In Case Of Bear Attack…

The headlines, it is true, will claim
That vicious killers were to blame
Which now are merely “wild game”
And good for shooting
And that it’s true that wolves, or sharks,
Or grizzly bears in wooded parks
Have taken humans as their marks
I’m not refuting
But I’m the one who’s out of place
Invading in their wild space—
And should they choose to eat my face
I hold them blameless
But most of us, I’m guessing, still
Would want revenge—a justice kill—
And so I’ve put it in my will
(I’m really shameless):

“Should I be taken unawares
Feed the bears.”

Context, after the jump:

Via @edyong209 on twitter, Kimberly Gerson’s take on “If I am eaten by a polar bear…” The last bit is a vague memory I have of Dave Foreman–and I can’t verify this–allegedly carrying in his wallet a card that said “in case of accident, feed the bears”.


  1. Crudely Wrott says

    But I’m the one who’s out of place
    Invading in their wild space—

    I suppose that not everyone is familiar with the signs that are prominently posted along most roads leading into bear habitat. Fish and Game posts them and they read something like this:

    You are entering bear territory.
    Special rules apply.

    Knowledge of the special rules is recommended. It will help to keep both the humans and the bears alive and well and suitably amused by each others behavior.

  2. geocatherder says

    Or as the (photoshopped) sign said:

    Beware of bears. Wear bells and carry pepper spray.

    Consider bear scat while hiking. Black bear scat is identified by incompletely digested plant material. Grizzly bear scat is identified by bells and the smell of pepper spray.

    You have been warned.

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