Bring them home, end the villainy »« A tiny bit of knowledge is a dangerous thing

I get email

Yes, I still get affectionate, loving email from devout Catholics.

The gore and tenacity to take the consecrated Host and desecrate it by piercing a nail through it and discarding the Blessed Sacrament.

Your soul will plead in mercy at the final Hour of your Death.

When you are in grave pain, cry out in Mercy by saying Jesus, I Trust in You…at the final Hour of your death.

Foolish Man…What good is it for you to gain all the wisdom in the world with your professorship yet lose your soul…

I was robbed. I was supposed to get all the wisdom in the world when I became a professor? Who do I complain to about getting my due?

Comments

  1. Nerd of Redhead, Dances OM Trolls says

    Gonna need more that an unsubstantiated claim that a soul exists to be scared. Oh, and I bet he can’t even show evidence his cracker is anything other than a cracker….

  2. jba55 says

    “The gore and tenacity to take the consecrated Host and desecrate it by piercing a nail through it and discarding the Blessed Sacrament. ”

    Ok… what about it?

    “When you are in grave pain, cry out in Mercy by saying Jesus, I Trust in You…at the final Hour of your death. ”

    And if, as seems most likely to people with even a passing knowledge of PZ’s beliefs, that doesn’t happen? What then? This individual seems to have problems finishing their, er, thoughts I guess we’ll call them.

  3. says

    I’m tempted to industrialize this – to create a machine that would reproduce the process that we can crank up to pumping out a few thousand instances per hour.

    If only I had any money to do it.

  4. says

    The gore and tenacity

    There was gore and you didn’t share, PZ? Tsk. Unless your correspondent meant gall. I don’t think tenacity fits, either. It really doesn’t take all that much to desecrate a host cracker.

  5. says

    “All the wisdom of the world” is just one option, PZ. When I became a professor I chose invisibility. Very useful. But sometimes I think flying would be even better. Or exploding heads with the power of my mind. (Perhaps you forgot to check the right box in the professorship sign-up form.)

  6. says

    I had some really massive gas the other night and cried out to jesus. It didn’t help, but farting (later) did. Why should I believe that jesus is suddenly going to change his policy of letting me suffer with gas when I’m faced with eternal torment?

  7. IslandBrewer says

    Please file all wisdom-based complaints with the University of Minnesota, Office of Employee Wisdom Compensation. All complaints take 8-12 weeks to process, and will be decided upon by an anonymous panel of administrative personnel. In the meantime, please do not contact the Office, as it may invalidate your claim.

  8. Josh, Official SpokesGay says

    Gore and tenacity? That’s the new raisin date.

    Stupid, stupid, stupid people. It surely meant ‘audacity’, btw. Yeah, it’s totes bold to throw away a cracker.

    Fucking brain rot.

  9. Dick the Damned says

    When you are in grave pain, cry out in Mercy by saying Jesus, I Trust in You…at the final Hour of your death.

    I guess it makes sense to a Xian that the bible bogey would torture people just for not believing in it, considering what the fecker gets up to in his book.

    But if they’re capable of that degree of logical thought, how can they believe the crap in the bible anyway?

  10. says

    Josh:

    Gore and tenacity? That’s the new raisin date.

    Yes, yes it is and we must spread it far and wide throughout the land. No more gall and audacity, let there be gore and tenacity!

  11. radpumpkin says

    Foolish Man…What good is it for you to gain all the wisdom in the world with your professorship yet lose your soul…

    Was that a Faust reference? At least we’re dealing with a literate crazy here…

  12. npyundt says

    Hold up,
    Souls don’t exist, at least so far as anyone can prove.
    Secondly, assuming one could prove the existence of souls, I thought atheists were soulless. End result, how do you burn in hell if you have no immortal soul that can be sent to hell?

    If professors get super powers like omniscience, or invisibility, I would totally go for not needing to sleep. Not being incapable of sleeping mind you, I’d do it now and again for kicks, but simply being capable of functioning for months without sleeping (think of the productivity). Plus if you go for omniscience you can’t really do research to find out things you don’t know, which makes you a terrible scientist.

  13. shaundenney says

    Radpumpkin @15 “Was that a Faust reference? At least we’re dealing with a literate crazy here…”

    Don’t be silly, it’s the bible. Matt 16:26, Mark 8:36, or Luke 9:25

    “Gore and tenacity”

    Gall and temerity, perhaps?

  14. Aquaria says

    Radpumpkin @15 “Was that a Faust reference? At least we’re dealing with a literate crazy here…”

    Don’t be silly, it’s the bible. Matt 16:26, Mark 8:36, or Luke 9:25

    I thought the Vaticant didn’t want their morons to read the book, but to have the kiddie-rapists tell them what’s in it and what to think about it.

    Does that make shit-for-brains a blasphemer?

  15. julietdefarge says

    There are several places online to buy oblaten (the unleavened wafers,) so you, too, can have fun desecrating them. Or, you could make lebkuchen. Be sure to consecrate it first, and notice the subtle difference in flavor.

  16. shouldbeworking says

    Cry out in Mercy? I had no idea you had a cameo appearance in ‘ER’. Did you get your name in the credits?

  17. Agent Smith says

    Dear Eucharidiot

    Your deity is supposed to have all the wisdom in the cosmos. So why, when a recalcitrant serfling like PZ Myers does something it disapprove of, is its response to wait till he’s dying and say “Neener, neener!” ?. Not even an attempt to reason with him first? Even an average human leader knows to try that.

  18. saguhh00 says

    I always wondered, ya know, to which hell atheists go to when they die. Because they don’t believe in any gods, how is it determined to which hell they go? Muslim heel, which is full of christians, or presbyterian hell, full of catholics and dead babies? Hindu hell, buddhist hell, or Elfheim? Perhaps PZ will go to planet Venus, where mormon hell is (if planet Kolob is their heaven, their hell has to be a planet).

  19. says

    Why is this still news? Did the faithful not get the bishops letter on this, all those years ago? Or could we take it that this is sign that they are moving towards the future with them now being allowed to recognise that there are people who do not subscribe to their delusion.

  20. Dr. Audley Z. Darkheart, purveyor of candy and lies says

    When you are in grave pain, cry out in Mercy by saying Jesus, I Trust in You…at the final Hour of your death.

    Foolish Man…What good is it for you to gain all the wisdom in the world with your professorship yet lose your soul…

    Serious question here: Why do the fundamentalists always feel the need to abuse ellipsis?

    I mean, Jesus. We had (have?) one of those grammatical butchers over on the Kent Hovind thread, too.

    IT IS SO ANNOYING.

  21. says

    Audley:

    Serious question here: Why do the fundamentalists always feel the need to abuse ellipsis?

    It fills their need for visual impact and drama? Like music cues in a horror flick.

  22. Dr. Audley Z. Darkheart, purveyor of candy and lies says

    Caine:

    It fills their need for visual impact and drama? Like music cues in a horror flick.

    Pause for dramatic effect, right? Gah. That’s some middle school level writing skillz right there.

    Oh wait.

  23. Dexeron says

    They used to give out that comprehensive Wisdom package with each professorship, but you know… budget cuts and all that.

  24. Gregory Greenwood says

    When you are in grave pain, cry out in Mercy by saying Jesus, I Trust in You…at the final Hour of your death.

    So ‘Jesus’ is a brand of painkiller now? And what is this ‘Mercy’ we are supposed to cry out in? A super-secret fundie code?

    Foolish Man…What good is it for you to gain all the wisdom in the world with your professorship yet lose your soul…

    I can think of few threats less likely to impress a rationalist – convert or… lose your unevidenced magic soul-gas?

    Really? That is the best they can do?

    *Sigh* They just don’t make Catholic fundamentalists like they used to. Maybe the random capitalisation is a symptom of the decline xian quality control…

  25. janine says

    Come on people, why do you think the spender of the e-mail misspoke. This person believes that the cracker becomes the flesh of christ. Drive a nail through flesh, one gets gore. (Did this person think that PZ was engaged in a scene from Mel Gibson’s Jesus gore fest?) Please, keep in mind some of the old Catholic stories of Jews torturing wafers and geysers of blood sprouting.

    As for me, I am not sure what was actually the most gory part of PZ’s action, the coffee grounds or the banana peel.

  26. stonyground says

    My first thought when reading this was to think that religion will never go away. Anyone who writes a missive that is so infested with malapropisms as this one is, is clearly too stupid to outwit the liars for Jesus and escape to freedom. On the other hand, sheep tend to go with the rest of the herd, so if we can just reach that tipping point where the majority don’t believe in things like magic biscuits, zombies, talking animals, levitating virgin mothers and the like, the sheep will follow reason.

  27. Rich Woods says

    Don’t be silly; wisdom isn’t bestowed by with a title. To get all the wisdom in the world you need to either eat the Salmon of Wisdom or to hang yourself from the World Tree for nine days. Or maybe both — what do I know?

  28. Rich Woods says

    Don’t be silly; wisdom isn’t bestowed by a title. To get all the wisdom in the world you need to either eat the Salmon of Wisdom or to hang yourself from the World Tree for nine days. Or maybe both — what do I know?

  29. says

    Gore and tenacity? That’s the new raisin date.

    I’m lost. What was the old “raisin date”? Was it by any chance a misspelled attempt at raison d’etre?

  30. petejohn says

    Religious zealots realize that they can no longer get away with burning non-believers in this world, so they have to resort to threatening non-believers with an eternity of burning in hell. I wonder if they realize that’s not a particularly scary proposition to someone who doesn’t believe there’s a hell… nah they don’t realize that. That would require logic and thought and all of that shit, which isn’t really their thing.

  31. phoenixwoman says

    “The gore and tenacity”

    GOATS ON FIRE!

    (Hell, it makes about as much sense.)

  32. tim rowledge, Ersatz Haderach says

    You only get *all* the wisdom if you’re a professor at Hahvuhd and join the Hahvuhd Hoomanists.

  33. Forbidden Snowflake says

    Agent Smith:

    Your deity is supposed to have all the wisdom in the cosmos.

    What good is it for a deity to gain all the wisdom in the cosmos yet lose a cracker?

  34. tim rowledge, Ersatz Haderach says

    Audley:

    Serious question here: Why do the fundamentalists always feel the need to abuse ellipsis?

    I think Caine has part of it right but missed the cause; ‘ellipsis’ is a nice posh sounding word. It goes with eschatology and ontology and evolution and all those other edumacation words that they so love to abuse. Abuse the word, disprove the theory. Sort of semantic homeopathy. Makes about as much sense as any of the other foolishness they get up to.

  35. says

    Tim Rowledge:

    I think Caine has part of it right but missed the cause; ‘ellipsis’ is a nice posh sounding word.

    We’re talking about someone who doesn’t know how words work (gore and tenacity). I’m pretty sure ellipsis isn’t in their vocabulary.

  36. rogerfirth says

    gore and tenacity

    Weren’t they famous for “Muskrat Love” back in the ’70s?

  37. says

    Buying unconsecrated wafers just isn’t as much fun: you might as well save money and buy rice-flour wafers. The cracker is just a cracker until a properly sprinkled and oiled shaman repeats the correct magic spell over it. Then it become a cracker that has the power to enrage Some Christians. BTW, what do the evangelicals do to get worked up? Church is so boring without a little bread and wine at the break.

    I believe that the ellipses are there to give the s>victim , I mean reader time to contemplate consequences or threatened imaginary torments in full detail.

  38. Azuma Hazuki says

    Said it before and will say it again: I think none of these people actually understand what it is to burn. I’ve only had a couple of first-degree ones and that was bad enough, thank you.

    Perhaps if we took to carrying lighters &c and using them at opportune moments we’d make our point (of course we’d also end up in jail, and there’s no sense sinking to their level…). They are likely not going to appreciate a quick lesson in Koine Greek while flailing and screaming and crying for help, either.

    Fuck, I really am broken :(

  39. says

    The critics of the New Atheists are right – the truth value of religious beliefs has very little to do with the practice of religion. Whether or not Jesus felt the Wrath Of Myers™ is external to the hurt that this individual felt at the news of the Wrath Of Myers™. It would be missing the point to suggest that the severity of the action is contained in the metaphysical embodiment of Jesus in a cracker, only the perception of the metaphysical embodiment of Jesus in a cracker! And as such, the lack of New Atheist nuance neglects the pain and suffering the Wrath Of Myers™ causes in very real terms by hinging the debate on the imaginary pain of a nonsentient bit of bread…

  40. John Morales says

    [meta]

    Kel:

    The critics of the New Atheists are right – the truth value of religious beliefs has very little to do with the practice of religion.

    You forgot to finish that sentence.

    Allow me: “… but it has everything to do with their purported justification for it.”

    (Since the universe must have been created, one should not eat pork and gay people should not marry. Obviously.)

  41. anubisprime says

    How precious and fashionably late these guardians of jeebus blushes actually are…

    Fuck me they be any faster in reacting they are liable to meet themselves on the way back!

    No wonder the whole Jeebus-R-Uz crowd are a few centuries behind reality…poor dears are …hamstrung by ineptitude and snail speed cognotive function.

    Continental drift must make them dizzy!

  42. TimKO,,.,, says

    Your soul will plead in mercy at the final Hour of your Death.

    Another idiot with the hubris to claim he/she alone knows the nature of the supernatural universe and the foreknowledge that entails.

  43. TimKO,,.,, says

    …and congratulations on Having all the Wisdom in the world, PZ
    *Storage costs must Be prohibitive
    *Are you going to Share or hoard?

    I’m not sure how One cries IN mercy…but what Really concerns me: Why does nobody Gnash teeth anymore?

    Global warming…is a hOax perpetrated by Gore & Tenacity…

  44. Predator Handshake says

    I think I mentioned this in one of my very first posts here, but unsurprisingly it’s relevant once again.

    When you’re reading something with Random Capitalization or the even more fun ALL CAPS the best thing to do is read the whole thing in Christopher Walken’s voice. William Shatner works too, but I find Walken more entertaining.

  45. quoderatdemonstrandum says

    Be sure to consecrate it first, and notice the subtle difference in flavor.

    I’ve never taken communion; what does Jesus taste like?

  46. shala says

    Serious question here: Why do the fundamentalists always feel the need to abuse ellipsis?

    They secretly love JRPG’s!

  47. says

    Of course, the irony is that if PZ were to invoke the name of Jesus on his death bed, Christians believe this grants him an all-expenses paid trip to heaven.

    The whole point of dying is to have your soul sorted to your post-death apartment complex. Soul sorting is based on professed belief at the time of death (and/or whenever Jesus comes back to Earth), not on any worldly considerations.

    If PZ says “I trust in Jesus” at the moment of death, that’s good enough.