There was a time when I would have found it irresistible. I am beyond the reach of all of your charms, students!
Also, keep away from me, filthy plague-bearers.
Pharyngula
Evolution, development, and random biological ejaculations from a godless liberal
Just saw this. The hover text is especially hilarious. “Kids fantasize about food, young people fantasize about
sex and adults fantasize about time.”
I love it!
My favorite reply when a student says, “I’d do anything for a better grade” is an old Henny Youngman one liner.
“Anything? OK. Paint my house.”
My favorite is still, “Would you… study?”
Old joke, it was in the Eiger Sanction with Clint Eastwood, 1975. From IMDb:
(after an art student made the offer)
Dr. Jonathan Hemlock: Are you busy this evening?
Art Student: No.
Dr. Jonathan Hemlock: You live alone?
Art Student: My roommate’s gone for the week.
Dr. Jonathan Hemlock: Good. Then… go on home, break out the books and study your little ass off. That’s the best way to maintain a “B” average. Don’t study it all off.
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0072926/quotes/?tab=qt&ref_=tt_trv_qu
@kenmiller, # 2: “Now take my wife. Please.”
Got another one: A guy goes to the doctor and says, “Hey doc-it hurts when I do this.” The doctor says, “Don’t do that.”
Best joke I’ve heard lately, from Game of Thrones (I’m late to the party):
Before a major battle, a bloke addresses his mates: “which one of you cowards shit in my pants?”.
@1 That was great. I also liked the nod to Darwin: “endless forms most freaky.”
“Sex is widely available in endless forms most freaky.” Unless they’re an incel, in which case they really need to evolve socially.
You all don’t wanna know what I would do in exchange for 3 hours of childcare.
The mildly deranged penguin’s tip for a childcare arrangement: Make sure the offer is from an atheist, that they will leave some left-overs from the barbecued child, and that they WEAR A MASK!
It it weird that “keep away from me, filthy plague-bearers” was the only part of the post I really latched onto. My new catchprase. T-shirt motto. Trying to refrain from adding something…a rant or screed…very morose in tone. Happy thoughts.
SMBC is often too true to be funny
Hang in there, parents. They grow and they need less childcare. They will still drive you up the wall, but you cannot outsource the endless growing up struggles with a teenager.
Funny how much many kids grew during the pandemic. If you let them. Some days I came home from work and had a cooked lunch waiting for me.
@2. That was also in Exit to Eden (the movie). “How can I fulfill your fantasy?” “Go paint my house.”
I am beyond the reach of all of your charms, students!
Rare spiders usually found in the Australian outback?
Just asking for a friend.