I’ve heard of getting crabs, but that’s ridiculous.
I think I’ll have to google “largest crustacean” and “largest arthropod”. Both of which may be that critter.
Cuttlefishsays
I like the number of legs, but a little to crunchy for me. Personal taste; your mileage may vary.
Robsays
Coconut crab? If so I think that’s about as big as land based arthropods get at the moment. Luckily. My first thought was “jesus FC that better not be a spider”.
Matrimsays
Fuck that thing, seriously. The only possible good that can come from a crab that size is the fact that, due to it’s more significant mass, the accuracy of my “get the fuck away from me” cannon will be less affected by wind when I launch that thing into the sun.
Erpsays
Largest land arthropod though the one’s in the sea can get quite a bit bigger. Wikipedia mentions a Japanese Spider Crab with an arm span of 3.8 meters (12ft) and for heaviest, a lobster weighing 22kg (44lbs) and 1.1 meters in length.
I hear that they don’t let go when they grab you with their claws.
I also hear that they’re delicious.
Now I’m in the mood for some crab legs…
Rey Foxsays
I bet that thing stinks to high heaven.
throwaway, butcher of tongues, mauler of metaphorsays
That thing was alive while he was holding it? I’m surprised he wasn’t accidentally Claw-plach’d.
boraxsays
I need a pound of butter.
Lady Mondegreensays
I wonder if I could swap our cat for one?
Of course not. In the immortal words of Mrs. Lovett:
…[A] pussy’s good for six or seven [small meat pies] at the most,
And I’m sure they can’t compare as far as taste.
Of course she was comparing the taste of cat to that of another mammal. I’m sure the comparison still holds here, though.
ledasmomsays
Have been looking at this for several minutes. Still unable to say anything but “Fuck. Fuck. Fuuuuuuuuuuuck“.
madtom1999says
My dad brought a couple of these home once. They are incredibly strong and incredibly noisy – they can destroy just about anything they organic they can get their claws round or into.
#9 Rey – no they dont stink at all that I remember just incessant scraping and crunching as they tried to move around and escape. They even made marks on 400 year old oak beams which defy modern tools.
ledasmomsays
madtom1999: That sounds like the prelude to either a fine meal or Lovecraftian horror.
ledasmomsays
Still unable to say anything but “Fuck. Fuck. Fuuuuuuuuuuuck“
Which, I have just realized, is exactly the same reaction I had while driving earlier, when I realized that Trump is going to be the Republican nominee.
diannesays
That sounds like the prelude to either a fine meal or Lovecraftian horror.
The only good bug is a dead bug. Would you like to know more?
ledasmomsays
Or both
The Call Ahead for Reservations of Cthulhu.
blfsays
Swap an island for a cat? The mildly deranged penguin informs me it makes no real difference, both are easy to launch from a trebuchet. The island does, usually, require a slightly larger trebuchet, or in the case of really stubborn islands, a volcano (with some virgins to prime it), but — except for the virgins — these are minor technical difficulties.
Blondinsays
So much negativity. At least they don’t shed.
Zeppelinsays
They seem pretty laid-back compared to most other crabs you’re likely to meet! I’ve also seen ones that were a very attractive shade of blue.
There’s no information as to whether it votes Republican or Democrat.
How am I supposed to judge it?
Tethyssays
I wasn’t too creeped out by all those legs and claws, and did an image search for giant land crabs. Wow. o-o Not only are they huge, they seem pretty smart for a crab. I guess they can live for 70 years, and it just looks wrong to see crabs in trees. Arboreal giant crabs that harvest and eat coconuts. It sounds fantastical, like a jackalope, or sidehill mugwumps. Coconut fed crab does sound delicious, but it’s probably best to avoid eating endangered species.
rqsays
I like it. This sign does make me wary, though – perhaps it’s just poor representation, but it certainly looks like they’re intelligent enough to not only harvest coconuts, but also trap humans.
Tethyssays
This article is amusing, though if this crab gives you the heebie jeebies, I should warn you the link contains more crabs and an extinct, human sized millepede.
They are also covered head to toe with armor that would make a Space Marine Centurion weep with joy; they are so confident in its quality that they gather coconuts by climbing up a palm, snipping off the coconut and then literally jumping off the top of the tree, a feat that would cost an ordinary human, at least a broken everything.
I guess nice moonlight walks in the jungle are a bad idea if there are coconuts AND giant crabs falling from the tree tops.
I don’t know if that beastie is related the the Coconut Crabs that I remember from my time in the Solomon Islands. I would not have given one of them a cuddle as their oversized claws could be quite viscous. They didn’t grow as big as this fella, but then a lot of them did get eaten. Jolly nice they were too (once you had cooked them not before), especially in a coconut and chilli sauce.
Artorsays
Swap your cat for one of those, PZ? Hell, you could feed your cat to one of those!
Ed Seedhousesays
I suspect that crab would happily eat your cat, thus solving both your problems.
Ed Seedhousesays
Artor@29: Damn you. You not only beat me to the punch but said it better. One day I shall be avenged.
ledasmomsays
Apparently they borrow shells when they are young and small, just like other hermit crabs. Just as well they don’t do that at full size.
There is a movie that has the line “Once, they were men. Now, they are land crabs.” Might have been “Attack of the Land Crabs”. Monster movies do tend towards those strictly descriptive titles.
blfsays
Apparently they borrow shells when they are young and small, just like other hermit crabs. Just as well they don’t do that at full size.
Actually, they do. Well, did. You were wondering what really happened to the dinosaurs, weren’t you?
Trebuchet says
I’ve heard of getting crabs, but that’s ridiculous.
I think I’ll have to google “largest crustacean” and “largest arthropod”. Both of which may be that critter.
Cuttlefish says
I like the number of legs, but a little to crunchy for me. Personal taste; your mileage may vary.
Rob says
Coconut crab? If so I think that’s about as big as land based arthropods get at the moment. Luckily. My first thought was “jesus FC that better not be a spider”.
Matrim says
Fuck that thing, seriously. The only possible good that can come from a crab that size is the fact that, due to it’s more significant mass, the accuracy of my “get the fuck away from me” cannon will be less affected by wind when I launch that thing into the sun.
Erp says
Largest land arthropod though the one’s in the sea can get quite a bit bigger. Wikipedia mentions a Japanese Spider Crab with an arm span of 3.8 meters (12ft) and for heaviest, a lobster weighing 22kg (44lbs) and 1.1 meters in length.
WMDKitty -- Survivor says
Yeah… I’m just gonna NOPE on out of here.
beardymcviking says
Mirelurk?
Either way, I wouldn’t be inclined to hug one.
microraptor says
I hear that they don’t let go when they grab you with their claws.
I also hear that they’re delicious.
Now I’m in the mood for some crab legs…
Rey Fox says
I bet that thing stinks to high heaven.
throwaway, butcher of tongues, mauler of metaphor says
That thing was alive while he was holding it? I’m surprised he wasn’t accidentally Claw-plach’d.
borax says
I need a pound of butter.
Lady Mondegreen says
Of course not. In the immortal words of Mrs. Lovett:
Of course she was comparing the taste of cat to that of another mammal. I’m sure the comparison still holds here, though.
ledasmom says
Have been looking at this for several minutes. Still unable to say anything but “Fuck. Fuck. Fuuuuuuuuuuuck“.
madtom1999 says
My dad brought a couple of these home once. They are incredibly strong and incredibly noisy – they can destroy just about anything they organic they can get their claws round or into.
#9 Rey – no they dont stink at all that I remember just incessant scraping and crunching as they tried to move around and escape. They even made marks on 400 year old oak beams which defy modern tools.
ledasmom says
madtom1999: That sounds like the prelude to either a fine meal or Lovecraftian horror.
ledasmom says
Which, I have just realized, is exactly the same reaction I had while driving earlier, when I realized that Trump is going to be the Republican nominee.
dianne says
That sounds like the prelude to either a fine meal or Lovecraftian horror.
Or both.
Adrian Luca says
The only good bug is a dead bug. Would you like to know more?
ledasmom says
The Call Ahead for Reservations of Cthulhu.
blf says
Swap an island for a cat? The mildly deranged penguin informs me it makes no real difference, both are easy to launch from a trebuchet. The island does, usually, require a slightly larger trebuchet, or in the case of really stubborn islands, a volcano (with some virgins to prime it), but — except for the virgins — these are minor technical difficulties.
Blondin says
So much negativity. At least they don’t shed.
Zeppelin says
They seem pretty laid-back compared to most other crabs you’re likely to meet! I’ve also seen ones that were a very attractive shade of blue.
http://i.imgur.com/dBLv8vK.jpg
http://www.oceanwideimages.com/images/20560/large/coconut-crab-24M0445-59D.jpg
PZ Myers says
They don’t shed, but they probably molt.
janiceintoronto says
There’s no information as to whether it votes Republican or Democrat.
How am I supposed to judge it?
Tethys says
I wasn’t too creeped out by all those legs and claws, and did an image search for giant land crabs. Wow. o-o Not only are they huge, they seem pretty smart for a crab. I guess they can live for 70 years, and it just looks wrong to see crabs in trees. Arboreal giant crabs that harvest and eat coconuts. It sounds fantastical, like a jackalope, or sidehill mugwumps. Coconut fed crab does sound delicious, but it’s probably best to avoid eating endangered species.
rq says
I like it. This sign does make me wary, though – perhaps it’s just poor representation, but it certainly looks like they’re intelligent enough to not only harvest coconuts, but also trap humans.
Tethys says
This article is amusing, though if this crab gives you the heebie jeebies, I should warn you the link contains more crabs and an extinct, human sized millepede.
I guess nice moonlight walks in the jungle are a bad idea if there are coconuts AND giant crabs falling from the tree tops.
johnm55 says
I don’t know if that beastie is related the the Coconut Crabs that I remember from my time in the Solomon Islands. I would not have given one of them a cuddle as their oversized claws could be quite viscous. They didn’t grow as big as this fella, but then a lot of them did get eaten. Jolly nice they were too (once you had cooked them not before), especially in a coconut and chilli sauce.
Artor says
Swap your cat for one of those, PZ? Hell, you could feed your cat to one of those!
Ed Seedhouse says
I suspect that crab would happily eat your cat, thus solving both your problems.
Ed Seedhouse says
Artor@29: Damn you. You not only beat me to the punch but said it better. One day I shall be avenged.
ledasmom says
Apparently they borrow shells when they are young and small, just like other hermit crabs. Just as well they don’t do that at full size.
There is a movie that has the line “Once, they were men. Now, they are land crabs.” Might have been “Attack of the Land Crabs”. Monster movies do tend towards those strictly descriptive titles.
blf says
Actually, they do. Well, did. You were wondering what really happened to the dinosaurs, weren’t you?
YOB - Ye Olde Blacksmith says
Adrian Luca @18
So.Much.Win!
Lofty says
I’ll stick to living in the temperate zone with the drop bears, thanks.
Much safer.
brucegee1962 says
The worst part of crabs like these is imagining how they probably contributed to the last days of Amelia Earhart.
Numenaster says
I’m with Matrim #4. This thing is nightmare fuel.