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Nov 27 2012

My staff has been doing nothing, I’m going to have to fire them!

Wait, what? Over on that Reddit thread about the benefits of douching, petzl20 has made this announcement:

Myers has a staff of assistants that research and do a large part of the writing for his blogs and tweets.

Gawdamn, I wish I’d known about this before. I’m going to put them to work grading papers and putting together my final exams for me instead — the writing is the fun stuff.

I’m not suddenly going to get a bill for hours worked, am I?

80 comments

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  1. 1
    hyrax

    First Chris Clarke is a sockpuppet for PZ. Now he’s a whole staff of assistants? Will they ever get their stories straight?

  2. 2
    richvr

    Reddit is a strange place. The people there consider themselves “Redditors” as if this makes the special. Meanwhile it’s actually “a vile hive of scum and villainy”. Whenever I hear of something that was posted on Reddit, I consider the source and then ignore it.

  3. 3
    John Morales

    Thine rod and thine staff comfort me.

  4. 4
    Inaji

    I’m not suddenly going to get a bill for hours worked, am I?

    Yes. Yes, you are. It’s not easy, all this refutation and wit. You should at least furnish the booze.

  5. 5
    Mattir, Another One With Boltcutters

    How does the large staff work with the “all the commenters are sockpuppets” thing? Or is the mutually exclusive problem just part of the ineffability that is PZ Meyers?

    Also, am I the only one totally appalled that the guys who hang out on reddit have any opinions at all about the appropriate care of lady parts?

  6. 6
    Charlie Foxtrot

    Well, I’ve been adding links to local news articles about pedo-priests to the end of the old ‘shine a light on the cockroaches’ thread, just to keep a track of them (there’s been a lot lately)
    So invoice is in the mail, ok? :)

  7. 7
    AJ Milne

    … am I the only one totally appalled that the guys who hang out on Reddit have any opinions at all about the appropriate care of lady parts?

    I guess maybe I’m just associating things oddly this evening, but somehow when you mention guys on Reddit with ideas about the care of lady parts, I get this image of things preserved in jars of formaldehyde.

    (/… or wait. Is that even so odd?)

  8. 8
    Inaji

    AJ:

    (/… or wait. Is that even so odd?)

    I’d say that depends on what the things are and how they were acquired.

  9. 9
    The Mellow Monkey

    I had no idea PZ was so important that he had an entire staff writing his tweets and blog posts. Even Tom Hanks writes his own tweets.

    Are they sure these aren’t just unpaid (and imaginary) interns?

  10. 10
    John Morales

    Strictly speaking, when there is more than one staff, they are referred to as staves.

  11. 11
    Ing

    To paraphrase Shattner “For Fuck sake, get a life!”

  12. 12
    a3kr0n

    Antares42 wrote “PZ Myers the brand”, not the person.
    Will you be releasing your collection of designer t-shirts soon?
    Maybe market a perfume called “Atheist”. Black bottle, of course.

  13. 13
    IslandBrewer

    Of course PZ has a staff!

    We all know that professors teaching at state schools are bajillionaires who drive around in solid gold rocket cars with armies of supermodels on each arm. He obviously has enough money to hire writers.

  14. 14
    AJ Milne

    I’d say that depends on what the things are and how they were acquired.

    I refer you back to the ‘guys on Reddit’ part, and request your understanding if I suggest I’d prefer not to go there.

  15. 15
    Alethea Kuiper-Belt

    a3kron, you are behind the times. I have my Tshirt already.

  16. 16
    Tony! The Queer Shoop

    I am so glad I do not follow Twitter or Reddit. I see more than enough fuckwittery when those douches come here.

  17. 17
    Tony! The Queer Shoop

    Alethea:
    Do you have the sockpuppet shirt or the ” I’m a slave for you ” shirt?

  18. 18
    Alethea Kuiper-Belt

    Sockpuppet, definitely.

    (Well, if you must know, technically, I have this)

  19. 19
    feralboy12

    Funny, I always assumed PZ was a staff of writers and assistants, none of whom are actually called PZ Myers. Sort of like how there’s nobody named Jethro Tull in Jethro Tull.

  20. 20
    A. R

    I’m thinking that the entire horde should do a Stormtrooper-esque march while wearing “I’m a sock-puppet of PZ Myers” shirts.

  21. 21
    Ing

    @A.R.

    No we need to get Guy Fawkes esq PZ masks and pull an “I’m SPARTICUS”

  22. 22
    A. R

    Ing: YES!!!!!

  23. 23
  24. 24
    Woo_Monster, Sniffer of Starfarts

    PZ Meyers pays his male staff 70% less per troll-trouncing.

    FEMINAZiii111!!!!

    ***
    Ouch, my hand is cramping up a bit as I type this. Am I on the clock? How good is our workers comp?

  25. 25
    Ing

    How good is our workers comp

    About the same as that for race horses. Now get back to work before we decide we need the insurance pay out more!

  26. 26
    Woo_Monster, Sniffer of Starfarts

    Ing,

    About the same as that for race horses. Now get back to work before we decide we need the insurance pay out more!

    I will not stand for it! I call out to all staffers of the great Poopyhead, be you a diligent research assistant, a pithy sock-tweeter, or a sly sock-writer of Herr Myers’s blog posts, we do NOT have to stand for this.

    No one should have to suffer cramped hands, or worse injury*, for no pay, no perks, and very little grog. Somebody send message to the Thunderdome, there is a mutinous bunch sometimes in residence over there.

    WE GO ON STRIKE TONIGHT (adjust time of day-reference per your timezone)! FROM NOW ON, MYERS WILL HAVE TO DO ALL HIS OWN WORK; HE WILL NEVER COPE!!!!111 BWAHAHAhahaha

    *Just look at how nigel broke that douche, noelplum, over in the thread on douchey-douches**.

    **And of course, bringing up nigel and noelplum is intended to incite sympathy for nigel, in respect to whatever stress his breaking of the troll may be bringing him. Stress that is unrecompensed!

  27. 27
    Ing

    *picks up phone*

    Hello? Bob’s Discount Glue and Economy Kitty Food Factory?

  28. 28
    chigau (違う)

    How To Grade Undergrad Papers
    Go to a stairwell
    Fling papers
    Those as go furthest (or leastest) get better (or worser) grades.
    Easy.
    [I inferred this from how my papers were graded a few years decades ago.]

  29. 29
    Rumtopf

    Oh shit, time to unionise.

  30. 30
    serena

    Must resist urge…. to insinuate that perhaps these folks would like to be on your staff… ifyouknowwhatimean.jpg

  31. 31
    Goodbye Enemy Janine

    PZ. We need to talk. You owe me years worth of back pay.

  32. 32
    DBP

    Mollies. Your staff has been paid in Mollies.

  33. 33
    Goodbye Enemy Janine

    I cannot pay the rent with my Molly.

  34. 34
    A. R

    I wonder what the backpay would look like. We have plenty of PhDs, other scientists, MDs, lawyers, MBAs etc. who could charge obscenely high hourlies. PZ wouldn’t want to see my bill!

  35. 35
    Tony! The Queer Shoop

    Janine:
    You could sell your molly. I hear people pay a pretty penny for that stuff. Better than weed…

  36. 36
    Tony! The Queer Shoop

    A.R.
    Everything was reset when PZ rebooted things earlier this year…

  37. 37
    Dr Marcus Hill Ph.D. (arguing from his own authority)

    I don’t do this for the pay. I do it for the generous pension plan.

  38. 38
    Ragutis

    Which one’s Pink?

  39. 39
    Louis

    I am a sceptical sockpuppet of Louis.

    I don’t believe in myself.

    My preferred mode of humour is self deprecation, but I’m not very good at it.

    I’m all weak here. Waitress your tips. Attempt to veal.

    Louis

  40. 40
    Louis

    Oh and I second the calls for making with the cash.

    We all know PZ is on the rich teat of that sweet sweet government pay cheque. Right? He can afford it. After all, there is so much spare energy generated by his Government Funded Evil Volcano Lair, the energy revenues alone can fund us. That doesn’t even include sacrificial virgin taxes he gets.

    I demand Teh Back Paiy!

    Louis

  41. 41
    joedelaney

    I am PZ Myers… and so is my wife!

  42. 42
    joedelaney

    Well, you could fire your writing staff, but then again that could be too rash. Instead, just dock their pay for a couple weeks — that ought to get the message through to them.

  43. 43
    teejaykay

    Bah, humbug. Obviously everyone reading this is part of PZ’s staff of some sort of secular CIA that no country will admit exists. It’s a conspiracy!

  44. 44
    Giliell, professional cynic -Ilk-

    PZ Myers’s staff get paid 60 minutes per hour, even in leap years

  45. 45
    skeptifem

    Stupid bullshit rumors are passed around in the anti ftb/anti a+ communities at a rate that is only rivaled in middle schools. I mean christ, this isn’t even the first time that they have had serious trouble deciding who wrote specific blog posts (despite the blog posts being on the internet where anyone can verify the author).

  46. 46
    Kevin, Youhao Huo Mao

    @Giliell:

    Fuck! I’m being underpaid!

    I only get 42 minutes per hour!

  47. 47
    Louis

    Skeptifem,

    Oh but the tedious details of who said what, when and how are irrelevant. All that matters is Norty Uppity Girlz Be Gettin Outta Their Rightful Place. I’m not sure if that is the kitchen any more, I mean, some people think women can be allowed to do some jobs even. Crazy I know, but there it is.

    ;-)

    Louis

  48. 48
    Giliell, professional cynic -Ilk-

    Katherine
    Now you know what a part time job is :)

  49. 49
    PZ Myers

    I think the magic phrase is “unpaid interns”. Yeah, that’s the ticket — my staff are all interning to learn the fine art of serving me. Maybe someday they’ll graduate to actually getting paid…if they work HARDER.

  50. 50
    Naked Bunny with a Whip

    PZ doesn’t have assistants, he has minions. And everyone knows the role of minions is to fail, so the big bad has to do everything himself anyway.

  51. 51
    Masquirina

    You should never worry about attacks from reddit comments, unless you’re strongly opposed to video games and jokes about penii. Then we might have some problems.

  52. 52
    Rev. BigDumbChimp

    Rebecca Watson has commandeered all of your interns.

    Blame her.

  53. 53
    Louis

    Blame her.

    DAMN YOU REBECCA WATSONNNNNN!!!!!!!

    {Shakes fist}

    Louis

  54. 54
    jose

    Nice inadvertent compliment :)

  55. 55
    chadwickjones

    WWPZD

  56. 56
    A Hermit

    Gosh PZ, I come here `cause you go out and find stuff like Albert Mohler’s entertaining little column so I don’t have to, which saves me a lot of time so I kind of think of you as MY (unpaid, intern level) staff…

  57. 57
    Giliell, professional cynic -Ilk-

    I can’t believe me made it so far without anybody mentioning “A Wizard’s Staff has a Knob on its End”

  58. 58
    Tony! The Queer Shoop

    @49:
    When I think of minions, I think of those ugly demons who served Glorificus in S5 of Buffy. I do not want to be that kind of minion.

  59. 59
    Naked Bunny with a Whip

    @Tony: Well, of course, I didn’t mean anyone here. Y’all have names. I meant all those failing minions out, y’know, there. *waves a paw listlessly* The same nameless masses that petzl20 is talking about.

  60. 60
    Goodbye Enemy Janine

    Tony, when I think of minions, I think of Harmony’s minions.

    And laugh.

  61. 61
    LicoriceAllsort

    Evidence that PZ made his staff work on Black Thursday. Just to drive hits that generate massive ad revenue that fuels his drinking habit. Strike!!

  62. 62
    Naked Bunny with a Whip

    @LicoriceAllsort: It’s a war on being thankful! What’s next, a war on empathy itself? Nahhh…nobody could go that low, not even an evil atheist intellectual.

  63. 63
    Jackie

    @ comment 12:

    I’m digging the idea of a PZ signature perfume line. Hopefully it will catch on and soon science bloggers will all be hawking scents. If pop stars can do it, why not? The commercials alone would be priceless.

  64. 64
    smhll

    Guys, I’m seeing an opportunity for many smutty jokes about PZ’s large and overworked ‘staff’.

  65. 65
    Nerd of Redhead, Dances OM Trolls

    *looks up from grog receipts/inventory*
    Looks like your interns/minions have in the grog again PZ.

  66. 66
    The Mellow Monkey

    Guys, I’m seeing an opportunity for many smutty jokes about PZ’s large and overworked ‘staff’.

    I was thinking a Viagra joke, since this staff hasn’t been doing anyone thing.

  67. 67
    Dr Marcus Hill Ph.D. (arguing from his own authority)

    Wait, surely dick jokes are banned, since they perpetuate the patriarchy?

  68. 68
    PZ Myers

    Dammit, Rebecca! That’s where my staff are! They’re all chasing down vegetarian cashew chicken!

  69. 69
    The Mellow Monkey

    That staff thieving sociopath…

    It does always come back to Rebecca Watson!

  70. 70
    Cynickal

    Personally, I’m on work slow down until I get my officialPZ Has a Posse t-shirt.

  71. 71
    A. R

    I’m still liking the masked stormtrooper march.

  72. 72
    Ing

    @A.R.

    It’s a Spartacus march damn it!

  73. 73
    A. R

    Ummm, didn’t that end in a 200km display of crucified bodies last time?

  74. 74
    chigau (違う)

    Ummm, didn’t that end in a 200km display of crucified bodies last time?

    You say that like it’s a bad thing.

  75. 75
    Ing

    @AR

    Like the Rasputin movie I’m not all the way through to the end, but I’m assuming everything turned out ok

  76. 76
    F [i'm not here, i'm gone]

    joedelaney

    I am PZ Myers… and so is my wife!

    I’m PZ Myers, and so can you!
    -
    I’m not PZ Myers, but I play one on TV.
    -
    I am PZ Myers.
    No, I’m PZ Myers. You always get to be PZ Myers.

  77. 77
    jakc

    I bet PZ’s staff has to use the typewriters that the UK isn’t producing anymore

  78. 78
    Tony! The Queer Shoop

    I would like to award the first ever PZ Myers Sockiepuppet of the year award to comments @59, 60, and 61 for making me snort like Steve Urkel.

  79. 79
    blf

    Pee Zed is a sockpuppet. The blog is written by a Mechanical Turk automaton called Professor Poopyhead.

  80. 80
    Lyn M: G.R.O.S.T. (ADM) -- Membership pending

    Sounds like there should be a Spartacus parade, in which the Mechanical Turk is carried on a float made of sockpuppets using typewriters. Unpaid interns will toss tiny sampler-sized black perfume bottles to the crowds, from their perches on the crucifixes. The banner: “They aren’t PZ Myers, we are.” This gets video’d and we start a our own reddit.

    Votes for the band or bands?

    Note: We will fund this with the interest on the back pay, so we can pick any band at all.

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