Pharyngula linked to this site–http://www.godlovesyouforever.org/christian_poems.htm
It is horrid. Utterly horrid. In the way that traffic accidents are horrid, and fascinating, and you cannot look away. The following poem is inspired by one on that site, entitled (no, seriously) “Jesus and I will be very awesome and beautiful”. Really.
Mine is just a little bit … different.
How do I love Thee?
Jesus, Lord, with all my heart
I love Thee more than life
More deeply, from the very start
Than husband’s love for wife.
More deeply than a child’s love
For parent or for pet;
How deep my love, for You above,
Has not been fathomed yet.
There is no sacrifice, I know,
For which I am not willing
There is no place I would not go,
Your love is just so thrilling
It breaks my heart to see you there
Nailed up upon the cross
Those soulful eyes, that tousled hair,
Oh, what an awful loss
If I could hold Thee in my arms,
Annoint Thy wounds with balm;
I’d gladly suffer any harms
To make Your life more calm.
I’d softly stroke Your aching head
Massage Your weary back
I’d lay You gently in my bed
If energy You lack.
I’d kiss Your forehead, then Your lips,
And then Your holy chest—
With lips, and tongue, and fingertips,
I’d do what I do best.
Because I love Thee, O my Lord
I show Thee this affection
And thus, I pray, Your strength restored,
You show Your resurrection
Then fill me with Your love—for I
Am just your humble vessel
And, if you want, then we could try,
For fun, a gentle wrestle.
You know, of course, I’d let you win
You’ll always be on top;
If loving You, Lord, is a sin
I still don’t want to stop.
So Halleluiah! Praise Your Name!
I’m singing (sometimes humming)
The world was blessed when first you came,
And with your second coming.
And I, myself, am doubly blessed
That heaven’s my reward
With all my heart, deep in my breast,
You know I love You, Lord.
Beautiful. And sadly, it would fly under most Christians’ radars, if the “I’m in love with Jesus” songs that fill Christian radio are any indication.
“The world was blessed when first you came,And with your second coming.”CHORTLE!
I love it, cuttlefish. Absolutely wonderful. I agree with Tom Foss that it would fly right under the radar of most Xians. Your wordplay is so delicate, and their own wording so, um, innocently sexual, that you can hardly tell what the poem’s saying!
ROFLMAO!!
Ah, the crafty Cuttlefish! As quickly as his own skin swaps its cunning shades,His verse might turn the sternest sister flush,Or cause some pious parson’s cheeks to fadeAnaemic pale, like a fresco freshly whitewashed.And yet his shifting colours mark him quite the fraud,Forsooth, he thieved in its entirety,This bawdy verse about Our Dear (but bawdy) Lord,From Mother Theresa’s diary!
I’m not sure but I think I found a new blog to bookmark!
. . . and Lord, you always wear for me a condom . . .
ZOMGZ =snort= ROFL =gasp= MAO =wheeze= I can’t =coff= stand it!This is a freekin’ masterpiece. Cuttlefish, you’ve outdone yourself this time!It’s more right on than a lot of people may know. You want pr0n? Read the writings of some Medieval mystics, or the Desert Fathers (and Mothers)!
@ atkinson: Good thing, too. One Jesus is plenty!