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Torturing SF authors for charity

Ryan is considering the sexualization of the female body in geek art, and like all of us people with Y chromosomes, my first thought was, “But what about the meeeeeennnnzzz?” (if you’re reading this aloud, as I’m sure you do, be sure to put a good nasal whine into the phrase). Fortunately, my question has been answered, because Jim Hines and John Scalzi are using SF book covers as guides for posing sexily.

You might not want to click on that link if you’re the sensitive sort.

Scalzi is always willing to indulge in these kinds of stunts, and I’m thinking that a truly malicious sort of person could send him SF and comic book covers that would land him in the hospital with severe spinal injuries and broken ribs and shattered legs. Because, you see, this is what happens to us poor, weak, pitiful men when we try to keep up with those infinitely flexible creatures made out of rubber bands and balloons called “women”.

Comments

  1. says

    I’m going to forever picture Scalzi like that. Lurking in some bizarre and uncomfortable position, holding a crossbow he can’t possibly fire without falling over…waiting.

    The expression on his face is really what sells it.

  2. Janine: Hallucinating Liar says

    I will not be impressed until one of them poses, showing off both breasts and butt.

  3. says

    Janine:

    I will not be impressed until one of them poses, showing off both breasts and butt.

    If I remember right, Jim Hines already attempted that pose in the early poses. He didn’t have much good to say about that pose, either.

  4. Beatrice says

    And now I see Caine already mentioned that.
    Sorry, I just skimmed the comments to check no one else linked to this already.

  5. says

    Since Escher guys have been mentioned, I think I should explicitly link to Escher Girls so you can see more horrible examples of bad posing and bad anatomy, if you should want to.

  6. Gregory Greenwood says

    That Jim Hines actually went so far as to shave one of his legs* adds an extra level of awesomnitude to proceedings.

    ————————————————————————————————————————–

    * And who would have thought that a bearded SF author would have such nice looking legs?

  7. Gregory Greenwood says

    Caine, Fleur du mal @ 19;

    And who would have thought that a bearded SF author would have such nice looking legs?

    His wife?

    True, but she’s probably biased.

    :scampers off:

    Scampering – ’tis the cutest mode of locomotion. Even more so when you have nice (multi-jointed arthropod) legs.

    I mean, just look at this

    adoreable fella

  8. says

    Send him any Rob Liefeld cover. There is absolutely no way anyone could ever pose the way he draws women, and not suffer a horrible death.

  9. Gregory Greenwood says

    Caine, Fleur du mal @ 21;

    Eeeee, must have!

    I know. A plush rendition of cinema’s most infamous acid-blood-toting parasite shouldn’t work. It shouldn’t be cute. It shouldn’t trigger the ‘squee, snuggle attack’ reflex, but somehow it just does.

    It is all because we are godless infidels, you understand – we naturally want our own pet biomechanical killing machines.

    That and a ready supply of succulent roast babies; what more could a black-hearted member of the Horde ask for…?

  10. Tony ∞The Queer Shoop∞ says

    Holytape:
    Liefeld does horrible art period. The women are in awkward, sexualized poses, while the men are buff, macho fantasies given _horrible_ form and just as awkward.
    I want to see real people attempt to pose like the cover of YOUNGBLOOD #1 (’91).
    ****
    Gregory, Caine:
    I do not think I would call that cute…YMMV

  11. Rodney Nelson says

    Tony ∞The Queer Shoop∞ #25

    Liefeld does horrible art period. The women are in awkward, sexualized poses, while the men are buff, macho fantasies given _horrible_ form and just as awkward.

    For some reason Liefeld cannot draw feet.

  12. Ogvorbis: 300-year-old Woodcut says

    Well done.

    Jim Hines is very good at mocking stereotypes. Especially the ones that make no sense. His Goblin Quest trilogy is a perfect example.

  13. Gregory Greenwood says

    Tony ∞The Queer Shoop∞ @ 25;

    I do not think I would call that cute…YMMV

    It appears that you and I, good sir, have very different definitions of cute…

  14. Amarantha says

    This is awesome. But all the “ew, hairy men are posing, you can’t unsee it” rhetoric makes me a bit sad. It’s just the other side of the “women are sexy by definition” coin. I agree that the pose is ridiculous for any human being, but I think the blokes look awesome in their slinky dresses and spiky shoes. Looking forward to Stross’s pose for the $5,000 milestone.

  15. makeinu says

    I’ve always loved Scalzi for his writing (“Fuzzy Nation” was brilliant), and his long-ago entry, Being Poor is a perennial favorite of mine, but this?

    10. But now that you mention it, saying “fuck you, pay me,” to you does not make me (or anyone else from whom you are hoping to extract actual work from without pay) the asshole in this scenario. It makes me the guy responding to the asshole, in a manner befitting the moment.

    Pure. Fucking. Gold.

  16. John Morales says

    [OT]

    Amarantha,

    I agree that the pose is ridiculous for any human being …

    Try freeze-framing people dancing, and you’ll see many ridiculous poses.

  17. sgailebeairt says

    ….speaking of ridonkulous poses, anyone else catch teh Amazing atheist freaking out, over the #hawkeyeinitiative this past week….??

  18. Rodney Nelson says

    sgailebeairt #37

    anyone else catch teh Amazing atheist freaking out, over the #hawkeyeinitiative this past week….??

    No. Or to put it another way, HELL NO!