Remember those silly Chuck Norris Facts? Ever wonder what Chuck Norris thinks of them (well, actually, I didn’t…so don’t feel bad if you didn’t care)? It’s sad to see that we had to find out, since all we learn is that Norris is as dumb as a brick.
Chuck Norris actually responds to the jokes—in an article on World Nut Daily, of all places. Here’s one example.
Alleged Chuck Norris Fact: “There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.”
It’s funny. It’s cute. But here’s what I really think about the theory of evolution: It’s not real. It is not the way we got here. In fact, the life you see on this planet is really just a list of creatures God has allowed to live.
We are not creations of random chance. We are not accidents. There is a God, a Creator, who made you and me. We were made in His image, which separates us from all other creatures.
By the way, without him, I don’t have any power. But with Him, the Bible tells me, I really can do all things and so can you.
Well. I guess that’ll teach me…I learned otherwise by reading the work of scholars and scientists, when I should have been paying more attention to men whose reputation is built on their ability to kick people in the face. Since Chuck Norris disagrees with all those “facts” that consist of hyperbolic exaggerations of his machismo, I think we need to start accumulating a new list of more accurate Chuck Norris Facts. Here, I’ll start.
Chuck Norris’s skull is so dense, the tidal effects from his cranium kill you before his head-butt hits you.
Chuck Norris sneers at neurologists—it takes a team of geologists to appreciate the pace of his thoughts.
When Chuck Norris furrows his brow, he’s not thinking—he’s knuckling his third fist.
Does anyone else find it ironic that a spokesman for a religion of love is a muscleman who beats people up in movies? What next…will Rambo speak out for Jesus?