Wouldn’t you know it: when advanced theo-scientists in Iran discover a dangerous principle, some godless American turns it into a Doomsday Weapon. The first test-firing is to occur on the 26th of April.
I plan to be cowering in my bed, afraid to step out. I recommend everyone stock up on vital supplies before the Apocaniptic Catitclysm. If we’re really lucky, Minnesota will have a cold snap on the 26th, so we’ll be spared.