly three, of NASA’s diasaters, were caused by it. It is also responsbile for 100% of house fires, wildfires, etc. 100% oxygen (rather than 21%, as in air) is a neurotoxin, and breathing 100% of the purest element from god will do a lot worse to you than turning you gay, if for some reason you think that’s bad.

  11. Nemo says

    So God has chromosomes?

    Carbon, being the mark of the beast

    Can we at least use this as an argument against fossil fuels?

  12. DLC says

    He should have noted that it’s O – Original Deity Y – Female, Superior (comes before) X (Male) . and Time Cube! Six Sides!
    Does this cretin also teach ether physics ? phlogiston ? Or perhaps he’s just an oxy moron.

  13. says

    Wait, so the respiratory cycle is me destroying “double-redemption-Father-origin” to spread a cloud of “mark-of-the-beast-666-double-redemption-Father-origin?”

    And it’s only a question of degree, mask or no?

    The head spins (even in this properly-oxygenated environment).

    I want more of the Numerological-anti-masker Table of Elements!

  14. christoph says

    @ Giliell, # 13:
    “Yeah, it all goes back to Gates…”
    The Gates….OF HELL! (Damn, a few days too late for Halloween)

  15. etfb says

    For @3 and @22′ Fruitbat’s Topical Revision to Clarke’s Third Law:

    Any sufficiently advanced satire is indistinguishable from current affairs.

  16. unclefrogy says

    of course it is perfectly logical. You see the trick in understanding what is really going on is recognize the key elements out of all the information that reveal the hidden meanings. You see the best place to hide the truth is in the open amongst data and only those who are gifted can reveal true them
    No need for “everything else” to match up that is what “They” want you to think.
    uncle frogy

  17. llyris says

    @30 etfb
    You’re Australian, aren’t you. I thought you were talking about Clarke and Dawe, who I can very much imagine saying that.