1. says

    I’m grading exams today, too! What a coincidence! And, yes, there will be bodies to donate to science afterwards (or English, or whatever). It won’t be pretty.

    Today is also the day we may hear the results of the most recent faculty hiring committee I was on. I’m expecting good news and an admirable new colleague. (It helps that I’m no longer picking losers during the screening process, like I once did.)

  2. Bride of Shrek says

    Ah, the coincidence. I just filled in my forms today to leave my body to the University of Queensland under their cadaver donation programme. Not only do I kind of like the thought of freaking students out for at least two years post death but I get to save the family any funeral costs (ah, I’m a tight arsed cow). Mr Shrek is filling in his forms to do the same as we speak.

    Remember people, if you haven’t done so – consider it! Universities everywhere are always grateful of the bodies and it saves heaps in exorbitant burial/cremation fees.

  3. Richard Harris says

    Donating your body to ‘Englsh’ sure is better than donating your mind to some feckin’ religion.

    Just for the record, I’ve donated my body to science, through the Human Tissue Authority in the UK. I urge all you rationalists to do similar.

  4. says

    As a writer I appreciate this student’s sentiment. We non-scientific evilutionists don’t get enough fresh corpses for our satanic rituals, and though the pen might be mightier than the sword, just try catching a sacrificial victim with one.

  5. Eli says

    What about the oft-neglected math department, eh? I’m sure they could do with a few cadavers now and then :)

  6. MAJeff, OM says

    Still grading? I’m finalizing syllabi for summer classes starting this week.

  7. Sili says

    I guess I’m a silly, sentimental fool, but I still feel attached to the family plot. There are five generations before me there, and I’ve made arrangements to join them.

    Whatever organs might still be of use to the living when I go, are free for the taking, though.

  8. Bride of Shrek says

    Sil @ # 10

    Well, I’m happy for them to take the organs but I figure the lungs might be crap ( I used to smoke about ten years ago), the liver is totally fucked ( ummm, mild ingestion of alcohol over the years), the heart’s probably good, the kidneys are definitely useable ( I pee like a trojan), but the best are the eyeballs. Eye’s like a fucking hawk I have.

  9. Bill Dauphin says

    Maybe OT, but probably not another reason to like Obama.

    It may not be a reason to like him, but don’t be too quick to make it a reason not to like him: I took a cross-country car trip this weekend, and took the opportunity offered by the many hours alone in traffic to listen to The Audacity of Hope, which includes a whole chapter about his conversion and his attitudes about faith in public life. He is a sincere Christian, but he’s a thoughtful, even somewhat skeptical one (I know that sounds like an oxymoron to many, but these things are relative). Further, he seems to be absolutely committed to the separation of church and state. He talks about the fact that when people of faith can only bring their values to public policy if they’re able to translate them into universal values that apply to “people of all faiths, and to unbelievers.”

    In the deep South, there are lots of Christian voters who need to hear stuff like this before they can vote for someone. We may wish it weren’t so, but it is. However dismaying campaign lit like this may be to atheists/secularists/rationalists, a country led by President Obama will be far better for us (and everyone!) than one in which John Hagee is whispering in the ear of President McCain. [shudder]

  10. says

    Post-organ donation, I’m looking into my cremains being mixed into fireworks. The only U.S. company I can find that does it is a continent away, though. Barring that, I wish to be thrown in the faces of any enemies I have gained between now and then (although that might be more amusing pre-cremation).

  11. Dave Godfrey says

    Actually it doesn’t matter how crap your eyes are. They use the corneas, so even if you literally can’t see six inches in front of your face (like me) they’ll take ’em anyway.

  12. Bride of Shrek says

    Oh but Dave

    “Corneas like a fucking Hawk” just doesn’t have the same ring to it.

    Oh, and another organ I’m happy to be rid of, I’m over the whole uterus thing. If anyone wants it they can email me and I’l arrange delivery.

  13. says

    If someone wants to use my cadaver
    They won’t have to cajole, flatter, bribe, or palaver.

    Whether the science people want to examine my brain to see how I think
    Or the English department just wants my ink

    Whether the agricultural school wants me to nourish some plants
    Or the design school wants to make me into pants

    Whether the engineering department wants to study my bones
    Or the financial aid office wants to display my dismembered corpse as a warning to those who might consider not paying off their college loans

    By the time that day rolls around (even if it’s tomorrow), I’ll be done with it.
    So have fun with it.

  14. chris y says

    Eye’s like a fucking hawk I have.

    Tetrachromatic and set on opposite sides of your head? I should think that would be pretty much a niche market.

  15. Gray Lensman says

    Nearly 50 years ago, I donated my body to English (and history) instead of Chemical Engineering and spent a career mostly teaching those subjects in various chalkboard-lined rooms. I felt then that I would only be a passable engineer but I could be a pretty good teacher of poetry, literature and history. Along the way I added photography, computers, and business math. I have no regrets. I now get to play with the computers and digital photography in support of my wife’s real estate practice. Follow your passion; other things will mostly take care of themselves, with any luck.

    About the same time, I ditched a Southern Baptist upbringing. No regrets there either.

  16. David Marjanović, OM says

    Not only do I kind of like the thought of freaking students out for at least two years post death


  17. HP says

    “Now, I’ve heard some you students complaining that all we read in this class is Dead White Men. When you look at this [holds up a copy of Moby Dick], all you see is a Dead White Male. Well, ladies and gentlemen, I have news for you: This is not a Dead White Male. This — [dramatically removes white sheet from gurney] — is a Dead White Male!”

    [Students scream and run panic-stricken from lecture hall.]

  18. David Marjanović, OM says

    Whether the engineering department wants to study my bones

    Hm. Not for most values of “bone”.

  19. says

    What about the oft-neglected math department, eh? I’m sure they could do with a few cadavers now and then :)

    Math departments have plenty of them already, usually as instructors of intro calc.

  20. says

    Mike Hallett to national news media organizations

    For anyone interested in the sea dragon remains found in Utah.

    Dragon is not a species. The term Dragon refers to an era of advanced prehistoric marine biology that predates the dinosaur era by 320 million years. The Hallettestoneion Seazoria Dragons became extinct 540 million years ago. This newly discovered era of advanced prehistoric biology contains the most advanced forms of life ever discovered. The legendary dragons are no longer mythical but are now scientific fact. The Seazoria dragons are average 180 feet in length with 27 inch average teeth, and the remains are located in Utah.

    Single most significant life sciences biological discovery in history. A whole new era of advanced prehistoric marine biology. Featuring the dragons long missing from the historical text book. The Hallettestoneion Seazoria dragons were discovered 5 years ago by earth moving construction workers, excavating a large scale residential development. Digging just below an ancient seashore. Initially appearing as specialized configurations arrangements of stones. More extensive study, mapping, excavating and blue printing reviled that the specialized configurations of individual stones were in fact in the exact configuration of large scale, highly evolved prehistoric marine reptiles right down to the very finest details. As an example the skulls always have a full and complete set of teeth underneath. including all right side teeth, and left side teeth, in addition to the front teeth. Teeth are in rights, lefts, tops, and bottoms. Including all identical progressive replacement teeth. All teeth grow in exacting biological structures. Comparable to all other forms of advanced prehistoric teeth. Seazoria teeth grow in right and left handed configuration only. There are no exceptions to the right and left handed biological tooth growth structures. The teeth are always crowned on the outside face. Think of your own k-9 tooth minus the roots. Seazoria teeth are like shark and dinosaur teeth. They have nerves attaching into the tops of the mature and replaceable teeth so they do not have roots. No teeth roots because the teeth are replaceable. The basic Seazoria teeth grow in triangular wedges with the same 117 common inherent repeating structural characteristics, rights and lefts only.

    This knowledge was obtained by investing more than 7500 hours of research into the Pre Cambrian Hallettestoneion Seazoria dragons. The Seazoria dragon remains were discovered just below an ancient high watermark , seashore carved by the Pacific Ocean 540 million years ago. Located in Pleasant View and North Ogden Utah. Mike Hallett of Layton Utah made positive confirmation of the Seazoria dragons discovery in November of 2,003. I obtained my in depth knowledge of the Seazoria dragons directly out of the field by working in excavation. Removing and excavating the Seazorias out of the ground to make room for new houses. We used the Seazoria remains to build retaining walls and to terrace sloping, completed, properties built along the ancient seashore, Almost all of the upscale homes along the ancient seashore are terraced using Seazoria remains. This is a sad but a true fact that occurs daily in the earth moving, excavation, and landscaping business here in northern Utah on a daily basis. The Seazoria remains are located on private property and so it is the land owners decision to bull doze the Seazoria remains to make way for new home construction. Nobody can do anything to preserve the remaining Hallettestoneion Seazoria Examples’

    The land owners and developers do not care about science and the evolution of life or the preservation of the Hallettestoneion Seazoria dragons. As far as the land owners and developers are concerned the Hallettestoneion Seazoria Dragons are nothing but a nuisance and why would anyone care about these huge, old, prehistoric marine reptiles. These creatures (Seazorias) are dead, and they are just taking up valuable real estate. The policy is just move those creatures dead bodies out of the way so we can build a house. The whole community knows about the Seazoria discovery, and so do the developers and nobody does anything to stop the destruction. Hallettestoneion Seazorias are destroyed (exterminated to science forever) on a daily basis.

    This is a news story with a strong future. The Hallettestoneion Seazoria Dragon discovery itself, future Seazoria discoveries (we know of 23 confirmed graveyards containing Seazoria remains) Scientific excavations of Seazoria Dragon remains. The reconstruction phase of the discovery. And the traveling exhibitions of Complete reconstructed Seazoria Dragon examples. Books, movies, documentaries, merchandise, tours, This ultra spectacular prehistoric biological discovery of the true sea dragons is in its infancy.

    It is going to take someone in the national media to start the chain reaction. The Hallettestoneion Seazoria dragon discovery has huge international implications. That is currently evident by the international Seazoria Dragon website traffic. Just in the past two months alone the Seazoria website has received visitors from 70 countries. Nearly every major university and collage in the United States has visited the Seazoria website at

    The current problem that the Hallettestoneion Seazoria Dragons discovery faces is the fact that the current dinosaur paleontologists have only found, studied, and excavated advanced vertebra land dinosaurs in the Cretaceous, Jurassic, and Triassic eras 65 million up to 220 million years. The large scale sea dinosaurs from the dinosaur era remain un-discovered at this time. The current fossil record ends at less than 300 million years for advanced life. Understand that the first dinosaurs were only discovered about 160 years ago. The dinosaur paleontologists would lead the public to believe that basically they have already solved all the worlds prehistoric biological mysteries. Absolutely nothing could be further from the truth. There is an entirely new era of advanced prehistoric marine biology. The Hallettestoneion Seazoria Dragons became extinct 540 million years ago. The evolutionary development of the Seazoria dragons occurred in the Pre Cambrian era. To date around 5,000 dinosaurs have been recovered. That is approximately one dinosaur example for every 27,000 thousand years that the dinosaurs lived and ruled. The Hallettestoneion Scientific Research Project is working with extremely evolved large scale prehistoric marine biology that became extinct 540 million years ago. Todays modern Phd paleontologist will not even look for advanced life in this era. A typical well educated dinosaur paleontologist will tell you based on the text book that they were educated with life was about the size of your finger nail in this era. Nothing could be further from the truth. life in this era 540 million years ago was triple the size of the land dinosaurs that we are used to seeing, Life in the ocean can grow much larger that life on land. The only way to obtain knowledges of this era of advance sea life is to get accurate biological information directly out of the Seazoria graveyards (field). This new era of advanced prehistoric marine biology is approximately 320 million years ahead of the current text book and the current accepted fossil record. So no matter how hard we try, the Hallettestoneion Scientific Research Project cannot find not one single paleontologies expert because information and knowledge’s from this recently discovered new era of advanced marine biology can only be obtained directly out of the field conducting research on an actual Hallettestoneion Seazoria Dragon excavation. The biology in this era is light years ahead of the current experts scientific understanding and current text books evolutionary numeric biological time line.

    The key to understanding the Hallettestoneion Seazoria Dragons. And the advanced prehistoric biological Seazoria discovery is to obtain a working knowledge and comprehensive understanding of the Zoria repeating biological structures (ZORIA REPEAT). These biological structures are created and grow in specialized right and left handed configurations. The Seazoria teeth and spikes are examples of repeating biological structures that are created and grow in specialized rights and lefts. Just like all forms of biological life the Seazorias all have equal right and left sides. That is how biological life is created. You, me, cats, dogs, birds, sharks, whales, dinosaurs, including Seazorias and all forms of advanced biological life. We are all created with right and left sides (half’s). The very first stand out feature a person should notice and observe in the Hallettestoneion Heights graveyards is the fact that all of the specimens (stones) are created in distinctive rights and lefts. And that the specialized specimen structures repeat themselves over and over again. Specialized triangular wedges in rights and lefts. There is a huge diversity among the zoria repeating biological structures (zoria repeat) however the basic zoria triangular wedge shape remains totally consistent. The reason the zoria repeating triangular wedge shape remains consistent is because all of the zoria repeat specimens all share the same internal biologically produced sub structure. Study and careful examination of the zoria repeat sub structure is an exercise in specialized ,consistent, mathematical equations that repeat themselves with absolute consistency’s. Biology is biology in all eras of earth history. The specialized growth characteristics are always ever present in all forms of biological life. Once a competent individual develops an detailed understanding of the 117 common inherent common structural growth characteristics of the zoria repeating biological shape-structure. The Seazoria prehistoric biology begins to make perfect sense and becomes completely predictable. Even if a zoria repeat specimen (tooth spike) is only partially exposed a person could draw an accurate picture of exactly what the specimen will look like when it is excavated.

    The Zoria repeating biological structure is basically a five sided triangular wedge. a large attachment base growing to specialize reinforced tip. Crowned on the outside face. flat slightly concave on the inside face. A thick blunt leading edge for piercing, paralleling the crown. With a double cutting trailing edge for slicing. All of the zoria repeat shapes (biological structures) have the same consistent internal genetic sub structure. The complex repeating mathematical equations repeat themselves with absolute consistency. The zoria repeat is totally mathematically predictable. Created in rights and lefts only.

    When people get their first look at the Hallettestoneion Seazoria dragons the natural reaction is to immediately come to the conclusion that the Seazoria remain are just a bunch of “rocks” (I have come to hate that word) and that is because that is what we have been taught. What nobody is doing is addressing the real scientific questions related to explaining the origins of the specialized configurations of stones. Basically the common school of thought is ‘rocks are rocks because rocks have always been rocks”. This is the 21st century and it is now time for science to evolve a grater understanding and explanation of why these particular stones are arranged in the exact configuration’s of large scale extremely advanced prehistoric sea dragons. Yes it is much easier to to just label the Hallettestoneion Seazorias are rocks but where are all the scientists that want to get to the bottom of this prehistoric biological mystery. The global scientific community should be explaining accurately the triggering event that caused the creation of the specialized configurations. Lets ask and answer these criticality important scientific questions. Like Why are the configurations in the exact arrangement of large prehistoric marine reptiles. and how did these configurations arrive in this exact location. What was the triggering event. Why are individual specimens in distinctive rights and lefts. Why do certain #4 stones (skulls) have full and complete sets of teeth underneath them. Why do the stones (teeth) underneath the #4 stones (skulls) have identical progressive replacement replacement stones(Progressive replacement teeth) Any competent well trained well educated non institutionalized thinking prehistoric field biologist should understand and agree that based on comprehensive study of the Hallettestoneion Seazoria Dragon remains that discovery Hallettestoneion Seazoria Dragons is absolutely impossible to deny or refute Based on the the mathematics of the complex repeating biologically created zoria shape/structures and the extremely specialized repeating mathematical equations that are consistent to the substructure of the zoria repeat. All criteria for a prehistoric biological discovery is present. The Hallettestoneion Seazoria Dragons are physically correct, biologically correct, mathematically correct, chemically correct, and physiologically correct. It is physically and mathematically impossible to successfully dispute the Hallettestoneion Seazoria Dragons.

    How come people are not asking and demanding answers to the true hard core scientific questions and making an explanation as to the origins of the stones. Like for example with the Hallettestoneions scientists need must ask, back in prehistoric time what was the triggering event 540 million years ago that caused the creation of these configurations of super specialized biological burial matrix configurations. Why are the individual stones arranged in the exact configurations of large scale, extremely evolved prehistoric sea dragons right down to the very finest intricate detail. Why do the individual stones always grown in distinctive predictable right and lefts only. why do the skulls have equal right and left hand sides like just like all biological created skulls. Why do the teeth underneath the skull look exactly like teeth. Why are the teeth white. why do the teeth have nerves attaching into the tops of the teeth into the attachment base. Why does each individual tooth look exactly like it is supposed to for that exact location in the mouth, Why are all the Seazoria teeth always crowned on the outside face. Why are the teeth so much more evolutionarily developed and specialized than the body spikes, they are all specialized repeating biological structures. Why does form match function so perfectly. Why do the male Seazorias have a large main spike two-thirds the size of their skull at the top of the neck and why don’t female Seazorias have the same main spike. Why are the Hallettestoneion Seazoria positioned up right laying on there stomachs and chins. Why do the Seazorias look like they all swam up to the bluff willingly and were all huddled together and were frozen alive. Why are the Seazorias intact. How come the scientific community is not rushing up to the Hallettestoneion Heights graveyards to study the most advanced forms of life ever discovered. And some of the really important questions like how did the Hallettestoneion Seazoria dragons become extremely evolutionarily advanced. How long was this era of biology in development to obtain this completely unprecedented level of compounded generational evolutionary advanced and biological development. How may generations deep does it take to produce biological life of this size and complexity. How will this life science biological discovery increase our understanding with regards to the origins and evolution of life on earth. Will we un lock some of the very keys to life itself though the Hallettestoneion Seazoria discovery.

    The key to the scientific understanding of the Hallettestoneion prehistoric sea dragons is to concentrate all scientific resources on the excavation and reconstruction of a Hallettestoneion Seazoria skull matrix. Skulls that have full and complete sets of teeth with all of the teeth developed in exacting specialized right and left handed biological structures, the Seazorias are pretty hard to deny. At this time with only a very few intact Hallettestoneion Seazoria dragon examples remaining it is absolutely imperative that a Seazoria skull matrix be completely excavated and reconstructed. This Seazoria skull matrix excavation and reconstruction should be of the highest national scientific priority.

    Discoverer Hallettestoneion Seazoria Dragons
    Founder Hallettestoneion Scientific Research Project

    Mike Hallett
    1 801 860 6705 USA

  21. Dennis N says

    Mike Hallett, just make that your URL and comment on the topic at hand. I think you’re a little to crazy for that, though.

  22. says

    I was ROFLing until I got to the “Hallettestoneion Seazoria Dragons”… now I’m just confused…

  23. clinteas says

    Paging the Psychiatric Registrar !!!!

    Seazoria,you need to take your meds mate…..

  24. kid bitzer says

    english scholars have been studying shakespeare’s corpus for quite a while.
    why not more recent corpora?

  25. says

    tl;dr what did Seazoria post about in a paragraph or less.

    Apparently, it was a pertinent contribution to the thread about brain donation. In an impressive act of oneupmanship, Mr. Hallett comprehensively trumps Mr. Burnett by having already made just such a contribution to science premortally.

    The astute will have noticed that Mr. Hallett’s contribution is doubly impressive for having preceded Mr. Burnett’s. This seeming violation of causality is explained by Mr. Hallett being in an adjacent corner of the Time Cube.

  26. says

    Ooooh, a genuine netkook!

    You don’t see that many in the wild

    You’ve been looking in the wrong habitat.

    They are drawn here as moths to flame.

  27. JJR says

    re: cartoon
    Hypothetical English Dept reply:

    The tyranny of the white, male body and the white, male, normative gaze has reached a narratological end point and as such, sir, we will have no use for your postmortem remains in our PoMo class. The last thing we need is more dead, white, European Males. Return therefore to the oppressively co-opted/ing western rational/-ing Sciences from whence you came!

  28. Nentuaby says


    tl;dr what did Seazoria post about in a paragraph or less.

    Posted by: chris | May 19, 2008 11:40 AM

    He thinks he found fantastically advanced creatures (dragons) in pre-cambrian strata, overturning all of previous science and… Then things go timecube from there, new maths to support his claims, challenges to science to prove him wrong, etc. Also, in a typically humble gesture, he has named the supposed geological epoch containing his dragons after himself.

  29. Faithful Reader says

    As a card-carrying (if we carried cards, or even had them) member of the Professional Organization for English Majors (P.O.E.M.), I say we could build a pretty good creature of Frankenstein from all these donations.

  30. Laurel says

    HP, that was brilliant!

    This almost-a-PhD in English is much happier reading science blogs than “literary theory.”

  31. SteadyEddy says

    I’ve been teaching Earth Science as a long-term sub at an alternative school for the past few weeks. My grades are due tomorrow… I think I’ll post this comic on my door in the morning so the failing kids know all their options.

  32. Nix says

    He’s got his own invented biological terms as well. Why have boring old somites when you can have ‘ZORIAS’? He trumpets as amazing the fact that his rocks, er, sorry, ‘dragons’ are bilaterally symmetrical: he calls them ‘reptiles’ even though they’re hundreds of Mya too early for that…

    0.4 Conrads. I know Ed Conrad, and you, sir, are no Ed Conrad. (Though I suspect you may be married to him. If not, why not? I’m sure you’ll be very happy together.)

  33. says

    “You’ve been looking in the wrong habitat.

    They are drawn here as moths to flame.”

    Except they are drawn here and then flame. It’s just a shame so few of them are fabulous.

  34. says

    Hm, donating your body to a university?

    Mathematician A: “So, I heard Surname retired, right?”

    Mathematician B: “Kinda. He’s at the department of biology now.”

    A: “Huh? I hope they don’t hope to get a word of biology out of that old tangent-burner.”

    B: “Trust me, they’d be jolly surprised if they did.”

    (And at Eli, #6: Cadavers for math departments? Sure, “Welcome to this course, and since there don’t seem to be awfully many students here… Hey, TA! Bring in three audience fillers!”)

  35. says

    Except they are drawn here and then flame. It’s just a shame so few of them are fabulous.

    Fabulous, no, but colourful? Definitely!

    I’m not a neuroscientist, but I’d absolutely love to stick one of these loons in an fMRI machine and see if their brains light up in a very different way from those of us who live in the real world — I’d love to hear the Ramachandran explanation of what’s going on.

  36. IAmMarauder says

    @ #22:

    I was going to say the exact same thing :P

    I have a friend teaching maths at University, will have to send him the cartoon and said comments. Should make for an interesting afternoon of emails.

  37. Bride of Shrek says

    Ice at #45

    You might want rethink that, giving your arse to the christians and all. Before you know it it’ll be wrapped in a double layer of wetsuit with a dildo shoved up it.

  38. Flamethorn says

    it is now time for science to evolve a grater understanding

    Yes. Science must explain my shredded cheese.

    I think my eyes are bleeding now. THANKS HALLETT

  39. David Marjanović, OM says

    Hey, TA! Bring in three audience fillers!

        :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D
    :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D
        :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D