I’m gonna need a fax machine

Just one. And some letterhead. And a catchy name.

We’ve seen this strategy before: remember Bill Donohue and the Catholic League? He’s got no clout at all with Catholics or anyone else, but he’s got his little office with his fax machine and maybe a secretary (at best), and a willingness to fire off angry press releases, and this translates into invitations to appear on Fox News and donations.

Here’s another one: One Million Moms and Monica Cole. She’s it. The other 999,999 moms don’t seem to do much except echo Monica in annoying emails to their nieces and grandchildren and other hapless relatives. She has a kind of power, though, since she bullied the Hallmark Channel into yanking an ad that featured a lesbian couple.

Hey! I want to be able to bully the Hallmark Channel, too!

So now I’m thinking I ought to falsely claim to be the head of a mighty swarm of angry fanatics. I’ll just need to reserve a domain name and design some stationery and start firing off demanding press releases. I only have to come up with that intimidating title.

Which do you think is scarier? “onemillionatheists.com” or “tentrillionspiders.com”? I can tweak the numbers freely, since they don’t actually mean anything real. Hmm, maybe the arachnidleague.com. Let me know what you think.


  1. Curious Digressions says



    Good luck on your mission.

  2. robro says

    What!? “Free thought” isn’t scary enough for you? With its trillions of freethinkers thinking freely, it should be enough to scare the bejesus out of ’em.

  3. wzrd1 says

    arachnidjusticeleague.web. It’ll take a bit to go live though, as all of the usual suspects have been trying to litigate the TLD, rather than follow the normal process in acquiring a TLD.

    As for fax, why bother with that when, if you have a modem, it can send and receive fax?

  4. says

    You don’t need a fax machine. You don’t even need a modem. All you need is an internet connection and e-mail account, and you can use internet-based fax services and save paper and toxic toner cartridges and all that stuff. Then you can add an “environmentally friendly” line to the Wix-generated, relatively generic webpage that’s loaded with marketing-speak and flywhistles* and links to crank websites like the NAACP, ACLU, FFRF, NARAL, and the Mord/o/r/ris Association for the Advancement of Arthropods (which is NOT A CRANK ORGANIZATION). And fails to disclose who any of the top ten donors are.

    Dog whistles don’t matter much to spiders.

  5. Pierce R. Butler says

    Per the Wikipffft:

    By 1999, membership had grown to 350,000, two-thirds of whom were paying members.[1] This is the last estimate of overall membership that the League made.

    (Bonus points for mentions of Pharyngula and the Battle of Crackergate at the link.)

    Back in ’15, during a similar discussion, I found a pffft report that the CL had

    Budget USD $2.75 million (fiscal year 2008)
    $22.7 million in assets[2]
    Staff 13[2]


    The present CL’s “about us” page has nothing about membership or budget, and mentions only one staff member (no points for guessing whom).

  6. jaytheostrich says

    I would like to suggest ‘OurArachnidOverlords.com’, and I would also like to welcome our leggy arachnid overlords.

  7. Ray, rude-ass yankee - One inseparable gemisch says

    I vote for “Atheist Horde”, although “SJWSpiderArmy” would be a close second.

    So now I’m thinking I ought to falsely claim to be the head of a mighty swarm of angry fanatics.

    Alas, once upon a time it would not have been a false claim, we were a mighty horde, keeping our teeth sniny gnawing on trolls. For myself, while plenty angry, and a bit fanatic, I am somewhat less than a mighty swarm. —Sigh

  8. chrislawson says


    Yeah, One Million Mums even if it wasn’t an exaggeration, would represent a whole 0.4% of the electorate.

  9. fishy says

    deathaftersex is scary.
    I don’t think that’s what you’re shooting for here, but I’m just spitballing.