Never cross the streams

I have been sent an attempt to unify my two obsessions: an octopus is just a wet spider.

No. No. NO. I was surprised at how strongly my brain rejected this proposition — my first reaction was to want to scream at the screen, that this is not correct, don’t you know anything about arachnids and cephalopods, my god, you fool, I need to set everything on fire, this is going to simmer in my brain like acid, aaaargh, do I have to write a whole book on this ridiculous idea, how dare you, now I’m going to have counter-arguments reverberating through my skull for at least a week!

It was objectively interesting how being close to something can trigger such a strong reaction to counter-factual nonsense. Sure, you can tell me that baseball is just football with sticks, and I’ll chuckle and move on and forget about it in minutes, but an inappropriate comparison of my two totally independent, incomparable, glorious organisms feels like you just stuck a hand-grenade in my eye socket. I am totally discombobulated.

I’m better now, though. I’ve calmed down. Just don’t say that phrase to me ever again, I might cry.


  1. wzrd1 says

    “Sure, you can tell me that baseball is just football with sticks…”

    Naw, more like a snake and the worm are the same, the worm is only a bit damper.
    Vertebrae are only an option for any species…
    Or something.

    Back to the original, poppycock! After all, cephalopods taste better than arachnids. ;)

  2. rpjohnston says

    A spider is just a dry octopus.

    (except for diving bell spiders; those are just small octopuses)

  3. christoph says

    SPIDERS DON’T HAVE SUCTION CUPS!!!! OR BEAKS!!! (Typing in all caps so you’ll know how serious I am.)

  4. says

    Everyone knows spiders and octopuses are mortal enemies as portrayed by Tobey Maguire and Alfred Molina in that documentary by Sam Raimi.

    Also, octopuses wish they could shoot strings out of their butts like spiders.

  5. bcwebb says

    Is this where I bring up the aquatic ape “hypothesis.?”
    Humans are wet monkeys……moistened bints…watery tarts…

    light fuse and retire immediately.

  6. =8)-DX says

    Obviously wrong the octopus has arms while the spider has legs, the octopus has a beak while the spider has pedipalps, the octopus is PZ’s nightmare form while the spider is his minions’ form.

    Obviously two different things.