That’s some ego the guy has


I was going to point and laugh at Donald Trump for hanging a fake Time magazine cover in his golf clubs, but then I realized — we all fake this stuff to inflate our egos. Right? Perfectly normal. Entirely natural.

I mean, I’ve got photos of my 3 kids hanging on my wall at home. Two of them are totally fake (I won’t reveal which). I’ve been inflating the number of children I have just to make myself seem more virile. But then, you all claim to have more kids than you really do, I’m sure. It’s ordinary human behavior.

I’m supposedly able to drive, but — true confession — I actually don’t have a driver’s license. I posted a photo of Tom Selleck that I downloaded off the internet onto my library card. We all do it. My wife has a photo of Jennifer Aniston taped to her credit card, it fools all the police who’ve stopped her for her autograph.

My degree? It came out of a Cracker Jack box (not the regular size, though, you have to invest in the super-duper economy sized box, obviously), but it’s good enough. Impressed everyone who gave me this job, after all.

Having pathologically engorged narcissistic tendencies is simply part of the human condition, as I’m sure you all agree. It’s normal. You can’t condemn Trump for lying, you know, or being an egomaniacal buffoon, especially since Obama faked being president for a whole eight years, and nobody complained about that.

Comments

  1. says

    This reminds me of when I was Time magazine’s “Man of the Year.” You see, there’s this mirror with a special frame that you can hang on the wall. (But don’t hang it in the bathroom. Makes the “Man of the Year” look like a perv.)

  2. says

    My rats were on the cover of Time and Newsweek, 5 times. Unlike Trump, they all proudly displayed their lovely hands, with long fingers and impeccable nails.

  3. cartomancer says

    Phew, and for a moment there I was feeling a little bit weird about all the wedding photos of Tom Daley and myself that I’ve cobbled together in photoshop. Thank goodness it’s perfectly normal to do that! To be fair they do look amazing on the mantelpiece of my Tudor mansion between my Nobel Prize for Literature and all the sex trophies.

  4. Siobhan says

    Having pathologically engorged narcissistic tendencies is simply part of the human condition, as I’m sure you all agree. It’s normal. You can’t condemn Trump for lying, you know, or being an egomaniacal buffoon, especially since Obama faked being president for a whole eight years, and nobody complained about that.

    I mean, I can’t even laugh, because this is literally how the Beltway have behaved…

  5. DrewN says

    Credit where credit is due, for Trump this is *yugely* restrained. He didn’t even declare himself Times Person of the Year! Although, it’s possible there’s a fake People cover somewhere in Trump Tower declaring him the sexiest man alive.

  6. handsomemrtoad says

    I can top the Tom-Selleck-library-card story. But my story is TRUE.

    My dad was a cryptanalist (code-cracker) in the Korean War. The high-security intelligence complex where he worked was color-coded, everyone wore photo-ID and the color of your ID determined which buildings you were allowed to enter, and the guards had orders to carefully check IDs every time you entered a building. When my dad first arrived, the General in charge gave a welcome speech to the new arrivals, emphasized the importance of security and urged them to undertake personal projects to improve security on their own initiative. Well, my dad was buddies with the guy in charge of making the photo-IDs, and he got this guy to make him an ID with a photo of Stalin! And my dad wore this ID and went in and out of buildings for MORE THAN SIX MONTHS before a guard noticed. (Guard: “Wait a minnit, you don’t have a mustash!” –Dad: “Well, I shaved it off!” –Guard: “Lemme see that!”) So dad went before the disciplinary committee, and said “The General said to undertake personal security-projects, and that’s what this was, and I’d say the security here needs some work!” That’s a true story.

  7. says

    I’ll admit that the cover of time in which I am the person of the year is fake. But my cover of “enormous penis monthly” is totally legit.

  8. bargearse says

    holytape @8

    I’ll admit that the cover of time in which I am the person of the year is fake. But my cover of “enormous penis monthly” is totally legit.

    Bah, the cover’s for amateurs. Call me when you get a spread in the fold out section.

  9. Azkyroth, B*Cos[F(u)]==Y says

    My degree? It came out of a Cracker Jack box (not the regular size, though, you have to invest in the super-duper economy sized box, obviously)

    The regular ones just have drivers’ licenses in them, as 5 minutes on the road around Sacramento can attest.

  10. Dunc says

    You know, stuff like this almost makes me feel sorry for him… What must it be like to live with such a howling void where your sense of self-worth is supposed to be, that you have to try and bolster it with such pathetic actions?

    Then I remember that he’s a billionaire who’s ruined countless people’s lives and is hell-bent on ruining countless more, and think “Fuck him and the horse he rode in on”.

  11. blf says

    When I first read the OP, for “golf clubs” I read “those stick things they use to whack golf balls”, and so wondered why hair furor’s caddy would be lugging around a fake Time cover (in addition to the stick things) — As souvenirs to give his golfing partners?

    The mildly deranged penguin has just pointed out all magazine covers — not just Time, but Scientific American, Vogue, Bicycling!, Cheese & Cheese & Moar Cheese, and so on — which don’t show her are obviously fake. She’s quite insistent: If she’s not on the cover, then the cover is fake. And wrong. And clearly boring.

  12. Alt-X says

    He blocked me the other day on Twitter. I don’t even follow him. Someone on the Twitter news feed was talking about all the Bots that reply to him when ever he tweets (We love you! etc). I pointed out they are setup to stroke his ego. Next day, he blocked me. haha. Now this fake Times cover story, I think I hit a nerve!

  13. rietpluim says

    Leave the poor man alone, will y’all? Without his ego, he wouldn’t have anything big.

  14. What a Maroon, living up to the 'nym says

    The Washington Post article now has some reaction from Scotland:

    And at Trump’s Turnberry club in Scotland, employees said they recognized the cover. It had been added after Trump bought the course in 2014, said the employees, who spoke to The Post on the condition of anonymity because they were not authorized to comment to the media. One employee said the fake cover had previously hung in the resort’s pub, called the Duel in the Sun after a famous golf match played at Turnberry in 1977.

    But, she said, the cover was taken down a few weeks ago.

    “We used to have a Time magazine cover up — aye, it was there for ages and ages, as long as I’ve been here. I know the one you’re on about,” the employee said. “But they came and took it down a while back.”

    In its place, the club had hung up an old-timey photo of the course.

    Club officials did not respond to queries about why it was taken down. The employee said it was part of a general reduction in photos of Trump.

    “We certainly have been hearing more grumbling about all the stuff like that up on the walls since his election,” the employee said. “From Americans, mostly, funny enough. That’s why we all assumed they started taking some of his photos off the walls.”

    “But it was just a guess. I don’t actually have a scooby,” the employee added, using an expression that means, “I don’t have a clue.”

    “I don’t have a scooby”–I’m going to have to remember that when we travel to Scotland this summer. (My guess is that it’s rhyming slang: Scooby Doo <- clue.)

  15. Dunc says

    (My guess is that it’s rhyming slang: Scooby Doo <- clue.)

    Your guess is correct.

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