Unintended comedy

I happened to run across an intentionally offensive meme about the bigoted NC bathroom laws, and my first reaction was to take offense, naturally. But then I looked again, and realized that the memester had added a bit of unintended humor at his own expense. I’m going to put it below the fold so people can decide whether or not they want to see it, but I thought it turned out pretty funny.

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Franklin Graham shocked by First Amendment

Arkansas Online is reporting that Franklin Graham has discovered evidence that the First Amendment is having a growing influence on American government, and he’s none too happy about it.

Thousands of worshipers flooded the state Capitol on Tuesday to hear evangelist Franklin Graham declare that “godless” politics are taking over governments across the 50 states he is touring…

The greatest applause came when Graham argued against political correctness and the separation of church and state.

“Secularism and communism are the same thing. They are both godless,” Graham said. “We have every right to speak up; we have every right to take our faith into the halls of government.”

And we’d have gotten away with it too, if it hadn’t been for that pesky Constitution thing.

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Quote of the day

Ladies and gentlemen, Ted Cruz:

It is bizarre. Donald and his team, it’s almost like they are subjects in a clinical course in psychology. The conduct they do, literally, they accuse others of doing.

Because real conservatives never act like that, right Ted?

Fudge the facts and declare victory

You may have heard about the recent church/state clash in Colorado, where the Delta County high schools and middle schools were distributing Gideon Bibles to the students, and thus were required to also distribute “atheistic and satanic literature” provided by the Western Colorado Atheists and Freethinkers. And you may be wondering, how do you cope with such a clear violation of Christian privilege if you’re a die-hard believer and want only Christian literature distributed? Apparently, if you’re Charisma News, you respond like this:

Atheists Fuming Mad That School Won’t Allow Godless Campaign

And, as a little extra garnish, the article comes complete with a Flickr photo of “Atheists … upset at the school district’s censorship,” holding up signs that say atheist things—with the Washington Monument clearly visible in the background.

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Allah Is Not Dead 2

CNSNews.com is reporting that a well-known actress is experience significant persecution ever since her latest film came out. Or at least, I think they’re reporting that. The headline very clearly states:

Melissa Joan Hart: ‘I’m Getting Grief for Playing the Good Christian Woman Who is Persecuted!’

Somehow, though, the article itself completely fails to mention any persecution actually being inflicted. In fact, it looks like carelessly dashed-off marketing material for the film. But I wonder how that ad copy would sound if we made just one small change in the premises?

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News Flash

I happened to get a quick bite of lunch at our local McDonald’s this afternoon, and the lady at the drive thru window handed me my bag and wished me a Merry Christmas. And do you know what I, a secular, liberal, godless heathen said? I wished her a Merry Christmas right back, just like I always do.

I’m still waiting for the crack investigative reporting team from Fox News to show up and investigate this mysterious cultural anomaly.

Top 10 Reasons Santa is better than Jesus

Oh look, just a few weeks until Christmas, and that means it’s time once again for our annual list of Top Ten Reasons Santa is Better than Jesus! Let’s start.

10. Santa does not endorse multiple assholes from the same political party as presidential candidates. In fact, he doesn’t endorse any political candidates or parties.

9. If you’re bad, Santa gives you a lump of coal, he doesn’t try to turn you into one.

8. Santa comes to town riding a sleigh pulled by flying reindeer; Jesus came to town, once, riding someone else’s ass (which seems to have become a tradition among some of his followers, by the way).

7. Jesus says he loves little kids, but Santa actually lets them sit in his lap.

6. Santa doesn’t spend all his time obsessing over how other people have sex.

5. Santa can run his whole enterprise, year after year, without begging for donations or demanding government funding.

4. Some of history’s worst atrocities and injustices have been committed by people who believe in Jesus, but NONE of them have been committed by people who believe in Santa.

3. You don’t have to devote your life to figuring out a collection of 66 books full of obscure, archaic, and contradictory teachings—Santa is satisfied if you’re just reasonably good most of the time.

2. Santa cares enough to come back every year. And he shows up on time, too! We’re going on 2,000 years since Jesus told his apostles that some of them would see his kingdom come.

And my number one reason why Santa is better than Jesus:
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Guess who

Here’s a mini mystery for you this fine Tuesday morning.

BLACKS: This is wrong. We’re being singled out by the police, harassed, beaten, even murdered. And the murderers are getting away with it. #BlackLivesMatter!

GUESS WHO: (*shrug*) Ah, quit whining, #AllLivesMatter.

PALESTINIANS: We need help! Israelis are bulldozing our homes, occupying our land, and murdering our children, and getting away with it. #PalestinianLivesMatter!

GUESS WHO: (*shrug*) Ah, quit whining. You probably deserve it. In fact, let’s take literally billions of US taxpayer dollars and give it to Israel, no strings attached.

STARBUCKS: This holiday season, we’ll be serving coffee in red cups.

GUESS WHO: Will they say “Merry Christmas”?

STARBUCKS: No, they won’t say anything.

GUESS WHO: Oh you evil people! How dare you subject us to such horrific persecution? Have you no decency? We won’t stand for it! It’s an absolute outrage! (Etc., etc., etc…)

 Need a hint? Hmm, maybe not.

(Note: any similarity between GUESS WHO and any person(s) now living or dead is entirely their own fault.)

Proving Santa

There’s a quote you may have heard that goes something like this: “If you understand why you reject all the other gods, you’ll understand why I reject your God.” It sounds good, but there’s a problem. As soon as you say that to an actual believer, they are likely to inform you that they reject all the other gods because the Real God™ told them the others were false. What was not derived by reason and evidence cannot be refuted by reason and evidence.

With that in mind, I’d like to propose a new game that might have a better chance of achieving the same goal. It’s called “Proving Santa,” and I think it has a better shot at giving believers a chance to experience what it’s really like to be a skeptic in a religious debate.

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