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Nov 25 2010

Oh and by the way, religion is still crazy

If you were a new visitor to the blog this week, and didn’t bother to poke through the archives, you probably walked away with the impression that I am an even-handed and introspective commenter on race, history and education. I’m sorry for misleading you. I am actually a militant Gnu Atheist who gets his jollies lampooning the poor beleaguered faithful. As everyone knows, religious people just want to be left alone to practice their beliefs quietly outside the public eye, and we baby-eating fundamentalist  atheists keep trying to trample your rights to religious freedom. Well throw on a baby-eating bib folks, because I’m going for the jugular today.

Elizabeth Smart’s kidnapper used religion as excuse

Mitchell’s defence attorneys contend [Brian David Mitchell, kidnapper of Elizabeth Smart] suffers from an escalating mental illness and holds extreme religious beliefs that lead him to think he is directed by God. “He was his No. 1 priority, followed by sex, drugs and alcohol, but he used religion in all of those aspects to justify everything,” Smart said in a clear voice on her third and final day of testimony Wednesday.

Is this the face of the average believer? No. Absolutely not. This guy is a psychopath who has done unspeakable acts of evil to an innocent woman. The majority of believers (probably all of them) would repudiate this kind of action immediately as having absolutely nothing to do with their faith. However, his propensity for religious belief – his willingness to believe in a supernatural author for his perversion – was used as license to commit these acts. If religion was not available as an excuse for these kinds of things – if people didn’t have the idea in their minds that the voices they’re hearing are from a supernatural (rather than pathological) source, anyone reporting auditory hallucinations of the kind plaguing Mr. Mitchell would likely receive treatment rather than merely the wide berth you give the really religious among us.

His lawyers certainly wouldn’t be using it as a plea.

Capuchin Monks need young, tender males

Roman Catholic friars in Switzerland have placed a job advert in a newspaper as part of a recruitment drive. The Capuchin order says it is looking for professional single men like bankers or lawyers aged 22 to 35 to join its dwindling ranks. The community, which has 200 members with an average age of 70, hopes the ad will help recruit 10 to 20 men.

Yes, it is absolutely a cheap shot. Forgive me, I’ve been good all week. I have to scrub the stench of “reasoned dialogue” off of me.

Yep, the Capuchin monks (not to be confused with Capuchin monkeys which are much cuter, or with cappuccino, which is a delicious hot beverage) are looking for young professionals to bolster its aging and thereby dwindling population. Luckily they’re using tried and true recruitment offers that appeal to the average 22-30 year old:

“We offer you no pay, but spirituality and prayer, contemplation, an egalitarian lifestyle, free of personal material riches and the common model of a couple relationship,” it says.

Where do I sign up?

Gay bookstore gets letter from Jesus

David Rimmer of After Stonewall says that running a gay bookshop allows him to meet interesting people. But Rimmer recently received a letter from someone a little out of the ordinary: Jesus.

Do not deceive yourself. I, Jesus The Christ, the Eternal God, with My Father and with My Spirit, will not be mocked by those who believe the lies of homosexuality. I will not be mocked by those who think My Last Supper is a joke. I don’t care who you are or what your so-called laws and policies are, I AM the final word and the Eternal Judge of all that lives and dies.

Rimmer put the letter in his window.

Sorry Mr. Jesus, but you absolutely will be mocked by those of us living in the reality-based world. I’m not sure what kind of Christian would forge a letter from Jesus (that’s got to be against one of the commandments, surely), or why Jesus would resort to using the mail, or why he would focus on one bookstore in Ottawa, but surely an aspect of the Creator of the Universe has lots of spare time on his hands, what with the whole ‘omnipotence’ thing.

I can write a million satirical articles, I can post essay after carefully-crafted essay, I can work my entire life and I will never do as much to discredit the religious establishment as the believers can with a single “from Jesus” letter. Sigh, it’s almost enough to make me think I should just give up…

Just kidding, this shit’s hilarious.

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3 comments

  1. 1
    Alexander van Houten

    Perhaps the letter from Jeebus would have more credibility if it was written in aramaic. And seriously, do the monks really expect any one to sign up, I would rather hang out with the monkeys of the same name at least I would learn the useful skill of smashing open nuts with rocks for foods.

  2. 2
    grassrute

    Thanks for another interesting article that illustrates just how depraved mankind is. I would like to correct one error: “If religion was not available as an excuse for these kinds of things, people would just use another excuse, like atheism or mental illness.”

    http://listverse.com/2010/06/05/10-people-who-give-atheism-a-bad-name/
    This link also includes another link for 10 people who give Christianity a bad name.

    One more correction: “Their willingness not to believe in a supernatural author who would hold them accountable – was used as license to commit these acts”

    I’m not kidding, and I don’t’ think this shit’s hilarious. It’s detestable regardless of whether its religious or non-religious people committing these acts. God help us!

  3. 3
    Crommunist

    The problem is that nobody claims that atheism makes someone a moral person, or that atheism contains ethical truths. The same cannot be said for religions, which make many claims about a path to righteousness that are clearly not true.

    I wonder if you use “God help us” ironically, since it’s abundantly clear that even if He does exist, He has no interest in helping us. And since following Him is used as the explicit justification for all kinds of evil things, clearly He does not grant any special guidance to those who adhere to one of His several supposed “one paths”.

    There’s only one person on the atheist list who even suggested that a lack of a supernatural being is a justification for doing evil things. It seems to be a common complaint of the believers that without belief in a deity, there will be blood running in the streets. How sad that the only thing keeping millions of people from slaughtering their neighbours is belief that they’ll get caught by an unobservable judge. Frightening too…

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