There will be cheerfulness! And light-heartedness! Don’t argue with me!
(Episode CCCXXXIX: Steampunk time!.)
Pharyngula
Evolution, development, and random biological ejaculations from a godless liberal
There will be cheerfulness! And light-heartedness! Don’t argue with me!
(Episode CCCXXXIX: Steampunk time!.)
Tony:
Oh god, I hope so.
Morning, all! I hope you all slept okay, especially those who really needed a decent rest. Last night was the first time I’ve gotten a full 8 hours’ sleep in at least three weeks, and I’m feeling fantastic this morning.
Facepalm moment: My advisor was invited to speak at a meeting in the States this week. The meeting was mostly about cultural and political factors affecting the conservation of [critters], and a lot of laypeople were included. For some reason, she was asked to talk about the evolutionary and ecological importance of [critters] and their possible use in evo-devo work. At a coffee break after her talk, one of the non-biologists came up to her and asked, “So you believe in evolution, then?”
Nutmeg,
*facepalm!*
G’morning, evryone for whom it is morning.
Random blogpost, found via some trackback or other on Jason T’s: A couple weeks ago, the Minister of Social Welfare for New Zealand advocated preventing certain women from having babies.
http://beefaerie.wordpress.com/2012/06/07/liberal-dudes-stop-telling-me-being-worried-about-my-bodily-autonomy-is-a-distraction/
also: Legend of Korra season finale! *squeeeee*
I haven’t seen Korra. is it good?
Friend made me watch and riff Passion of the Christ.
Dear god is that a shitty movie. Also apparently Jesus was a shitty carpenter.
Is the page not loading for me or has the party stopped?
@ Audley
It’s quiet out there … too quiet. ::mysterious noises off::
(Actually I’ve been a bit blown away by some of the stuff going on on other threads).
Ehehehehe good now that there’s less people WE can covertly assimilate more of the juicy juicy brains into the collective
*hides in shadows*
Anyone catch Doonesbury’s weeklong series about sexual assault in the military?
It’s quite good, I wish he’d followed up on it more.
http://doonesbury.slate.com/strip/archive/2012/6/5
*hugs to amblebury and julian*
Slept okay, no dreams. I’m lucky. Actually pretty surprised after that last thread, but maybe the rage wore me out.
To whomever recommended Avatar in some incarnation of this thread: Thank You!
I just finished the whole thing, and Aang’s last battle with the fire lord vaguely reminded me of the Sandusky thread. Good synergy, there.
Glenn Beck sees a specific part of God, not the whole thing mind you, just a finger.
http://www.rightwingwatch.org/content/beck-i-have-seen-finger-god
Glad you slept ok, CC.
I really should read Doonesbury more. That was perfect.
Finger?
Oh no! I’m not falling for that one again.
Improbable Joe, even though my mistake stayed inside my head til now, I feel as though I owe you an apology.
You see, your name is [adjective] Joe. When concernedjoe started spewing nonsense in the Sandusky thread, I felt shocked and a little hurt, having mixed him up with you. Couldn’t believe you’d be that insensitive.
Now I realized you weren’t, and I feel very bad for doubting you.
I’m sorry!
When I first started getting into fandom some seven odd years ago, I went looking specifically for a certain couple that had caught my fancy, but apparently next to noöne else cared for them. And so I discovered slash instead.
And now when I’ve on a whim gone back to Fanfiction.net after many years, lo, someone has started writing acceptable stuff for this original couple of mine.
Funny how that works out.
Scenes from Lydia:
Lydia: Oh no! I am very wounded! I must take a knee to recover!
Cipher: Don’t worry, Lydia, I will save us! Just let me shoot this Draugr Deathlord with a fireball!
Lydia: Because I am feeling better, please allow me to jump into the path of the fireball and heroically save the Draugr Deathlord!
@Cipher
Now you know why my quicksave key is worn down to a nub!
Now that the Steam Workshop has been around for awhile, I don’t know why there isn’t a mod that turns off friendly fire. Like I said before, there is absolutely no reason that enemies can’t kill your followers, but you can! I can even forgive the shitty AI if that little design brain-fart didn’t make it worse.
Oh fuck, more storms.
TS Debby has formed in the Gulf of Mexico.
Useful links:
Model output: http://moe.met.fsu.edu/tcgengifs/
Satellite intensity estimation (ADT): http://tropic.ssec.wisc.edu/real-time/adt/adt.html
Hurricane Hunter data (kml plugin): http://tropicalatlantic.com/recon/
[TW for dentistry]
Mrs M woke up yesterday morning in agony. After an emergency appointment at the dentist, for her birthday next week, she’s having a root canal done.
Worst present ever. :-(
In the interim, we’re in pain-management mode. After another emergency appointment at the doctor, there is now codeine.
/vent (sorry)
This scene is why I invested so much time into crafting a set of lightening retardant glass armor.
Now if only she had the sense to drink the resistance to shock potions I keep giving her…
It is not the most romantic present!
In the UK, back before we had the NHS is was quite common for working class women to have all their teeth removed as a 21st birthday present. Apparently this was to save her future husband the cost of on-going dental care.
DLC desperately needs to give us a steam punk syringe gun to fire potions at people
This takes me back to my childhood when I was fascinated by the Time Life series, Mysteries of the Unknown:
This is on my bucketlist.
Matt P:
http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/smile-a-perfect-smile-but-dont-laugh–we-have-officially-lost-our-dentures-1336158.html
—
Josh, restored as the OSG:
*shudder*.
Verbing nouns weirds language. ;)
(And thanks for #439.)
24 comments in 9 hours. Is this a record?
Libertarians fill me with rage. How can people whose whole argument boils down to “DEEEEEEEEEEEEERP I DONT GET IT! GRFEGEWGW” expect to be seen as the smart guys?
Well, if TET’s hit a lull, there was something I was wondering:
I was reading different articles on that Planetsave website about solar panels and the impending energy crisis, and I was curious if anyone has done a comparison of
1. How much energy we need.
2. How much comes from/remains of “traditional” sources (coal, oil, natural gas).
3. How much we could expect to get from “non-traditional” and renewable sources (which I guess would be nuclear fission/fusion if we ever get that figured out, wind, solar, geothermal, tidal, hydroelectric)
I’ve heard before that even if we utilized several different renewable sources, they wouldn’t be enough to meet current energy demands, but I didn’t see any analysis behind that statement.
Justin. Fucking. Griffith. Thanks bro. Thanks for the non-derailing support. Ur awsum.
Has anyone used “teach me a language” software? A new girl has joined my Girl Scout troop, and she has very little English, having recently moved to the US from Ecuador. I have pretty much NO Spanish, having taken French in college 20-some years ago (I haven’t used it since then). Her mom or her step-father will be coming with her to meetings while she learns English, but it would be nice if I had SOME Spanish.
@Josh
That is grade A Horseshit right there.
And gah… I am the sort of person who sometimes ends up thinking about that. *Waah, you’re being so mean and censoring the words… they’re just words, you’re being knee-jerk, right?”
But then I realize I’m being a COMPLETE IDIOT.
Griffith’s missed the latter part.
<— privileged noob…
Can anyone see my comment at Justin’s blog? I got the “Your comment is awaiting moderation” message on it but lots of other people have commented after me.
If not, I’ll post what I said over there here:
This is frustrating. My first comment went through at Justin Griffith’s instantly. For some reason my second is being held up in moderation. Here it is, just in case:
Josh, Official SpokesGay says: Your comment is awaiting moderation.
June 23, 2012 at 8:43 pm
Justin—your post has some good points and it’s not pure fail, but it’s got some really, really, really, really, really big fails and I’m surprised at you.
Both sides of this argument
No. False equivalence. Which “sides” are you talking about? The “it’s OK to bitch and twat and cunt and make rape jokes” side versus those of us who (as we’re being targeted) say “no?” Those “sides?” That’s fucking insulting and intellectually lazy. You’re better than that.
Both sides are supportive of reasonable, realistic, ethical, enforceable, sexual harassment policies at events. Wasn’t that the point of the year long argument that erupted at elevator-gate?
I’m going to charitably assume you haven’t been reading enough of what’s going on, because it is NOT true that the bitching-cunting side (see, I do get language in context. Duh.) supports those things. They’ve torn into people for proposing them! Some of them say they support reasonable policies, but then they draw lines so fine and mock/shame women when they report actual abuse. Justin, they’re NOT morally equivalent positions. Stop using the fallacy of the golden mean.
That being said…
I support Abbie Smith.
I don’t support everything she says or does,
What does this even mean? What are you trying to get across when you say you “support” Abbie Smith? Serious question, because it’s vague and loaded. For instance, it reads to me to be very likely implying the following things:
1. Justin thinks there’s something wrong with peoples’ objections to Abbie.
2. Justin means to get that point across in a scolding way, which is why he used big bold letters.
3. Justin’s objections to the reaction to Abbie aren’t clear, but boy he sure looks like he’s morally scolding people who’ve cut her off and that’s really disturbing. It appears he doesn’t get how serious this is for many of us and that he thinks we’re going overboard not to overlook her behavior and keep “supporting” her blogging.
Justin—seriously. Read this slowly, please, and think about it for a few minutes before you respond. Would you expect me not to get pissed if the slimepit were engaging in faggoty-fag-fag bash-you-fag shit? Would you expect me to be magnanimous and would you think it was appropriate for you to “support” the slimepit? I don’t think you would (good God, I hope you wouldn’t). But you’re doing that to women who are experiencing exactly the analogous abuse.
Or something. But you don’t unpack it. At the very least it’s sloppy writing Justin—it’s the kind of thing politicians say when they mean to throw in with a “side” and scold the others but without taking responsibility for saying why in detail.
You have a responsibility to do better. This isn’t just a gaffe on Abbie’s part and it’s pretty damned high-handed to act as if it were. If you don’t want people to read these implications in (and you may well dispute that you implied those things) then don’t write vague crap.
@Josh
Either he’s moderating comments all of a sudden, or he’s got a bad-word filter on since we both used words like “cunt” in our comments. I thought he was Mister I-Don’t-Even-Ban-Trolls?
What a relief. All that stuff the slimepitters said about how horrible FtB is…that’s just them being ironic. The incredible hatred aimed at Rebecca Watson and Ophelia Benson and Stephanie Zvan? Just friendly joshin’ around.
To read even a fraction of the venom over there and not think that they have a genuine, deep hatred for those people requires a degree of naivete beyond comprehension.
@Josh
Yep, it’s a bad word filter. We got sent to moderation for using the word “cunt” in an explanation but he gets to use it in his post. Weird.
ImaginesABeach:
:( Sorry, I’ll do my best to fill in while wading through the cesspit of the Ron Paul thread.
A
shortvery long pregnancy related rant (feel free to skip):Cast of characters:
Me (five months pregnant)
My Asshole Sister (who is an asshole)
The Pregnant Lady Ensemble: B (my sister-in-law, 7 months along), X (My Asshole Sister’s SiL, 8.5 months along), Y (My Asshole Sister’s other SiL, 7 months along (X’s older sister))*
I am sick sick sick sick SICK of My Asshole Sister.
I bought a pretty blue (and comfortable!) maternity dress a week ago. Now, it does what decent maternity wear does well– it makes my bump look round and cute. Plus, I thought it was flattering and I like wearing it. The first time My Asshole Sister saw me wear it went something like this:
MAS (pointedly looking at my belly): How far along are you?
Me: 21 weeks.
MAS: You know, X didn’t start showing until she was in her seventh month. And Y didn’t show until her sixth month.
Me: Okay. I was weighed earlier this week and I’ve only gained seven pounds overall. I’m just carrying everything up front. And B started showing two months in, but no one made a big deal about it.
MAS: snorts You’re going to be huge by October.
Yes, ladies and gentleman, My Asshole Sister is still calling me fat, even though I’ve explained to her time and time again that I’m healthy, feeling good, and my docs are pleased with my progress. The important take away is the X and Y are doing it right and everything about my pregnancy is apparently wrong.
Take today for example:
MAS: Have you been using coco butter?
Me: I just bought some Burt’s Bees body butter today. B recommended it and it smells like cupcakes!
MAS: But you haven’t started using it yet.
Me: No, but I’ve only noticed two little stretch marks so far.
MAS: Well, X and Y have been using coco butter since they found out they were pregnant and they have no stretch marks. You’re not very good at planning ahead, are you?
I could go on and on and on, but this is already in teal deer territory. To sum up, My Asshole Sister does whatever the older sister equivalent of mansplaining is (she knows everything about pregnancy and what you’re supposed to do, despite not ever having been pregnant), unfavorably compares me to other women that she knows, and insinuates that I’m too fat all to my face. I’m at my fucking wit’s end with this shit.
*Everyone’s preggers, what can I say?
@Audley
Uh…I hope this isn’t too rude, but what the fuck is the deal with your sister? I don’t think dermatologists are so insistent or so shaming when it comes to freaking skin care. And getting on to you about where your baby is, as if you have some control over that? Why does she think it’s her place to criticize what and how you do pretty much everything?
Your sister’s a fuckin’ jerk, Audley, and she’s consistently so. When are you going to tell her to knock the shit off?
Audley, has she always spoken to you like this? Speaking as an eldest sibling, I never went at my siblings like that, even when I was purposely trying to annoy them. (Though I have not done that in decades.)
Audley… I wish there was some way I could describe how I feel about your sister’s behaviour without being even more of an asshole than she is.
How about instead I give you pictures of the kittens we found in a paper bag at my work today? They are making me suuuuuuuper maternal.
http://img3.imageshack.us/img3/8445/kitten2f.jpg
http://img20.imageshack.us/img20/9445/kitten33.jpg
http://img266.imageshack.us/img266/9076/kitten1y.jpg
Audley, you be pregnant the way you and your doctor want you to be pregnant. Everyone who is not you or your doctor should SHUT THE FUCK UP!
Seriously, I gained 75 pounds when pregnant with GirlChild, and I got really tired of hearing about how huge I was. Yes, I know I’m the size of a small elephant. No, you don’t need to be afraid to get between me and my food. Yes, my doctor is concerned but not because I look bad, but because I’m retaining enough water to float a barge.
He may moderating the thread to make sure it doesn’t become to inflammatory. Nothing inherently wrong with so long as it keeps everything moving forward.
Audley: That must be infuriating. I know that pregnancy places a lot of annoying restrictions on you, so have an *internet basket full of all the things you want but can’t have right now*.
If it helps at all, I’m learning a lot from all the pregnancy discussions here lately. Some of my friends will probably start producing spawn in the next few years, and the things I’ve learned here will help me to be less of a judgmental asshole.
Wow, asshole sister is an asshole.
Is she an asshole to everyone, on a variety of subjects or are you the object of extra-special attention?
Catching up… it was too damn hot yesterday to sit in front of a computer in here, and the P-RAM battery was dying on me anyway. Now it’s pleasantly cool and I have a new battery.
Dianne:
I agree. As well as with Keenacat on how the decision kinda has to default to the parents.
Esteleth, I used to attend support groups for mood disorders, and I heard a lot of rhetoric about the connection between bipolar disorder and creativity. The rhetoric about the connection between ASDs and STEM proficiency reminds me of that. I didn’t see all that many talented artists in those support groups. I saw a lot of misery. I think that proficiency in either STEM or the arts (not that they’re mutually exclusive) could be inculcated sufficiently through pedagogy by both parents and teachers and through a culture that is not rabidly anti-intellectual.
I get that many people with an ASD view it as an integral part of who they are, rather than a disorder. As an introvert who needs a lot of “down time,” I do think society could be a hell of a lot better (especially here in the U.S.) at not pathologizing that. I don’t feel, however, that oversensitivity to certain stimuli (for example) is a net good in my life. Same with a certain degree of face-blindness that I have.
Also, I thought the honorary member of the “Chibi Squad” was 6’4″?
Ing:
“The Godbreaker is my penis.”
Which is apparently fine for management, not for union members.
Birger:
Some people love hot, sticky weather. Takes all kinds, I guess.
Also, my next band will be called Swastika Rehabilitation.
Dalillama:
Having been to Miami, to Disneyworld, and to the Panhandle at various times of the year… I heartily concur.
PTI:
Well, sure. It’s a blog site that hosts lesbian narcissists.
Louis, I think there’s a place for rote memorization in education. I don’t think it’s a substitute for thinking and discussing and writing, but all those activities need a base of facts to build on, and a good way to get facts down pat is to repeat them over and over.
The whole point of getting into the Queueueueueueue should be that, if you are bepenised, you don’t have to pull your pork.
John Morales:
Plenty of those in the Dieux de Stade calendar, I hear…
I’m skimming the Skyrim discussion and I keep wondering what the Democratic Leadership Council has to do with anything.
Josh, people have been verbing nouns for centuries. You just did that, too. “Verb” is a noun. :P
Audley, I agree with Josh. Time to tell her, “Mind your own fucking business.”
@ Audley
Wow, Asshole Sisters™ could be a meme.
When I was huge (10 lb baby and I was ultrasounded to see if he was twins), my Asshole Sister™ explained in a long phone call about how she had decided to have children too, but she and her hub were going to wait until they had a house. It was just irresponsible and thoughtless to try to raise a child in a mere apartment. I was pretty upset at the comments as I was due to pop the kid in about two weeks. Looking back I was very upset about that call, which was not as mean as even one of the comments you have put up with. I snapped, “I don’t think the child’s development will be affected if we hold the land allodially or by tenure,” and hung up. *Sigh* Obscurely worded insults are not very satisfactory. When the connection was broken, I yelled, “Shut the fuck up you dozy git!!” but it was too late.
By the way, Asshole Sister™ turned out to have some form of personality disorder, which at least made it less personal. It kind of grew on her until her behaviour was so strange it ended up in a few hospitalisations. She’s stable now, but is in touch about once every two to three years. Which is just fine by me!
Julian—yeah, it was a naughty word filter. I was careful not to say I suspected being “censored” because I know that’s too easy a cheap accusation to make. When so many otherwise right-n-good people disappoint one, though, it gets very hard not to go there in one’s head.
Justin’s bullshit pisses me off. Does anyone actually stop and think about how they’ll be received? Cause the very best thing we need is more pretend time that this issue is ‘nuanced’ and that both sides ‘have a point’. FFS I find it very personally offensive that I be treated as if I’m on the same level as “kick them in the cunt” people.
RahXephon,
No clue. We used to have a pretty decent relationship, then I got pregnant and everything went all to hell.
After I made The Announcement™ to my family, she didn’t speak to me for damned near a month. I think I liked it better that way.
She has always been critical of me, but it’s gotten way worse that I’ve ever dealt with before.
What’s super frustrating to me isn’t just that she’s comparing me to her SiLs (although that’s super shitty, trust me), but that she’s even dragging them into this in the first place. I know them pretty well and I doubt they’d be happy to learn that she’s using their pregnancies to criticize me.
Josh:
*sigh* I don’t know. I want to, trust me, but I’m worried that there’s something else going on with her that she hasn’t told me about. I don’t want to hurt her unnecessarily (never mind that she’s not willing to show me the same courtesy).
Derp. Irony, Ms. Daisy, Irony. And conscious and intentional. And also I don’t have to like it aesthetically, historical precedent or no:))
The only moral verbing is my verbing.
Audley:
If I may (and if I may not I’ll gladly take your scorn in public), you seem to be falling into a trap set out for women: be the peacemaker in the family and bend over backwards to not hurt someone who’s hurting you because it means they’re hurt.
Her potential problems are not an excuse for treating you like shit. And that’s exactly what she’s doing. There’s no contradiction in the following:
“Sister, I’m not going to put up with your sniping at me. You’ve been rude, passive-aggressive and quite poisonous to me. It stops now or we stop talking until you can act like a person. Now, I love you, and I’m concerned that you may be under stress. If that’s so, please let me know if there’s a way I can support you. But you may not abuse me. End of discussion.”
Carefully writes down:
The only moral verbing is my verbing.
Thinks, probably means himself.
Fair enough.
I’m probably being bone-headed, Lyn, but I don’t get what you mean to put across.
Geek misogyny, continued… I’m not fond of Amanda Marcotte for various reasons, but this post of hers rounds up a lot of links. Trigger warnings for rape and assorted other fuckery. She also mentions the bullshit going on in the atheist/skeptic community, both around TAM and around the “fuck card” that Elyse got handed by the swingers.
Also, on the subject of rape as a plot device in games: how about NO. And the OP can take his snotty “Reading before judging” “mood” and shove it up his ass and chase it with a moldy porcupine. Fuck am I tired of assholes who think that entertaining shitty ideas, especially mainstream-approved shitty ideas, is “keeping an open mind.”
I’m sorry, Josh. I was picturing me writing that as if I said the my referring to myself. I know it does not and was attempting to be humorous.
Mission: Failed.
Anyone stupid enough to title something “In defense of Rape” does not deserve my time or consideration.
If they couldn’t think far enough ahead to see that as idiotic I doubt they have any actual insights.
Bah.
Audley:
Yes, Asshole Sister is an Asshole. I really don’t have any advice to give you on that front, never being pregnant or involved in family matters.
Ing, Josh
Justin may just be moderating, or being spiteful (aside from the original post’s shit.
Daisy Cutter;
On ASDs, I disagree. I am pleased with my life and I wouldn’t be the same without it; like you said, it is an integral part in my view.
Therefore, I think that treatment should wait until the spawn with a (mild) ASD has the option to choose whether they want it.
But I do understand it may be hard on the parents; I’ve only seen this from one side of the issue. It’s really a balancing act between individual choice and impacts on society.
And I’d join the Queueueueueue, but I haven’t met the age of consent yet.
Oh. . .it was just me being bone-headed! That was funny, and I think the fail was mine:)
I hope everyone got that I was making fun of my own prissiness; there’s a lot of Concentrated Stupid going around so one never knows.
Asked and answered. You’re two steps behind right now. Also I was never held up for moderation. He’s not censoring, he’s just fucking clueless
Ing. Derp.
I’m being clueless as well. Thanks for the hint.
@ Josh,
Oh, totally a barge load of Concentrated Stupid, with added distilled essence of Dimbulbitude.
Actually, I intend to steal your line as I thought it was funny and I fully intend to be the only moral [fill in preferred activity] on future occasions.
It’s ok, I came off nastier than I intended. My eyes fell out of their sockets at Justin’s post.
Ing Abridged Version: I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT MY POINT IS!!!!! I SUPPORT ABBY (but can’t give any examples of that) I HAVE NO POINT WANK WANK WANK!!!
Well either that, or too lazy to read the comments.
When I talked about how people here actually expect other people to read the whole thread, one of the dudebros I know piped up, “Wow, they’re anal…”
Um… how?
Janine:
To an extent– she’s always been critical of me and our younger sister and there’s always been the Older Sister Knows Best vibe* (or
manolder-sister-‘splaining). But this level of assholery is completely unprecedented.rowanvt:
OH. MY. GAWD.
Correct me if I’m wrong, but you’re a vet, right? They’re so teeny tiny– are they going to be okay?
ImaginesABeach:
Oof. That seriously sucks. I just wish that people would get it through their heads that how a pregnant lady looks is none of your goddamn business, no matter how fucking huge you think she is.
Insensitive jackasses.
Nutmeg:
:) I’m glad I haven’t just come off as a big whiner!
And if you end up having any questions, you can always ask here.
amblebury:
Oh, she’s a bit of an asshole all around, but I’m still the object of extra-special attention, whee!
Daisy:
I’m working on it. Just trying to figure out how.
Lyn:
For fuck’s sake. It’s like we can’t do anything right, can we?
I thought that was an awesome response! Too bad most of the time I’m just sputtering “guh? what?” and don’t come up with any type of comeback until an hour later.
*Never mind that we’ve got a sister that’s even older than My Asshole Sister is, but she doesn’t pull that shit. (In fact, it’s become a little bit of a game for Eldest Sister to text me that most ridiculous sounding baby names she can think of. The last one I got was Atari.)
Audley:
Like this (http://xkcd.com/1011/) but worse?
Atari! I love it!
We had a friend who told us when we got two cats that the names we chose were TOO FANCY. (Max and Zoe) and when we had children we would regret it.
Huh?
So we made up a special birth announcement just for her, for each of the births, the last welcoming our daughter Fluffy, a sister for our son Spot.
As to my insult, I sure hope she had to look it up. That always used to piss her off.
BWAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH!
I heart you, Lyn.
Audley
If Atari is the weirdest name you sister has found, she isn’t trying hard enough. How about Vodkeeda? Or Two Thousand? Stalin?
Josh:
It’s not just that, but it’s my own family dynamic at play and I fucking know this, but I don’t know how to change it. Not to be terribly cliched, but I am the middle child– I don’t want to rock the boat and I never have. So I’ve got both of those things working against me.
I really want to tell her that I love her but she’s being a hurtful asshole, but that little voice in my head is screaming “NO, YOU WILL HURT HER AND YOU’LL NEVER BE ABLE TO REPAIR THAT RELATIONSHIP AND EVERYONE WILL BLAME YOU FOR BEING INSENSITIVE AND YADDA YADDA YADDA” and that’s a hell of a thing to talk yourself out of, you know?
Chortle. We have 3 girls, and one of our responses to the (thankfully rare, but still obnoxious) “Ooh, you’ll be wanting a boy this time” crap was, Yes! And the manly man-child shall be named the manliest-man name EVAR! he shall be called…
BEEFER GAS-AXE ADAMS
Audley, (and here I go offering suggestions. Please feel free to ignore)
When I get into that kind of thinking, meaning where something not too helpful from childhood keeps repeating and urging you to take the hit for the team, I ask myself if I would let others treat my daughter Fluffy that way. If I think no, then I speak up.
Sometimes.
But quietly.
And thanks Josh! I must say, a compliment from the master is treasured.
thunk:
:D
Not worse, not yet anyway. Besides Atari, I’ve gotten Bellatrix and Belladonna (she was on a kick that day), and Moonbeam. There have been a couple of others, but I don’t have my phone handy to check the texts.
Lyn:
♥!
Come on, my gerbils are Chuck and Syd, my turtle is Emery, and two of my cats are Harley and Maggie. I like fancy named pets!
ImaginesABeach:
Two Thousand Darkheart sounds like a mercenary company. :D
Sheharazhade Anderson.
Also there is a woman who must have changed her name because I can’t imagine her folks named her Laura From Mora.
PureAsia.
Twins – Crystal and Sparkle
These all all real people.
Beefer Gas-Axe Adams, you say? Quite manly, I am forced to agree. And a brother? Beefcake Nuke Diamond?
Wow, this is like, the convergence! Not only did I also have an Asshole Sister™, but ALSO a cat named Harley!
We can’t be sisters because neither of us are assholes. Hmmm. Lost cousins?
SQUEE for the little bitty kittens! I hope they are okay. Found in a bag? Uh, why would someone do that? =(
Audley, I’m sorry you’re stuck with Asshole Sister. I get what you mean about family and not wanting to say anything. I’m the exact opposite of you so I don’t feel right giving advice about your situation. I’ve cut off large parts of my family permanently and some people for large periods of time. I hope your sister cuts the shit out and things get better.
Josh, Thanks for the happy mailz! We’re all good currently. Roomie still has job and this months rent will be the last month we’re late on paying (because Roomie’s full check won’t be gotten til after the 1st). Now I just need a job and Roomie needs to keep theirs. =)
HAHAHAHA. Love it.
#79 was directed at Audley, of course.
I meant to do that.
Yes!
And their first solids shall be shark and granite sandwiches.
–
Also, Max and Zoe are fancy names for cats? Whut?!
–
Shuffles feet at compliments.
Thanks.
It was pretty good. We laughed a lot at the time. She never responded, by the way. It just never happened in her ‘verse.
amblebury:
My bladder control!
… It is gone.
My mother had two responses to insensitive assholes that insisted that she must be disappointed to have four girls:
1) “Oh, really? Which one should I trade in, then?”
or
2) wrinkles nose “Why would I want one of those? Ew.”
That shut most people up.
Lyn:
This is what I’m trying to do for myself, but it’s freaking hard. :(
@ amblebury
We were said to have used up all the good names, and would not be able to use them for actual children. I suppose because when I called for Zoe to come in, I might feed the cat the chicken and give my daughter the flea collar. You know. Lady brains.
So basically I have no idea WTF she was thinking.
I read the last few comments on “Periodic Table of Swearing” [in which CommanderTuvok refers to Jason Thibeault as “Jason Lousy Cunt” (nope, no sexism over there!)] and man, they sure have a hate-on for you, Josh!
@ Audley
I found it easier when I had Fluffy there. I could see so many family dynamics more clearly and put her first, where appropriate. It is hard. But doing it helps. You have LOTS to do over the coming years, so I hope you won’t beat yourself up over it. Vent lots, of course. /mom voice.
@ amblebury — Mere granite? Jade is hardly that expensive. Think of the tiny menz!
ImaginesABeach:
No joke, I knew a set of twins that were Tiffany and Tiara.
Lyn:
Or the same freaking person.
Here’s the question: are you my sockpuppet or am I yours?
JAL:
Thank you.
Twins names: real life: Chanda and Cava. Family name: Leer. No lie!
Audley as I am clearly your elder, I claim the right sock puppet, making you the left one.
By the way, I turned 60 today. Never thought I’d get here after the heart attack. I’m pretty danged perky about that.
I went to school with a Cinnamon Graham. Her sister’s name was Ginger. /facepalm
YAY Lyn! Happy Birthday!
So this slime pit is where that misogynist ERV lets assholes hang out and be dipshits while she tries to be one of the boys by being her misogynist self, have I got this about right? A yes or no is sufficient I just want to see if I have the basic gist of it from context.
Happy birthday, Lyn!
Clicks jaws shut after reading MissEla post.
Oh, yes, JAL, Thank you!
@Rutee
Yes
Almost forgot…
I also used to work with a Sandra Claus. She often went by Sandy…
For the love of humanity! Parents, THINK and TRY OUT names *before* you stick them on your children!!!!!
Audley, thank you! It’s a pretty good day. I have champagne in the fridge, a steak and a NEW PHONE!
Can life hold any more?
I do take Pharyngula for granted, I confess, although it is something really special.
MissEla, so true! And if all your friends avoid your eyes and mutter when you say the name you are considering, reconsider!
Also give them middle names. Many middle names. They are a refuge for the name-maimed among us.
Camp Quest: Indoctrinating children!
http://www.cracked.com/article/111_8-insane-ways-parents-are-politically-brainwashing-children_p2/
Yep. I know it is. But I’ve got nothin’ except what sounds like flippant, “tough love” advice. Because really, that’s all there is.
Get over it. It’s not your problem. You can allow her to keep being a jerk to you or you can say no. It’s really that binary. If she continues, cut her off. There are worse things than shutting certain family members out of your life. The whole world won’t come crashing down if you shun the asshole sister. And if it does (i.e.. . .mom, dad, and the other sibs raise a ruckus) then give them a vacation too. No, I’m not saying it’s easy or mess-free. It isn’t. But nothing is. They’ll get over it. If they don’t, fuck ’em. You’ve got enough work cut out for you without them.
Yes.
Happy birthday, Lyn!
Also, I LOL’ed at the fact that you regularly snarked your sister with words she had to look up, and she resented it.
No discussion of bad names can be complete without a mention of “Vulva Mae.”
Regarding baby names
http://www.bugcomic.com/comics/stupid-baby-name-police/
Watching Deliver Us From Evil.
If you want a good example (like anyone needs one) of Catholic abuse coverup, watch this.
And some
I was just reading the podcast thread, and it’s great to see that there are ways to participate while preserving anonymity for those of us in positions that don’t allow us to be “out,” especially considering that I would like to participate at some point in time, though I’ll probably be a bit dull and/or just plain stupid on stuff that doesn’t involve hard science/viruses!
Thank you, Miss Daisy.
Yes, there are ways of getting even. She could spell and also killed at Scrabble, so the fact that I knew lots of words drove her crazy. I can’t spell without a good computer to hand, but damn, I got lots of crazy vocabulary.
@Rev. BigDumbChimp
Yeah that documentary had me bawling from rage. Couldn’t sit through the whole thing.
Slimepitter John Greg tells on himself responding to me at Justin’s place:
@Josh
Fuck the Goey Globs of Gooberness, Josh. They’re not worth it.
Yeah it’s rough.
They’re not worth it, Ing, but ensuring that people of good will see how ethically depraved they are is worth it. I want people to know what they’re dealing with. They need to see that the John Greg’s of the world are gleefully calling them “it”.
Fuck me. . I can’t believe I put an errant apostrophe in my last post. Stupid, stupid SpokesGay.
Josh:
Thanks, Josh. I really mean it.
My parents and other sisters aren’t in the middle of shit and I highly doubt that they will take sides in it. There may be some grumbling that Xmas will be awkward if Asshole Sister and I aren’t talking, but that will probably be the extent of it. Thinking that “everyone will blame me” is completely irrational on my part.
But, yeah. You’re exactly right. I haven’t stood up for myself because I am sabotaging myself for no fucking reason whatsoever. The world isn’t going to end if I stop being the little sister and start acting like an adult. If she is having some sort of personal problems, I didn’t cause them, so I should be able to tell her to grow the fuck up and stop taking her frustrations out on me. If she isn’t having personal problems, then she just needs to stop being a asshole for sport.
I matter too, dammit. I can’t let myself forget that.
This might make me a terrible, petty, spiteful thing to admit, but when I’ve been really angry with her, I’ve fantasized about her being preggers so I can gleefully point out every tiny little detail that she’s doing wrong.
But I won’t because that would be needlessly cruel.
I don’t know, Josh. Someone as completely fabulous as you does owe the little people. If you don’t appear from time to time, think how drab their little lives will be.
Of course, they can’t handle real style, so you probably shouldn’t go that often. Their teensy lives would just implode. Poor things.
I don’t show up there. I would have to care whether they lived or died, and frankly … is that a bunny? No, really, over there.
What? Oh, it couldn’t have been important.
Unfortunately, I’ve tried deploying logic. It’s nae havin’ any effec’, Cap’n!
Exactly. Keep this up. You’re right to feel this way. She doesn’t have a never-ending ethical claim to your forbearance.
Believe me, there’s a reason I’ve chosen to live outside comfortable driving distance of my immediate family since I’ve been an adult with income. I will not put up with their shit. I’ll help when they need help and I’ll cut them dead when they’re being assholes. Being born into a brood doesn’t morally obligate one to be an available punching bag.
Frankly, nuclear families have gotten off pretty goddamned lucky for a long time; it ain’t that hard to form a “family” of one’s own choosing composed of decent people who act like human beings.
Shorter me: You’re not indispensable just because we share proportionally more DNA than we do with the lady across the street.
Just so (he says sniffily as he wraps himself up in unbearably expensive furs and vamps before the bathroom mirror).
Careful. Christina did something similar and ended up with an impromptu and very unflattering asymmetrical pixie cut.
Ah, the joys of having Cipher’s brain.
Every day is an adventure.
I was playing Skyrim and got motion sickness, so when I managed to tear myself away and cling to my pillows, I started watching a Dollhouse episode I have watched many many times before without issue (Briar Rose, for those who are familiar).
This time, apparently, it was an issue. I went from zero to violent agitated crying in a split second. I actually startled myself.
Yep.
So, I think probably the price of being in that thread last night.
Ugh.
St. Entitlement’s?
Is that next to St. Profit’s Medical Center?
Oh… and just recently
I saw a sign next to some Catholic church thingy/convent, or whatever.
It said “Stand up for Religious Freedom”, advertising a rally, or something.
Oh great. etc.
There’s a lot of right-wingers in our town.
Oh.
My.
God.
I can’t tell you how elated I am that you said that. You get it.
Joan: What do you think you’re doing?
Christina: Nothing Mommie. . .I was just
Joan: Walking around, crazying up face
I could go on, but I won’t. I’ll just remind you that it was only setting lotion.
And that wigs don’t magically grow back between edits.
Yes, and right down the street is St. Mary of the Whiners’ Butthurt Clinic.
Cipher: Ouch.
My sympathies. Small cake and USB soup available from me.
Cipher: Would bacon help? If so, expect a large amount to arrive via USB.
@Josh
I’m pretty sure we’ve talked about this before. When I was a wee gay sproutling, I watched Mommie Dearest far more times than most boys my age would have (which isn’t hard, since the most times they would watch it would’ve probably been zero).
I was hooked from the opening when she turned around in that sequined ice-skater leotard thing and the eyebrows up to the ceiling.
@ Cipher #120
I hope you will consider the “quality” of the assclams that attached themselves to the bottom of the rusting hulk in that thread.
I know it won’t really address the reactions today, but perhaps at some point will help put some perspective on those utter morons, some distance. I mean assuming you were a man as soon as they noticed you made a telling point!
With “reasoning abilities” that well honed, they were stupid assclams. With issues.
It is really a shame that you pay such a price for standing up to them. I think anyone with a brain, I mean one that’s working, must respect you greatly. I sure do.
“Let’s go!”
threadrupt
My bronchitis is almost gone.
I bought a new netbook.
How do I get my bookmarks from this machine to the netbook?
Chigau, do you have FEBE on firefox? You can synch machines.
Concentratedwater has flounced on meh. I haz a sad.
Concentrated water … so not the nym of a physicist?
Oh, he unflounced, but he won’t talk to me.
Ugh, I’m crittersitting a chinchilla for a month or so, and the POO! How can one animal poo that much?!?!?! Her mansion is cleaned *every night*, and there seems to be *more* on each following night! Even my birds don’t poo that much. So nasty. :(
Lyn M
I don’t have anything yet, other than the comes-with setup crap.
Which is Windoows and exxplorer.
tomorrow
(advice still accepted and appreciated)
Right, well if your home computer has firefox and that’s where your bookmarks are, you can create a file and transfer it to another firefox using an add on FEBE. There is also a synch feature.
Using a google account will let you synch quite a bit across machines as well.
I haven’t used Explorer in about 20 million computer years (6 years in human years), so can offer nothing about that.
Where are the bookmarks on your home machine?
MissEla
What are you feeding her?
smelly cat
CW will talk to me!
I feel a bit, well, bullied.
Fuck Justin for aiding & abetting.
Lyn M
I have firefox nowhere. (this will be corrected on the new netbook)
I access the current bookmarks through explorer.
Where they are actually stored is a mystery beyond my understanding.
(now I’m really going to bed)
OK, when you install firefox, do it on your home computer as well as it usually imports your bookmarks. Then you can transfer from one browser to the other pretty easily.
Good night
You’re so lucky!
…is lucky the right word?
LOL–hilarious! Reminds me of another story… In this case, it’s just her regular food, but it seems like she’s eating 5x her body weight to produce that. much. poo. (She’s not, it just seems like it!)
Chigau, this may seem obvious, but can you download FF on your old computer now? IIRC, you should be able to import your current bookmarks into a new browser, as long as it’s on the same machine. Then you could do the Xmarks/FEBE thing with your new one. (Though if your old computer is messed up, it’s a moot point.)
Oh man, that Ron Paul thread is bringing back memories of my discussion with my brother. Racist intentions vs actions and being called racist being worse than being a bigot reaction people have.
So… I know a few blithertarians.
There is one of them.
Started out by saying “Feminism is responsible for the 40% increase in single mothers! DERPDERPDERP!*
And it just went on from there… I’ve blocked most of it out of my mind.
The only attempt at debate thus far ended horribly. This was weapons-grade bullshit.
Especially with bystanders berating me for being angry or somesuch.
At my school, dudebros run rampant and unchecked. *sigh*.
So far, I haven’t succeeded in teaching them anything.
Er…someone, who shall remain nameless, fell asleep in front of the toasty fire, with their ‘pooter on their lap.
Happy Birthday Lyn!
Ooh, I’ve woken up just in time for din-dins.
Yikes, the Paraguayan senate voted out the Paraguayan president.
(if you saw this in the Ron Paul thread, oops, I accidentally put it in the wrong thread due to not checking if I was in the right tab)
Thank you amblebury. someone dozed off here, too.
Audley @ 68- Vet tech, so equivalent to an RN as I am licensed. And they *should* be okay. They’re definitely robust, LOUD, and eager to eat!
I will post more piccies for you tomorrow, as itty bitty kitties tend to be (at least for me) good emotional therapy. Provided PZ doesn’t send out the anti-cat squid brigade. >_>
JAL @ 80 – Yep, a bag. As to why, I have no idea. They had clearly recently been with momma cat as they all had full tummies when we found them.
thunk: Dealing with stupid people (meatspace trolls) can be quite challenging. Perhaps you can direct them here for a prompt disassembly?
If anyone didn’t see it, the shark and granite sandwich is a phrase taken from one of Brownian’s comments (no.235) on the, A Totally Unbelievable Fantasy post of June 21st. The entire thing is worth reading for the hilarity that ensued, amidst the wrenching sadness of someone describing how his pee-pee’s fee-fees got hurt.
–
My ability to create hyperlinks is gone it seems. Death-throes of ye olde computer.
–
A totally unbelievable fantasy | Pharyngula
So, I finally got a working computer for a few minutes and I see Justin’s post and this person whose ‘nym I don’t recognize at all is ranting about my comment about the Onion article by “Nation’s 9-year-old boys” who said that if Americans see them being raped, they should totally not hesitate to call the cops.
Concentratedwater seems to have a real animus against me and enjoys insulting me for being on welfare (regardless of whether I am or not). And he’s going around spreading lies about me. I am weirded out.
Why does this Phil Giordana nick seem so familiar to me?
He’s in the dungeon, I believe, Coyote.
Concentratedwater is a weird one indeed.
I have just been threatened with legal action. This night is going swimmingly!
Ooooo, legal action! What thread, please?
By who ?
Lyn M: http://freethoughtblogs.com/rockbeyondbelief/2012/06/23/i-suppose-i-look-at-the-slimepit-differently/
This thread. Comment 244.
Michael Kingsford Gray sez:
Too bad this is too long to fit in my Nym, eh?
Oh, darn, yes! That would be pretty good. What is the federal offence, by the way? I gather he is threatening Justin (guessing from ustin).
Oh, analogy to publishing libel. The publisher has to retract and then xe is no longer part of the case. Not an “offence” meaning criminal, though, far as I know.
And truth is always a defence.
TLC link @ 160,
Jesus fuck, what the ?
I purposefully haven’t written anything about anything related to ERV or slimepit on my blog for months, but fuck, this asshole is tempting me. To be so clueless and ignorant after all that has happened is simply astonishing. “Both sides seem a little blind” ? Seriously ? Who is this fuckwad ?
From the EFF. section 230 of Title 47 of the United States Code (47 USC § 230). Generally bloggers are protected from suit. Further, if a comment is read in context and is clearly not meant in a literal way, then it is unlikely to attract damages. That is, most courts will not give a plaintiff damages.
I think this online lawyer is not up to date on the law. And it would be defamation he’s on about, not so much libel. I don’t see how he comes after someone using a nym without a lot of preliminary court orders granting him leave to get the name etc. Doesn’t seem to have a prima facie case, really.
Just my first glance thoughts.
/to get the real name
thunk @33:
Uh, no. Sorry to inform you.
You are not an idiot.
Hope that doesn’t bum you out.
Oh, but this thread is hilarious. It’s like a “Best Of” of the worst of the last 12 months.
And I don’t think this is helping :
Actually, no, that will not do at all. Read up on shit and make yourself knowledgeable before you kick people in the shins with some ill-informed and clueless blog post, people who have been tirelessly fighting the kind of blind hatred, misogyny and misinformation sown by the crowd that Abbie Smith is still harboring and giving a platform to at her blog under the NatGeo banner.
Phil keeps demanding proof. As if I’m gonna wade through the entire monument that he’s perfectly capable of reading himself.
Especially seeing that he’s written half of it.
*hyperventilate* OMG TEH CUTE IS KEELING ME
Audley
Well, I just want to second all that awesome advice that Josh already gave you. And I want to hug you and make you bacon pizza and make it all good.
YOU MATTER!! YOUR FEELINGS MATTER!! YOUR WELLBEING MATTERS!!
I hope, hope, hope that one day, if there is in fact something that ails your sister, she will heal and get over her shit but YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE.
No. It makes you human. (Also, maybe, that’s what she needs. Just sayin’. Would fit in with your relationship going off the deep end starting with Teh Announcement(tm).)
rorschach, from the comments, Jason is a bit stunned at the responses.
(Initial signs are good, and I’m not often an optimist)
I’m tempted to go there and write a “You’re just doing this for the hits” comment, to round up the stupidity.
That thread offers enough evidence of character and intentions of the ERV dwellers to disprove whatever-the-fuck was the author’s point (something along the lines of Give them a chance, they’re just misunderstood, I guess).
Don’t visit Rock Beyond Belief, so it’s no skin off my back to intentionally ignore the site from now on. Call me a proud member of the echo chamber but I have no desire to deal with Sgt Griffith’s friends. They deliberately lie and misrepresent people and then have their friends show up to exult the virtues of their openmindedness and willingness to confront foreign ideas.
I has done drinking.
I now has a hungover.
I blame all of you.
I need drugs.
Health kick part 3467`2356-19283426549823748973458923qqqq1 starts tomorrow. And will last until Saturday.
Louis
Too early in the morning, and I’m wasting time here before I get to to work. Is Justin basically the proverbial Donny? The little kid who wanders into a movie halfway through?
I’m hoping so, Rey. He has shown more hopeful signs than JT did. Less doubling down, more willingness to listen, though the whole thing is still pretty problematic.
Tell me about it, Louis. Change-my-life- Monday, a weekly event, starts here in 56 mins.
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Rey Fox – I think so. Yeah.
–
John M, did you mean Justin, not Jason? (Or am I the one with the confuse? The carnage is too much for me to want to go back and check. And I’m tired.) I agree with your assessment.
–
‘night all.
I blame my hangover on me too lol
((not really a hangover though. Probably just the head cold I always get when I don’t sleep much))
Just a quick hallo
Miss you all, but my laptop is at Dell’s and I’m curently stealing a few minutes at my dad in law’s computer
Hope to see you soon, sad to have missed the first podcast
Amblebury,
Ahhhh yes, Change-My-Life-Monday. I know it well, it is an old and poisonous friend!
I must now consume wicked food to punish myself for my evils. It is an ancient custom known as the Phrah Yup. ;-)
Louis
Giliell, hey!
(Be well)
Audley @40:
I am sick sick sick sick SICK of My Asshole Sister.
(this is a trifle long, but I wanted to share this with you)
Has she always treated you in this manner, or this this related to your pregnancy? From some of your comments about how it seems like she feels you’re “doing it wrong”, I get the impression that she feels she could do a better job than you.
Dealing with family can be so infuriating sometimes. I’m sorry you’re having to go through this.
Growing up, I had a strained relationship with my father. He was in the military from pretty much my terrible two’s until I was a sophomore in high school (@ ’91-’92). As a result, there were stretches of time where he was stationed apart from us (he hated that too; he knew he was doing it largely to provide for his family, but he hated being away from us). That ‘us’ being my mother, sister and I. Now my sister is 8 years younger than I am (and my mother, while in her mid 50’s {she had me when she was 19) appears young enough that people have referred to her as my girlfriend/wife when the two of us would go somewhere together…ewww), and my mother worked for Marshall Space Flight Center in Huntsville, AL (what a wonderfully NOT fun city). That meant I was left helping to take care of my sister. Just at the age when I wanted to be more independent. That resulted in some frustration with my father. It also resulted in some tension between my sister and I (compounded by the fact that I barely knew how to take care of myself at 16; how the heck could I take care of my 8 year old sister). I felt I had to take on more responsibility than I wanted or was ready for. My father retired from the military shortly before I graduated high school. We had a distant and tension filled relationship. I was bitter and angry with him, and myself. This was also the time that I started realizing that I liked other guys. A year or two after I graduated high school, I came out to my parents and that was not a pleasurable experience (mom said “there go grandchildren” and dad pulled the “icky gay sex” card*). That was followed by the 2 or 3 minute suicide consideration. I gradually pulled away from my family, and when I moved out of the house, it was not uncommon to go months without speaking to my parents (my father more than my mother), although I stayed fairly close to my sister. For a period of nearly a decade, my father and I didn’t speak to one another much. They moved from Huntsville, AL to Orlando, FL (I didn’t move to Pensacola, FL until 2003) in ’99, which now meant I couldn’t even see them frequently. My mother played facilitator between my father and I over that period. She and my sister would routinely express their desire to see my father and I patch things up. We were both stubborn ( we didn’t despise each other or anything; it was an emotional distance we had; I knew he still loved me, and I loved him…we just didn’t communicate unless a medical problem came up [he’s a nurse] or it was the holidays)
Finally sometime around my 30th birthday, I decided to communicate with my father.
I chose to write him a letter. I told him about how I felt being forced to assist in raising my sister. I told him how I resented not having him around when I was a teenager. I told him I didn’t like being forced to play sports or take karate as a child. I told him I was incredibly hurt when I came out of the closet and he reacted as he did. I told him that it hurt my feelings that he rarely said he loved me. I couched everything in terms of how I felt, so as to avoid placing him on the defensive. I hand wrote a 5 or 6 page letter in the hopes that he would understand how I felt.
He did.
We’ve never chatted about the note I wrote him. My father isn’t much of an ‘open display of affection’ kind of guy (whether it’s physical or vocal). His mentality is that of the provider, and elder statesman. All of that is incredibly relevant, because after he read my letter, my father did something I had seen infrequently as I grew up.
The first conversation we had after he read my letter, he ended it by saying “I love you son”.
I was nearly in tears (I’m actually in tears right now too).
To top things off, he started dropping that into random conversations after that. I don’t need to be told that I’m loved very much, but I do like to hear it from time to time (and I don’t want it to be insincere). To this day, he will tell me he loves me at various times. Not during every conversation, and not just at important events (birthday or holiday).
Our relationship is a lot healthier these days. In fact, it’s a great relationship**.
I found that writing a letter to my father allowed me to express my feelings and emotions thoughtfully and carefully. I was able to discuss everything that I was feeling or had felt. I knew that if we tried to talk about this, I might forget something important, or that he would piss me off and I’d cut the conversation short, or he might get frustrated and do the same. By writing him a letter, there were interruptions in conversation. There was no, “yes, but…” to worry about. There were no tempers flaring that could cause the conversation to diverge. He could read it on his own and soak in the words. Knowing that my father loved me, I was fairly certain he would read my letter.
To this day, I’m incredibly happy that I chose this method to approach my problem. :::
I know this answer won’t work in all circumstances (hell, it might only work once in a while), but it did work for me. Perhaps it might work for you?
**I only like to give friends and family presents that mean something. I *despise* giving gift cards. I feel that spending money on my friends and/or family needs to mean something (this is not a judgment call. I do *not* criticize anyone who chooses to give gift cards as presents). As a result, I try to pay attention in conversations with my parents so that I have an awareness of things they need or want.
On Father’s Day this year, my present to my dad went as follows:
[in conversation, and paraphrased]
“Dad, growing up, I didn’t want to be like you. Mom and sis always said we were so alike, and I just didn’t want that. As I’ve grown, I have found a lot of wisdom in your words. I’ve also seen how passionately I can defend my friends and family. I’ve found that I also do my damn best to be there for my family and friends whenever and however they need. I’ve found that I’m quite a bit like you and I don’t reject that any more. I embrace it. I’m happy that you’re my father. I love and respect you immensely and I’m proud of you.”
I thought that just as I needed to hear from my father that he loved me, so too could he benefit from hearing something similar from me. I’m fairly sure he did.
Gee whiz, I previewed this and still screwed up here:
>By writing him a letter, there were interruptions in conversation>
That should read:
By writing him a letter, there were NO interruptions in conversation
amblebury,
<blush>
Yes, I did.
NEW THREAD!