Feb 24 2012

I…whut?

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First thing you notice is the breakdancin’ Jesus, and then the eye moves to Catholic priests clapping politely, and then the brain shuts down. What is this alien event? Why…huh…ack…processor failure. Overload, overload, overload.

(via Movin’ Meat, appropriately titled for the image)

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53 comments

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1

Kevin

24 February 2012 at 10:49 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment

That’s not Jesus. It’s a Jesus imposter.

How do I know?

No holes. Especially in his side. His guts should be hanging out. The better to fondle them with.

(Hat tip: Ben Goren).
2

holytape

24 February 2012 at 10:50 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment

This isn’t Jesus break dancing. For dancing is a sin. The floors at the Vatican appear to be freshly waxed, and thus a little slippery. And who among us doesn’t enjoy a good prat fall?

Fear and loathing in Damascus
3

neilweightman

24 February 2012 at 10:51 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment

Is it really safe to break dance on such a shiny floor? Maybe you’re OK if you’re magic and indestructible. Not sure that flimsy loincloth was a great choice given his company, though.
4

Glen Davidson

24 February 2012 at 10:59 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment

Should be break-dancing on water.

Glen Davidson
5

robro

24 February 2012 at 11:03 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment

It’s ok, neilweightman, because he doesn’t have sex organs. As god, he doesn’t need them. To create another in his own image, he just piles up some mud and gives it a blow. Voila, C’est tout! C’est si bon!
6

Herr Mann

24 February 2012 at 11:05 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment

Sorry to go off-topic so early in the thread, but there’s a poll to pharyngulate.

“Does God “clutter up” explanations of how the universe began?
Yes, there is no place for religion in science (2,171 votes)
No, a theory of creation is compatible with the Big Bang (5,985 votes)”

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/religion/9102740/Richard-Dawkins-I-cant-be-sure-God-does-not-exist.html
7

Rasmus Odinga Gambolputty de von Ausfern....of Ulm

24 February 2012 at 11:05 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment

Notice some of the priests don’t cast shadows? This is obviously depicting a story not included in the bible, titled “That One Time When Jesus Totally Destroyed Some Vampire Priests”. It’s widely known that vampires are mesmerized by breakdancing*.

*not intended to be a factual statement
8

robro

24 February 2012 at 11:05 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment

Wait a minute. Somethings different around here. Is someone having fun with themes? I sense the force has changed color schemes…it’s all pastels and deep blue tabs.
9

Caine, Fleur du Mal

24 February 2012 at 11:06 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment

Glen:

Should be break-dancing on water.

+1
10

Kevin

24 February 2012 at 11:06 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment

Oh yeah, you can also tell he’s Imposter Jesus because he’s wearing tighty whities.
11

Dick the Damned

24 February 2012 at 11:06 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment

Jumpin’ Jeezus, it’s the second coming. You knew there’d be a lot of song & dance.
12

Caine, Fleur du Mal

24 February 2012 at 11:07 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment

robro:

I sense the force has changed color schemes

Yes and this latest blue is hideous and hard on the eyes. Blecch.
13

Marcus Ranum

24 February 2012 at 11:09 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment

Damn, Jesus sure is pale. Must be blood loss.
14

janine

24 February 2012 at 11:26 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment

Go Jesus, it’s your birthday.
Go Jesus, it’s your birthday.

Your one year older, one year wiser.
Rock n’ Roll star king czar and a kaiser.
A room full of friends, a mouth full of cake.
Every present is for you and it feels pretty great.
You’re the man of the hour, the V.I.P.
You get the first slice of the p.i.e.
But first blow out the candles and make a wish.
Put a smile on cus it’s your birthday bitch!

Go Jesus, it’s your birthday.
Go Jesus, it’s your birthday.
15

Aratina Cage

24 February 2012 at 11:27 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment

Jesus? Or Liam Neeson?

Since nobody really knows what Jesus looked like, I’m going with Neeson.
16

'Tis Himself, OM

24 February 2012 at 11:31 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment

The guys in dresses are thinking that the guy in the loincloth is too old for their tastes.
17

mcwaffle

24 February 2012 at 11:32 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment

Argh, I logged in to make the exact joke as Janine @14. Congratulations… sigh…
18

lipwig

24 February 2012 at 11:40 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment

he ain’t breakdancin’ – he’s performing capoeira.
but still, yeah, WTF
19

dianne

24 February 2012 at 11:45 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment

Jesus sure is pale. Must be blood loss.

I don’t think so, since he looks kind of pink. Probably the effects of spending 2000 years in a tomb: very bad for your vit D level.

I love the priests’ expression of polite interest but no enthusiasm. I’m sure that says something about the church and its relationship to its source text, but I’m not sure what.
20

Louis

24 February 2012 at 11:59 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment

Breakdancing Jesus…your argument is invalid.

In Soviet Russia dance breaks Jesus.

Jesus breakdances over 9000.

I used to be a breakdancer like Jesus, but then I took an arrow to the knee.

All your breakdance belong to Jesus.

______

Yeah, that’s right, this has broken me so badly all I have are meaningless internet memes. This is more WTF than WTF.

Louis
21

rr

24 February 2012 at 12:14 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

Idiots – you’re not gonna get a lap dance unless you’re sitting down.
22

Gregory Greenwood

24 February 2012 at 12:26 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

‘Tis Himself, OM @ 16;

The guys in dresses are thinking that the guy in the loincloth is too old for their tastes.

Too true, too true…

That said, has anyone else noticed that ‘Ole JC seems pretty athletic in this picture? It seems that he has inherited the same homoerotic demi-god super musculature that the ancient Greeks applied to Hercules, Perseus and the like.

Apparently, wherever he has been for the last two millennia has a really good gym.

Not that I am suggesting that the depiction of jeebus as a figure of worship with rock-hard abs should have any particlar sexual connotation put upon it. I mean, we all know that it is physically impossible for a catholic to be a closeted homosexual, right? Naturally, their homophobia comes straight from teh Lard, not from any kind of denial of their own desires based upon toxic self-loathing – like Ted Haggard, they are of course completely heterosexual…
23

davidutidjian

24 February 2012 at 1:06 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

Rasmus; The cardinals don’t need shadows, they have reflections. But note that Jesus has a shadow but no reflection, therefore he is a zombie or a vampire or something.

The hair looks a bit strange. Is Jesus sporting a mullet hairpiece?
24

frog

24 February 2012 at 1:10 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

I dunno, I kinda think this is high-quality Awesome. I like it much better than disco Jesus. Now we need snowboarding Jesus, skate-rat Jesus, and tagging Jesus with a can of spraypaint.
25

hausdorff

24 February 2012 at 1:27 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

Why is there a space in the back. Was there another priest that left? Are they leaving room for the pope in case he comes by and wants to see?
26

Naked Bunny with a Whip

24 February 2012 at 1:29 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

Probably the effects of spending 2000 years in a tomb

Naked Mole Rate Jesus.
27

dali70

24 February 2012 at 1:51 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

The old guys in drag aren’t clapping, they’re lubing up.
28

Gregory Greenwood

24 February 2012 at 2:02 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

davidutidjian @ 23;

The cardinals don’t need shadows, they have reflections. But note that Jesus has a shadow but no reflection, therefore he is a zombie or a vampire or something.

As long as he doesn’t sparkle in direct sunlight…
29

Ms. Daisy Cutter, Gynofascist in a Spiffy Hugo Boss Uniform

24 February 2012 at 3:10 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

Rasmus:

Notice some of the priests don’t cast shadows?

They all cast shadows. The distinctness of the shadow depends on where they are in relation to the light source.
30

dianne

24 February 2012 at 4:01 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

Is it just me or do the priests’ shadows look a lot like the “Anakin’s shadow is Darth Vader” picture used to advertise one of the Star Wars films? Especially the two on the right.
31

frankb

24 February 2012 at 5:09 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

Jesus is in a spot of sunlight so he casts a shadow, but his reflection is washed out in the sunlight.

The disciples were frequently amazed by their spiritual leader, so jesus found a way to amaze these cardinals in the 21st century. It’s a gift you know. Jesus may have done a lot of dancing when he was alive. I wouldn’t trust those old stuffshirts to write about it later.
32

hamburger

24 February 2012 at 5:20 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

The title is “Jesus comes out of The Closet”….
33

mikelaing

24 February 2012 at 5:29 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

The Immaculate Conception:

http://www.cosmosarson.com/index.php?/newworks/breakdancing-jesus/
34

ruteekatreya

24 February 2012 at 5:33 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

You guys’ weirdness meters are calibrated way too low.
35

Forbidden Snowflake

24 February 2012 at 5:39 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

This picture is obviously fake. If it was real, Jesus Christ would be tap dancing.
36

Therrin

24 February 2012 at 5:48 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

Jesus demonstrates Extreme Footwashing.
37

carpenterman

24 February 2012 at 6:05 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

Who painted this?
It reminds me of looking at a kitchen unchanged since the seventies. Orange formica, avocado green appliances, black-and-white checkered tile with mirrored back splashes. And I’m forced to realize: at some point, someone looked at this horror and said “Yeah… this looks GREAT! They’re gonna LOVE this!”
And someone, sometime, actually did!
38

myeck waters

24 February 2012 at 6:40 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

carpenterman, the link mikelaing posted at #33 seems to be the artist’s website.
39

robro

24 February 2012 at 6:56 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

The gap in the center is where Jesus was standing before he took his turn. True to breakdancing fashion, each of the cardinals will strip off their albs and take a turn to show their stuff. (You don’t see any clothing on the floor for Jesus because he only wears the tighty whitey, if anything at all. Remember he doesn’t carry the stain of original sin.)

Jesus is pale for a person of Semitic descent, at least on his mother’s side of the family. Perhaps that’s because God is a white guy…What am I saying!? Of course God is a white guy. Sorry, I know you’ll all forgive me.

Also, he doesn’t get around much anymore since all that dying on the cross business. Plus, he spends most of his days in the prayer booth. Takes a lot of time to answer all those incoming requests.

Most of the cardinals seem to be enjoying themselves except the one to the left of that gap. Maybe he’s down with Jesus’s moves or he’s concentrating on his own moves because he’s next.
40

DLC

24 February 2012 at 7:21 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

Cardinals, you been Served!
41

John Morales

24 February 2012 at 8:12 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

holytape,

This isn’t Jesus break dancing.

For sure, it looks like his coccyx is in for a world of hurt.
42

erichoug

24 February 2012 at 8:34 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

Yet another thing PZ shows me that I would like to get on a T-shirt. Sigh!
43

Sili

24 February 2012 at 9:09 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

I see those cardinals didn’t read the story of Didymos Thomas too closely.

You’re not supposed to ask for signs. “Blessed are they that have not seen, and yet believe that Jesus is the awesomest breakdancer.”
44

happy heyoka

24 February 2012 at 9:27 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

holytape:

The floors at the Vatican appear to be freshly waxed

that’s ok – so are the priests.
45

Azkyroth

24 February 2012 at 10:56 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

Put a smile on cus it’s your birthday bitch!

Janine, we don’t approve of gendered insults on this blog. ;/
46

llewelly

25 February 2012 at 2:00 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment

The Catholic Jesus is emaciated, wasted, a waif about to blow away in the wind.

That Jesus, with all those muscles, is inescapably Mormon Jesus The Strong and Muscular Jesus.
47

llewelly

25 February 2012 at 2:22 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment

Do not miss the riots gallery, by the same artist:
http://www.cosmosarson.com/index.php?/newworks/riots/
48

McCthulhu, now with Techroline and Retsyn

25 February 2012 at 3:16 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment

This is obviously fake since breakdancing HaySeuss would be leveling buildings, what with being 2000 feet tall and everything. The National Enquirer knows all about these things.
49

Don Quijote

25 February 2012 at 8:38 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment

VATICAN NEWS

Jesus slips on Catholic bullshit. Sues Ratzinger.
50

BaldySlaphead

25 February 2012 at 12:51 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

Breakdancing? He’s clearly unleasing an air biscuit.
51

Ava, Oporornis maledetta

25 February 2012 at 3:34 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

And here I thought it was Jesus TAPdancing Christ.
52

Ichthyic

26 February 2012 at 3:47 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

Is it just me, or does this Jesus look really ripped?

I mean… look at that washboard…

Maybe he was really trying to show those lazy-ass priests how to stay in shape? They do look rather pudgy for the most part.
53

Ben Schuldt

26 February 2012 at 5:19 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

I thought the absurdity of this image would be all the more striking in 3 dimensions, so I converted it. Enjoy! http://doublewoe7.deviantart.com/art/3D-Breakdancing-Jesus-287368600