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Please, Christians, keep making these guys the frontmen for youth outreach

Amanda Marcotte has a list of 'Hip' Christian Right-Wingers Trying to Make Conservative Christianity Look Cool for the Kids, where “trying” is the operative word. At the top of her list: Bradlee Dean. It makes her point perfectly.

Bradlee Dean is in my backyard, metaphorically speaking: he’s based in those Bachmann suburbs, full of far right wing nuts with upper middle class money, and I’ve seen his garish vehicles driven by teams of tattooed zealots many times.

No one thinks Bradlee Dean is cool. No one. He’s only cool in the sense that Ted Nugent thinks he is, by mistaking loud, stupid, and reactionary for ‘hip’. I don’t think Dean has played at the Morris high school, but similar Christian fronts have done so, and if you ever want to see a conservative town full of disaffected teenagers all going “WTF?”, try visiting us after the school administration puts on a religiously-motivated assembly.

But keep doing it, Christians. Keep believing that the best way to win over young people is to have middle-aged blowhards yell at them about Jesus.

Comments

  1. csrster says

    “He’s only cool in the sense that Ted Nugent thinks he is, by mistaking loud, stupid, and reactionary for ‘hip’. ”

    Ok, but Dave Mustaine’s still cool, right?

  2. Pierce R. Butler says

    Hey guys, I got an inspiration from The Lord™! You know how kids all line up for movies like Jackass, right? So why don’t we… [/BD]

  3. Menyambal --- inesteemable says

    I liked the team of muscle-men for Jesus. One of the troop of body-builders would take a red, rubber hot-water bottle, and using only the strength God gave his lungs, blow it up until it exploded.

  4. Antiochus Epiphanes says

    TW: In the links below, both the talk and the walk are tough. Also, may not be safe for work depending on how your job tolerates swear-words and sweet karate moves in the workplace. Further, prepare to be tantalized.
     
    Delivering a prayer before a Minnesota House Session, Bradlee Dean reminds me of Steven Segal in his finest film Hard to Kill. Perhaps a remake is in the offing? Hard to Kill for Christ. Bradlee Dean is the only man alive who could adequately reprise Mason Storm, and his brutal lack of subtlety. While legendary director Bruce Malmuth is no longer with us, I bet that Lord Steven, Master of Aikido would be glad to once again sit in the directors chair. Just a thought.
     
    PZ…I’m reserving judgement on whether BD is cool or not. I’ve thrown down the gauntlet. He needs only to rise to the challenge I’ve presented.

  5. cry4turtles says

    Metalheads are more knowledgable of Mustaine’s lyrics than Christians are of their scriptures. Dave told me so (in a prayer-dream with Symphony of Destruction in the background).

  6. Hairy Chris, blah blah blah etc says

    Cry4turtles: True, I’d think. For those not in the know a big thing with metalheads is memorising the lyrics of their favourite bands. A good chunk of a crowd shouting word-for-word at a gig is a very common site!

    Csrster: No…. The people that I know who are still big Megadeth fans are so in spite of Mustaine, not because of him, and will generally talk about him in an almost apologetic fashion! (I will say, though, that in my opinion “Peace Sells… Buy Who’s Buying?” and “Rust in Peace” are 2 of the greatest heavy metal albums made, bar none. They were released before he went completely bonkers which may explain things.)

  7. Alverant says

    Yesterday at the train station someone was handing out “million dollar bills” so I took a few thinking they were a coupon. Once I saw that it was christian propaganda I put them in the recycling bin. So there’s three phony bills that won’t bother anyone again.

  8. robertschenck says

    Rev. Tim Tom is WAY cooler than these guys, because he knows how to kick it teen style.

  9. Akira MacKenzie says

    timgueguen @ 6

    A Christian version of Jackass would probably be footage of evangelists being pummelled by heathens, or something.

    (A stereotypical, clean-cut, Caucasian, blonde-hair, blue-eyed, Christian teen with a WBC “God Hate’s Fags” sign is walking up to the entrance of a gay night club.)

    “Hi. My name is Joshua McDonald and I call this one ‘Daniel in the Lion’s Den.’”

  10. microraptor says

    @Akira MacKenzie #14

    Or he’d be trying to pick a fight with Rob Halford, only to discover that Rob Halford is too cool to fall for it, or something.

  11. scienceavenger says

    One of my favorite macho “cool” Christians is Doug Giles, father of Hannah-the-fake-ACORN-sting-prostitute, who writes over-the-top Coulterian dreck like this:

    I can’t imagine him eliciting anything but laughter from the teens I know.

  12. mnb0 says

    At least Ted Nugent was cool when he played Journey to the Center of the Mind and came up with the riff of Great White Buffalo.

  13. unclefrogy says

    all they got is someone shouting at you about jesus and how he will save you. it is never empathetic or understanding and it is definitely not accepting.
    about as hip as a door to door water-heater salesman.
    uncle frogy

  14. Lofty says

    Alverant

    Yesterday at the train station someone was handing out “million dollar bills”

    False Profits

  15. says

    I see Tim Tebow at #3 on the list. I’ve actually run across comments at sports websites where people claim he’s not playing because of discrimination against Christians and not because he can’t hit the broad side of the barn with the ball. Even Bill Belichick couldn’t find a use for him.
    I still think he could be useful, though, perhaps help a team in some sort of Biblical role, say by holding his arms up in the air like Moses while his team does battle. Or, if he’s not ready for that role, he could be the guy who holds up the arms of the guy who holds up his arms during the battle. C’mon, NFL, you could find something for the guy to do.

  16. ck says

    about as hip as a door to door water-heater salesman.

    Except that a door-to-door water heater salesperson can be useful if you’re somehow in dire need of a new water heater. I don’t think these “hip Christian proselytizers” are really useful for anything.

  17. says

    This is really disappointing. Bradlee Dean was tremendously useful — he sapped money and resources away from wealthy reactionary donors, and at the same time used all of it to put on campaigns that made himself and his agenda look ridiculous. 80′s hair band antics plus a heavy dose of shouty 90′s am radio? Jesus. The only thing missing is a mime act.

  18. sqlrob says

    feralboy12 @ 22:

    C’mon, NFL, you could find something for the guy to do.

    Waterboy comes to mind.