Gentlemen, this will be your last day on Earth


The plans have been leaked. We now know what will happen at the woman-only screenings of Wonder Woman. Gal Gadot is going to turn to the audience, and…

“Man’s time is over,” she said. “They have done all that they will do, all they are capable of doing.” And then she grabbed Chris Pine by the hair and slit his throat with a big double-edged axe that we’re pretty sure was not in the comics but that’s Hollywood for you.

“This is the labrys,” she told the audience as Chris Pine sputtered and choked on his own blood. “A symbol of woman’s power. It cuts away that which is false. It is a problem and a solution. Look under your seats.”

Each woman pulled a similar double-edged axe from under her seat. We do not know where they came from. We did not put them there. The Alamo Drafthouse did not arm the first Amazon Death Squad. We want to make that perfectly clear.

I’m hoping my wife likes me enough to keep me around to do the cooking and cleaning, but if she doesn’t, I have to look at the current occupant of the White House and agree, we fucked up badly.

Comments

  1. methuseus says

    I’m a man and I’d be absolutely fine if this happened at the all-women showings. Men have fucked the world. I hope women would do better.

    Of course, since I’m a white male, my opinion really shouldn’t matter in this case anyway.

  2. methuseus says

    Oh, and I have to ask, why use Carl’s Jr. as prisons? With their ads, wouldn’t that be a kindness to MRAs?

  3. rietpluim says

    Well, after my wife cut my throat, it will be a comfort to die in her arms.

  4. rietpluim says

    As a serious note, I don’t think women did, do, or will do better than men.
    And I don’t think it’s fair to expect them to do better either.

  5. llyris says

    That’s just insane. Double headed axe is a stupid weapon for slitting throats.
    Though I had a moment of hoping it was meant to be Christopher Pyne.

  6. cartomancer says

    Somewhat amusing I suppose, but unfortunately very parochial. There aren’t any of these “Carl’s Jr.” and “Curves Gyms” “across the globe” – those are American things. We don’t have them elsewhere.

    I’m not optimistic about the forthcoming female leadership though. We’ve had female leaders here in Britain before, and they’ve proved just as awful as the male ones. Worse in some cases – people actually held parties to celebrate when she-who-shall-not-be-named-1979-1991 finally shuffled off the mortal coil a few years ago. Her vengeful ghost appears to have returned to lead the country now, and it is proving difficult to get rid of.

  7. gijoel says

    I think mras are more afraid of mom forgetting the pizza rolls. I’d say it they’d fear someone else getting more sex than them, but that’s a given.

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