1. Owlmirror says

    Robert Bloch was clearly well advanced in evolving to Crystalline form: “People hear that I am a horror writer and they think that I must be a monster, but actually I have the heart of a small child – I keep it in a jar on my desk.”

  2. whywhywhy says

    I believe that lump just below the breast plate is called a beer belly. All the same they should probably see a doctor because Qanon folks are not thinking straight.

  3. blf says

    So by this “logic”, poopyhead is “ascending” towards a Metallic form, since, as I recall, he has multiple stunts and perhaps other parts within what remains of his Carbon form…

    (I’ve got a few teeth fillings, does that count? Am I “ascending” to tooth faerie or something?)

  4. davidc1 says

    I left my heart in San Francisco ,i must go back for it some day .
    @3 Wasn’t that Fraser Cranes wife’s maiden name?

  5. pilgham says

    “Their doctors” are probably large animal veterinarians. Surprise all round.

  6. says

    That is some choice, high-test Crank Magnetism right there. Give this one another couple of months and it will be integrating hollow Earth speculation.

  7. KG says

    My hard SF trilogy: “Invasion of the Xiphoids”, “The Xyphoid Process”, and “Return of the Xiphoids” will be published, if all goes according to plan, between 2045, and sometime in the late 2060s!

  8. rpjohnston says

    I’m conflicted. On the one hand, that’s batshit crazy, on the other hand, they actually know that the heart is just left of center. How many times have I seen someone in fiction getting stabbed in the left lung and dying instantly or getting a piece of heart returned to their left tit, no, that’s not how it works

  9. larpar says

    It’s time to change doctors. Mine never puts the stethoscope over that spot.

  10. says

    I hear getting hit hard enough in the xiphoid process is not a good thing for one’s health. Seems to me moving your hard there is a bad upgrade.

  11. enki23 says

    Crystalline bones, crystalline teeth….. I think he’s onto something here. One day, when we’ve slipped the surly bonds of collagen, our shining crystal skeletons will sublime into the great crystalline light.

    Anyway, I already suspected cadavers were a conspiracy. The males always have too many ribs.

  12. fusilier says

    …and about half the time the xiphoid isn’t ossified, but remains hyaline cartilage.


    James 2:24

  13. wzrd1 says

    @3, totally wrong, as wrong as that nonsense was.
    For the record, mine is on the left side, hard to localize (OK, that actually is a joke).
    Also managed to survive LVH, which nurse and doctor tried to conceal from me, but when I demanded a strip for my own personal files, understandable.
    Hyperthyroidism was being addressed, so the observed would gradually disappear.
    Well, dwindle, which it did. Another error, which convinced a cardiologist that I had a heart attack, at age 50, the full study, which nearly destroyed their treadmill (I forgot to bring casual shoes home and had only my combat boots, a chemical stress test was ordered.
    Yeah, doctor agreed with my diagnosis, cardiac damage, secondary to electrocution and heat stroke.
    A doctor, I’m not. But, I’m good at plumbing problems, variable on endocrine issues, excellent on some female reproductive issues, the rest is “doctor now”, with a hair trigger on “doctor now”.
    First patient lost, a 28 year old female service member, in the trim of physical condition.
    Died of sudden cardiac arrest, we were requested from across the road, in a military encampment in the field.
    Noted, chest compressions gave rapidly dwindling results in the carotid artery, lost femoral artery pulse a few thrusts in.
    Doctor, who was a short lived member of our unit, lorded his medical knowledge.
    He also took charge of this case, causing significant exhaustion for the flight medical crew.
    Long and short, doctor mentioned signs and later autopsy results.
    Nailed it one I learned that adrenaline was high, pheochromocytoma.
    Took the wind out of his sails, as I was right.

    The laugh is, as bad as it turned out once, I got to see that which is rare for a physician. Most never get to see such a case. Suggested one case, successfully. Another, well, the kid died, can’t fix a ruptured aorta, which is what killed her, the other, never learned resolution.
    As for the xiphoid process, fractured that more often than Carter had little liver pills. It goes along with successful CPR. Slide a bit south, do it, hopefully present pulse counter warns.