We’re in trouble now: one of those conservative campus watchdog groups has discovered that the University of Minnesota Morris has Satanist students. And not just ordinary, run-of-the-mill Satanists — these are gay devil-worshippers!
Actually, it looks more like a recruiting newsletter was sent out, but I’m sure our evil student body will leap on it.
“I’m looking to start a Satanist group at Morris to address the budding conservatism on this campus—which I find abhorrent,” student Reed Larsen wrote to his fellow classmates. “I’m thinking of calling the group either Gay Devil Worshippers for a Better Future OR Queer Satanists for Change.” The group has since elected to go by the moniker “Gay Devil Worshippers for a Better Future.”
Rather than merely performing its standard Satanic rituals, the group hopes to make social activism its primary purpose.
“I’m hoping the group will have a social justice platform and further such a platform through good ol’ devilish revelry,” Larsen wrote.
Lawks, I’m fain to swoon…not just gay devil worshippers, but social justice gay devil worshippers. I’m pretty sure those are the worst kind.
The City Pages, the Twin Cities alternative weekly, has now reported on it, so now the news of our university’s sinful student body has been broadcast state-wide. I expect enrollments to surge next year.
Except among the Republicans. The article also spilled the beans on another of our secrets.
According to a student at UMM who wished to remain anonymous, the “budding” conservative groups on campus are not actually budding at all. The few conservative groups on campus, including the school’s gun club, pro-life club, and College Republicans, have around 20 combined members, according to the source.
Yeah, that sounds about right. It might even be a bit high. I don’t expect our Satanist group to be that numerous either, but I wouldn’t be surprised if UMM Gay Devil Worshippers for a Better Future would outnumber our campus Republicans for Trump.
P.S. Hey, gang, if you don’t already have a faculty sponsor for your group, I’m available.
Man, I want a “Queer Satanists for Change” shirt now.
I want to see PZ wearing one.
More minions to help you steal all the copies of the Morris North Star?
;-)
I like how the gun club and the pro-life club are right next to each other in the article. It’s the same people, probably, but the juxtaposition brings out the surreal.
Worshipping the devil makes sense, except for the worshipping part. The Bible starts off with The Serpent trying to help, and telling the truth, while God lied and punished outrageously. Then later, God does those awful things to Job to aggravate Satan. And Satan offered to give the world to Jesus, which would have saved us 2000 years of waiting. My computer wallpaper is of an old sculpture of Satan, which really shows his intelligence, I think.
@4
I’d probably assume this is the “Humanist values and some silly LARPing” kind of satanism rather than like, legitimate satan worshippers.
Good for them!
Been thinking of taking a few courses at LSU, perhaps I could start the same thing.
I’m pretty sure that doing that would ruffle a lot of feathers. That’s especially true when I produce my Universal Life Church ordination papers.
Got those when I was overseas so that I could perform a marriage for some friends in an Islamic nation. :)
Then, I’d recruit from the rod and gun club as well.
Who knows? I might actually get some more gun owners to lock the damned things up properly.
Well isn’t that special.
but how will we know if they’re RealAmericans™ if they don’t specifically call themselves RealAmerican™ Gay Devil Worshippers for a Better Future OR RealAmerican™ Queer Satanists for Change?
More seriously, it doesn’t flow as well with the Real American bit, so I’m happy with their choices… but neither of them quite reaches the threshold of loveliness reached by “Infants’ Mothers for Change”* that i saw on a t-shirt once at a pride event. Ah, the ability to unite multiple needs, serious and flippant, under the rubric of a single metaphor! Nothing better.
*Or similar, my memory is imperfect on the exact wording.
I can’t tell whether I should be upset about more invisible friend worship or happy about anything that causes conservative watchdogs to gag with rage. Decisions, decisions…
@treefrogdundee #9
Their priority seems to be a political one rather than a religious one. I’m pretty sure that they are Temple satanists.
I want a “Queer Satanists for a Better Future” coffee mug, just to see peoples reactions to such a mug. I am pleased to see that Reed Larsen has mastered the art of Minnesota nice extreme passive/aggressiveness while still in college. An extremely polite, yet severe, mocking of the not nice, is the best defense.
Sorry about all the commas. I’m going to go clean my spectacles.
Tethys, no biggie. I haven’t cleaned my reading goggles in a week, they really need a good cleaning.
“…I wouldn’t be surprised if UMM Gay Devil Worshippers for a Better Future would outnumber our campus Republicans for Trump.”
Maybe, but you can certainly bet they’ll host better parties.
More likely splitters. They sound like the Satanic Temple turned up to 11.
So they’re SJSs, Social Justice Satanists?
@Vivec #5 – Actually, libertarian-minded Satanists have been around since at least the 18th century. I will try to find it online, but back around 1780, in France, an anonymous pamphlet circulated describing the reason why Satan was cast out of Heaven: After creating Adam, God summoned all the angels and ordered them to bow before his greatest creation. Satan refused, saying that he would welcome Adam as a fellow creation but not as a superior. Since then, he has worked to challenge God’s arbitrary restrictions and rule by fear and ignorance. There were, apparently, a significant number of philosophers in the Enlightenment who subscribed to this theology, and a number of modern Satanists have revived this idea.
@17
I fail to see the relevance that has to what I said.
Yep, seems very much like LARPing than actual belief to me. That said, the difference is immaterial – they get to worship, or just-going-through-the-motions-or-worship if they want.
Outnumbering the conservative groups reminds me delightfully of the UA financial reports when I was an undergrad at MIT back at the turn of the millennium. The Campus Crusade for Cthulhu often received much more funding than the Campus Crusade for Christ.
Actually, the CCCth’s funding was, rumor said, the stuff of farce anyways. Scuttlebutt had it that the organization was originally formed to funnel undergrad activity funds to the technically illegal activities which sometimes resulted in entertaining objects or visual effects appearing on, in, or around campus buildings. But somewhere around ’01, the puppet leaders of the CCCth decided that all of the outrageous demon-summoning activities they put down on their charter and funding requests sounded like a lot of fun, and started spending their ill-gotten gains on the actual club activities they’d requested it for instead of passing it on to hackers.
This is all of course rumor-mill stuff and decades old, so I might have details wrong.
did anyone notice the City Pages comment under the picture of Baphomet?
Ichthyic
Yes, but I was busy giggling at “your favorite buttery,corn-fed trans femme sweetheart” and “The witches cauldrons are entirely bare, when they could be filled with the tears of fuck boys”.
snark++
Tethys, that initiated a notion on a dirty joke, however, this forum is inappropriate. ;)
I’m with Vivek @1. The t-shirts will inevitably be awesome.