Kent Hovind’s infamous alma mater has put together a collection of responses because they are “under attack!” Only they aren’t—they’re being laughed at. And whoa, these pages are even more hilarious. (Warning: all of the links below go to pages that fire up some tedious piano music on autoplay…that you can’t turn off.)
The first one is offended at the falsehoods their critics promulgate. For instance, people have passed around this photo, claiming it is a picture of the Patriot University facilities:
It is a filthy lie! That is the minister’s house. To show how wrong this portrayal is, the staff at Patriot Bible University have released an official photograph of the wonderfully elegant, high-tech but traditional campus:
Well. I guess we can’t make fun of that anymore.
The second page can be summarized as “Don’t trust the internet, trust us!” They explain what is wrong with the internet:
Should you trust someone’s ‘factual’ information about morals when they post pornography, promote homosexuality, post curse words, and claim evolution as fact?
Whoa, somebody pass that along to the Intersection! I’m sure it will fit with their sentiment perfectly. Patriot University also has a simple test for evaluating the worth of a web page.
Would Jesus agree with the values and the message of the source of advice?
For some reason, this instantly stirred up an image of introducing Jesus to Dan Savage. My vision of Jesus is of an unkempt Jewish zealot with a madman’s fire in his eye and a dedication to those old testament laws, and no, I don’t think he’d get along with Dan at all — there’d probably be an impromptu stoning on the spot. But Christians always tell me that their version of Jesus is gentle, loving, understanding, and thoughtful — that Jesus would probably give Dan a big hug and thank him for his work. Which Jesus are we supposed to use in this exercise from PU? And isn’t this an admission that you’re just supposed to go along with stuff you like, assisted by the crutch of an imaginary cheerleader?
They also list the virtues of PU.
I. Patriot bases all teachings on the Bible and God’s absolute truth.
II. Patriot has been teaching God’s absolute truth for nearly 30 years.
III. Jesus said “He is the way, the truth, and the life” (Jn 14:6). Patriot believes this and follows Jesus, only.
Oh, yeah. I’m reassured.
Finally, they get around to discussing Kent Hovind.
Patriot does not retain ownership to student thesis’ or dissertations, as is commonly practiced by many schools. Instead, Patriot grants each student full control over the circulation of his/her work. Therefore, Patriot cannot release student work to the public. Patriot issues Bible degrees for the purpose of equipping students for ministry; Patriot is not a research institution.
Hovind’s dissertation was part of a graduate “project”. Thus, the paper being posted online was only a portion of Hovind’s initial research notes for his dissertation requirements. It is obviously not a finished product.
Hovind has been a prolific publisher of videos and books on topics involving Biblical Creation. He has participated in numerous video-taped debates. His work since 1991 has been widely distributed and stands on it’s own and supercedes an earlier written dissertation. There is no need to attack it and ignore what he has produced since then.
So that thesis that was posted on Wikileaks wasn’t actually Kent Hovind’s thesis. PU does not keep copies of theses, they are not submitted to any official archive, so basically, it doesn’t exist. Huh. Well, that certainly sounds professional.
That ragbag collection of noise that begins, “Hi, my name is Kent Hovind” was part of a “project”. What project could benefit from such haphazard trash, I don’t know. It clearly wasn’t a finished product. Where is the finished product? Don’t ask the degree-granting institution!
Yeah, Kent Hovind’s work since 1991 does stand on its own as rank raving idiocy. We laugh at that, too.
Strangely, this defense of Kent Hovind doesn’t mention his current residency in a penitentiary, convicted of tax evasion.