It cannot be. For example, this story from the Daily Express, an unimpeachable source (tabloid: it means “concentrated, easily assimilable”), and besides, I want it to be true: “A KILLER giant squid that can hypnotise its prey and paralyse humans at a distance of 150 feet using poisonous venom is being developed as a secret weapon by Vladimir Putin, a scientist has claimed.” Entirely plausible. Especially since it is accompanied by evidence, a blurry photo of an octopus.
Dr Padalka said the octopus, which was discovered in a fresh water lake trapped beneath two miles of ice, possessed an array of weapons and was responsible for the deaths of at least two of his scientific colleagues on the expedition.
He said: “We encountered Organism 46-B on our first day. It disabled our radio – which we later learned, to our alarm, was intentional.
“It is also able to paralyse prey from a distance of up to 150 feet by releasing its venom into the water.
“Tragically my colleague and lifelong friend was killed this way. He tread water wearing a blissful smile as the organism approached him.
Further proof: no one would lie about the death of a lifelong friend. I have seen this same argument effectively deployed in arguments for the existence of Jesus. If you believe in Jesus, you must accept this story.
“We watched helplessly as it used its arms to tear off its head then popped its remains in its mouth. It was as if it had hypnotised him telepathically.”
This, too, has the ring of truth. That’s exactly what I would do if I were an intelligent predatory squid with telepathy, poison venom, and an array of weapons.
The 33 foot-long man-eater also boasts extraordinary camouflage that helped it stalk the researchers – including shape-shifting.
Dr Padalka said: “The shapeshifting capabilities of organism 46-B sound almost diabolical. It shaped itself into the form of a human diver.
Likewise. This is exactly how I’ve fooled humans for more than half a century.
He revealed the octopus could also use its tentacles to kill, even after they had been hacked off its body.
Dr Padalka claimed another of his colleagues were killed by a tentacle many hours after slicing it off with an axe.
He said: “Later that night it slithered across the ice bank and strangled her.”
Seems only fair. I note that the scientist mutilated the squid/octopus first, so this was appropriate retaliation.
He said: “Some species of octopus lay 200,000 eggs. Imagine if they were deposited in reservoirs and lakes across North America.”
Shhhh. Now there’s irresponsible journalism, revealing top secret plans.