I am so bogged down in work…I’m clinging on to the faint hope of liberation as all my deadlines are past next Tuesday (and they will be met! They must!), but until then, I’m thoroughly tied up and sweating over a gazillion things that have to be finished right now. So blogging will be light for a bit.
Until I’ve leapt past the work essentials though, I’d like to keep you occupied, so I’m open for insults. Vent over my failures and laziness by calling me names in the thread below. Try to be creative; zoological insults are particularly appreciated, and please avoid trite scatology.
I’m going back to the word processor, so the time to start is…NOW.
(Also on Sb)
183 comments
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Peptron
28 September 2011 at 4:31 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
I feel that lately you have been neglecting men.
*runs for cover*
Michael
28 September 2011 at 4:32 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Loquacious Pharyngulite
ibyea
28 September 2011 at 4:35 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
I am just going to be uncreative and say poopyhead. :)
Johnny Vector
28 September 2011 at 4:36 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
You mandibularly hirsute, unrepentant chordate Homo! I respire in your general direction.
Lakabux
28 September 2011 at 4:37 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
You sir, are a slug a bed, your slothful behavior regarding posting of today’s dose of doggerel has not gone unnoticed by the eagle-eyed readers of this blog. We will continue to hound you until you cease to flounder.
Glen Davidson
28 September 2011 at 4:40 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Head-foot critter.
Oh, abuse? I thought you wanted compliments.
Glen Davidson
joed
28 September 2011 at 4:42 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
You know, Professor, you are all-right.
Thanks for all the great articles and information you send out to us.
Please take a few days and get things done that need to be done. Don’t worry about us we will be just fine:
We’ve got ENKIDUM and matt penfold to keep us entertained.
Thanks again.
Jacob van Beverningk
28 September 2011 at 4:43 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Are YOU saying that you let work interfere with your blogging duties?
Shame on you!
Darth Marmalade
28 September 2011 at 4:45 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries!
Janstince
28 September 2011 at 4:47 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
I’m going to go with one from my high school soccer coach (he was from Liverpool, so the spelling is suspect as I only ever heard him say it, not write it):
You hairy great, spawny-eyed, parrot-faced wasik.
(Also, his translation is suspect, so apologies if this means something too terrible).
Steve
28 September 2011 at 4:53 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
You sir are a uniramian Malpighian tubule. You are unfit to even be called a jerboan but we can safely settle on referring to you as a pogonan who feeds on the innards of hermetian larvae.
Also: Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.
“I wanted to complain.”
“Oh, I’m sorry. That’s next door. This is abuse”
:)
Another Byte on the Web
28 September 2011 at 4:53 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
You are just like a catholic priest.
Sean Boyd
28 September 2011 at 4:53 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
‘Sarcastic Fringehead’ (from the list to which PZ linked) seems most appropriate. And yet, it doesn’t seem like much of an insult.
chigau ()
28 September 2011 at 4:54 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
From the linked list:
sarcastic fringehead and common babbler are my favorites.
Ribozyme
28 September 2011 at 4:54 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Associate professorship in Developmental Biology in Stanford
Dear PZ:
I’ve been trying to reach you through e-mail, but my messages keep on being delayed and then rejected. Below, the body of my messages:
I received an e-mail announcing that the Department of Developmental Biology of Stanford University is hiring a new Associate Professor. I immediately thought of you (besides working in Stanford, the weather in California must be better than in Morris). The mail doesn’t say much more, just to contact Sue Elliott, Faculty Affairs Administrator ([email protected]), with your résumé, a description of your professional interests and three letters of recommendation with electronic signature, before October 15. The mail advises to check the department’s website (http://devbio.stanford.edu) for more information on the matter, but I couldn’t find any (I didn’t search very deeply) but the sender of the e-mail is a trustworthy source, so I decided to e-mail you about it. Perhaps something good might come out of it.
Best regards
José Arturo Enríquez (the taller guy you had breakfast and later went to the cathedral with in Mexico City)
No Really
28 September 2011 at 4:55 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
You want an insult? Sir, you deserve to have your children convert to various fundamentalist religious sects, and embrace creationism and homeopathy. May the rest of your days be filled with maddening, estranged relationships to those who should be closest to you.
michael
28 September 2011 at 4:57 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
I hope your chooks turn into emus and kick your dunny down.
Steve
28 September 2011 at 4:57 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
(darn – Darth M posted the classic while I was composing my post; h/t to you Darth)
plien
28 September 2011 at 5:01 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Thou loggerheaded decayed harpy!
As i’m much more lazy then thou, this is from the Shakespeare insult generator
A3Kr0n
28 September 2011 at 5:02 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Cat lover!
Gaebolga
28 September 2011 at 5:03 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
You are a vertebrate son of a sperm whale….
Glen Davidson
28 September 2011 at 5:04 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
You old gnu, ursine porcupine, and clammy geoduck.
Get your donkey in gear, your mouse on the pad, and be like a beaver working a
poletree.Glen Davidson
Rabid Child
28 September 2011 at 5:04 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
You’re like the honey badger. You just don’t give a sh*t, do you?
Dhorvath, OM
28 September 2011 at 5:07 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Boring.
Kaintukee Bob
28 September 2011 at 5:08 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Well, if the goal is to be as insulting to PZ as possible…
…ahem…
I’ll pray that you get your work done in time.
Justin
28 September 2011 at 5:08 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
How can I insult something so docile?
plien
28 September 2011 at 5:08 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Come, you are a tedious fool. To the purpose.
This one is more on topic, from the Shakespearean Insulter.
Cyberguy
28 September 2011 at 5:10 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
You Little Grebe!
You Blue-footed Booby!
You Yellow-billed Loon!!!
Rudi
28 September 2011 at 5:12 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Accommodationist!
Sally Strange, OM
28 September 2011 at 5:14 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Putrid effluence.
EboTebo
28 September 2011 at 5:16 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Yay for I shall glib thy cod!
jheartney
28 September 2011 at 5:16 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
When it comes to insults (animal or otherwise), I’ll have to defer to the master.
Sample:
dcg1
28 September 2011 at 5:19 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
You are just so a “Bearded Blog Sloth”
pelamun
28 September 2011 at 5:26 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
I’m surprised I’m the first to yell
POOPYHEAD!!
Rey Fox
28 September 2011 at 5:27 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Don’t give me that you snotty-faced heap of parrot droppings! Shut your festering gob you tit! Your type makes me puke! You vacuous toffee-nosed malodorous pervert!
Cor (formerly evil)
28 September 2011 at 5:28 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Anglo-Saxon, hetero-normative, covertly patriarchal, privileged, Zebrafish abortionist!
I like the way you have your beard these days, though; keep it up.
Loqi
28 September 2011 at 5:30 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
But I came here for an argument!
Celtic_Evolution
28 September 2011 at 5:30 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Boooo! Booo! Booooo! …That’s what you are… the king of garbage… the king of refuse… so bow down to him if you want… bow to him… bow to the king of slime, the king of filth, the king of putrescence.. BOOO! BOOOO! RUBBISH! FILTH! SLIME! MUCK! BOOO! BOOO! BOOOOOOOO!
MoonShark
28 September 2011 at 5:30 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
You’re more slothful and queer than a pair of mating leopard slugs!
Shit, that’s oddly beautiful, if you’ve seen it. Guess I suck at this.
Richard C
28 September 2011 at 5:32 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Letting real-world duties take precedence? Sounds like such a friggin’ biologist. Gotta get your hands dirty or you’re not happy. No, if you were a *real* scientist like, say, a theoretical physicist, you would know that time and space are incomprehensible and deadlines are meaningless. You wouldn’t have to actually *grade* every single one of those tests or read those papers, just throw them on a probabilistic bell curve, ignore the outliers as statistically insignificant, and you’ll be well within an acceptable 2.7% margin of error. And then have plenty of time to, like, bathe. And then spend the rest of your day pondering whether string theory implies 10, 11, or 26 invisible dimensions. (Or more! Wouldn’t that be deep, man…)
Sheesh. Doing *work*. Such a moron.
Peptron
28 September 2011 at 5:32 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
@pelamun
Poppyhead was post #3. I for one liked the “unchi no atama”. (reminder for others, in Japanese, unchi = poppy, atama = head, no = much like ‘s in English).
PZ, you muculent neo-atheist. Whose atama is made of unchi.
But I think I have a better one:
=> PZ, forever in my mind, the “Z” with resonate as “Zed”. I might go even as far as to call you Mister Zed.
Skepgineer, rusty knife of a thousand porcupines
28 September 2011 at 5:33 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Your mother was a cephalopod, and your father smelt of seaweed. I send squid rocket-sperm in your general direction.
Zeno
28 September 2011 at 5:33 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Oh, PZ! Here you are behaving like your weaker students — waiting till the last minute to get things done! How embarrassing (that we are so much like our students)!
Phil
28 September 2011 at 5:35 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Using this English-to-N00bish translator (or maybe English-to-Trollish?):
U R a GodLES SCEINTIST WHO TEaCHES A L3giTIMAEt SCEInTIFIC Th3ORY AND basHES BULSHIEt SUch aS iNt3LIEGNT DEsIGN1!!!!1 WTF LoL HAEV UR Big PHARMA MEDs AND C3AeS ANd DASIsT Im3DIAETLY 2 adVOCAEt FREEe THOUGHT anD CRitICAL ThInKING!!1!1!!1!!!1!!11!1111!!1!!!!!1!!1!11!!!11 LOL
U A pROPANOLIC AMuLsION wHO T3ACHAs BIoLOGY WhEN Al SCEiNCAS R STMp CoLECTiNg 2 PHySICs!!!1!111!11111!!! oMG WTF LOL
On a slightly less insulting note, you might want to try using that translator for mangling trolls’ posts, you scoundrel!
Antiochus Epiphanes
28 September 2011 at 5:37 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
#15: PZ craves invective, and rather you hurl a job advert? Have you no shame?
Invective: You cloaca-less bifid-assed eutherian heterodontic sebaceous-exudate licker! I obscenity in the milk of thy mother!
kieran
28 September 2011 at 5:38 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
You sir are an adorable cuddly teddybear, Ha!
pelamun
28 September 2011 at 5:38 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
oops.. never mind, next time I use Ctrl-F…
chigau ()
28 September 2011 at 5:40 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Peptron
poopy
not
poppy
PZ Myers
28 September 2011 at 5:47 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Good…your hate has made you powerful. Now fulfill your destiny and take your father’s place at my side! Strike me down with all of your hatred, and your journey towards the dark side will be complete!
Gregory Greenwood
28 September 2011 at 5:48 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
But that knocks out so many classics!
Hmmm… What to do, what to do? So many options…
Eureka! I have it!
As a son of dear old Blighty, I will continue wilfully calling you P Zed, because I know how much that particular Brit-ism annoys you.
Furthermore, I will misspell your surname.
Professor Meirs…
Dr. Audley Z. Darkheart OM, purveyor of candy and lies
28 September 2011 at 5:50 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
PZ,
Your beard isn’t nearly as sexy as you think it is.
JustaTech
28 September 2011 at 5:51 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
There are more neurons in a single arm of a blue-ringed octopus than in the entirety of the ear-separator you call a brain.
Peptron
28 September 2011 at 5:55 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
@chigau
That’s just more reasons to opt for “unchi no atama”. Orthography is the work of basement cat.
myeck waters
28 September 2011 at 5:58 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Bob Enyart would totally kick your ass in a debate.
God
28 September 2011 at 6:00 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
May an unclean camel back into your linen closet.
(sniff sniff) I think it already has.
Peptron
28 September 2011 at 6:02 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
@PZ Myers
So… coupling it with my “Mister Zed” insult… I guess that makes it “Emperor Zed”. “Kneel before Zed!” does have a nice ring to it IMHO. “Kneel before Zee!” sounds too much like you are having somebody kneel in front of a mirror.
Gregory Greenwood
28 September 2011 at 6:02 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
“With the Sith, always two there are:- the master, and the apprentice…”
Fortunately, with gnu atheists there are no such limitations…
We are all your apprentices, master, and our baby baby-eating, troll-mangling, accomodationism-crushing ways have made us strong in the Dark Side of teh Interwebs!
All we need now is a death star, and we can comprehensively annihilate the Creation Museum from the comfort of orbit.
Ken Ham:- “But you promised you wouldn’t expose the logical inconsistenceies of creationism!”
Grand Moff Myers:- “You really shouldn’t be so
trustingdelusional.”And of course;
“I was as if a great many trolls suddenly cried out together in banal arse-hattery, and then were suddenly silenced…”
stanton
28 September 2011 at 6:02 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
How would Enyart do that? Whip us bloody like helpless children with his belt?
Stevarious
28 September 2011 at 6:04 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
You… you spoony bard!
Snowshoe the Canuck
28 September 2011 at 6:05 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
wow, so much creativity. Here I am, exhausted after teaching students about coloumb’s law and looking forward to a lunch time intelligent discussion about Anything other than rudimentary math and some students difficulty with same, and I get this excuse!
If I wanted excuses for not getting the most important task done, I would talk to my freshmen about their homework.
PZ you are acting like an undergrad!
MoonShark
28 September 2011 at 6:06 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
PZ, I thought I was already on the dark side (along with the other ‘militant’ atheists). You’re preaching to the stormtrooper choir, here.
God
28 September 2011 at 6:06 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Here’s something hurtful- Your arguments have driven me back to religion!
Big Brother Ogvorbis: I am Watching
28 September 2011 at 6:07 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
You, sir, are an inveterate masticator, one who has, most likely, willingly perambulated small children while encouraging the child, and instructing the innocent soul, in proper mastication techniques. Further, I suspect that you have, buried in your past, episodes of thespian behaviour. And, may I add, you possess more imagination and scruples than even the most accomplished ferroequinologist!
ChasCPeterson
28 September 2011 at 6:08 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Tardigrade.
Demosponge.
Placozoan desmosome.
Filarial nematode.
Lophotrochozoan platyhelminth.
Poopyhead.
myeck waters
28 September 2011 at 6:08 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Hey man, he was asking for insults. That was the most insulting thing I could think of offhand.
Howlin' Wolf
28 September 2011 at 6:18 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
MYERS, YOU REMIND ME TODAY OF A SMALL MEXICAN CHIHUAHUA –Gordon Cole
abb3w
28 September 2011 at 6:22 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Pointless pile of pedantically pontificating primate protoplasm.
subbie
28 September 2011 at 6:23 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
You are trite and scatological.
Oh…wait. We were supposed to avoid those things?
*sigh*
Cosmic Snark
28 September 2011 at 6:36 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
P.Z., you’re so clueless, you couldn’t get a clue if you doused yourself in clue musk and stood in the middle of a clue herd during the height of clue mating season.
speedwell
28 September 2011 at 6:37 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
I wouldn’t piss on you if you were on fire. No… wait… yes, I would.
Gregory Greenwood
28 September 2011 at 6:39 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
I think it is time that we unveil Pharyngula’s new theme song.
Sophia
28 September 2011 at 6:39 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
You *are* into humiliation. We knew it all along.
All those radical feminists abusing you.
Having an angry wank, PZ?
hyoid
28 September 2011 at 6:39 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Your face looks like the north end of a southbound Jack.
/end of constructive critizitizenship
pelamun
28 September 2011 at 6:45 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Unchi no atama makes no sense in Japanese, it is not used as an insult. Googling gives you some hits for “tip of shit” when discussing constipation and the like.
Three Ninjas
28 September 2011 at 6:52 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Sometimes you’re mean just for the sake of being mean, and I find myself wondering what the point of it all is. You seem a victim of bullying who has become the bully sometimes.
Randomfactor
28 September 2011 at 6:55 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
PZ, you’re not even wrong…
Peptron
28 September 2011 at 6:56 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
@pelamun
I think that’s part of the joke… It’s just a litteral translation that doesn’t work in other languages. It doesn’t really work in French either.
Though, if you want to say poopyhead in a way that actually works grammatically in Japanese, you’d have “kusottare”. But then that’s just nasty and doesn’t work as a joke, since that’s pretty much the same as “shithead”. To me, “unchi no atama” sounds like something a 4 years old might say and that’s it.
Pierce R. Butler
28 September 2011 at 6:59 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
‘E’s a slacker, ‘at’s wot ‘e is!
‘E knows full well that this AiG yegg in Fleming Island, Fla, ‘as been mocking evolution with (among other things) a slide showing ‘is proprietary crocoduck and calling it a “gator-bird” – “[m]uch to the delight of children—of all ages” – and ‘e ‘asn’t uttered a peep, I tells ya. Not a peep!
Therrin
28 September 2011 at 7:02 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
You lecture in comic sans.
Randomfactor
28 September 2011 at 7:03 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
I liked the old theme song better:
DimmestLemming
28 September 2011 at 7:03 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Your colon is full of s#*t
Your colon is part of you.
Therefore you are full of s#*t.
I figure if there’s one thing that upsets you, it’s a logical fallacy.
Randomfactor
28 September 2011 at 7:03 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Sorry, GOT to figure out what I’m doing wrong on these YT videos.
Morpheus91
28 September 2011 at 7:06 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
I was going to attempt to imitate several of the eloquently descriptive comments, here, but then realized a much more effective fashion of abuse would be to suggest that your slacking was due to making mad love with Glenn Beck. :D
Naked Bunny with a Whip
28 September 2011 at 7:09 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Umm. Oh, I thought this was the self abuse thread. Pardon me while I go wash my paw.
plien
28 September 2011 at 7:13 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
caput fæces
(most likely wrong, but i’m having way too much fun here ;-)
pelamun
28 September 2011 at 7:14 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
I fail to see the humour, if it doesn’t work in the target language. If you want bilingual jokes, there are better ones around.
unchi is indeed children’s language, but “unchi no atama” is in no way something a four year old would use, in my opinion, I gave the only context it might make sense above. What would work marginally better is “unchi-atama” though, you can find some hits where it is used as a jocular insult.
(I think the Japanese language is impoverished regarding swear words, though there are some, if you keep digging, there is quite a strong social taboo against using them, especially the m-word).
robb
28 September 2011 at 7:19 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Professor Meyers, you are a load of bat piss.
umm…that is to say, you are like a shaft of gold when all around you is darkness.
bbgunn
28 September 2011 at 7:21 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Paraphrasing one of my favorite insults from the movie Lion In Winter:
“If you’re a [professor], there’s hope for every ape in Africa.”
Gregory Greenwood
28 September 2011 at 7:30 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Randomfactor @ 80;
Noooooo! Not that terminally annoying narwhal song!
Gaaarrghhh!
*Runs screaming into the night*
Peptron
28 September 2011 at 7:31 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
@pelamun
Ultimately I was referring to PZ’s entry about a sketch with “pharyngula” written on it in katakana. He said that he suspected it might say “PZ is a poopyhead”, and then somebody immediatly went and made a “PZ wa unchi no atama”. I know that it makes about as much sense as “fetchez la vache!”, and that in reality “unchi no atama” only really makes sense in the context of “the head of the poop” referring to the visible part of the poop when not all of it can be seen.
I’ve been studying Japanese for a while now, and the feeling I got interacting with Japanese is that swear words that are not targetted are not quite as bad as in English (ie: “fuck!” alone when something bad happens), but that targetted swear works (ie: “fuck you!”) are seen as far worse than in English.
Gregory Greenwood
28 September 2011 at 7:37 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Morpheus91 @ 83;
Oh come on! Did you have to pick Glenn Beck? Nobody deserves Glenn Beck*. How the hell am I going to get that image out of my head?
Can someone please hurry up and invent brain-bleach already…
* Well, maybe Ann Coulter does.
SplendidMonkey
28 September 2011 at 7:45 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
You clinking, clanking, clattering collection of caliginous junk!
or
You billowing bale of bovine fodder!
chigau ()
28 September 2011 at 7:49 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
I know some Japanese women who won’t even write 馬鹿.
Let alone say it.
Would you rather... Behold a Steak or Stake a Beholder?
28 September 2011 at 7:54 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Your mother was a hamster and your father smelted elderberries! And I heard that made quite a mess, too…
Thou art an amicable yeti hexed by halite-breath! … Or something.
You’re the One they talk about that’s in every family! As sharp as a sack of hammers! Couldn’t pour water out of a boot with instructions written on the heel!
andybeaton
28 September 2011 at 7:55 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Vous…vous avez un nez…. heu…. un nez… très grand.
unbound
28 September 2011 at 7:58 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
As my daughter might say, and is biological:
Dumbbutt
Ismenia
28 September 2011 at 7:59 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
You make me sick with all your bloody excuses. Your purpose in life is to keep us amused throughout the day. Do you realise that if people here can’t check for updates five times a day they might do anything!!!!! Downloading child-porn or looking at jihadi websites and deciding the whole holy warrior thing sounds pretty cool. But you don’t give a toss do you, with your so-called ‘work’.
HONESTLY, we expect ONE thing of you and you let us down.
PATHETIC!!!!!
SplendidMonkey
28 September 2011 at 8:02 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
@Peptron my new personal favorite insult is “half shat shit”, reserved for truly repulsive degenerates.
'Tis Himself, OM
28 September 2011 at 8:16 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
ralphwiggam
28 September 2011 at 8:18 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
May god have mercy on you. I’ll light a candle for you.
CardinalSmurf
28 September 2011 at 8:23 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
You just need a new T-shirt to cheer you up:
http://shirt.woot.com/
Heliantus
28 September 2011 at 8:26 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
@ 95 Andybeaton
Oh, you sent me down memory lane.
I cannot resist providing the next lines, each appropriately on-topic:
- C’est un peu court, jeune homme!
(aren’t you a bit short to be a stormtrooper? err, sorry, wrong translation)
- Maraud, faquin, butor de pied plat ridicule!
feralboy12, der Ken-Puppe Sie außerhalb in 1983 verlassen
28 September 2011 at 8:34 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Wenn Ihr Blog war eine Zeitung, so würde kein anständiger Fisch darin eingewickelt werden.
tms
28 September 2011 at 8:35 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Great festering hagfish fodder!
Have you no spine, sir?
hackerguitar
28 September 2011 at 8:42 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Only four letters in the genetic code, and ye still can’t figure out how to make your beard into Pirates-of-the-Caribbean-like tentacular goodness!
Dancaban
28 September 2011 at 8:55 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Eh!? I’m too polite so I’ll have to pass on this one. You lame-brained wazzock.
leftwingfox
28 September 2011 at 9:16 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
You sir, have the rigor of an Evolutionary Psychologist, the grounding of an Astrobiologist, and the credulity of a Chiropractor!
*runs for cover!*
cicely, Inadvertent Phytocidal Maniac
28 September 2011 at 9:24 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Son of a Horse!
-
Dianne
28 September 2011 at 9:27 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Your writing skills suck dead bunnies through a straw. Your academic output is slower than shit on an anticholinergic. Du bist ein kniefickende Arshloch. Altogether a waste of electrons.
Dianne
28 September 2011 at 9:35 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Almost forgot “unoriginal”. Come on, Scalzi already did the “your hate mail will be graded” thing.
opposablethumbs, que le pouce enragé mette les pouces
28 September 2011 at 9:43 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Awa’ an’ bile yer heid, ye crapulous wee gobshite.
lofty
28 September 2011 at 10:16 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
You wretched earthbound clod, who could have been soaring with angels if you had only sent in your membership form and $69.95 to my One True Church. So long, atheist!
Randomfactor
28 September 2011 at 10:39 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
CardinalSmurf #101–Shirt.Woot doth truly love the cephalopod. I have two earlier ones. Barely resisting…
Alex, Tyrant of Skepsis
28 September 2011 at 10:40 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
PZ, you are such a protostome.
Dave McCone
28 September 2011 at 10:43 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
May all your children grow up to be Republicans.
Phalacrocorax, not a particularly smart avian
28 September 2011 at 10:57 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
PZ is so incompetent he can’t even turn off the irritating automatic Youtube-video-embedding thingie in his own blog.
Elty
28 September 2011 at 11:22 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
*southern accent, with smirk*
Well, bless your little heart!
cag
28 September 2011 at 11:53 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Another Byte #12. You have gone too far. That is beyond insulting. Please apologise to PZ.
……………..
You are an excellent judge of character. Why else would you have such a huge inferiority complex?
joed
29 September 2011 at 12:09 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
king pz–his royal feculence!
axewaquestion
29 September 2011 at 12:15 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Your beard is considerably less awesome than Kotetsu T. Kaburagi’s!
Pogsurf
29 September 2011 at 12:17 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Four toed tree stoat.
Slammo
29 September 2011 at 12:18 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
You sir, are a Creationist in Evolutionist’s clothing….
…..A closet Katlick
……disgruntled altar boy
ColonelZen
29 September 2011 at 12:36 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
May God bless you, and the light of the son fill your soul keeping your thoughts pure and your body chaste until the day he comes to take you to his bosom and rise to the father’s mansions where you will sing hymns in happy idyle forever, never again troubled by that which you did not know, secure in the faith that God all the answers to the questions that troubled your earlier life.
(You asked for it. Me, I think I need to go wash scour my brain with a steel brush and hydrochloric acid after thinking that up).
– TWZ
Badland, delurking for a bit
29 September 2011 at 12:38 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
contumaceous mammothrept
RipleyP
29 September 2011 at 12:57 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
You have opened your mind so much it appears your brain has fallen out.
Attributable–Tim Minchin
Sam240
29 September 2011 at 1:04 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
If the number of your eyes were equal to the number of your brain cells, you would still be one eye short of being able to play the role of Polyphemus in a theatrical rendition of Homer’s Odyssey.
John Morales
29 September 2011 at 1:10 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Insult?
Bah.
You ain’t worth insulting.
nigelTheBold, Wagering against Pascal
29 September 2011 at 1:16 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Your most pleasing body odor suffers by comparison to my dog’s worst flatulence. Also, the trophy wife dresses you funny.
Also, I look forward to seeing you on Friday.
(That ain’t so much an insult as a threat of suffering my companionship for a few moments.)
nigelTheBold, Wagering against Pascal
29 September 2011 at 1:19 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Oh! Wait! I have an even better one!
You, Sir, would look comfortable in a dogs-playing-poker tableau.
Snivelling Little Ratfaced Git
29 September 2011 at 1:24 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
‘PROFESSOR’!!
Father Ogvorbis: It's Good for You. It Builds Character
29 September 2011 at 1:32 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
PZ, you make peas look appetizing.
WishYouWereHere
29 September 2011 at 2:01 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
PZ, I’ve met hagfish that are more endearing than you.
Dianne
29 September 2011 at 2:19 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Dumber than a male angler fish that’s met a female and twice as useless.
This is really more of a fragment of an insult, but can be mixed and matched with others as needed.
DLC
29 September 2011 at 2:36 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Bah! PZ you undifferentiable polynomial! You have a square root of negative 1 in your final exponent!
massively off-topic:
Today I achieved my 7² orbit around the sun.
So, I say: “Yeaah! woohoo! I survived another circuit around the sun! ” and then I have cake for dessert.
And the cake is not a lie.
nigelTheBold, Wagering against Pascal
29 September 2011 at 2:41 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
DLC:
Congratulations on your peculiarly numerical (though not unusual) number of solar circuits!
So, I say: “Yeaah! woohoo! I survived another circuit around the sun! ” and then I have cake for dessert.
And the cake is not a lie.
Whew! That was a close one.
Razzlefrog
29 September 2011 at 2:43 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
You look like Rick Perry.
razzlefrog
29 September 2011 at 2:46 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Hmph! You look like Rick Perry.
PaulG
29 September 2011 at 3:02 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Your mother’s tortillas taste like dead dogs’ tongues.
Bill Door
29 September 2011 at 3:23 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
kutabare, kono ahou!
Kuso na seibutsugakusha…
DLC
29 September 2011 at 3:39 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
You malodorous stuffy-nosed heap of parrot droppings!
chigau ()
29 September 2011 at 4:00 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Badland, delurking for a bit
OMG but I ♥ Robertson Davies.
Part of me died with him.
St. Exuperantius
29 September 2011 at 4:20 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
A weasel hath not such a deal of spleen as you are toss’d with.
F
29 September 2011 at 4:24 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
You bloody candiru!
DLC
29 September 2011 at 4:36 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
You .. . Bloody MRA! [sign of the forked fingers]
Sally Strange, OM
29 September 2011 at 4:54 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
I knew there had to be! And there is! A Captain Haddock insult generator. Now I only wonder if one exists in French. It must. Is there a rule for that?
Ahem…
Badland, delurking for a bit
29 September 2011 at 5:01 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Chigau – the man was brilliant. Anyone who keeps me running to the dictionary like he did gets extra kisses at breakfasttime
cyberCMDR
29 September 2011 at 5:11 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
With all the time I put into reading your blog at work, the least you can do is defer your real job to continue blogging! I put off my own work for you!
Insults, insults, let’s see….
Your astrologer called, and said this was a good day for you to come in for more Reiki treatments. She also let slip that you were born in the year of the cat.
You have secret fantasies about a threesome with Sarah Palin and Michelle Bachman.
Does that count as zoological?
Lord Shplanington, Not A Frenchman
29 September 2011 at 5:37 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Cockulon-14: YWHW’s newest foreskin-collection automaton.
Pope.
Jive Turkey.
Lycanthrope
29 September 2011 at 6:44 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Thou art a crusty botch of nature indeed.
Masks of Eris
29 September 2011 at 7:05 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
PZ Myers, you lazy friend-to-the-bears. Rather frolic with them in the woods, would you, than do honest and hard work? No, worse yet! Even over meat and cakes would you place the enthusiasms of the kings of the forest; even over manly mind and mantle would you place the dancings of the gods of the wood.
Fie! Lazy I call you, feckless as the waves of the dead lake, useless as firs on the dead mountain; a lazy person I call you, with no preamble or prevarication or repetition; as a spell and a shout I name you: the One-who-gets-no-thing-done, the maid with rot in her churn, the lad with a broken spear; the sleeping god of the sleepers that sleepeth, and work not, I call you.
You were not by the star-eyed bears seduced, but willingly went to dance with them; you were not by the pearl-teethed bears enticed, but gladly came to prance in their company; in the glades and the shades, neath fir and foxwood and pine you slouched in the slow, and kicked in the high, in the be-ringed, be-damned shambling dance of the forest; for when there was work to be done, you went and danced with the bears.
Fain would you sing,
fain would you dance; yet while the dancing and the drinking of the bear-party proceedeth, the work of man and woman’s toil all lie undone, and the bears grow hungry.
Fain would you sing, fain would you dance, with the lords of the forest, with the star-eyed space-kin of man, with the bear, hairy and snouty and not-to-be-trusted; but your work is undone, and the bears unfed; dance away, dance away, for see they dance not with you for any liking they have for the surface or soul of you.
The redness of you they desire, the blood of you, the meat of you; for the hunger of the bear is the end of the man, and when the dance is done there is one dancer less, and the bears lie down fed.
Flee! Flee! Run to your work, to your toil, to your papery hill and stream of bits; for it is spoken in the forests of Finland and the speaking is true: the wages of the lazy are to be eaten alive by bears, and those wages, PZ Myers, those wages are yours.
(There, that should do for an insult in the pseudo-ancestral fashion. Stop procrastinating or the bears of the wood will eat you!)
David
29 September 2011 at 7:07 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
You are a cloven-hooved god!
Noadi
29 September 2011 at 9:05 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
You load of fetid dingoes kidneys! (Seriously, no one has posted that yet?)
May Cthulhu refuse to drag you down to R’lyeh as unworthy of his notice.
Occam's Machete
29 September 2011 at 9:33 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Homeopath!
SqueakyVoice
29 September 2011 at 10:03 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
I recently read someone using the term ‘twat fucker’ apparently as an insult.
Depending on how one makes the statistical adjustments for male and female homosexuals and bisexuals (etc) isn’t the total number of ‘twat fuckers’ in a given population somewhere around/ over the 50% mark?
So, yeah! PZ, you wouldn’t be able to distinguish an Oxford comma from standard Guardian practice, you twat fucker!
Crys
29 September 2011 at 10:14 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Why would I want to insult you PZ? You with that face of a weird beaver/otter lovechild, that body so reminiscent of a giant squid washed up on the shore, your little mole eyes and hyena hairdo, why would anyone possibly want to give you any abuse?
Venture Free
29 September 2011 at 10:32 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Insults, huh? Gotta insult you, right? Okay…um…here goes.
So’s your face! Booyah!
Cosmic Teapot
29 September 2011 at 10:47 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Coprolite!
AussieMike
29 September 2011 at 11:12 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
You’re not the messiah, you’re a naughty, naughty boy!
AussieMike
29 September 2011 at 11:15 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Your mother was inflatable and your father was battery powered!
AussieMike
29 September 2011 at 11:16 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
…this is fun….so stress relieving!
AussieMike
29 September 2011 at 11:19 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Hey PZ! May you be blessed by the Father, the Son and the Holey Ghost. May God be with you now and forever, bless you my son. Amen………….now suck on that!
AussieMike
29 September 2011 at 11:35 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Wait, I just clicked on the link! Doh! That makes it easier.
Your a Sarcastic Fringehead, Monkeyface Blenny, Bonytail Chub, California Smooth-tongue, Collared Carpetshark, Deepwater Flathead, Longjaw Mudsucker! Now bite me!
PZ Myers
29 September 2011 at 12:20 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
You people are enjoying this way too much.
ChasCPeterson
29 September 2011 at 12:41 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
and you?
How do you like it, you xenoturbellid?
greame
29 September 2011 at 12:48 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
PZ, you are the Master Debater.
mythusmage
29 September 2011 at 1:01 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
PZ,
You masticating thespian. You Cthulhu annoying darwinist. You expected us to cut you some slack when you demanded insults? Suffer you practicing evolutionary biologist.
julian
29 September 2011 at 1:30 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Get back to work, you- you- YOU PROFESSOR!
Synapse
29 September 2011 at 3:29 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
I’d rather vote Republican than listen to your lectures.
Fear Uncertainty Doubt
29 September 2011 at 3:33 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
PZ, I can’t believe what an arrogant narcissist you are! I wouldn’t participate in your stupid “oh roast me like I’m David Hasselhoff” contest if you were the last stupid beardo atheist on the planet. The nerve of someone from some head-in-the-clouds ivory-tower elitist perfesser from a college which has some loudmouth gasbag blogger as it’s only claim to fame, to expect “the internet” to even bother spending one moment of time contemplating your terrible sense of dress and some kind of weird octopus fetish and going to the effort of posting the 3563rd comment of your self-indulgent, waste-of-time blog just praying that, oh gosh golly, I hope PZ reads my comment, as if we have nothing better to do, only proves what a big headed fool you are. I wouldn’t spare a single pixel on insulting you, you aren’t worth the effort.
steveclark
29 September 2011 at 4:20 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Of course I can avoid scatology but still keep it puerile, you Slippery Dick*!!
*See also Halichoeres bivittatus
The Lorax
29 September 2011 at 4:44 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
PZ, You are a faster-than-light neutrino: Just as soon as we start to figure this shit out, you come along to fuck it up.
Rey Fox
29 September 2011 at 5:40 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Now it’s time to open up some being-hit-on-the-head lessons. Post something bashing sexists or libertarians.
pelamun
29 September 2011 at 7:15 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
PZ:
This is what Goethe would call a “die Geister, die ich rief” moment
me
29 September 2011 at 8:41 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Ihre Mutter riecht nacht Schwefelsaure.
me
29 September 2011 at 8:47 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
You have secretly posted unkind things about Rebecca Watson.
Heliantus
30 September 2011 at 1:57 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
@ Sally Strange 145
There is. Charabia.net
By pure coincidence, I got this:
“Bayadère de vermicelle volant !”
Almost enough to convert me to the FSM cult…
Cyberguy
30 September 2011 at 7:23 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Some ichthyical insults..
You Three-toothed puffer!
You Hog sucker!
You Slimy sculpin!
You Convict cichlid!
You Greenbone!
You Worm eel!
You Shortnose sucker!
You Tube-snout!
You Wahoo!
You Steelhead!
You Pollock!
You Weasel shark!
You Longjaw mudsucker
You Clown loach!
You Snubnose parasitic eel!
Cyberguy
30 September 2011 at 7:57 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
More ornithological insults…
You Red–necked stint!
You Hoary-headed Grebe!
You Banded Dotterel!
You Yellowhead!
You Dunnock!
AussieMike
30 September 2011 at 11:28 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
PZ says “You people are enjoying this way to much!”
I say – Shut up you geriatric cephalapod semen wad. Now get back to work!
Nerd of Redhead, Dances OM Trolls
1 October 2011 at 12:25 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Finally ready to abuse PZ. May your book only sell 500,000 copies, and your peers see you aren’t an administrator, and unelect you from department head.
Ava, Oporornis maledetta
3 October 2011 at 4:29 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
#148 and #150: Hahahahahahahahaha
Almost made me forget to insult PZ.
You are one tentacle short of an octopus.
Ken Ham is a better speaker than you.
Icanhascheezburger is a better read than Pharyngula.
Your beard will never match Darwin’s for coolness.
Even your town is named after a cat.
I LOL at you.
Ava, Oporornis maledetta
3 October 2011 at 4:38 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
The tentacled overlord Myers
Set a torch to the horde-ian fires.
He invited abuse
But he’s far to obtuse
To detect when a challenge misfires.
(erm, it’s late . . .)
Ava, Oporornis maledetta
3 October 2011 at 4:39 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Good grief,
“too” obtuse