Those wacky, happy-go-lucky Christians and their amusing ways

A “visionary” is recommending a new way of seeing “visions” of the Virgin Mary: stare directly into the sun. It works! Sort of.

Zackey reportedly advised a Gauteng woman, Amal Nassif (37), earlier to look at the sun, and if she had faith, the Virgin Mary would appear.

Nassif stared at the sun for about a minute and lost her sight.

“I can’t seen anything. There is a large dark blind spot,” she was quoted as saying.

I have a “vision,” too — if you hit yourself in the head with a hammer really, really hard, you’ll see Jesus! That makes about as much sense as Zackey’s. Who, by the way, is reported as being “happy”, and is “inundated with people seeking prayer and healing.”


  1. Jeb, FCD says

    This is too easy:

    If you shoot yourself in the head, you will also see Jesus.

  2. says

    There’s an urban legend about LSD users staring into the sun and going blind. When the acidheads do it, it’s a reason to demonize the drug. Why isn’t this story a reason to send policemen into elementary-school classrooms, warning the children about the dangers of believing in the Virgin Mary?

    “When I was a little kid, my mother told me to never stare into the sun. So once when I was six, I did. . . .”

  3. says

    They still burn witches in Gauteng aswell. Other than that it’s a great place to visit (but still nowhere near as good as The Cape).

  4. Heather says

    Is anyone else pissed that there’s a 37 year old woman anywhere in the world who doesn’t know better than to look at the sun? Religion notwithstanding? That much ignorance… At some point I have to stop blaming religion and accept that people may really just be ~that~ stupid.

  5. says

    When I was a kid, I used to stare at the sun until a green disk would appear over the solar disk — I’m not sure how long, but probably tens of seconds anyways. While my eyes suffer from the usual refractive errors (especially as I pass 50), no optometrist or ophthalmologist has ever noted signs of retinal burns. I don’t know why — maybe I only did this when the sun was dimmed by haze, or maybe I’m just luckier than I deserve.

  6. says

    I have a small scar on my left retina that causes an ignorable defect in my vision. When I bother to try to “see” it, I fancy that it seems like a tiny halo with a misshapen dark dot in the middle. Now I realize I need to try harder, because it could very well be that I have a manifestation of the Virgin Mary and I’ve been missing it for many months.

    Hey, if she’s willing to do the tortilla circuit, why shouldn’t the Holy Mother make an appearance in my left eyeball? I feel blessed!

    Devout seekers are encouraged to send me money as proof of their faith.

  7. paul says

    I saw a case of solar retinopathy in a seventeen year old in Louisiana 18 years ago. She was staring at the sun in this one particular town in Mississippi, where if you stared long enough, you would see… Jesus, or something.

    I remember her vision went from 20/20, to 20/30 for staring at the sun for minutes at a time. Not as bad as I would expected at the time, considering her Rx was zero. Maybe it was a miracle that it wasn’t worse.

    I’m thinking Eamon K, that you maybe you were somewhat out of focus, hence, minimal damage.

  8. Abbie says

    Yeah, like Knight, I used to stare at the sun. A blue disk would cover it after a bit… I still have perfectly good vision. I thought it causing damage was just an urban legend…

  9. woozy says

    Zackey reportedly advised a Gauteng woman, Amal Nassif (37), earlier to look at the sun, and if she had faith, the Virgin Mary would appear.

    Nassif stared at the sun for about a minute and lost her sight.

    Wow. The succinctness of the writing is beautifully elegant. It’s almost poetry. Or a very, very, short short story.

    Or a Zen Koan.

    Actually it kind of reminds me of the Zen koan about the novice who imitated a senior monk by always raising his pinkie while drinking tea. The senior monk hearing of this asked the novice to tea. When the novice raised his pinkie the monk drew a sword and chopped the novice’s pinky off. The novice left to go to the infirmary and as he was about to leave through the door, the senior monk called his name. He looked and the senior monk drank his tea with a raised pinkie. At that moment, the novice monk achieved enlightenment.

  10. Justin Moretti says

    Director Danny Boyle and screenwriter Alex Garland went down the Sun = God pathway with their recent film “Sunshine” – in short the sun has turned off and our heroes’ and heroines’ mission is to drop a super-nuke (specially loaded with plot devices :-p ) into the sun to restart it. One character in the film is trying to stop them:

    “Do you believe in God? I didn’t either… but I found him, in the sunshine.

    “He told me to take us all to heaven, but how can I do that if you won’t let us die?”

    (He stared at the sun – through filters – until he became religiously psychotic, and decided to sabotage the mission and thus exterminate mankind.)

    The film hints that a few of the characters are seeing SOMETHING in the Sunshine, but they leave it up to the viewer to decide what.

    Mind you, as a powerful bringer of life and also bringer of death (under the right circumstances), perhaps the Sun is a logical thing to worship, if you are going to worship anything. Just don’t expect it to respond to your prayers any time soon.

  11. Chinchillazilla says


    If you jump off a really tall building, Jesus catches you about halfway down. I dreamed that God told me that, so it must be true.

  12. Dennis says

    You’re all drawing the wrong conclusion! Zackey didn’t lie! The woman lacked faith! QUICK! Stone her to death!

  13. Epistaxis says

    inundated with people seeking prayer and healing

    The first-timers were only seeking prayer.

  14. craig says

    She is seeing the Virgin Mary. That’s what the black area is. The image of the Virgin Mary is being sensed by her optic nerves but the human brain is just not wired to be able to comprehend the full reality of the image and replaces it with a black spot.

    Or something.

  15. Anton Mates says

    inundated with people seeking prayer and healing

    The first-timers were only seeking prayer.


  16. Anton Mates says

    She is seeing the Virgin Mary. That’s what the black area is. The image of the Virgin Mary is being sensed by her optic nerves but the human brain is just not wired to be able to comprehend the full reality of the image and replaces it with a black spot.

    So if you see Mary’s true form you instantly go insane, unless Jesus is kind enough to numb your senses?

    I guess we should have been warned by the fact that she reproduces asexually.

  17. csrster says

    I seem to remember an outbreak of this sun-staring stuff at the Mother Cabrini shrine in Colorado a few years ago.

  18. says

    hands up who’s willing to bet that this occurrence will have absolutely no effect on all the other sun-staring freaks.

    oh hey, i think i see something there… wait, crap. i haven’t seen the sun in about three months. maybe that’s the cause of my rampant atheism…

    damn lab work.


  19. James Orpin says

    “The SA Council of Churches (SACC) on Tuesday expressed doubt over claims by the teenager that she had seen the Virgin Mary.

    ‘I doubt it very much… We know that people in desperate situations search for answers from God. The God that we know reveals himself in a meaningful manner,” said SACC general secretary Eddie Makue.

    ‘Has this girl seen the Virgin Mary before? How did she know what she looks like?'”

    Meaningful manner? How does anyone who has claimed to have visions of the virgin know what she looks like?

  20. Fernando Magyar says

    While it may be impossible to know what the virgin Mary actually looked like, all you have to do is see which way her breasts are pointing when you stare at the sun. I mean there really can’t be that many virgins who manifest themselves in the sun, right?

    During the Middle Ages, there were many alternate methods to testing one’s virginity. One could conduct a urine test (a virgin’s urine is clear and sparkling), or look at which way a woman’s breasts point (a virgin’s breasts point up). In Middle Age romances (where a urine test would not be at all romantic), there are many stories of magical objects used to test virginity or marital fidelity. A common object is the magic drinking horn. Women who attempted to drink from it and were not faithful to their husbands would spill the wine inside of the magic horn. During the Middle Ages people were much more interested in the question of a woman’s virginity than that of a man (

  21. Luis Daniel says

    Here in Spain, where saints reveal his faces in every stain, we have two recent cases of the same phenomena: A guy from Baza (called the Saint of Baza) ordered hundreds of people to look the sun to see the Miracle. Most of them do. Ten years or more passed, and the man is free of all charges.
    The other eye toaster was a lunatic called Carlos Jesus, that claims to be the incarnation of an ET/God. People looked too. Carlos is free.

    I wonder how much shamans and other holy guys used the sun this way to blind masses (in more than one sense).

  22. Reginald Selkirk says

    Here’s another report of the same incident. They interviewed the eye doctor, Percy Amoils, who diagnosed the retinal damage. Here’s the line that got me:

    Her central vision, which allows a person to focus in on certain items, is “severely damaged” in both eyes.
    Let’s hope that God is kind to her and she recovers,” he said.

    I always enjoy a medical professional with a sense of humor.

  23. Sc says

    Akiane hears voices and sees images and speaks to God and Jesus. She is a child prodigy.

    Where does such talent come from?

    Akiane Poetry and Painting Genius(A binary prodigy. Now 12 years old)

    Akiane’s amazing Art work is estimated in millions

    Akiane who met God at the age of 3

    “When asked how she knows that it’s God who is speaking to her, she replies, “Because I can hear His voice. His voice is quiet and beautiful.” Although she was 3 at the time, she’ll always remember God’s first message to her. “He said, ‘You have to do this, and I’ll help you.’ He said, ‘Now you can help people.’ I said, ‘Yes, I will.’ But I said it in different words in my mind. I speak through my mind to Him.”

    Akiane on her website:

    “I have been blessed by God. And if I’m blessed, there is one reason and one reason only, and that is to help others”

    “I want my art to draw people’s attention to God, and I want my poetry to keep people’s attention to God.”

    —brain washed maybe. She is earning million though painting, writing poetry and sharing her visions and helping the poor.

    More here:

    Akiane Kramarik-Inspired By God Or Just Plain Crazy?

    “Recently on CNN I caught a video showcasing the story of a very gifted 12-years-old artist named Akiane Kramarik. There have been several young artists in the past, but I find Akiane rather unique.

    What makes Akiane so fascinating is not so much how well she paints, but rather the subject of her work and her inspiration. Akiane claims to have met God when she was just 3. He told her that she needs to paint and help the less fortunate. He also noted that he’d be there to guide her along the way.

    It gets more bizarre when you discover that her mother is an Atheist and her father a recovering Catholic. Religion was never discussed in the house and the kids are all home schooled.

    Before you write her off as a freak, watch the report below, read this, and take a look at her art.”

  24. says

    I’m reminded of this Onion news bit:

    Face Of Jesus Seen On Miracle Hippie

    EAST LANSING, MI–Throngs of Christians are flocking to East Lansing this week to witness what many are calling a modern miracle: the face of Jesus Christ, clearly visible on area hippie Bob Ellis. “In this hippie’s face, God is sending us a clear message,” said Gordon Watkins, 38, who made the pilgrimage from Cincinnati. “He is telling us that His son is returning soon.” The image, which skeptics are dismissing as a simple trick of the light, has also been reported to cry tears of blood when vigorously punched about the eyes.

  25. woozy(and the forth timers?) says


    inundated with people seeking prayer and healing

    The first-timers were only seeking prayer.


    And the third timers were seeking last rites.

  26. Jere says

    I’ve stared at the sun many times through a telescope, and my eyes are fine (except that I’m far-sighted). Of course, I used a solar filter each time.

  27. Hypocee says

    “Sigh. Teh senseless tragedy. It burns.

    She should have stared at this instead.”

    No, she just forgot the stencil.

  28. Ferinoch says

    In the words of a great comedian:

    “I guaruntee if you hit somebody in the head with a stick hard enough, they’ll see any god you want them to.”