What little I’ve read of the extreme audiophile community makes my brain hurt, and I’ve avoided it like poison. James Randi deals with the freaky audiophiles now and then — people who believe their special magic cables will make your stereo sound better, or that an array of weirdly shaped hatstands in your room will make the music resonate just right — but it’s not something I want to get into regularly. A reader sent me a link to the special One Drop Liquid, though, and I just had to share my cerebral agony with everyone else, out of spite.
I dare you to make sense of this. It’s some liquid that is supposed to improve the quality of your CDs.
P.W.B. Special One Drop Liquid possesses a most extraordinary property. The human senses, in common with the requirements of all living material including trees and all other green plants, have evolved the requirements for forward facing light energy.
Light, in common with most energies within Nature, readily forms an inverse pattern of itself when encountering an obstacle. Light is particularly modified when encountering a transparent obstacle. The human senses will not function correctly when confronted with an energy pattern which faces away from the senses.
The daily dietary requirement of salt and sugar is the chemical requirement that the body requires to manipulate the energy patterns absorbed by our bodies. To demonstrate the inverse pattern formation on objects which fill the modern environment, simply place salt on one face and sugar on another face of the object. Stimulate your sense of hearing by listening to music, then remove the salt and sugar. The effect on the senses is usually quite profound. The effect is particularly noticeable if the faces of a NON playing Compact Disc or vinyl record is manipulated by placing salt (in a small bag) on one face and sugar (in a small bag) on the other face.
It starts off crazy, and it just gets worse and worse, doesn’t it? We get some mangled physics of light (I did wonder…so light is not particularly modified when it encounters something opaque?), and this weird salt and sugar rationalization; what? So I’m supposed to put a bag of salt and sugar on a CD that isn’t playing, and it will somehow change the sound of my stereo? Yes, that’s what he’s saying. Here are the instructions for using One Drop Liquid.
To ascertain the effect of the One Drop Liquid on any object, it is only necessary to initially stand the small bottle containing the Liquid on the face of the object. ALL transparent material within a listening room, including glass windows, clock faces, wrist watch faces, TV screens, the lenses of eye glasses etc. and display windows on equipment should all be treated. It is only necessary to apply one drop of the Liquid to the corner of a glass window for the beneficial effect to be heard.
The guy has a whole bunch of crazy products that he sells, like special colored markers to label the edges of your CDs and tapes, which will make them sound so much better. Please don’t read too deeply—it will drive you mad, even while it makes all your Britney Spears recordings sound like Queen.