Long-time Cromrades will know that I have nothing but the deepest respect and affection for Robert “Pigfucker” Mugabe – a man who brings new meaning to the term “horrible African dictator with a prolapsed anus from the time he got fucked by an elephant”. This is a man who has made it a crime to insult him, which of course is like waving a giant red flag in front of a bull, and then letting that bull fuck Robert Mugabe’s prolapsed anus.

I don’t just love him because of his stance on free speech. No, there’s so much more to love: his repeated human rights abuses, his open contempt for international law, his complete mismanagement of his country, the fact that he’s completely destroyed any hope that Zimbabwe will be able to climb its way out of the hole he’s dug for it. My favourite part about him has to be his keen sense of humour though.

You see, there’s nothing that old Pigfucker loves more than a hearty joke at his expense. He was concerned because Nando’s, a chicken restaurant chain, didn’t have the clout required to make the above video a worldwide sensation. Being a keen observer of human foibles, he knew exactly what he needed to do to ensure that people the whole world over could share in this hilarious joke – he banned it:

A South African fast food chain has withdrawn a TV advert which pokes fun at Zimbabwe’s President Robert Mugabe as “the last dictator standing”. Nando’s South Africa said it decided to act after receiving threats to its staff in Zimbabwe from a youth group loyal to Mr Mugabe.

(snip)

Nando’s South Africa decided to axe its commercial after Mugabe loyalists from the Chipangano group had called for a boycott and other unspecified punitive action against the company. “We condemn such adverts because it reduces our president to be someone without values,” Chipangano leader Jimmy Kunaka told the BBC’s Brian Hungwe earlier this week.

Of course, as anyone with half a brain knows, trying to stop people from doing something makes it more tempting. When it’s someone as well-loved as ol’ Pigfucker, it becomes international news! So congratulations, Bob – thanks to your genius intervention, people all over the world can laugh about what a despicable waste of carbon you are.

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